Monster Love

by Jeana E. Mann

  Owen stared at her, but I lost my mind a little. Rage and frustration and pain raced through my veins. I took a step toward her, curling my hands into fists. She reared back. Michael stepped between us.

  “You let Owen go to prison, and you didn’t say anything?” My lungs ached. I couldn’t seem to catch my breath. Red spots swam in front of my eyes. “How could you, Lanie?”

  “I’m trying to make it right.” She reached for me, but I pushed her hand away. “I know I did the wrong thing back then, but I was only fourteen, Stella. And I was terrified.”

  I wanted to hate her for what she’d done to Owen and to me, but I remembered her tears the day our mom had left us, and the way she’d clung to me. “Just give me a minute,” I said. “I need to wrap my head around this.”

  “It was a clear case of self-defense,” Michael said, adding his quiet voice of reason to the mix. “She could have been his next victim.”

  “What happens now?” Owen asked. I pressed my ear to his chest. The steady thump of his heartbeat steadied my nerves.

  “I’ll do what I can to straighten things out,” Michael said. His arm was still around my sister. Catching my glare, he dropped his hands to his sides and stepped away.

  “I appreciate that.” The two men shook hands again.

  “I really need to get going. I hope you can work through this,” Michael said. He touched my arm. “Everyone makes mistakes, Stella. Don’t forget that.”

  His words carried with me for the rest of the night. Owen walked him to the door, leaving me alone with Lanie. She wrapped her arms around her waist, the way she’d done when she was little and afraid. “Please don’t be mad at me, Stella.”

  “I don’t feel anything right now. I’m numb.” I sank down on the loveseat and buried my head in my hands.

  “I love you more than anything, and I can’t take having you mad at me.” She dropped to her knees in front of me. “I know I’m a fuck-up. But I want to be a better person, Stella. Like you. You’ve always been there for me. Nothing ever scares you. You just take life by the balls.”

  “If you had listened to me back then, none of this would have happened,” I said through my fingers.

  “I was young and stupid and so angry at the world.” One by one, she peeled my fingers from my face, like she was ten and I was twelve again. “If I could go back and change things, I would.”

  “It’s not just about Chris, Lanie. It’s every guy you date. When are you going to wise up? You’re a beautiful woman. You deserve better than a jobless, lowlife scum who doesn’t appreciate you. I’m not always going to be around to fix your problems.”

  With the back of her hand, she swiped the tears from her cheeks then wiped mine away. “I haven’t gone out with anyone since you moved here. And I enrolled in online classes to get my GED.”

  A three-month dry spell for Lanie was equivalent to a lifetime for other people. “Really? What brought this about?”

  “Kimberly and Trey. They said my boyfriends are scary. I don’t want my kids to ever be afraid, Stella. Not because of me.”

  I stared at the floor. Owen’s big hand smoothed over my back. More than anything, I wanted to believe Lanie had changed. Her confession to Michael was a beginning, but I couldn’t forgive her. Not yet.

  28

  Owen

  Present Day…

  The next day, shouting woke me from a deep sleep. Early morning light slanted through the windows. I swept a hand over Stella’s side of the bed. The sheets were bare and smooth beneath my palm. We’d held each other, waking occasionally to make slow, tender love, but her tossing and turning had made for a restless night. Lanie’s confession had rocked us both. As I stared at the ceiling, their angry voices carried up through the floor register. With a groan, I dragged my feet to the floor and sat up. From the escalating heat of their conversation, someone—me—needed to referee the situation. I pulled on a pair of jeans and went downstairs to investigate.

  “I think you should go.” Stella stood near the stove, face pale, lips trembling. I’d never seen her so distraught before.

  “Come on, Stella. You don’t mean that.” Lanie’s delicate features crumpled. Tears shone in her eyes.

  “I can’t even look at you,” she replied. “You really let me down this time, Lanie. I need time to get over it. I’m not sure I can ever forgive you.”

