Hope (Things That Matter Book 2)

by Casey Diam

  As the air reduced in the room, my hand itched to loosen the tie around my neck, but I couldn’t give him any signs of discomfort. He needed to think I was still his obedient son. It was the only way any of this would work. I walked to his desk, and as I was about to sit, a piece of notebook paper caught my eye. It looked like a handwritten letter and was half a page long. It hadn’t been there when I handed him the folder with the contracts. That led me to believe it was what he was reading with how it was positioned next to his forearm. I didn’t know why he wore suits all the time; it wasn’t as if anyone saw him outside of these walls. I was guessing it made him feel important.

  I sat, leaning back to appear as relaxed as possible while I stared at the man, my father, who’d destroyed my entire family.

  How could he possibly think I’d ever be okay with everything he had done?

  “Keeping love letters from the maids now? Who’d have thought you had a soft spot?” I muttered.

  He looked up, his features tense. “Why don’t you read it? I heard you might personally know this one. Maybe you could finally be of use to me.”

  “Doubt it. I haven’t fucked a maid since I was eighteen. You might want to check with Brad though.”

  What the fuck? Who would tell Connor I knew this person?

  None of his guys knew about my personal life. Unless it was Brad. Though, the only person I’d tried to introduce him to was Amber, and he hadn’t even shown up. Amber had no reason to write a letter to Connor, and the only other woman I could think of was Paige, but it couldn’t be her.

  There’s no fucking way.

  He picked up the letter and dropped it onto the desk before me. As I watched it fold over into its creases, a sense of foreboding edged up my gut, and I swallowed.

  Forming an exaggerated sigh for effect, I picked up the letter, and as I unfolded it, I could feel him watching me. My stomach churned, sending acid to the corners of my jaw, but I tried not to react. The familiarity of her handwriting smacked me in the face, altering my vision. Her name appeared in one or two places, but it was all I saw on the paper.

  Paige.

  Paige.

  Paige.

  Paige.

  Fuck, I was going to pass out if I didn’t clench my jaw or swallow or fucking something. Adjusting and leaning forward, so he wouldn’t catch my reaction, I laid the paper out on the desk and lowered my hands between my thighs.

  Thoughts of Paige kept popping up as my mind neglected to read what was in front of me. Not wanting to believe it. If I didn’t read it, it couldn’t be real. She couldn’t have written this. She’d seemed okay. Everything had seemed okay.

  Fuck, I’m stalling.

  Alex Connor,

  Paige here.

  I hope you’ve been enjoying my letters. It’s been quite an interesting experience to write them. I could describe it as whispers from the graveyard, your victims telling me what you hadn’t given them a chance to tell. Like the last letter I sent you. The spirits of everyone you killed know what’s coming to you. I know what’s coming to you. It’s what happens to evil, sick bastards like you. You don’t get to live in peace and be happy. Evil gets to follow you now because darkness awaits you.

  I wish I could be there as you read this letter because I’d gladly send you there myself. Unfortunately, timing is everything, as you know very well, considering the way you intricately killed my parents, covered it up, and then kidnapped me before placing me in the Sawyers’ household, only to kill them all. And for what?

  Obviously, you’re hiding something much bigger. Something you think I know. At one point, I even wanted to forget about all of this, but not anymore. I want to watch you pay for every single life you’ve taken, and I hope you die a thousand deaths in hell. So, yeah, congratulations, you sick fuck. You’ve twisted my morals, and I will make you pay.

  P.S. All of your men are fucking idiots.

  Oh fuck.

  Mustering the strength to appear unfazed and clueless, I eased back into the chair. “So, I’m guessing she’s connected to the Sawyers, my family. Who is she?”

  “It isn’t who she is; it’s what. And she’s fucking dead; that’s what.”

  My heart fell through the cavities in my chest.

  This was so fucking reckless. Why would she have done this?

  My mouth formed a thin line. “So, you want to kill her because she wrote you a stupid letter? Shocking.”

