Silk

by Heidi McLaughlin

  “Never, pretty girl. I’ll always be holding onto you.”

  I stand by her side and hold her hand as she cries in pain, and she keeps telling me it’s too early. I get a washcloth and run to the bathroom to get it wet with cold water. A shiver goes through my body as I hear Sophia’s cries. “Please God. Don’t take our baby away from us. Please watch over us and help Sophia through this.”

  Running back to Sophia, I place the washcloth on her forehead and ease her back into the pillows. Nurse Brodie comes over to us and checks the monitors. She has a worried look in her eyes but I don’t say anything. I know this is bad.

  “Sophia, honey, I need you to push okay?” She instructs her, rubbing her leg and trying to stay calm.

  “But it’s too early.” Sophia sobs uncontrollably, holding my hand and shaking her head. She’s only twenty-six weeks pregnant. This isn’t right!

  “Isn’t there something you can do? Please!” I plead with the doctor and nurses.

  “I’m sorry, Mr. Simpson but we need her to push. We need to get your baby out now.” Nurse Brodie tells us she’ll be back with Doctor Money. Soon, three nurses come in with Doctor Money.

  “Alright, Mrs. Simpson, it looks like you’re ready. Mr. Simpson, do you want to come by me or stay by your wife?”

  Remembering high school health and picturing our baby coming out of Sophia, I quickly say that I want to stand where I am. I’d love to watch our baby come out of Sophia but I know I’ll be scared for life.

  “Ready?” Sophia nods her head and starts pushing. After a few pushes, the most beautiful sound fills the room. Our baby.

  “It’s a boy,” the nurse says, holding our son but soon the cries stop and they rush him over to the corner to help him.

  “Adam? Adam! Where is he?” Sophia looks directly at the nurses and tries to make sense with what’s going on. She’s fourteen weeks early. Sophia screams for someone to bring him back. There’s so much commotion and people talking in the room. I’m standing by Sophia as we look to see what’s going on with our son. This isn’t how we imagined today would be.

  “Adam,” Sophia cries. “Please do something!”

  “Baby, we gotta let them do their job.” It takes everything that I have not to break down and fall apart. I need to be strong for Sophia and our son.

  A cart comes into the room and they place our son in the incubator where they rush him out. Seeing his tiny body in the incubator breaks my heart. I look over to Sophia. She’s crying, and there’s nothing I can do. Wrapping my arms around her, we sit and wait for any updates about the baby. Nurse Melia comes over to us and explains that since he’s so early, they need to bring him to the NICU and keep him there until he can breathe on his own. She walks out and let us know when we can go see him.

  “He doesn’t even have a name, Adam.” Sophia cries, holding onto me. “Adam, make him better, please!”

  “Baby, I’m trying.”

  The minutes turn to hours, and we still don’t know what’s going on. Erin and Connor come to the room with Sarah. The girls cry for Doctor Burns, and I try my best to find out what’s going on. Fucking can’t believe all of this shit is going on. Connor and I walk out of the room, and I pace the hallway, trying to calm down.

  “Everything’s going to be alright, okay?” Connor says, trying to reassure me.

  “He cried for a few seconds and then nothing. No one’s telling us fucking anything!” I punch the wall and place my head against it trying to keep it together but there’s no use.

  Finally, Doctor Money comes over. “Mr. Simpson?”

  “Yes?”

  “Your son is doing better. He still can’t breathe on his own but his vitals are good. We need to keep him under observation but you and your wife can come and see him.”

  “Thanks, doctor.”

  Connor and I go back to Sophia’s room, and a nurse is already in there helping her get ready. Once Sophia is settled in her wheelchair, we head down to the NICU. Sophia’s breathing is erratic, and I hate that this is happening. First, she loses her dad to fucking crazy Vander, and now our son is fighting for his life. When we get there, Sophia starts crying. She wheels Sophia closer to our son as she presses her face against the incubator.

  “Baby, mommy’s here, okay? I need you to fight, baby. I love you so much, do you know that?” She cries, looking at him with love and tenderness. I stroll over to her and place my hand on her shoulder. “You have to fight, baby. Please. See, look. Mommy and Daddy are here, and we’re never leaving your side.”