  Lanie swiped the wetness from her cheeks. She sniffed loudly as she left the room. “Fine. I’ll go, but you can’t hate me forever. I’m the only sister you’ve got.”

  “You should have thought of that sooner.” Stella crossed her arms over her chest, radiating stubbornness.

  Lanie paused at my side, her gaze focusing on a place over my shoulder. “I suppose you hate me too.”

  “I don’t hate you.” Sleep had added to my conflicting feelings instead of clearing my head. “You just need to give us some time to deal with this.”

  Her voice thickened. She placed a hand on my shoulder and looked directly at me for the first time since she’d arrived. Her large eyes brimmed with sincerity. “I know that I can never apologize enough for what happened, Owen. I’ll understand if you never want to speak to me again.”

  “I don’t want that, Lanie,” I replied, but she’d already started up the stairs. What did I want? Nothing could restore the years I’d lost. Fretting over things I couldn’t change had never been productive. The three of us needed to find a way to move forward and put these awful events behind us. “Give us time. We’ll work through it.” “I could hear you upstairs.” If I could hear them, the kids could hear them also. They were innocent victims in this situation, and I didn’t want them to worry.

  Stella until her footsteps reached the top of the stairs before she spoke. Her voice wavered. “I want to forgive her, but I can’t.”

  In two strides, I crossed the room and drew her into my arms. Every time I held her, I fell deeper into her spell. She fit perfectly beneath my arm. Her pain became my pain. “It’s going to take some time.”

  “I know, right?” Wetness from her tears seeped into the cloth of my shirt. I stroked her hair, wishing I could take away the ache for her. She blinked up at me, resting her chin on my sternum. The sight of her weepy eyes damn near broke me. “Does that make me a bad person?”

  “No. I get it.”

  “Aren’t you mad?”

  Her question made me pause. Throughout the night, while Stella had tossed and turned, I’d contemplated my conflicting emotions. Part of me felt relieved to know the truth of what had happened to Chris, the other part empathized with Lanie. I had no doubt that she’d acted in self-defense. In fact, I blamed myself for Chris’s brutality. I’d known he was dangerous, but I’d done nothing about it. Maybe if I’d tried harder or acted sooner, I could have saved them both.

  “I’m angry with myself, but not with Lanie.” I gave her a smile and traced the curve of her lower lip with my thumb. “She’s a victim in this situation. If anyone is to blame, it’s Chris. She could be dead right now because of him.”

  A shudder ran through Stella’s body from head to toe. I tightened my hold on her, wishing I could take away her anguish. We stood in silence for a few minutes. I closed my eyes and drew in the scent of her shampoo and fresh coffee from the counter. The warmth of her body spread through my chest. I’d never get enough of her, not in a million years.

  An hour later, Lanie packed the kids into the van and left. Stella spent the rest of the day brooding, snapping pictures of the falling snow in silence. I hung around the house, doing odd jobs, for moral support. Even though we didn’t speak, her presence anchored me, and I wanted to give the gift back to her. Now and then, she’d glance up at me. When our eyes met, I knew that the events of the past had brought me to this moment. Although our lives had been a wild ride, I wouldn’t give her up for anything or anyone. Never again.

  A week before Christmas, I moved in with Stella. Snow covered the ground, wrapping the house in a thick cocoon of wintry silence
. We sat in front of the fireplace, listening to the logs snap and pop. I tucked her into my shoulder, enjoying the weight of her head against my shoulder. The day before, we’d bought a live Christmas tree from the farm down the road and decorated it with strings of popcorn and macaroni. Doing those small, mundane things together meant more to me than anything in the world. I could easily picture myself with her for the rest of my life, and that’s why the tiny gift-wrapped box beneath the tree held an engagement ring.

  She yawned and stretched like a kitten, making a tiny growl. “You’re so warm. I’m going to fall asleep here.”

  “Go ahead.” I brushed the top of her head with my lips. “I’ll wake you up in a bit.”