  Anger hardened his face as he pushed the contracts into a pile and held them out to me. “Scan these and send them to me when you get back to the office.” When I took them, he pulled open a drawer and dropped a small black cell phone on the desk. “Give this to your brother and fix whatever the fuck is going on between you two, or I will.”

  A distended vein was starting to form in his forehead, and I got up, not bothering to grab the folder I’d brought the documents in. I needed to get the fuck out of here.

  ❧

  When I stepped out of the elevator and into our unit, the lights were on, but Paige or Calvin wasn’t in sight. I could almost feel the blood rushing through my veins and the heat pitching off my body as I seethed. My feet ate up the floor to her room, and a second later, I was banging on her closed door.

  I’d skipped going back to Luxe first just so I could catch her before she left for work, which shouldn’t be for another hour. So, if she wasn’t here, I was going to be fucking furious. I twisted the lock just as it gave, and I came face-to-face with her. Her hair was down, and she was dressed for work in a tight-fitted black T-shirt and jeans.

  My jaw tightened. “What did you do?”

  “What?”

  “Don’t play dumb with me. What. Did. You. Do?”

  She folded her arms across her chest in defiance, which only meant there was a lot more she wasn’t telling me.

  “You’ve been sending letters? How did you know where Connor lived?”

  Her eyes widened enough for me to catch it before she looked to the side, her throat moving as she swallowed. “How—”

  “I read it,” I bit out as the calm I had been trying to exude fell apart. “Now, how the fuck did you know where Connor lived?”

  Self-conscious, she combed a hand through her hair. “You weren’t supposed to see that.”

  “Well, I did.”

  Why isn’t she answering my goddamn question?

  I cocked my head as something struck me. Calvin knew where I had grown up.

  Nostrils flaring, I marched from Paige’s room and found Calvin already in the living room, heading to our side.

  “What’s going on out here?” he asked, stopping short when he saw I was coming for him.

  “You fucking told her.”

  “What?”

  “You told her where Connor lived.” As soon as I recognized his tell—his hand moving to the back of his neck to scratch—I shoved him. “I fucking trusted you to protect her.”

  “Leave him alone. It isn’t his fault,” Paige said from somewhere behind me.

  “Really? Well, explain. Because it’s like I’ve done all of this for fucking nothing.” I turned to the couch and kicked it. “All of it just so you could fucking put yourself in danger. For what, Paige? For what?”

  “You weren’t doing anything, and I couldn’t just sit back and do nothing while that asshole continued to live like everything was fucking fine,” Paige argued.

  “That wasn’t your call to make. I am doing something. Something that doesn’t include you putting yourself in danger.” My finger stabbed the air as I pointed at Calvin. “He fucking knew that.” A death glare followed my finger because, in all the years we’d known each other, I would never have thought Calvin was disloyal. He was the only fucking family I knew before Paige. The only one I truly trusted with her. “Dude, I can’t even.” Distrust and disappointment clear in my eyes, I shook my head. “I guess your loyalty lies with her now. And you”—I turned my attention on Paige—“talking to me, asking me for answers that I’d never fucking
told anyone. That wasn’t about me, was it? You’ve been planning something and fucking using me.” I let out a breath, my head still shaking.

  “It isn’t like that,” she said, pain glistening in her eyes, but I willed my eyes away.

  “I trust her judgment,” Calvin exclaimed. “We were only looking out for you.”

  “No. That isn’t what I pay you for. I pay you to protect her. I don’t need you endangering her life to protect me. I don’t need protecting.”

  “Why? Because you’re planning to get yourself locked up for fucking life? You don’t deserve that shit, dude. And, if Connor’s out of the picture, you won’t have to worry about that.”

  He’d said that so fucking casually that I knew for a fact that the two of them had been working together.

  “What?” Paige asked.

  “Dude, are you even fucking hearing yourself? She’s going to get herself killed, and you’re putting yourself in line to be next. You don’t know the fucking half of it. You don’t know what I do or don’t fucking deserve.”

  “Seriously, what the fuck?” Paige hissed. “What plan? What are you two talking about? Caleb, what did you do?”

