Silk

by Heidi McLaughlin

People bustle all around us, but I only see Adam. I know I’ll lose it at my gate, but I hold it together, not wanting him to see me cry.

  His flight is leaving an hour after mine. When my flight is boarding, he presses a bag into my hands. I start to open it, but he stops me, telling me to wait until I’m on my plane. He presses one last hard kiss against my lips, and then he leaves. I watch until his figure is swallowed up by the mass of moving souls.

  I sleepwalk to my gate, clutching the bag he gave me. I think of Ally and how my falling for Adam clouded what she wanted this trip to be for me. I know right then that I’m going back to school. As scared as I am to live away from home, I know I need to do that too.

  I avoid thinking about Adam as I figure out the next steps I will take with my life. I need to move out even if I just rent a room. I’ll have to get a job first. Maybe I can temp or waitress. These thoughts help me hold myself together.

  When the time comes, I board and find my seat. I buckle my belt and then open the bag. I can see the glint of a charm, and I shake the contents of the bag into my hand. There are two charms. The first is a simple palm tree to symbolize our tropical island stay, and the second is a painted heart. My hand closes around it, and I press my fist to my heart, covering it with my other hand.

  He gave me a heart. His heart? Why didn’t he let me open it in front of him? I have two hours and thirty-five minutes until my flight lands in Houston to think about what it means.

  I struggle over the decisions I just made at the gate, ready to throw them all away to run after Adam, when it hits me. All Ally ever wanted was for me to find myself and be happy. She wouldn’t have wanted me to ignore my heart and be alone.

  When I land, I call him. He won’t get my message until he lands, but even if I never speak to him again, even if he doesn’t feel the same way, I have to tell him I love him.

  “This is Adam. Leave a message.”

  I choke back the sob that threatens just from hearing his voice again. “Adam, it’s Aubrey. I just had to”—I gulp—”tell you I love you.”

  I tell him I haven’t always loved him. In the beginning, I truly thought he was a jerk. It was over our journey together that my feelings for him changed. I explain that what kept me from saying anything was not knowing if he feels anything more for me.

  I have a mild panic attack after sending that message. I put myself out there, and I have no way of knowing if I’ll even get a response.

  I toy with the bracelet on my wrist, my finger smoothing over the red paint of his heart. I stalk my phone, waiting for a response from him, even though I know he’s still in the air. My frustration mounts when my flight out of Houston is delayed. I call my parents to let them know, and I drown my misery in a greasy slice of pizza.

  My delay ends up being not one but two hours. It kills me when I realize Adam should have landed by now and didn’t call me. I’m dejected when I board my flight. I have been on the trip of a lifetime, and I’ve seen so many amazing things.

  I’m unexpectedly angry with Ally. All those years ago, when we made her Better board, she was well enough to travel. She could have taken this trip. Instead, she waited for this concept of being better before she would allow herself to go. What did that get her? Nothing. It got her nothing.

  She stayed in California, dreaming of a trip she would never take, right until the end. I have done the same thing. I should have told Adam that I loved him while I had the chance. Instead, I wimped out and left him a voice mail.

  Four hours later, I land in Sacramento. I’m tired. I’m hearthurt, and I have to pee so bad when I get off that plane. I’m readjusting the strap on my backpack when a figure steps right in front of me. I try to move around him in search of my parents.

  When he moves to block my path again, I look up at him with a glare. I don’t know how or why, but Adam is right in front of me. My mouth drops, and I launch myself into his arms.

  “How are you here?” I ask against his lips, needing to kiss him as much as I need to ask that question.

  With his arms tightly wrapped around me, he pulls his face away to smile down at me. “I take it you’re happy to see me.”

  I nod, smiling. “But how?”

  “I changed my flight. Had a stop in Minneapolis, but your flight’s delay saved me.”

  “I was so annoyed with that delay.”

  “I’ll bet.” He slowly lowers me to the ground. “Wanna introduce me to your parents now?”

  My mouth drops, and I look around until I see them sitting at a coffee kiosk. I tug Adam over toward them while they stand and meet us halfway.

  “Mom! Dad! I missed you guys so much,” I say, hugging them.

  We stand there awkwardly for a moment until my dad says, “And this is Adam?”