  “Son, you can do it. You have your mommy and me here. We love you.”

  Sophia looks at me, “Nathan Adam Simpson.”

  “I love that name, pretty girl.” I kiss the top of her head. “He’s beautiful. Happy birthday, Nathan.”

  Chapter Twenty-Seven

  Erin

  Four Months Later

  Life is great again. It’s been a struggle for all of us but Connor and I are starting over and we have a new house to start new memories. We’ve been trying to live again but when I’m alone or sleeping, that’s when things get bad. Doctor Taylor prescribed me sleeping pills, and it helps but it’s still hard. It’s taking me a while to trust again and feel normal. Connor is my rock and makes sure that I’m okay. Every day is a new day, and I have to be thankful that I’m alive and able to see tomorrow.

  Vander was found guilty of two counts of murder and attempted murder. He confessed to killing Olivia and stalking all of us. He was sentenced to life in prison with no chance of parole.

  We buried Doctor Burns’ soon after. It was hard to say goodbye and to see my best friend’s heart breaking over the loss of her dad. The community not only lost a great doctor but a great man.

  After being in the NICU for one hundred and ten days, Sophia and Adam finally brought home baby Nathan. He surprised us all with how strong he got in the hospital. Connor and I are his Godparents and we couldn’t be happier. We celebrated their homecoming, and it was heartfelt to see the three of them together.

  “Erin, are you almost ready?” Sophia asks, walking over to me in her Tiffany blue Maid of Honor dress.

  I turn around and smile. “I think so.”

  “Well, before you walk down that aisle to your Prince Charming, I have something for you.” Sophia hands me a piece of paper. “I’ll be out there waiting.” She kisses me on the cheek and leaves the room. I unfold the paper and read Connor’s letter to me.

  My baby girl Erin,

  We’re finally here. Our wedding day. I can’t tell you how excited I am to have you as my wife. You’re my world and I couldn’t do this without you. I know that I’m hard to love, and I know that there are times when you wonder why you’re with me, but I want to say thank you for loving me and being so patient with me. I know that it’s been a long and bumpy road, but baby girl, look at us now. We’re becoming one today and I wouldn’t want it any other way. I can’t wait to see you walk down to me as we stand before our family and friends and God and vow to love each other forever. You’re my everything, and I promise to love you forever.

  Always,

  Connor

  My dad comes walking into the room and I hear his gasp. “Daddy, what’s wrong?”

  “Nothing, princess. You look so beautiful. I can’t believe I’m letting you go.”

  My dad and I hug, and I wipe away my tears. “Oh my gosh. Stop making me cry!”

  “I’m just not ready to let you go, Erin.”

  “I’ll always be your princess, but now you have to walk me down the aisle or else Sophia’s gonna come in and kill you.”

  We both laugh as he loops my arm through his and we get ready to walk to the rest of my life. When we walk down the stairs and out to the backyard of my future in-laws home, ‘Fall Into Me’ by Brantley Gilbert starts to play, and I clench my butt just so I don’t cry.

  “Daddy, I’m scared.”

  He squeezes my hand and smiles. “Don’t be. You’ll never fall when you have all of us
in your life and by your side.” Slowly, we walk down to Connor. There are so many people on each side, but all I can see is Connor and his smile. My happily ever after is right in front of me as I walk down to my future. My heart is beating so fast, and I try to calm my breathing but my nerves are shot. When we reach the minister, my dad kisses me on the cheek and hands me off to Connor.

  “Take care of her, Connor.”

  “I will, sir.”

  Connor kisses my cheek. “Are you ready?”

  “I’m ready for forever with you.”

  The minister greets everyone and talks about the power of love and faith. I can’t stop thinking of Connor and how this is it. We’re about to be husband and wife, forever.

  ***

  “What are you thinking about, Mrs. Simpson?”

  I snuggle closer to Connor as we dance to ‘God Gave Me You’ by Blake Shelton. Our first dance as man and wife. I look up and see Connor smiling down on me. “Life. Everything is going so well.”

  Connor spins me around and dips me. Everyone starts cheering and clink their spoons to their glasses. His lips touch mine and it’s like the first kiss all over again.