  “You know, this my first real Christmas tree,” she said. The branches sparkled with blue and gold lights, her favorite colors. She’d made a star out of cardboard and tinfoil, and I’d placed it on the top while she’d smiled. It had been one of the best moments of my life. “Lanie had a small, fake tree that she bought at a rummage sale. Some of the branches were missing, but we made it work. I wish she was here to see this one.” At the end of the sentence, her voice broke.

  “Why don’t you give her a call?” I asked, squeezing her tighter. “I know you miss her and the kids.”

  “I don’t know.” Her heavy sigh gusted against my chest.

  “Don’t be stubborn. She’s called here every day for a month. Maybe you should talk to her.” When she didn’t respond, I tilted her face up to mine, taking in the clear violet of her eyes. “Life is short, Stella. Don’t waste it.”

  29

  Stella

  Present Day…

  As if on cue, my phone buzzed from its place the coffee table. Lanie’s name flashed across the screen. My heart skipped a beat. She left a voice mail every day, sharing tidbits and funny stories about the kids, ending each call with an apology. I bit my lower lip, warring between stubborn pride and the need to talk to my only family member. Owen studied me with his calm, smoldering gaze.

  “Are you going to answer that?” he asked.

  “No.” I shook my head. He lifted an eyebrow and grabbed the phone. “Owen don’t.” I reached for it at the same time, but he held it above his head, out of my reach, a playful grin curling the corners of his mouth. When I lunged at him, he wrapped an arm around my waist and trapped me between his side and the sofa.

  “Hey, Lanie. How are you?” He answered the call before it went to voice mail. I heard my sister’s voice on the other side. A little bit of the ice around my heart began to thaw. I missed her and the kids. Christmas wouldn’t be the same without them. Owen’s eyes met mine and held, challenging me. “I’m good thanks…Yeah?... Stella’s here, but she won’t come to the phone because she’s a stubborn ass…I’ll tell her. She misses you too.” I bit my lower lip, fighting against the swell of emotion. “Okay. Merry Christmas.”

  He ended the call and returned the phone to the coffee table. With a sigh, he relaxed into the couch, stretching an arm along the backrest. When he remained silent for a whole five minutes, my curiosity peaked. I poked a finger into his ribs. “Well? What did she say?”

  “I thought you didn’t want to talk to her.”

  “Owen!” I straddled his thighs and grabbed the fabric of his shirt. His big hands gripped my ass, rocking my hips forward.

  “She said we need to watch the eight o’clock news.”

  “That’s weird. What time is it?”

  He glanced at the watch I’d bought him for his birthday. “Seven fifty-nine.”

  I snatched the remote control and clicked on the TV. A nervous chill snaked up my spine. What had she done now? Owen shifted my weight, so we could both see the screen. I glanced at him. “Do you know what this is about?”

  “Nope.”

  His fingers threaded through mine, giving me strength. I bit my lower lip when Michael appeared, speaking from the steps of the county courthouse. He looked great on camera, his bright smile and piercing dark eyes accentuating his good looks.

  “New evidence has been submitted in the homicide of Chris Henry. A woman has come forward. She was attacked by Henry on the night of his death and subsequently took his life in order to protect her own. Her confession has helped link Chris Owen to the death of Carla Cartwright, the young girl whose body was recently discovered after twenty years. The prosecution is confident that this woman acted in self-defense and no charges will be brought against her. We are also confident that Chris Owen’s brother, Owen Henry, is innocent of any wrongdoing in this matter, and the court is in the process of setting aside his conviction.”

  I whooped and threw my arms around Owen’s neck. He stared at the television, expressionless, but emotion sizzled in his hazel eyes. “Did you hear that?” I asked.

  “I don’t believe it,” he whispered.

  The phone rang again. This time it was Michael. I snatched up the phone. “Hello?”

  “Hey, it’s me.” His smooth tenor travelled over the air waves. I’d never been so happy to hear from an ex-boyfriend in my life. “Did you see the news?”