  “Oh, right. Sorry. Mom, Dad, I’d like you to meet Adam Burke. Adam, this is my mom and dad.”

  They shake hands, my father clearly appraising him.

  I turn to Adam, linking my fingers through his. “Where are you staying? How long are you staying?”

  “I know a guy who lives in Rancho Cordova. I thought I’d stay at his place.”

  I look at my parents, wondering if maybe they’d offer to let Adam stay with us, and then I think better of it. This is clearly happening way too fast for them.

  Adam already has his luggage, so we all walk together to get mine. While we wait for it, my mom invites Adam to come back to the house with us, and then after dinner, I can drive him to his friend’s house.

  When we get to my house, Adam sets up his laptop, so my parents can scroll through all the pictures he took while we go and talk in my backyard.

  “What are we doing?” I ask, sinking into my swing.

  He sits on the ground in front of me, holding then releasing my feet, as I slowly swing back and forth. “I want to be with you, Aubrey—if you want that too. We just need to figure out where that will be.”

  “You’d move for me?”

  He lifts my captured foot to kiss my ankle. “If that’s what it takes.”

  “Or I could move to New York.” I ease off the swing and onto his lap.

  “Is that what you’d want?” He loops his arms around my waist.

  “You already have a place and a job there. It makes the most sense.”

  “I don’t want to take you away from your home.” He tucks a wayward strand of hair behind my ear.

  I lean in to kiss him. “You can be my home.”

  Epilogue

  Twelve Months Later

  “Honey, I’m home,” I call out, kicking the door shut behind me, cringing at the boom it makes.

  I’m still working on getting our neighbor, Mr. Wiltshire, to like me. He isn’t a fan of loud noises.

  Adam walks out of the bathroom with a towel wrapped around his waist. I lose my appetite for the takeout I’m carrying, hungry for him instead. I drop it on the counter before pulling his face down to mine for a kiss.

  “You naked, me bed,” he commands, pulling away to lower our Murphy bed.

  Considering the chill in the air, I have lots of layers to deal with. He gets tired of waiting for me, and he starts helping me undress. We tumble onto our bed moments later. The thought still thrills me—our bed, in our apartment.

  I moved in with him one week after he met me in Sacramento. My parents adored him and got as used to the idea of me living across the country as they had when they thought I was going to Yale.

  Now, I work in a no-kill animal shelter. Adam still loves me even though he makes me shower first on the days I come home smelling like a wet dog. I’ve also gone back to school. I’m studying to be a veterinarian’s assistant. I’m trying to talk Adam into getting a pet. Our place is too small for a dog so I’ve been hinting at how cute I think the kittens at the shelter are.

  I’m also tweeting now. On Adam’s account he mainly just posts pictures while I use my one hundred and forty characters to describe the sights I’ve seen. Together we went through all of Adam’s pictures to pic
k out some shots to frame and add to the walls of our apartment. It was then I realized he somehow captured each moment I said good-bye. Together, we made an album just of those moments for my parents.

  When we flew out to visit them it was his gift to them. Funnily, any talk of us rushing stopped shortly afterward. During that trip—through pictures, cards, and old videos—he really got to meet my Ally. We also took a drive with my parents out to the Golden Gate Bridge. There, with my mom and my dad, we scattered the rest of her ashes.

  Somehow, it comforts me, knowing that no matter where I go in the world, she’s already there.

  Adam and I have gone on only one trip overseas since I moved in with him. We went to Moscow. Adam was in heaven while visiting all of the old buildings and churches.

  One day, after he slipped into a gift shop, he handed me a bag. I emptied the contents into my palm, expecting to see another charm for my bracelet. An engagement ring tumbled out instead.

  We’re planning a destination wedding.

  The End

  Love In Between

  SANDI LYNN

  Prologue

  “You’re the most beautiful bride that I’ve ever seen.”

  “You have to say that; you’re my mom.” I smiled.

  I stared at my white A-line strapless dress, embellished with rhinestone flowers that cascaded asymmetrically over the bodice as I ran my hands down my sides. I turned my head to make sure my cathedral bridal veil was placed perfectly amongst my elegant curly updo.

  “I can’t believe you’re finally getting married!” Giselle smiled.

