Beyond the Stars

by Stacy Wise

  “Well, let’s hope this one is great. Do you need a Craigslist bodyguard to go with you? If you’re leaving now, I can ask Scott.”

  Scott is Jack Sparrow from the Halloween party and Kolbi’s new sort-of boyfriend. She won’t call him her boyfriend yet, but I think they’re heading down that road. “No, it’s cool. I talked to the girl on the phone, and she sounded pretty normal. She’s a grad student.”

  “I’ll keep my fingers crossed for you.” She tilts her head. “Everything else okay? You seem really stressed.”

  I have no idea how she can always read me so well. It’s like she took lessons from my mother. Not wanting to get into it, I smile and say, “I’m fine. I’ll check in with you later.” The truth of the matter is, I’m not fine. I’ve had to see Shawn every morning at Jack’s house. He’s been incredibly cool, but I can feel that he’s hurt. It sucks seeing the guy whose heart I didn’t choose standing next to the guy who has my heart but doesn’t want it.

  I find the apartment without any trouble. It’s below Wilshire, which isn’t such a bad deal now that I’m not worried about walking to school. It’s a medium-sized complex and has an ’80s vibe, but the paint looks fresh and the grounds are well tended. I press the button for apartment 208, and Lindsey, the girl who lives here, answers. “Hi, come on up. Take the elevator to the second floor and turn left.” I hear a loud buzzing sound and push through the door.

  It smells funky in here, kind of like a blend of Indian food and bleach. I ride the mirrored elevator to the second floor and turn left. A girl stands inside an open door. “Hey,” she calls. “You must be Jessica.”

  “Yes. Hi!” I walk toward her, a good feeling blooming inside of me. This just may be it! Every other apartment that was in my price range was either a complete dump or too far away from anything. And then there was the guy—yes, I even considered sharing a place with a dude—who didn’t bother to clear his Playboy magazines off the coffee table. If he couldn’t manage to shove them in a drawer when he knew a girl was coming over to look at the apartment, what would his bathroom etiquette be like? I had horrid visions of piss drips and pubic hair. Needless to say, I didn’t stay for the tour.

  Lindsey greets me at the door. She’s a super thin, freckle-faced blonde with a wide smile and pale skin. She sticks out her hand. “Hi, nice to meet you. Come on in and take a look.”

  I follow her into the apartment, and I can’t contain my smile. It’s clean and cute. She’s decorated the place with a contemporary Asian theme. It’s not my favorite motif, but it looks nice. And it’s far better than a dirty table smeared with even dirtier magazines. There’s a tiny kitchen, but I can see that it has a dishwasher, so that’s a bonus. Beyond the kitchen is a small family room, and the bedrooms are on either side. I can totally see myself here.

  “This is a cool apartment. How long have you lived here?”

  “A year. The other girls have been here for like, two.”

  “Other girls? I thought it was only you.”

  She scrunches up her freckled nose. “No! Do you really think you could find a two bedroom in Westwood for only sixteen hundred bucks a month?”

  “No, I guess not. Wishful thinking.”

  She nods eagerly. “So Michele and Tess share the room over there, and you and I would have this room,” she says, pointing to the room on the left side of the apartment. I try to imagine sharing a bedroom with a stranger. It’s not that different than living in the dorms, I suppose. I can handle it for a while. And who knows? Maybe we’ll become good friends.

  “Come on. I’ll show you.”

  I follow her to the room, and she stands back, allowing me to walk in first. Whoa! I close my eyes, hoping my mind is playing tricks on me. I open them slowly and… Gah! The nightmare is still here. It looks like a Hello Kitty toy factory exploded in the room. Her dresser is covered with plastic Hello Kitty collectibles. There’s Darth Vader Hello Kitty, a spotted cow Hello Kitty, Hello Kitty with a rubber ducky, Hello Kitty covered in clouds…there are at least fifty of them. And, of course, she has a pink Hello Kitty bedspread, topped with a pile of Hello Kitty plush toys.

  “Wow,” I say slowly. “You’re a big Hello Kitty fan, huh?”

  She gives me a sheepish nod. “Yes. It’s kind of silly, isn’t it?”

