Silk

by Heidi McLaughlin

  I looked up. There was nothing there but a vast shadow of endless blackness in front of me. I’d never found it frustrating to know my eyes were open but I was still surrounded by darkness… until now. I wanted to see Ryland. I wanted to discover the curves of his face with more than just my fingertips. I wanted to know the color of his eyes and experience the warmth of each expression when he talked.

  In every part of my body, I ached to know what he looked like when he smiled at me, to know what kindness looked like. He was one of few people to show it to me, but it never affected me like this with anyone else.

  “I couldn’t even attempt to imagine what you’ve been through. You’re a strong girl, Araya.”

  His fingers slid over the back of my hand soothingly. The caress was as innocent as they come, but it sent a slow dose of heat through my body.

  “Strong might be a stretch.” I thought about it for a minute. “I’m tolerant.”

  “You’re a lot more tolerant than I could be, and that makes you strong in my book.”

  “Being angry and sad all the time isn’t going to change what happened. Nothing will.”

  “I like the way you see things—”

  His words halted so quick I couldn’t help but smile.

  “I’m sorry Araya—”

  I reached out, finding his forearm easily. “It’s okay.”

  The muscles of his arms were firm under my fingers, and I wanted to probe the flesh until I no longer felt the intense tingle of curiosity.

  He laughed nervously. “I normally put my foot in my mouth like that, but I didn’t mean anything by it.”

  “I know. It’s okay.”

  He found my fingers again and they moved between mine, and an odd smolder sparked to life low in my stomach.

  “Good. I don’t want to upset you.”

  “You didn’t.” I didn’t know why I was whispering.

  He shifted, getting closer. His touch was feather light as he turned my palm over, drawing circles on my skin,

  “You live with your aunt?”

  I tensed at his question but didn’t pull away from his touch, which was slowly becoming addicting.

  I nodded. “After my… after the accident, I moved in with her and her husband, Carl.”

  “What about your father?”

  I shrugged. “I don’t know much about my father, actually. He got into drugs when I was little and my mother gave him a choice. He made the wrong one. So my mother packed us up and we moved to Connecticut. I haven’t seen him since.”

  “So you don’t know if he knows about the accident? What happened to your mom? To you?”

  “No. I don’t even know if anyone would even know how to get ahold of him to let him know, and honestly, I’m not worried about him.”

  “Sounds like you were better off,” he said simply.

  “Yes, I think so.”

  “Do you get along with Nina and Carl?”

  “Nina isn’t the easiest person to get along with”

  “Yeah, I kind of got a weird feeling about her. What’s her story?”

  “I don’t know. She’s always been cold and distant, for as long as I can remember, but lately she’s been acting strange. She wasn’t close with my mom. When I awoke in the hospital, that was the first time I’d seen her in years.”

  “Do you have any other family close by besides Nina and Carl?”

  “My grandfather. From time to time he’ll come visit me, but he doesn’t get along with my aunt, so I don’t see him a lot.” I sighed.

  “You sound upset by that. Is it that bad living with your aunt?”

  I shrugged, even though I knew the answer to his question.

  “I would rather live with my grandfather. It’s kind of crowded.”

  That was the less awkward way of saying I lived in a tiny studio apartment with one window, three beds with no walls, and zero privacy. I had no choice where we lived, and it was one more thing I added to my list of things I didn’t complain about. I had a place to sleep and food to eat; it was more than some people had. It’s not like I could live on my own.

  “Why don’t you?”

  I blinked until I was present to the conversation again. Had I said that last part out loud? “What?”

  “Live with your grandfather? Why don’t you?”

  “He says he can barely take care of himself. He can’t take care of me too.”

  And it didn’t matter how many times I told him he wouldn’t have to take care of me. I had been taking care of myself, Nina, and Carl for as long as I’d been with them. He was convinced that I would need him more than I actually would.

  “Take care of you? Seems to me like you’re more than capable of taking care of yourself.”