  “You’re picture-perfect, Lily Gilmore,” Gretchen said as she snapped a picture with her phone.

  I was so nervous; my hands were beginning to sweat. I couldn’t believe this day had finally arrived. The past year of planning the perfect wedding was torturous, but exciting. Hunter stood by my side and had agreed with everything that I liked. I think he just wanted to keep the peace, or he just didn’t care. He didn’t want a big wedding; he wanted to run off to Vegas and get married at one of those drive-by chapels. I’ve always dreamed of a big wedding, and he understood, so he nixed the idea of Vegas. Plus, my mother would have killed us both if we eloped.

  People were gathered in the church, waiting for the ceremony to begin.

  “Lily, where’s your sister?”

  “I’m not sure, mom. She said she had to go get something and that she’d be right back.”

  “She’s your maid of honor, and she needs to be here; the ceremony’s about to start.”

  I sighed and headed out of the dressing room. I walked down the long hallway that connected to a small kitchen. I figured she probably went out behind the church to have a cigarette, so I proceeded through the kitchen and stopped when I heard a noise coming from one of the rooms off to the side. I put my hand on the knob and slowly turned it as I pushed opened the door. Nothing had prepared me for what I saw.

  I pulled the door shut, and I ran out of the church. My heart was racing, and my stomach felt sick. I heard my mother’s voice following me from behind. I stopped when she asked me to. I put my hand on my head and paced in circles, not believing what I just saw. My breathing was rapid as I looked up and saw Hunter standing there, looking at me, and my sister standing behind him. Tears began to stream down my face as he slowly started walking towards me. I put my right hand up before he took three steps.

  “Don’t you dare come near me, you bastard!” I screamed.

  “Lily, Hunter, what the hell is going on?” my mother asked.

  I stood there, pointing my finger. “Why don’t you ask that cheating bastard over there and his dirty whore standing behind him?!” I spat.

  My mother turned her head and looked at my sister, Brynn. She stood there, shaking her head; then looked at Hunter. By this time, a crowd of people had emerged from the church and were gathered around to see what all the commotion was. The way my mother was looking at Brynn and Hunter gave me the feeling that she knew what was going on between them.

  “Lily, please let me—”Hunter started to say.

  “Don’t you ever say a fucking word to me again!” I screamed, cutting him off.

  I stood there, feeling about as small as an ant, and raised my arms up in the air. “Well, it looks like there isn’t going to be a wedding today, folks! Unless, my whore of a sister over there wants to marry this cheating bastard!” I yelled as I pointed to Hunter.

  “Lily! That’s enough!” my mother commanded.

  I looked at her with disgrace and slowly walked towards her. “You knew, didn’t you? You knew they were screwing behind my back!”

  She stared at me with a look of guilt. She didn’t have to say a word; her reaction said it all. I shook my head as I looked at my sister who was standing on the steps, crying. “Why are you crying? Isn’t this what you wanted? You can have him, baby sister, because the two of you were made for each other!”

  I ripped off my veil and threw it on the ground as I turned on my heels and stomped away. Giselle and Gretchen followed behind, and we took the limo back to their hotel room.

  We stepped into the hotel room, and I immediately sat on the edge of the bed. I was still in my wedding dress. The only tears that fell were the ones outside the church. I was still in shock until Giselle sat down next to me and told me that it was ok to cry. I broke down as she held me. Gretchen walked over and sat on the other side as all three of us hugged each other.

  “It’s going to be ok, Lily,” Gretchen whispered.

  “How could he do this to me?” I sobbed.

  “He’s an asshole, and it’s better that you found out now,” Giselle said.

  “She’s right, honey, it’s better now than five years from now,” Gretchen spoke.

  I sniffled as Giselle handed me some tissues. “What are you going to do now?” Gretchen asked.

  “Gretchen!” Giselle scolded.

  “It’s ok. I don’t know what I’m going to do. I can’t go back home, and I can’t face my family. I can’t believe my mother knew about Hunter and Brynn. How could she do that to me after what my father did to her?”

  “I don’t know, sweetie, it’s pretty fucked up that she knew, and your sister, my god, why would she do that to you?”

