Scar

by P. J. Post

  “Hey guys,” a new voice says.

  Thank God, a distraction.

  I look up. It’s Greg from Scrotum, but he’s not wearing his typical poser outfit. He’s got on blue jeans, deck shoes and a second hand Polo. The discount preppy thing is only slightly better than the skinhead thing he’s usually wearing.

  I glare at Todd.

  He holds up his hands. “Hang on, let’s just have a beer or twenty and talk about it, okay?”

  “This dude’s an asshole, no way,” I say.

  “See,” Greg says, “I told you he’d never go for it.”

  “What?” I ask with an attitude.

  “I just heard Kevin split on you,” Greg says.

  “And?”

  “And, he wants to audition,” Todd says as he pours Greg a beer.

  “Look, dude, I’m done with Mick,” Greg says.

  “You mean Larry?” I ask.

  “Yeah, whatever he’s calling himself today. I’m not down with that skinhead shit. I never was. I just want to play drums, man. That’s all I’ve ever wanted.”

  “Okay, so how’s this my problem?”

  “You are an asshole, huh?” he asks.

  “Yeah, that’s what they say, but I hear it’s my best quality.” I smile and turn back to the stage, downing my beer.

  §§§§§

  By the time Greg leaves, we’ve heard Hot Blooded twice and Super Freak three times. We negotiate a truce and he’s going to come by tomorrow for a real audition. But it’s only a formality, he’s really good and as much as it pains me to admit — he’s a pretty decent guy. Unless Tonya objects, which she won’t, he’s in.

  I finish off the latest pitcher and watch Todd on the other side of the pool tables. He’s been buying table dances for the last hour from Dakota, but she isn’t dancing, they’re talking.

  I do believe my young friend may be smitten. Serves him right. See how he likes this girlfriend shit. And then I wonder if Todd has been spending time here without me lately. I’ve never seen him act quite like this around a girl before. I grin as I realize that Todd has a secret crush.

  Tempest walks in front of them and heads over to me. She’s tall too, with red hair, heels and matching underwear.

  She stops and leans over me, her long hair falling across my face. Her perfume is toxic.

  “I’m off soon, want to come back to my apartment and fuck like monkeys?” she asks with evil and serious eyes.

  “I’m trying to cut down,” I say.

  “I promise I won't keep you. I’ll let you go in the morning.” Her grin turns into a leer.

  “What are you doing Tempest?” Dakota asks, walking up to the table.

  “Just trying to get something warm for the night. I’m betting he isn’t like these college pretty-boys. I bet he can find my g-spot without a map,” she says while she runs her hands through my hair, avoiding my ski cap.

  Dakota laughs at what sounds like a running joke between them. “This one is in love. You’re wasting your time, honey.”

  Todd slides into his chair and sets his beer down. “But they broke up. He needs someone to take his mind off of it.”

  Dakota looks at me to see the truth of it, because I wasn’t talking in the past tense earlier. She lets it go and I’m grateful. Todd is clueless.

  She drops into Todd’s lap and wraps her arms around his neck. “And this one is taken,” she says as Todd’s cheeks glow crimson.

  I laugh.

  “Is that true, sugar? You need someone to take your mind off the hurt?” Tempest asks and slides one hand over my shoulder as she grinds her hips into my back.

  She leans over my face again.

  “Yeah, but no,” I say, staring up into her eyes.

  She stares back for a moment and then looks away in frustration and stands back up as she massages my shoulders. “Well, shit.”

  “Sorry girlfriend, I think there are some frat guys up front,” Dakota encourages.

  Tempest laughs. “Yeah, but I need a man, fifteen seconds doesn’t count darlin’.” She leans over the table and hugs Dakota. “You on tomorrow?”

  Dakota glances at Todd and then nods slowly.

  “Don’t do anything I wouldn’t do and if you do, don’t call me for bail,” Tempest says as she walks over to the pool tables and slides one arm around the nearest guy.

  “Hey guys, I’ve been a good sport, but I need to fucking go,” I say.