  I’m in his arms again and just when the song is almost over, I lean in and whisper in his ear, “I’m pregnant.”

  The look in Connor’s eyes tells me everything I need to know. He’s happy and we’re going to have a baby. When I took the test this morning, I couldn’t hold it in, and I knew this was the perfect time to tell him.

  “I love you so much, baby.”

  “I love you, too.”

  Finding out we’re pregnant again means the world to us. Connor and I are going to be taking it slow, day by day but it’s a miracle and it keeps on getting better.

  We spend the night dancing with our family and friends and enjoying the night with everyone. By one in the morning, we all start leaving and we head to the hotel room.

  Connor leans over and kisses my stomach. “Hi, baby,” he starts to say. “This is daddy. Just wanted to have you hear my voice and let you know how much we love you.” A tear falls from my eye. I love how much he loves our baby and how everything is going. “You’re my next to forever, baby. You and our baby are my world. I hope you know that.”

  “Of course we do, Connor. You mean so much to us and we love you.” Connor’s lips meet mine and I let out a soft moan.

  “I think it’s time I show my wife how much I love her.”

  “Mmmmm, please do.” Connor lifts me up in his arms and walks over to the bed.

  This is our life… our next to forever.

  Epilogue

  Sophia

  Five Years Later

  Adam’s playing with Nathan in the backyard with our family. Today is our little miracle’s fifth birthday. It’s amazing how much life changes after you give birth and standing next to your son, watching him fight for his life.

  One hundred and ten days in the hospital before we brought him home. The day we brought Nathan home was the best day of our lives. His smile and laugh filled our home and we watched him grow into a beautiful little boy. He’s a fighter like his mommy and daddy. He defied the odds and surprised the doctors. Nathan was a healthy boy, and we didn’t have to worry about any complications or disabilities.

  I love my little family and the memories we’re creating. We’ve been through so much over the past five years, but we come out stronger in the end.

  I turn around and there’s a picture of my dad over the fireplace. “I miss you, daddy. So much. I hope that you’re watching us from Heaven.” It breaks my heart knowing that Nathan and Rachael will never get to know my parents. “Say hi to mom for me.” I close my eyes and say a prayer for my parents.

  “Mama?” Her little, beautiful voice takes me out of my thoughts.

  “Hi, baby girl.” I pick up my angel and we sit down on the couch. “Why aren’t you outside playing?”

  “Daddy pointed in the living room and told me to come inside and give you a hug to make you smile.”

  Oh Adam, always my hero.

  “Thank you, sweetie. Mama’s better now.” I give her a kiss on her cheek and we hug.

  “Soph! Come outside! It’s time to blow out Nathan’s cake!”

  “Come on, sweetie, let’s go outside.” Rachael and I walk through the house and through the screen door. Our family and friends are gathered around Adam and Nathan, waiting to sing happy birthday.

  “Happy birthday to you!” Nathan blows out the candles and we all cheer for him.. We never thought we’d see this day but we’re blessed with him, and thank God every day for how wonderful Nathan is.

  “Mama!” I look down and see Adam pick up our princess, Rachael. Adam comes over and kisses me on the lips.

  “Hi, beautiful.” I start blushing. Even after all these years, he still can make me weak and make my heart race.

  We stand next to Nathan and pose for a family picture.

  “Smile!” Erin says, taking a million pictures.

  “Are you done yet?” Nathan asks, looking frustrated and ready to leave.

  “Nathan Adam Simpson!” Adam says. “That’s rude. Apologize to Erin, please”

  He rolls his eyes and I can’t help but laugh. Oh my son. My Nathan.

  “Sorry for being rude, Aunt Erin.”

  Erin and I try to hold back our laugh, “It’s okay, buddy!”

  “Nathan, come on let’s go play!” Erin and Connor’s daughter, Emily, comes over and grabs his hand. I look at Erin and smile. These two have been inseparable since the day she was born. We all joke around that Nathan loves Emily but Connor doesn’t like that too much.

  “Looks like someone wants to play,” I say, nudging Connor’s arm.

  “Shut up. You need to keep your spawn away from my Princess, understand” I nearly die from laughing so hard.