  “I feel like I’m going to be sick,” I said as I sprang from the bed and into the bathroom, shutting the door behind me.

  ***

  I stayed in the hotel room for an entire week. I didn’t get out of bed except to use the bathroom. I kept my phone off and gave strict instructions to Giselle and Gretchen not to let anyone know where I was staying. They went out and bought me a new cell phone so that we could keep in touch, because they needed to get back to California for their jobs. I ordered room service when I felt like it, but I mostly stared at the ceiling, thinking about how much my life sucked. I cried until it felt like my eyes were going to fall out, and I didn’t understand why Hunter would do that to me. Oh wait, yes I do. It’s because he’s a man, and that’s what men do. They’re cheating, lying bastards who can’t commit to one woman. Are all men like that? I’m starting to believe they are. Then, there was my sister.

  ***

  It was Wednesday, so I knew my mother would be at her charity meeting and that my sister would be having lunch with her friends. It was something they did every Wednesday. As the cab pulled up to the house, I stared at it for a minute through the window.

  “Miss, are you getting out?” the driver asked.

  I looked at him, and it took my brain a minute to register what he asked. “Yeah, I’m sorry.” I paid him the cab fare, got out of the cab, and stood in front of the long winding driveway that led to the only house that I’ve known my entire life. I slowly entered the house, making sure no one was home. I couldn’t face my family; not after what they’ve done to me. I went upstairs to my room, quickly grabbed my suitcases from the closet, and began throwing only the necessities inside. I needed to do this quick before someone came home. I grabbed a handful
of clothes from my closet, my makeup, bras, underwear, and shoes. I had two suitcases packed and ready to go. I opened the top drawer of my desk, pulled out my bank book, and I stood in the doorway, looking at my room. I headed down the stairs with my suitcases. As I was approaching the front door, it opened, and my mother walked in. She froze when she saw me, and tears started to fill her eyes.

  “Lily, my baby, I was so worried about you. Where have you been?”

  I looked at her with a stern look, and I instantly felt sick to my stomach. “It doesn’t matter where I’ve been. The only thing that matters is I’m gone and out of this family forever. What you did to me, by not telling me about Brynn and Hunter, is unforgivable. You helped me plan my wedding, knowing he was fucking my little sister. You were going to let me marry a cheater and a liar. What kind of mother are you?!” I started to cry.

  “Lily, please, you have to understand that I was trying to protect you, and he promised me that it was over,” she said as she walked towards me with her arms out.

  “Don’t you dare take another step!” I snapped. “I’m nothing like you, and I won’t live my life like you either.”

  I walked out the front door, stopped, and turned around, staring at my mother as she stood there, crying. “This family is dead to me. Tell my little sister that I hope both her and Hunter live happily ever after. Have a nice life, mother.” I threw my suitcases in the back of my Explorer, got in, and started the truck as my mother came running out of the house after me.

  “Please, Lily, I’m sorry; don’t do this to us. You’re going to regret it.”

  “The only thing I regret is ever being a part of this lying, cheating family!” I spat as I peeled out of the driveway and headed as far away from this place as I could. The only thing I knew was that I couldn’t stay in Seattle anymore. It was time for me to disappear and start a new life.

  I drove for about three hours until my gas light came on. I had reached Portland, Oregon. I pulled into a gas station and opened my purse to get my credit card; then I froze when I saw the two tickets to Aruba, which was supposed to be my honeymoon. We were supposed to leave tomorrow because Hunter couldn’t get two weeks off the day after the wedding. I filled up the Explorer with gas and drove down the road to a mini outdoor mall. I took out my camera and decided I was going to take pictures of every place I stopped. I wanted to make a scrapbook of the journey to my new life. I took pictures of the shops, the signs, and the people all around. It was a beautiful, warm sunny day, and I noticed a café with tables that sat outside. I wasn’t really hungry, but it had been several hours since I last ate. I took a seat at an open table and then placed my order with the waitress. I was looking around, taking in the fresh air, when I noticed a couple sitting a few tables over from me. They were holding hands, and laughing. The guy was hot; there was no doubt about that, and his girlfriend was very pretty. There was something about his smile that struck me in more places than one. They looked happy, and from what I could see, they were very much in love. I grabbed my camera and snapped a picture of them.