  Dakota looks to Todd. “I’m off. Wait a few minutes and walk me to my car?”

  “Yeah,” he says.

  Shit. I’m going to be stuck here while they make out in the parking lot for the next hour, but to be fair — I’ve put Todd through worse.

  §§§§§

  Dakota comes out wearing jean shorts, flip flops and an unbuttoned flannel shirt over a rhinestone black Disco t-shirt. Her hair is pulled back into a long ponytail. She’s carrying a military style duffle bag over one shoulder and it takes her ten minutes to say goodnight and hug half the people in the bar before she meets us at the door.

  She looks completely different with the makeup washed away. She just looks bone tired.

  “Popular girl,” I say with a smirk.

  “Pretty much,” she says, grinning.

  She says goodnight to the doorman and we step out into the cool, fresh air of the alley.

  “Where are you parked?” Todd asks.

  “Around the corner by the liquor store,” she says pointing.

  “Want me to take your bag?” Todd asks.

  She squeezes the duffle closer and shakes her head. “Thanks, I got it.”

  Todd nods. “Did you think more about what I said?”

  “I can’t. My boyfriend would freak if I didn’t come home tonight.”

  “What are you going home to? I mean, really?” Todd asks.

  Dakota looks unsure of herself. “Thanks for the offer, but how do I know I can trust you?”

  Todd has that same sincere look he had earlier tonight. “You know it in your heart.”

  I laugh. “Isn’t that about what a serial killer would say?”

  “Our roommate is a girl, you’ll be safe. She’s really nice,” Todd says.

  “She’s not staying there tonight,” I say. “And she’s not your roommate, dude.”

  Todd shoots a glare at me. “Fine,” Todd says. “You can stay in her room.”

  I’m shocked that Todd would invite Dakota to sleep in Tonya’s bed and can’t help but laugh, but he’ll have to sort that one out with Tonya later. If they have sex in her bed, he’ll never be welcome there again. It’s his funeral.

  She stops and looks at Todd like she really wants to believe him, like he’s her way out.

  I study her face. It looks like she wants nothing more than to sleep in safety and security, even if it’s just for one night. I’ve seen worse motivations.

  “Do you need to stop by your place first?” Todd asks.

  “No, my closet is my car. I practically live out of it. I don’t ever have to go back there, but I don’t know. We just met.”

  I stop and light a cigarette. This could go on for a while and there’s a cute quality wrapped over the tragedy of the situation. I have a new appreciation for romance lately.

  We turn the corner and step out of the alley into the liquor store parking lot.

  “Get you ass over here bitch!” a deep voice shouts from across the parking lot.

  A guy is leaning back against the front fender of a black 280z. He has longish stringy hair and is wearing black jeans, biker boots and a leather vest without a shirt. He has gold necklaces with medallions hanging against his tan chest.

  His arms are muscled and covered with tattoos. He’s hard to read, and I’m wondering if he’s a badass or not. He’s wearing the uniform. This must be her boyfriend.

  I think Todd might need to let this one go, at least for tonight.

  Dakota suddenly turns pale. “I have to go guys, thanks, but maybe another time.”

  “I
s this the asshole?” Todd asks with dead calm.

  “Yeah, I have to go. He has a temper. He’ll kick my ass, your ass and then my ass again.”

  I step to the side with concern. Todd’s not letting it go.

  “But that’s him right?” Todd asks again.

  “Bitch, now!” the guy shouts. “Don’t make me come over there and hurt your little friends.”

  Todd ignores the guy, stepping in front of her and blocking her view. “Do you love him? I mean, shit, that’s none of my business. Do want to get away from him? I need to know the truth.”

  Shit.

  Todd is getting way serious here.

  I’m worried he’s in over his head, but at the same time, I can’t really fault him. I’ve gotten into worse situations and for much less noble reasons. Todd’s no wimp, but even if he takes this guy, there’s no reason to believe she’ll change her mind. All I see is a world of hurt for him, no matter how it goes down.