  Oh, thank God. At least she’s willing to admit it’s silly. There’s hope. If I move in, maybe she would agree to put at least some of the kitties away. Collections of things always kind of freak me out. I’ve never understood the need to have hundreds of Star Wars action figures or loads of movie star memorabilia. It’s borderline hoarding, in my humble opinion.

  “I can’t help it, though,” she continues. “I think it’s adorable. And my boyfriend keeps buying them for me, so”—she shrugs her skinny shoulders and smiles—“I keep adding to my collection.”

  “That’s sweet.” And perhaps you need to rethink your choice in boyfriends.

  “Yeah. It is.” She giggles. More and more she seems like a child rather than a grad student. But she is nice—totally different than Meg, that’s for sure. So maybe I could be okay with all this. “You should see what he got me for my birthday.”

  “What?” I ask, knowing it’s going to be a…drum roll, please…Hello Kitty doll! She opens her nightstand drawer and takes out something, then quickly moves it behind her back. “I don’t show this to everyone, but we might be roomies, right? So it’s okay to share with you.” She whips a pink Hello Kitty plastic thing from behind her back and proudly holds it up for me to see.

  “Cute. Is it a book light?”

  More giggles. “No! It’s a vibrator,” she whispers.

  Oh my God! The room is suddenly way too small. I can’t do this. “Wow. He must’ve searched high and low for that thing.”

  She beams. “I know! Isn’t it the sweetest? He calls it the Hello Pussy.”

  Okay. All right. I’m done. I make a production of fishing my phone out of my purse and looking at it as though I just got a text. “Shoot. I’ve gotta run. Work emergency.”

  “What a drag. What do you do?”

  “Personal assistant.” I step out of the room. “Thanks so much for showing me your place. It’s great. I was hoping to get a place with just one other person, though.”

  “Really? Well, if you change your mind, let me know.”

  “Thanks. It was nice meeting you.”

  “You, too. Have a great Thanksgiving, Jess!” I cringe a little when she says Jess. Only my good friends and family call me that, not strangers. Certainly not strange women who have Hello Kitty vibrators in their nightstand drawer. I jog to the elevators without looking back.

  The hold music drones in my ears as I wait for a human to pick up. Normally, I’d hang up and try later, but I’m trying to change Jack’s flight. The set is dark all week, and he was planning on leaving this morning for his sister’s house in Texas, but in typical fashion, Steven set up a meeting with him today at noon, and he couldn’t say no.

  Imelda runs the vacuum across the rug in the dining room, and I want to scream at her to shut the stupid thing off. The groan of it combined with the grating hold music has me on edge. It doesn’t help that Jack was livid this morning when he found out about the meeting. I finally convinced him to take Leo for a nice walk since he won’t see him for a while. Imelda is house and pet sitting all week. Part of me wishes Jack had asked me to do it. The way Imelda shoos Leo outside with the business end of her broom makes me wonder how she’ll handle an entire week alone with him. I gave her my number just in case.

  She finally shuts off the vacuum just as an attendant asks how she can help me. After answering a series of irritating questions that quite honestly are probably answered on the screen in front of her, I get Jack’s flight moved to this evening.

  He returns with Leo, and I share the good news with him. I was hoping for a high five and a grateful smile, but all I get is a bland, “Thanks, Jess.”

  “You’re welcome. Do you need me to stay late
to get you to the airport?”

  He unclicks Leo’s harness and gives him a pat before slinging the leash over his shoulder. Leo toddles to the patio door but stops in front of it, settling onto the cool tile. “Don’t worry about it. I’m taking my bike.”

  “Oh, okay.”

  Leo’s leash slides from his shoulder, and he grabs it in a swift move, looping it up. “You can take off early if you want.” He looks at me and offers a half smile, like using his entire mouth is too much effort. I want to ask what’s bugging him, but I know better.

  “Thanks. Imelda has my number. For Leo.” I shrug. “I hope you have a good trip.” I silently beg him to grab me into a fierce good-bye hug, but he’s too busy adjusting the loops of the leash. “Happy Thanksgiving.”

  He drops the leash on the kitchen counter, and I turn to go.