  Swiveling my head to Paige, I said, “I’ve already told you. But you didn’t want to talk about it. TTM, remember?” I’d had no intention of telling her at the time, but for some reason, I wanted to place the blame on her for what she’d been doing behind my back when, in actuality, it was all my fault. I sighed. “I turned myself in. And, after I help secure some information that could be used against Connor, well, I’m going to go to jail for a long time.”

  “What? Why would you do that?”

  “Because, for twenty-four years, I’ve been weak; that’s why. But you guys wouldn’t know that. If you had, you would have stayed out of this and not put yourselves in danger for nothing.” I brushed a hand through my hair as I looked at Paige.

  I couldn’t push, or she’d push back. There was only one thing I could do.

  “I need to talk to you alone.” As I walked to my room, I expected her to follow, and she did though hesitantly. “I’m going to sleep at the hotel from now on.” I gestured my hand between us. “Because this, this is what I didn’t want. You putting yourself in danger and...” I paused before more suspicions about her manipulating me to get to Connor fell from my lips. “We both knew it would come to this, and it’s better I leave now.”

  “Caleb, please, you don’t have to leave.”

  She hugged herself, and I couldn’t look at her because, if I did, I would go to her. I wouldn’t be able to walk away.

  Looking at the wall behind her, I told her, “I have to.”

  I’d been seeing it little by little. She would put her life in danger for anyone.

  I could only imagine what she’d do for the person she was closest to. Me. I couldn’t let her do that.

  “Please,” she whispered.

  Grabbing the doorknob, I pulled the door open enough to let myself out, but not before I brought the hammer down, smashing my own heart as I told her, “I might be pissed at him, but he’s good. He’ll be good to you if you guys ever, uh...you know, whatever.”

  She needed to know that I would be okay with whatever happened between her and Calvin because she and I didn’t have a future, and I needed to set her free.

  Walking through the door, I felt like I was leaving my entire world behind. She was no longer my axis. She’d become my fucking world. And, fuck, I almost faltered at the pull to go back to her, but I couldn’t stay. It was either I did this or lost the only two people I cared about. If I went willingly, then there would be no point in them doing something they shouldn’t have been thinking about doing in the first place—going after Alex Connor. They were good in this world, and Alex Connor might deserve to die after all he’d done, but I couldn’t fathom one of these two being responsible.

  I might not love him, but he was still my fucking father.

  Chapter Thirty-Seven

  Paige

  He doesn’t know he’s breaking your heart.

  Caleb’s name was a whisper beneath my breath as he left the room, left me.

  I inhaled, blinking and holding the emotions at bay as my chest tightened. I had done this. But he’d come back. He had to. He just needed time to cool down; that was all.

  I looked at the bed I’d made this morning, knowing he probably wouldn’t be here with me tonight. The crisp gray comforter taunted a sense of loss in me, and I wanted to run out to him, beg him to stay, but that would be too desperate, and I was stronger than that.

  Damn it. I need him to come back.

  Would he still have left if he knew I was in love with him? Should I have told him?

  I took a seat at the edge of the bed, a small part of me regretting those letters. But a larger part of me was glad they’d made it to Alex Connor. But not Caleb.

  I can’t believe he read it.

  Calvin tapped on the door and walked in, a frown on his face. “Are you still going to work or...”

  “Yeah.” Swallowing, I nodded my head as I stood. “I’ll grab my bag.”

  “Lisa texted me earlier. They’re hanging out at Stilts tonight.” He looked concerned. “Will you be okay seeing them?”

  Caleb’s words came back to me about Calvin being good.

  Does he really think I could be with Calvin after him?

  Calvin was good, but he wasn’t Caleb.

  “Fuck,” I cursed as tears welled in my eyes.

  “Should I—” Calvin began.

  I waved a hand. “No, it isn’t that. It’s fine,” I managed, my voice breaking at the end.