  Then again, that never stopped me. I’ve been a shitty influence. But trying to protect my friend changes my perspective on the matter.

  I start to get pumped just in case, because things look like they’re about to heat up — a strange tension is rising from the pavement like those mirages that splinter and deform the highways when you’re driving across the desert.

  Dakota looks into Todd’s eyes and I know they are having a moment they’ll talk about for years, if they make it through this, that is. “No,” she says, “I don’t love him. I hate him, but I don’t want you to get hurt. I can’t ask you…”

  Todd reaches down and gently takes her hand and kisses it. And then he turns and marches toward the guy.

  Uh-oh. Todd has that look in his eye, he’s in one of his crazy fucking berserker moods. Asshole is about to have a very bad night. A grin spreads across my face, but it’s not motivated by happiness.

  Sometimes, I think I’m as evil as my old man, because I’m getting excited.

  Todd never even slows down.

  I follow a few paces back, just in case, but I’m looking forward to this fuck getting his due.

  Todd is short and slightly round with a cherub face, and even with the close cropped mohawk, he looks about as threatening as a bunny.

  “Who the fuck are…” the biker snarls at Todd as he gets closer.

  Todd suddenly pivots and leaps into the air twisting backwards as he brings the heel of his foot around in a crushing roundhouse kick. His boot connects with boyfriend’s jaw and spins him around as he bounces off the fender, collapsing to his knees on the pavement.

  Todd leans over the guy and shouts, “You want some more motherfucker?”

  Boyfriend raises one bloody hand and shakes it at Todd, warding him off. Todd must have done some serious damage.

  Some kids like sports, read comic books or collect baseball cards. Todd’s thing has always been martial arts. He’s a black belt in taekwondo and he put those skills to work tonight.

  I think this is why he likes wearing bib-overalls, partly for the comfort, maybe some for the style, but mostly because people always underestimate him and it gives him the advantage.

  Boyfriend never saw it coming and he should have.

  Dakota catches up to me by the car, staring nervously at her boyfriend.

  I remain quiet. Todd’s definitely having a goddamn moment here, and I don’t want to fuck it up for him, so I step back and give them room.

  He looks at her. “This your car?” He sounds like a cop or something, just the facts ma’am.

  Dakota nods, her eyes glistening under the parking lot lights.

  “I think you’re broken up now. How about that room?” he says to her with solemn eyes.

  She just nods her head again.

  Todd pulls his keys out and tosses them to me. “I’ll drive her car over, you take the Nova.”

  Well, fuck me sideways. We’ve been in more scrapes that I can remember, so I’ve seen him fight before, but Todd is the fucking Man tonight. I grin at him and he gives me just a hint of a smile.

  He unlocks the hatchback and gently takes her duffle and lays it inside on top of the rest of her clothes and meager belongings. And then he takes her hand and opens the door for her and helps her inside like it’s Prom night. He closes the door and walks back around the car but before he gets in, he kicks the poor boyfriend in the ass, sending him sprawling across the asphalt.

  Todd turns and smiles as he slips in behind the wheel.

  I follow him over, and as he lowers the windows, I lean in the car. “Before I invite you over to my house, you know Todd and I’m Connor Clay.” Her eyes grow wide at hearing my name. “But your name isn’t Dakota fucking Storm. What’s your real name?”

  Dakota looks down for a moment and then back and tries to smile.

  Todd starts the car and then takes her hand. He revs the engine and smiles at her. She stares at Todd for a moment and then her face softens. She looks over to me.

  “Peggy, but everyone calls me Peg.”

  6

  Reunion

  I’m sitting on the sidewalk out in front of the garage the next morning wearing jeans and enjoying the shirtless look for a change while I bask in the sun, trying to correct my farmer’s tan. My coffee has grown cold and I drop the butt of the cigarette I was smoking into the cup as Todd’s Nova pulls up. The morning could almost have been pleasant, except for the fact that I’ve been stressing out about Tonya ever since she left yesterday evening. And Peg’s rather vivid description of her friend is seared into my mind now, which amplifies every fear I have about Tonya.