  “Jess. Wait.” I face him, holding my breath. He spreads his arms wide and draws me into a hug. “Have a good Thanksgiving. I’ll miss seeing you every day,” he says into my hair. It takes everything I have to keep my emotions in check. I breathe in his scent and force my brain to capture the feel of his hands wrapped around me. Imelda’s vacuum cleaner starts up again, causing us both to jump. He laughs. “I think she does that on purpose.”

  “No kidding.” My hand flutters to my chest. “Anyway, good luck with the meeting. I’ll see you in a week.” His blue eyes study me, and suddenly I’m standing in a room full of sunshine. I bite my lip, wishing I could kiss him good-bye.

  “Thanks, Jess. See you later.”

  Chapter Twenty-Eight

  When I arrive for work on the Monday following Thanksgiving, Jack answers the door before I finish knocking. As much as I don’t want it to, my heart leaps.

  “Hey, Jess. Come on in. We need to talk about something.” I try to appear calm, but oh, hell. Nothing good ever comes from the words we need to talk. Bad things flash through my mind like lasers going haywire at a light show. His sister is sick, and he’s moving to Texas. He’s going to propose to Corinne and wants advice on how to do it.

  “Sure,” I say with the best smile I can muster. I try to keep up with him as he practically jogs to his great room. He pats a spot next to him on the sofa, like he’s done so many times before. But this time I don’t want to sit down. I want to run.

  He pushes his hands through his hair and keeps them tangled in it. Conflicted, I think. He always does that when he’s thinking. It makes his hair all tousled and sexy, and I want to reach over and touch it.

  Focus, Jessica. This isn’t the time.

  It’s always the time. I can’t help it.

  I tell the annoying voices in my head to shut up, and I brace myself for whatever bad news he’s about to deliver.

  “So, I’ve been thinking a lot over the past few weeks.” He pauses, as though saying anything more just yet is too difficult.

  “Okay.”

  Hand in hair again. Blue eyes flash. “Yeah. I don’t know how to talk about this because I still haven’t made up my mind one hundred percent, but I wanted to run it by you first.”

  Worry covers my entire body, like leeches pressing their slimy forms into me, looking for the most tender spot to strike. “Whatever you have to say is okay.” I’m surprised at how calm my voice sounds.

  His usually light eyes are a heavy blue. I shouldn’t notice little details like that about him. It’s not my business. “I’ve been thinking a lot about what I need to do for Leo.”

  Leo? This is about Leo? I feel a smidge of worry slide off me and wait by my side on the sofa.

  “What Hillary said has been weighing heavy on my mind. Since I’ve started shooting, my schedule has gotten crazy. I don’t have the time for him.”

  “I’ll help,” I say too eagerly. I can’t stand seeing him upset.

  “I know.” He pats my leg. His touch makes the worry magically vanish. I don’t care if it was a brotherly pat. His hand on my body does things to me. “I can’t ask you to watch him forever. Pigs can live for eighteen years. He needs someone who can be there for him every day for eighteen years.”

  Leo lies at my feet, blissfully unaware that we’re talking about him. I nod and wait for Jack to say more.

  “I have to do what’s best for him. The place Hillary found up north said they’ll take him. It’s a good pot-bellied rescue center—I researched it myself. He’ll have lots of room and other pigs to play with.” He pauses. “What do you think I should do?”

  A lump forms in my throat. Relief and sadness wash over me at once. Relief that he’s not moving to Texas or marrying Corinne. Sadness for Leo. Sadness for Jack. I know how hard this must be for him. He’s crazy about that pig. “Oh, man,” I say, trying to hide the shakiness in my voice. “That’s a tough one.”

  “Tell me about it.” Tears well up in his eyes, and it makes it so I can’t contain mine. I’m relieved to have an excuse to cry, as awful as it sounds. Strapping down my emotions has left me feeling like I’ve been holding my breath underwater for too long. I brush away a tear and watch as Jack swipes his hand across his eyes. “Damn. This sucks.” He moves to the floor and rubs Leo’s tummy.

  I press my hands to my face and let out a breath. “I think you’ve probably already made up your mind. And I think it’s the right decision for Leo.”

  He flicks his eyes to mine. “I can take him up there Saturday.”