  ❧

  The first part of the night at work went by fast. My sworn nemesis, Chelsey, hadn’t been much of a pain in the ass as of recently. I didn’t know if she’d finally seen Ian for the douche he was for forcing himself on me or if she still believed I’d made out with her boyfriend, but whatever she’d decided, I didn’t care. It was still disappointing to know she had believed I would do something like that as her friend, although, if she had been my friend, she would have known I wouldn’t have. In fact, the only thing thinking about Ian or Chelsey made me want to do was vomit in my mouth.

  I moved around the wooden tables and crowd in the bar, grabbing empty glasses as I went and tuning out the drunken madness escalating around me.

  “Paige!”

  I turned with the glasses in my hand and saw Mickey, Amber, Lisa, and Calvin, all dressed up for the night, looking pretty and lively with wide grins plastered on all their faces. For the first time tonight, a real smile stretched across my lips. They’d definitely started drinking at home.

  As they got close enough to hear me over the music and the loud conversations circulating, I said, “I can’t hang out, but I can take a quick break in twenty minutes. Where can I find you?”

  Calvin pointed to the back. “Or we’ll be outside for a smoke. Not me, you know. Them.”

  “Whatever.” Lisa stuck her tongue out at him and made a silly face. The dark curls behind her shoulders glimmered in the lighting. She was dressed in a tight deep blue dress with spaghetti straps.

  Amber stood behind her, also in a dress, only hers was striped with pink, black, and white. Mickey was in a trendy black top with tights, matching Calvin, who was also in all black.

  No Caleb.

  I’ll see him later. He’ll come back.

  I refilled all the napkin trays with napkins, the ice bin with ice, and washed all the glasses I could manage before taking out the trash. I made another round, sweeping all the empty glasses sitting on top of the tables as well as the bar tops positioned against the brick wall in the room.

  I was glad I was working here tonight. It kept me on my feet and busy. If I was busy, I couldn’t think, which was also why it took me an hour before I remembered to take my break.

  I’d passed by my friends a few times while cleaning up, so it didn’t take me long to spot them in the back, but Luke was here, which was interest
ing. His man bun was up, as usual, and he wore a white shirt that made his full arms of tattoos stand out even more. I followed his eyes that were set on Mickey as she was talking about something. It’d completely slipped my mind to ask Calvin about Luke’s love life. But, from where I was standing, I was pretty sure Lisa was right, he was more than interested in Mickey.

  “Paige, you’re here. Oh my gosh! It’s been, like, hours.” Mickey slid off her stool, throwing her hands up to give me a hug.

  Eek, I’m dirty. Too late.

  She flung her arms around me.

  “Luke, how come you never let your hair down?” I asked, punching him in his side, which, for a guy his size, I was sure it felt more like a little tap from a kitten’s paw.

  “No!” Amber interrupted. “Wait for Ryan to tell you. It’s soooo much better.”

  “Okay. Uh, never mind then.”

  “Where’s your lover boy?” Lisa asked, making kissy faces.

  I glanced at Calvin before replying, “He isn’t feeling up to it.”

  “Oh.” Lisa wagged her eyebrows. “At least you live with him.”

  “Yeah,” I agreed, a streak of optimism hitting me upside the head.

  He’s probably at home, waiting for me right now.

  “Now,” Lisa sang, “we get you all to ourselves. So?” Her smoky eyelids glittered with silver as they jerked up. “What is Mr. Broody Rock Star like in bed? I need to know.”

  My eyes caught Amber’s before she looked to the pinkish fluid in the martini glass before her. I hated the image in my head of her and Caleb in bed together. I’d kept my mind from going there. But since he’d walked out on me, my mind had been open to all sorts of reflections.

  What if I was another distraction for him? Why do I think he feels about me the way I feel about him?

  Love could be given, but it didn’t have to be returned.

  “He’s okay, I guess,” I finally said.

  “Okay!” Lisa shrieked, shaking a finger at me. “Don’t make me have to tell him he needs to step it up.”

  “Lisa, drop it.” Calvin’s voice came out firm. His Amber voice. He never talked to anyone else that way.