  “Really, Connor? You want me to keep Adam’s son away from Emily?” I tap him on the shoulder. “Right, that’ll happen.” Connor throws his head back and runs toward Emily.

  Erin and I start laughing and begin cutting the cake and passing a piece to everyone.

  The rest of the party goes by fast and it’s nice to watch Nathan and Rachael around family and friends. We spend the afternoon relaxing by the pool and watch our kids play.

  “This is the life, huh?” Erin asks.

  “Definitely.” I take Erin’s hand and we lay back in our chairs, drinking our wine and enjoying life.

  By the time everyone leaves, and the house is clean, it’s nearly ten in the evening and the kids are fighting to stay up longer.

  “Bed time!” Adam says to Nathan and Rachael.

  “Daddy, I want to stay up and watch my Princess movies. I can do that, right?” She bats her eyes at Adam and I see him crumbling. She has him wrapped around her finger and I fear only the worst when it comes to her.

  “Come on, Rachael. Bed time.” I go over and pick her up, winking at Adam. Nathan follows me upstairs as we start putting the kids to bed.

  Adam and I say good night to Rachael first. We both give her a kiss on her cheek, “Sweet dreams angel.”

  “Good night mama. Good night daddy,” she yawns, slowly closing her eyes.

  Adam takes my hand and we walk to Nathan’s room. He’s already in bed, lying on his side. “Good night, Nathan. Sweet dreams.”

  He slightly lifts his head and smiles at Adam and I. “Good night mama. Good night dad. Thanks for throwing me my birthday party. I had a lot of fun and appreciate you both.”

  My heart warms at how gentle and kind Nathan is. “You’re welcome, son.” Adam replies. “We’ll see you in the morning.”

  Adam closes Nathan’s door and we go back downstairs to sit by the pool, under the stars.

  It still surprises me how I feel about Adam. We have our bad days and good days like every couple but Adam never gives up, regardless of the fight. He’s my soul mate. My best friend. I don’t know what I’d do without him.

  “What are you thinking, pretty girl?”

>   “You. Us. Our family.”

  Adam brings me closer, kissing me on the side of my head. “We do have a good life don’t we.”

  “A perfect life.”

  As I lay on Adam, watching the stars in the calm night sky, I realize how lucky I am to have this life. Every day that passes with Adam and our kids is a dream come true.

  Erin

  Connor watches our daughter, Emily, playing with Nathan in the yard. I can’t help but laugh every time they play. The look on his face is priceless and I can’t get over how protective he is of her. My mind goes back to the day she came into our world.

  I was sitting on my yoga ball, watching 'Something Borrowed' when suddenly I felt strange.

  “Oh my God! Connor! My water broke!” I screamed, walking toward the front door. “Come on, Simpson. Breathe, girl.”

  Connor came running down the stairs with my suitcase. His face was priceless. Eyes wide and a huge smile on his pale face. “Come on, girl, let’s go have our baby!”

  Connor held my hand as we walked to the car. Everything was calm, and we were ready for this.

  When we got to the hospital, all the calmness went away and my contractions started. I grabbed the collar of Connor’s polo and brought his face to mine, “You son of a bitch! You did this to me! Oh my God, if you ever bring your dick near me, I’m going to bite it off!” I keel over in pain. Fuck. These contractions were going to kill me.

  “Erin, stop. Come on, be happy.”

  “YOU TRY GOING THROUGH THIS, CONNOR!” I cried causing people in the hospital to stare.

  A nurse came over, put me in a wheelchair, and was trying to calm me down, but nothing was working. I hated feeling like a demon bitch. Finally, we were settled in, and every time I screamed, Connor freaked out, and it was pissing me off. Why was he freaking out? He wasn’t the one in pain!

  I needed Connor. “Connor,” I was sobbing and couldn’t stop. “I’m sorry, babe. So sorry. I love you so much, and I can’t wait to have our baby.”

  “There’s my girl. You got me scared, baby,” he laughed, holding my hand.

  Things were quiet, and I lay on my back but then another contraction hits me, and I squeeze Connor’s hand, screaming how much I hated him and that I wanted to stab him in the eye with a dull fork.