The Mighty Frog
Page 1
To Basil Rathbone
Whose name I borrowed without asking
Guy Bass
To Judy, because friends rule and boys smell, and to Marc, because as much as he tries not to be, he’s really just a big softie
Oda
CONTENTS
Title Page
Dedication
Once Upon the End of the World…
The Swamp of Notable Odour
The Defeat All Foes Team
The Ambush
The Ocean in the Sky
The Return to the Island
The Truth About Buttercup
The Return to the UnSlumber
The Rescue
The (New) Plan to Save the World
The Door to the Palace
The Last of the Excellent Magicals
The Gathering of Bragons
The Bragon Army
The Inevitable Victory of Prince Krog
The Flight of Bragons
The Farthership
The Battle Begins
The Tide Turns
The King’s Happy Place
The Real King Kroak
The Green Button
The Princess is Five and Three Quarters
The Bumdrops
The Super Sunder-Cannon
The Fatal Mistake of General Kurg
The Fallen King
The King Rises
The UnSlumber Loop
The Decision
The Legend Begins Anew
About the Author
Copyright
The Swamp of Notable Odour
“Who’s there?”
The Kroakan sentry drew his sunder-gun. He peered nervously into the darkness of the swamp. “Show yourself, in the name of King Kroak!”
“It’s me, you slurm,” came a cry. “Put that away before you hurt someone.”
“Kroop?” whimpered the sentry.
From behind a gnarled tree emerged another Kroakan. The other-worldly pair looked almost identical, with green skin, wide hairless heads and bulbous amphibian eyes. They even wore the same sleek oil-black armour, which glinted in the light of the three moons.
“Of course it’s Kroop! Who did you expect – King Kroak?” said the second Kroakan. “Your shift is up, Krud.”
“You’re my relief? What a relief! I almost relieved myself,” said Krud. He pointed to the ten saucer-shaped spaceships parked behind them in a clearing in the forest. “Security of the traceship fleet is all yours, Kroop … and not a mikron too soon. I hate sentry duty – and not just this stinking swamp. Something about this planet gives me the gwirms.”
“You worry too much, Krud,” said Kroop. “We’ll have this mudball conquered in no time. The natives are always trouble at first, but they come round soon enough. And if they don’t, we blast them to atoms. The system works!”
“It’s not the natives I’m worried about,” said Krud, with a shiver. “It’s him.”
“‘Him’? Oh, Kroak’s Elbow, not this again,” sighed Kroop. “I’m not listening to any more of your guff, Krud. This ‘rebel’ of yours is a myth.”
“But what if the legends are true? What if he’s the lost Kroakan prince, fighting against his own army, picking off our squadrons one by one?” whimpered Krud, his eyes darting frantically about. “They say he appears at night, riding on a thundercloud… They say he’s taller than a thorg, with arms as thick as a zerk’s tentaclaws, eyes redder than a grorn’s left buttock and legs longer than a flooble’s—”
“Nonsense! Your brain’s in a stink,” tutted Kroop.
“And fire breath and mind control and acid for blood!” added Krud.
“Would you shut your communication hole?” Kroop snapped. “For the last time, there is no—”
CRACK!
The snapping of burnt twigs was enough to make both sentries draw their sunder-guns.
“It’s him! It’s the rebel!” cried Krud. “He’s come to show us the folly of war by killing us!”
CRACK!
CRACK!
“Shh! It’s … it’s coming closer!” hissed Kroop, aiming at the trees. “Set guns to sunder! Prepare to—”
“Baa.”
A grubby mess of wool and legs emerged from the treeline. Krud and Kroop breathed a mutual sigh of relief.
“What is it? Looks like a puff of smoke,” noted Krud, peering at the curious creature.
“Baa,” the sheep bleated, staring blankly.
“Whatever it is, it doesn’t seem to be doing any harm. Let’s blast it to atoms,” Kroop replied. They aimed their sunder-guns at the sheep. “OK, on three. One … two … thr—”
The sentries spun around, their ear hollows ringing from the sound. The traceships were ablaze. They exploded one after the other, collapsing like dominos, metal screeching against metal, torrents of flame belching into the air. In seconds, all the sentries could see was fire.