  “Well, I wish it was as easy to convince him.” I smiled.

  “I’d be more than happy to give you a reference.”

  “If it comes to that, you’ll be the first to know.” I sighed contently. “This is nice.”

  “What is?”

  He was still torturing my fingers, but it was a good kind of punishment.

  “Conversation.”

  “You don’t have conversations with Nina and Carl?”

  “They both work full time. I’m alone most of the time.”

  I kept it simple and sweet.

  “Don’t you have friends to talk to? Girls or guys?”

  “I had a friend in the building where we live, but she moved away. Careless is the closest person I have to a friend right now, but she’s not exactly the warm and cuddly type.” I smiled.

  “No, she’s not. Growing up in this house will do that to you. She really likes you, though. Having you around is making a difference and I’m glad she has you now.”

  “I don’t think I’m really making that big of a difference.”

  “I do,” he said softly. “What about the other?” he asked in a way that made me feel like I was missing something, but I felt like that most of the time so maybe I was thinking too much into it.

  I thought about his entire question. “A guy friend?”

  “Or boyfriend,” he said nonchalantly.

  I could feel the heat in my cheeks when I realized what he asked. I wasn’t sure if I was more embarrassed by the question or the answer.

  “No guy friends or… boyfriends.” That was truthful enough.

  “I was hoping you’d say that. You know, we could be friends.”

  My heart came to a sudden stop, and a swarm of butterflies took refuge in my stomach at his proposal. I licked my lips, which had suddenly gone very dry.

  “No pressure,” he said teasingly. “I mean, I don’t know how to shop. I leave that to Careless. I’m not very good at gossip, and I couldn’t for the life of me tell you which celebrity is dating which, but I make the world’s best instant vanilla pudding ever. Now if that’s not enough to convince you, I’m not beneath begging.” He took my hand in his, and his breath teased my lips. Softly, he whispered, “We could be friends, Araya, if you wanted?”

  “Yes,” I said too quickly and blushed hotly. Slower, I repeated, “Yes, I’d like that.”

  “It was the instant pudding, wasn’t it?” I could feel the strength of his grin. “I feel like we need some sort of cool handshake or something to seal the deal.”

  I laughed. “Are there any dandelions around?”

  “Umm…” He paused as he looked around.

  I felt the blanket pull tight and stretch with him as he leaned over.

  “Here,” he said, grabbing my hand and putting the stem between my fingers. “What’s that for?”

  I moved closer to him. “It’s something my mom and I use to do. It’s a promise. On the count of three, we’re going to blow until all the little florets are gone. It seals our promise.”

  “Floret?”

  I laughed. “It’s the little flower thingies.”

  “Okay, you count.”

  “One, two, three.”

  We both blew and the stem trembled in between my
fingers. I felt the soft florets tickle my face as he blew them toward me.

  “Are they all gone?”

  “Yeah,” he responded softly.

  “It’s official.”

  “Araya?”

  “Yeah?” I looked up at him.

  “My mind won’t stop kissing you all over.”

  My breath caught as his words melted over me. I swallowed hard, trying to get control of what I felt.

  He groaned, and I felt him shift. “I don’t want to, but I have to go. My warden is back.”

  All I could do was nod.

  “I wish I could stay.”

  “I wish you could too.”

  He seemed pleased by that. “You’ll be here tomorrow?”

  “Yes.”

  “I’ll see you tomorrow, then. Bye, Araya.”

  I realized seeing his smile would never be as fulfilling as it was to actually feel it. I felt it in his words, in the way he touched me. The sweet caress was never far from his words, and I would listen to him talk forever if it meant getting to absorb his smile.

  Ryland

  Eleven

  Securing the knot at the back of my head with a quick tug, I was surrounded in darkness.

  Reaching out, I tried to remember where all the living room furniture was placed, but I was coming up short. I took a small awkward step forward, and I knew looked ridiculous. Knees bent, back arched, and my arms swinging in front of me confirmed it.