  “This Saturday? Wow. That’s so soon.”

  “I know. Will you come with me?”

  I don’t answer right away. My mind tries to catch up with his words.

  “You don’t have to. It was just a thought.”

  I shake my head. “I’m not not answering because I don’t want to go. I’m trying to process all this,” I say, attempting to smile. “I want to go.” I run the back of my hand beneath my eye. “Sorry. I don’t mean to fall apart in front of you. I’m just really bad at good-byes. I promise I won’t cry once on Saturday.”

  “It’s fine. Cry all you want. I’ll probably be sobbing like a baby. We just won’t tell anyone, right?” He smiles at me through his glassy, pale eyes.

  “Yeah.”

  He pats Leo and stands. “Thanks, Jess. This means a lot to me.” For a second, it looks like he’s going to reach out to hug me, but instead he runs his hand across his chest. Guess I totally misread that one.

  God, I wish I could get inside his head. I want him to like me so much that I’m reading into his every move. I mean, could he ever be interested in me? I let my mind stumble through the maze of that thought. I don’t know. Maybe in another lifetime. And maybe I’ll find someone just like him eventually. I feel so good around him. But I need to focus on other parts of my life that are good, and rely less on him. Because. I. Have. To.

  Whether I continue working for him or not won’t change how he feels. Stressing out over finding a place to live has been a useless waste of time. When I was home for Thanksgiving I told my parents about Meg kicking me out. They said it was fine for me to move home. And the reality is, I need to. We tossed around the idea of asking if I could stay with Aunt Marnie, but at the end of a long debate, I convinced my parents it wouldn’t work. To be honest, I’m afraid she’ll casually mention Jack and immediately discover I’m infatuated with him. I can’t have that. It’s hard enough to remain blasé on the phone with her.

  Next fall, when I go back to school, moving into the sorority house won’t be a problem, and I’ll be free of the heartache I’ve brought on myself.

  Without giving it further thought, I say, “I need to talk to you about something, too.”

  He turns to me, his eyes friendly and open. I wish he could revert to being an ass just for a moment. It would make this so much easier.

  “What’s up?”

  “I had to move out of my apartment because Meg and I had a horrible argument, and I have nowhere to live. I’ve been trying to find a place, but it’s been an epic fail, so I have to move home, which means”—I pause for a breath—“I’m going to have to quit. I’m r
eally sorry for the lack of notice, but I didn’t exactly see this coming.”

  “How long ago did you move out?” He says it so slowly compared to my rush of words that I wonder if he heard the whole thing.

  “A week after the phone situation.”

  “Have you been staying at your parents’ house all this time?”

  “No. I’ve been staying on a friend’s floor at my sorority house, but I can’t stay there much longer.”

  “Shit.” He runs a hand across his mouth. “I can’t believe this.”

  “Yeah, that makes two of us.”

  “My ride’s going to be here in a few minutes, but I want to talk about this. I can’t let you quit, Jess. I need you.”

  Damn. Damn. Damn. Why did he have to say that? I know he doesn’t mean it the way I want him to, but hearing it makes my heart get all fluttery. Stupid heart.

  He looks out at the backyard and turns back to me. “Stay here. You can have the guesthouse.”

  Hell, no. I’d go crazy. I’d probably end up buying a telescope so I could spy on him. I’d turn into some sort of creepy stalker. It’s bad enough working with him. I can’t live with him. Or near him. In his space. “That’s really nice of you, but I don’t think it’s a good idea.”

  “Why the hell not? It’s a fucking fantastic idea. Come with me.” Stealing a glance at his watch, he says, “I have like two minutes. I’ll show you right now.”

  I follow him through the backyard to the building that I assumed was either a guesthouse or a super fancy tool shed. I should’ve known it’d be a guesthouse. As he pushes through the door, I don’t know where to look first. There’s a cool fireplace set in colorful Spanish tiles and an amazing chenille sofa. It’s practically begging me to sink into it. The floors are made of the same tiles in Jack’s house, except these are smaller. Beautiful. Everything looks brand new. Decorative Mexican clay vases sit atop the mantle. There’s not a speck of dust in sight. Imelda must clean this place regularly, even though no one lives here.