“Green alert! We’re under attack!” screamed Kroop. “Open fire! Destroy everything that’s not already destroyed!”
As if on cue, sunder-beams streaked out from the inferno, blasting the sentries’ weapons from their hands. A moment later, a figure emerged from the heart of the blaze. He was clad in a long fur cape, which burned and smouldered. In one hand he wielded a sunder-gun, and in the other a gleaming sword. And his skin…
…His skin was green.
“The rebel prince! He’s come for us!” squeaked Krud. “And he’s shorter than I expected!”
Kroop and Krud watched in horror as the figure strode towards them, flames licking at his ankles. He brushed ash from his Kroakan armour, its black surface painted white.
“You … you don’t scare us!” cried Kroop. “We are Kroakans! We are fearless! We—”
“We surrender!” Krud pleaded. “Please don’t kill us!”
“I’m not going to kill you. I’m going to defeat the bumbles out of you,” came the reply. “And then I’m going to defeat the bumbles out of your whole invasion.”
“What are you?” whispered Kroop.
The rebel glared at him, reflected flames flickering in his eyes.
“I am Frog,” he growled. Then he thought for a moment. “Or Frog the Mighty, or The Amazing Frog, or The Frog of Steel, or Frog the Defeatinator! Yoiks, I dunno … which one sounds best?”
“Baa…” sighed the sheep.
The Defeat All Foes Team
The sun was beginning to rise over Kingdomland. The sky churned with black smoke as far as the eye could see, but dawn light still broke through to the swamp.
“Whiffs and stinks! I’m s’posed to smell like strawbleflowers, not pong gobbins,” grumbled Princess Rainbow. The heir to the throne of Kingdomland was a plump five-year-old in a rose pink dress decorated with tiny diamonds. She was perched on the shoulders of her bodyguard, Man-Lor, a mammoth of a man clad in little more than a furry loincloth, and toting the bound Krud and Kroop under each arm.
“Swamp smells like Man-Lor’s toilet,” noted Man-Lor. “And Man-Lor’s toilet does not flush.”
“Baa,” agreed Frog’s trusty steed, Sheriff Explosion the sheep, as he perched on a tree branch to avoid the stagnant swamp water.
“Take that!” Frog cried, hacking madly at the decimated Kroakan traceships with his sword. “Taste the SWISH! and Ka-SLICE! of Basil Rathbone, the most unbreakable sword in the world! Eat the justice! Eat it!”
“Silly Greeny,” huffed the princess. “Why is he smash-ting everything that’s already been smash-ted?”
“Baa,” offered Sheriff Explosion.
“Because Frog is the son of King Kroak,” came the more helpful reply. From behind a tree emerged Kryl, a slender Kroakan decked in flowing robes, with long antennae protruding from her forehead. “The King intended all of
his one thousand sons to be merciless conquerors.”
“So does that mean Greeny’s going bad?” asked Princess Rainbow, peering suspiciously at Frog’s white-daubed Kroakan armour. “He’s even starting to dress bad.”
“No, of course not. I’m Frog’s Keeper, Princess. I know him. He’s…” Kryl trailed off, watching Frog attack the traceships.
“Mightiness pie in your face!” roared Frog.
“Well, he is smash-ting the ay’lun invaders at least,” declared the princess. She put her hands on her hips. “With the help of the Pretty Princess Lovely Biscuit Team.”
“That is not our name!” cried Frog, hopping down from the traceship wreckage into the waist-deep water. “I already gave us a name that inspires lip-trembles and pant-wetting! We are … the Defeat All Foes Team!”
“That’s daft,” replied the princess. “It ackshully spells it. D-A-F-T.”
“That’s not important!” snapped Frog. He swished his sword in the air. “What’s important is that Basil Rathbone here is spoiling for another fight and I’m spoiling to spoil the Kroakans. I’ll spoil them to pieces!”
“Perhaps we should get these prisoners back to the royal palace before the rest of their squadron turns up…” suggested Kryl.