  Realizing I was being pathetic, I stood up as confidently as I could and took three big steps forward. Before I allowed myself to feel like a badass, my knee connected with something solid.

  “Shit!” I hissed between clenched teeth.

  I rubbed the bone hard, hoping to get rid of the painful sting.

  “What the hell are you doing, Ryland?”

  Lifting a piece of my blindfold, I spotted Sebastian leaning against the wall. One eyebrow was raised and he was staring at me like I was crazy.

  “Nothing.”

  Pushing the rest of the blindfold up my forehead, I limped toward the couch, sinking into the cushions. Pushing himself away from the wall, Sebastian walked over, falling into the chair across from me, eyeing me.

  My eyes fell guiltily toward the table between us and then quickly to him, and he followed suit. Frowning, he leaned forward and spun the book lying on top in his direction. Tilting his head, he read the title out loud when it stopped in front of him.

  “Things Not Seen: Dealing with Blindness.” He looked at me, waiting for an explanation.

  “What?” I said defensively.

  “What’s going on with you? What is this?”

  “What’s going on with who?” a tiny voice piped in from behind me.

  “Oh geez.” I groaned, running a hand down my face, dropping my head back against the cushions of the couch.

  This was going to get worse before it got better. I braced myself for an exhausting conversation.

  I stared up at the ceiling, folding my arms behind my head. The following was going to be torturous I might as well get comfortable.

  “Your brother is being weird.”

  “Weirder than usual?” my tiny but very loud sister asked, sitting on the arm of the chair with Sebastian.

  “Everyone’s got jokes.”

  “Seriously, what’s going on? You’re walking around with a blindfold, risking your life by running into Coraline’s expensive furniture. You’re reading books about the blind?” He lifted the book and dropped it with a thud.

  “Blindfolding yourself?” Careless questioned. “Books about the blind?”

  Without moving my head, I watched her. She leaned forward on the arm and grabbed the book from the coffee table. She flipped it over, studying the back before she looked at me and took a bite of her apple. She pursed her lips to the side, and her blue eyes became slits.

  “You’re going all out, aren’t you?”

  “What’s going on? What’s he going all out on and who’s blind?”

  “Ryland’s got it bad for a blind girl.”

  I sighed and saw Sebastian swing in my nosy sister’s direction, looking confused.

  “What? How do you know it’s a girl?”

  She snorted. “How did you not know it was a girl?”

  The indent between his eyes deepened. “I thought you liked that chick, Araya?”

  “Catch up faster, Sebastian,” Careless snapped.

  “Wait, Araya’s blind?”

  “Finally.” Careless rolled her eyes.

  For now, I would sit silently until their conversation actually required my response.

  Sebastian rubbed his eyes and sighed, sitting back in his chair. “I must still be hung over.”

  “Ugh, well, that explains the smell,” Careless said, wrinkling her nose in disgust. “You know, soap and water usually takes care of that. However, with you, I’d rinse, lather, and repeat that process more than once.”

  “If you don’t like the smell, get away from me,” he growled at her, rubbing his head against her.

  “You’re a pig, Sebastian” She huffed, pushing him away.

  Slipping from under him, she moved away, laughing when his head connected with a loud thud against the chair. Groaning loudly, he grabbed at his temples with both palms.

  “It’s all fun and games until someone hemorrhages, Careless!” he spat at her.

  “Get over it.” Careless turned her attention to me, pinning me with an accusation. “You’re not going to leave her alone, are you?”

  I rolled my eyes, finally lifting my head. “No, I’m not. I thought you already figured that out.”

  “Just be careful, Ryland.”

  “You’re starting to sound like a broken record, and I’ve got to be honest; it’s annoying as hell.” I hissed.

  I wasn’t in the mood to be preached at by her right now, especially when it was undeserved.