  “Yes. Is it true?” My voice trembled with excitement. I gripped Owen’s hand, squeezing until he grunted. His gaze connected with mine, filled with disbelief.

  “One hundred percent. We’re working to expunge the charges as we speak. It will take a little while to get through the red tape, but I expect a full expungement to come through ASAP.”

  “Michael, you’re the best. I owe you for this. Big time.” His chuckle made my smile grow larger. “You don’t owe me anything, Stella. It was the right thing to do.”

  30

  Stella

  Present Day…

  Lanie arrived with the kids on Christmas Day. When she got out of the van, I gasped at the changes in her appearance. She’d lost weight and cut her long hair to shoulder length. Worry had robbed the sparkle from her eyes. Owen wrapped an arm around her shoulders and gave her a squeeze. A knot formed in my throat at the sight of his generosity. His ability to forgive and forget provided a shining example and made me ashamed of my behavior. While they gathered their belongings, I stood on the porch with my arms wrapped around my waist, shivering in the wintry air.

  “Hi,” Lanie said when she’d reached the top step. The tip of her nose glowed cherry red from the cold. Colton bounced at her feet, his small gloved hand in her.

  “Hey.” I glanced at the sky then the ground, hating the prickle of tears in my eyes. The bonds of sisterhood were strong between us. Even though I hated her sometimes, I loved her more. For once, the need to be right seemed less important than the need to have her in my life. I threw my arms around her, pulling her to me, feeling the thinness of her body, and hating the time we’d wasted through our stubbornness. “I’m glad you’re here. I missed you.”

  “I missed you too,” she said, her voice thick with emotion.

  After giving hugs to Trey and Kimberly, we trundled into the house. I’d stuffed dozens of presents beneath the tree for them. They exclaimed over the Christmas tree and began shaking the boxes, trying to guess what was inside. Lanie and I tiptoed around each other at first, but after a few hours, we fell back into the rhythm of our old relationship. This time, however, the gravity of maturity clung to Lanie. Owen made hot chocolate for everyone. We gathered in front of the fireplace to enjoy the falling snow and a renewed sense of family.

  “Are you okay?” I asked Lanie, searching her eyes. “I mean, really okay? You’re so thin.”

  “I’ve been too busy to eat. I finished my GED, and I’ve enrolled in college courses for next summer. I think I want to be a nurse,” she said, twisting a strand of hair around her index finger, the way she’d done since childhood. “Michael helped me find tuition assistance, and he found an attorney to help me get my back child support.”

  “That’s great. I’m so proud of you.” I covered her hand with mine to show my sincerity. “Wait a minute. My Michael?”

  A blush spread across her fair skin. “He’s not yo
ur Michael anymore, is he?”

  “No.” I studied her face. She bit her lower lip and glanced down at her lap. “Are you guys seeing each other?”

  “No, no.” She waved a hand through the air, laughter shaking her shoulders. “Of course not. He’s just been really helpful. He suggested I see a counselor to talk about Chris and everything. I owe him a lot.”

  “That’s great. Michael’s a good guy,” I said. “You should totally go for it.”

  “Really?” The tone of her voice climbed higher. “Would that be weird?”

  “Probably.” I shrugged, enjoying her embarrassment. “But we’re strange people.”

  Her laughter rang through the room and filled the void in my chest. I glanced around the room, at the chaos created by the children, and thanked God for the blessings in my life. The aroma of wood smoke filled the air. Owen and Trey shouted in the other room as something meaningful happened in the football game. The Shermans arrived with an armload of gifts and Cindy’s famous pecan pie.

  Owen entered the room with Colton tucked beneath one arm like a football. The little boy giggled and kicked his feet, squealing with glee. “I hate to interrupt, but this young man had an accident in his pants.”

  “Sorry, Mommy,” Colton said. His childish smirk suggested he wasn’t sorry at all.