“Baa,” agreed Sheriff Explosion.
“Why do we always have to take them to my house?” groaned Princess Rainbow. “What if they ex-scape and steal my dresses?”
“We’ve got to put them somewhere, Princess Brain-Slow,” tutted Frog. “Anyway, we’ve stolen enough Kroakan prison domes to hold a million Kroakans … maybe even a hundred.”
“As long as no one finds them,” added Kryl. “The more prisoners we have, the harder they are to conceal.”
“Which is why the King and Queen are keeping an eye on them,” sighed Frog, suddenly impatient. “Look, I’ve been doing world-saving all week and I’ve captured bumbles knows how many Kroakans. I’m getting mighterier by the minute! Even my kroak cloak is more skilled up. I can turn myself one hundred per cent invisible now – even my undies!”
“Yes, but—” Kryl began.
“You said we should run and hide from the invaders,” added Frog sternly. “You didn’t believe I could do it, and I did it!”
“We did it,” added Princess Rainbow. “Pretty Princess Lovely Biscuit—”
“That is not our name!” snapped Frog.
“‘And some others too’?” complained Princess Rainbow. “Your stupid song only sings about you and your stuff!”
“Pfff – I don’t see you making up a full-on team song,” tutted Frog loudly.
He and the Defeat All Foes Team had been walking all afternoon – out of the Swamp of Notable Odour, over the Fountain Mountains and through Dillydally Valley towards the palace.
“That’s because team songs are silly and stupid and— My house!” the princess cried. As they crossed the ridge, the royal palace of Kingdomland came into view. Despite being devastated by the Kroakan invaders, the white-stone citadel remained an imposing sight. It seemed to glow in the mid-morning light.
“I’m going to cuddle my mummy and daddy until they ’splode!” declared Princess Rainbow, as they hurried across the bridge to the makeshift palace gates.
“Cuddles shmuddles! This is champion business,” Frog exclaimed, overtaking the princess and pushing open the gates. He strode inside what remained of a once-great hall. “Three cheers for the Defeat All Foes Team, back from defeating badness! Polished sandwiches and foot rubs all round!”
“Where should Man-Lor take space gobbins?” asked Man-Lor, Kroop and Krud still held firmly under his massive arms.
“To the throne room!” Frog said. “We’ll deliver them straight to the King and Queen – I can’t wait to see the looks on their faces…”
Everyone followed as Frog marched through the hall and into the throne room. Long curtains draped the walls and in the middle of the room, at the top of a grand flight of stairs, were three thrones. Atop their seats sat the Queen of Everything, looking as regal as ever in her golden finery, and her husband the King of Everything, a portly old codger with food in his beard.
“Daddy! Mummy!” squealed Princess Rainbow. She rushed up the steps and hugged them tightly.
“So what have you been doing while we’ve been out catching Kroakans and saving up the world?” scoffed Frog, striking a pose at the foot of the stairs. “Shining up the royal crowns and twiddling your— Wuuh?”
Frog looked down. On the floor was a large pile of grey-black dust. There was another a little further away, and another … a dozen at least, dotted all over the throne room.
“Get the princess out of here, Frog – now,” whispered Kryl, drawing her bow from behind her back.
Frog glanced up to see Princess Rainbow hugging her parents.
“Mummy? Daddy? Why aren’t you hugging back?” said the princess. She looked up at their faces and gasped. Their eyes were pupil-less, and as black as coal.
“Hail, Kroak,” said the King and Queen in unison.
Before Frog knew what was happening, a dozen Kroakans had emerged from behind the curtains. He drew his sword.
“Baa?” bleated Sheriff Explosion.
“It’s an ambush!” cried Kryl. “The prisoners are free!”
“Yoiks!” cried Frog, swinging his sword wildly. “Get behind me! Get—”
Frog felt a blow on the back of the head. His brain rattled in his skull and he saw the floor of the throne room rush up to meet him. He landed with a thud and heard his sword clang to the ground next to him. With his head spinning, Frog tried to trigger his kroak cloak to turn himself invisible when he felt himself hoisted into the air by both arms.