  If the truth were told, I’m really sitting out here waiting for Tonya to get back. That same unpleasant anxiety continues to courses through my veins, worry, loneliness and fear. And was it really all because of a phone call from her father or is that just wishful thinking again? Family arguments have resolution.

  Who knew that such a subtle change in tone could be so painful? It’s not the sudden absence of affection or biting anger, it’s the indifference in her tone that cuts so deep. I’m learning a lot about love these days, and I’m not sure if it’s a worthwhile pursuit. It feels pretty fucking self-destructive. Someone once said it was better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all. I’m pretty sure that’s horseshit.

  All I know for sure is that I’m exhausted.

  I couldn’t sleep last night and let Todd take the couch, while Peg slept upstairs. I’m taking small comfort in Todd’s sudden relationship with Peg. He’s already a doting mess. But even I have to admit they’re cute together. I’m curious to see what happens when Tonya meets her and sees what a Cyrano Todd’s become. Regardless of how much shit she gives Todd, I think she’ll approve.

  Todd was downright sheepish this morning and left early to run home and shower and change before picking Greg up. He doesn’t have a car, not that I’m one to point fingers on that score. So we were quiet and let Peg sleep. She looked like she needed it and the fact that it’s almost noon and she’s still out pretty much confirms it.

  I feel bad for her, not that I have any moral outrage against strippers, but there’s something about her. Maybe it’s how she carries herself or the sadness behind her smiling eyes. She just seems to be in a downward spiral without any hope of surviving it, like she’s all but given up. And for the first time in a long time, I realize that shit like this really doesn’t have to be my responsibility, at least not all of it. And I am glad that Todd rose to the occasion and reached out to her, so I didn’t have to — even if that sounds cowardly.

  The Pact over Annie has taken a toll on me. I think back to the evening I made that childish, grief-stricken Promise to God. If He would accept Annie into Heaven, I’d protect those that can’t defend themselves in exchange. And now I’m not sure I even believe in God anymore, but I’ve never lost Faith in the Pact. I have to learn to let it go, because no matter how hard I try, and no matter how many people I save, I’ll never save Annie. I’ll never receive absolution for my fail
ure to protect her. Annie’s dead and there’s no purpose in spending my life seeking forgiveness from a ghost.

  I can’t save everyone, especially not from themselves. But I’m not sure how to reconcile this epiphany with how I’ve lived the last five years, especially now that my priority is Tonya.

  I hope Todd brought beer. Some numbness sounds good.

  Todd hops out with a little too much enthusiasm and walks around to the trunk and pops it. He bangs on the roof and Greg gets out and together, they grab two cases of beer and head for the Garage.

  Fan-fucking-tastic, beer.

  I get to my feet, almost excited about the jam, but Annie’s haunting me again this morning — she always has a way of subduing my enthusiasm when I don’t get enough sleep. I glare up at the sun and toss the contents of the cup out into the parking lot and then turn to walk back inside.

  “What happened to you?” Greg says to me.

  He sees the scars on my back.

  “Dude,” Todd cautions.

  I turn back, facing him square. Tonya and my fucking existential dilemma with Annie and Peg have put me in a mood. “A tough mosh in Dallas. What the fuck do you care?”

  He holds his hands up defensively. “Sorry.”

  An awkward silence settles.

  “How are you going to get to gigs without a car?” I ask.

  “I’ll give him a lift. Besides you don’t have a car either,” Todd says.

  “I had one at least,” I say.

  Greg looks around. “What happened to it?”

  “Blown up.”

  “What? Really?” Greg asks, chuckling.

  “No shit,” Todd says through a laugh.

  “You must be full of stories,” Greg says.

  “A few,” I say sourly, holding the door for them.

  I remain outside and glance back up the street and light a cigarette.

  Todd steps back out onto the sidewalk and hands me a cold beer.

  “So, are we going to do this?” he asks.

  “It’s not my band, it’s our band. Let’s see what Tonya thinks. She’ll be back soon.”