  “Fine, I’m done. Do whatever the hell you want. Babysitting you two is a pain in my ass anyway.”

  “You mean you’re officially resigning as warden of the Dare brothers?”

  Cara pinched Sebastian under his arm and he yelped, glaring at her as he rubbed away the sting.

  “That really fucking hurts, Careless. Quit doing that shit,” Sebastian growled.

  “Quit giving me reasons to do it.”

  “Why are you so against Ryland and the blind girl anyway?”

  “She has a name, you asshat,” Careless snapped before I could.

  “Okay, why are you so against Ryland and Araya? Since when do you care?”

  “You guys make it sound like I’m a damn robot.” Careless snapped.

  “Well, you’re not exactly the warm and fuzzy type.”

  It was true. She packed a hell of a punch with her sassiness, and you would never think it to look at her, but our semi-abandonment made her hard to handle. She didn’t let anyone, especially guys, close to her. Which made our job as protective older brothers easier. She even kept Sebastian and me at arm’s length.

  The Dare siblings were definitely screwed.

  “Ryland just needs to stick to his own screwed-up kind.”

  They’d resorted to talking about me as if I weren’t there.

  “Get off your high horse, Careless. You’re no saint. You’re just smart enough not to get caught,” Sebastian blurted without thinking, and I rolled my eyes.

  Careless snickered and sauntered toward the door. “I love it when you take the hassle out of insulting you. Well, boys, my work here is done.” She winked and disappeared.

  “You’re the reason she’s the way she is. So high and mighty.” I griped. “Lay off the booze.”

  “Whatever.” He blew it off. “Are you going to tell me about the girl?”

  Pushing off the couch, I walked toward the opposite door.

  “Nope,” I answered, leaving him alone. I wasn’t ready to let them know about Araya.

  Araya

  Twelve

  “Good morning.”

>   I turned toward his voice and felt the heat of the bright rays heat my face. His voice was like sunlight. I couldn’t see it, but I felt it’s warmth through every inch of my body. It was the only light in my darkness.

  “Good morning,” I said, smoothing out my dress.

  “How are you?” he said over my head.

  “You sound tall… are you tall?” I blurted without thinking.

  He laughed, and I heard the rustle of clothes. “I’m six-two, so I guess.”

  I could smell the sweet scent of his breath as he leaned in closer toward my face.

  “I see you haven’t been attacked today.”

  I laughed, picking at the edge of my dress. “No. I made sure not to sit so close to the tree this time.”

  On instinct, my back straightened and I wasn’t aware of the way my chest pushed out or the way his eyes were drawn to my cleavage.

  “Smart girl,” he said with a smile, but his voice shifted and I frowned, trying to figure out why.

  “She’s not here,” I supplied when I figured it out.

  “What? Who’s not here?”

  “Careless. That’s who you’re looking for, right?” I challenged.

  “Guilty.” He laughed. “Wait, what do you mean she’s not here? As in she left, left?”

  “Yeah.” I shrugged. “It’s no big deal. We were done anyway.”

  “She just left you here? Alone?”

  “Well, she was going to take me in… but I told her I would stay out here...” I dropped my head, my fingers still tugging at the thread of my hem. “I think she figured you’d be out here soon enough anyway. I did at least.”

  “Am I that predictable?” he teased.

  “No, I’m just that hopeful.”

  And that was as close as I was going to come to admitting that I’d told Careless I would wait outside hoping Ryland would come back again. The more my time with Careless had gone by, the more anxious I became that I wasn’t going to see him again.

  I lacked a normal girl’s reflex to play hard to get. I didn’t know how to act coy and shy, and that resulted in saying exactly what I thought. I just felt. My life was complicated enough without having to add in the work of manipulating the people around me.

  Besides, Ryland was the first boy to show any kind of interest in me. I didn’t want to ruin that by playing games. I didn’t expect forever with Ryland, but he made me feel like I didn’t have to completely rule out the idea entirely.