“By the Clenched Fist, hold him!” roared a voice. Frog looked up to see a huge armoured figure step forward. He was the biggest Kroakan in the room, and Frog recognized him immediately.
“General Kurg!” Frog cried. He gave his former general a stern glare.
“Surprised to see me?” growled the general. “I suppose you would be, since you blasted my squadron with thunder and lightning, destroyed my bipods, locked me in a stinking cage and left me in this palace to rot!”
“It was better than you deserved for all your badness!” growled Frog. “Now, let us go or I’ll defeat you to pieces!”
“I’m sorry. Did I not make it clear that I don’t take orders from you any more, O Prince?” sneered the general. “I’ve been given a second chance – and I’m not going to slurm it up. Now surrender!”
“Surrender? Bumdrops to that!” roared Frog. “I’ll punch your face!”
“Look around, Frog … your little rebellion is over,” said General Kurg, gesturing across the room. To his left, Frog saw Kryl, Man-Lor and Sheriff Explosion, surrounded by Kroakan troopers. To his right, the black-eyed King and Queen dragged the princess roughly down the steps of the throne. Then the Queen picked up Frog’s sword and held the blade to Princess Rainbow’s neck.
“Queen, have you all gone loopy-doopy? That’s the princess! Your princess!” Frog cried. “And that’s my invincible sword – give it back!”
“Hail, Kroak,” replied the Queen, her black eyes expressionless and cold.
“What the bumbles?” blurted Frog. He glowered at General Kurg. “What did you do to them?”
“Just a little brain-slaving, O Prince,” explained the general, holding up what looked like a small black pebble. “One of these slave-nodes delivers a concentrated injection of pure loyalty. Instant slave.”
“Mummy? Daddy?” said Princess Rainbow, peering nervously up at the Queen. “Did they slave your brains?”
“Hail, Kroak,” replied her parents in unison.
“And since you were stupid enough to leave our equipment lying around the palace, we had sufficient nodes to set up this nifty little ambush,” continued General Kurg, drawing a sunder-gun. “And enough weapons to reduce the rest of the natives to dust.”
Frog glanced down at the dust piles on the floor. “Y
-you slayed the royal army … Captain Camperlash … all of them!”
“Every last insignificant life form!” replied the general. “And if you and your friends want to avoid a similar fate, you’ll do exactly as you’re told.”
“Argh! I’ll defeat the boots off you! I’ll defeat you into soup!” roared Frog. “I’ll defeat you and undefeat you so I can defeat you again! I’ll—”
“Moons of Moonos! I forgot how much you talk, Frog,” grunted General Kurg. He dragged the sentries, Krud and Kroop, from under Man-Lor’s arms and dangled them in the air. “You two! Arm up and bring the prisoners – we meet at the rendezvous point in twenty krons! Let’s move out, by Kroakas!”
The Ocean in the Sky
“I command we stop being priz’ners this instant!” huffed Princess Rainbow, as Kroop and Krud marched the Defeat All Foes Team through the Desert of Sandy Toes.
“We’re giving the orders!” yelled Krud. “Shut your communication hole!”
A few steps ahead, Frog and Kryl followed General Kurg as he led the way to the rendezvous point.
“I don’t understand,” whispered Frog. “How the bumbles did General Kurg escape?”
“I’m not sure,” replied Kryl. “He couldn’t have done it without help – and someone’s given him new orders. But who?”
“General!” cried Kroop suddenly, pointing to the sky.
Frog looked up to see a dark shape descend from the heavens – a Kroakan traceship. The ship’s retro-rockets sent a storm of sand swirling around them as the craft landed with a crunch on the ground. The door opened and a tongue-like stairwell snaked out from inside.
“All aboard!” boomed General Kurg. “Death to all dawdlers.”
“Fine … but I have to be back for teatime,” added Princess Rainbow. “We’re having plumberry pie.”
Frog and the other prisoners were led up the steps, then herded to the back of the traceship.
“By the Buttocks of Time, what are you waiting for?” said General Kurg, prodding the pilot. “We don’t want to keep King Kroak waiting.”