Not What I Expected

by Jewel E. Ann

  Gabriella and the other heat-seeking customer squinted to read the lettering backward and through the front displays. “Are you serious?” Gabriella said, eyes wide and focused on me.

  “Serious. No hoarding. Whatever you can carry out in one trip with your two hands. Go tell your friends.”

  It happened in a matter of minutes, but it felt like seconds. The line across the street ran like a heard of buffalo toward Smith’s Specialties.

  No price checking.

  No swiping credit cards.

  No standing in line … except to get into the store.

  It was looting, but legal and less destructive.

  Women were shoving stuff into their purses and pockets before walking out the door completely loaded down with free goods.

  A few longtime customers and generous souls at least took a few moments to ask if we were going out of business and thanked us for our many years of service to the community.

  I glanced at my phone and the text from Kael. “Stay here, Bella. Make sure no brawls break out.”

  She giggled at the sheer level of greediness in our town. Epperly wasn’t a town filled with struggling people, but it didn’t stop the embarrassing chaos of the free-for-all from erupting. “I’ve got this.”

  Escaping to the back room, I unlocked the door to the outside and Kael sitting on an overturned crate, sipping something from an insulated mug.

  “Don’t you have a store to run?” I zipped my jacket and closed the door behind me, leaning against it with my hands in my pockets.

  He took another sip from his mug. “No customers at the moment.”

  “Bummer. I know how that feels. Are you upset?” I dared him to be upset or even the slightest bit aggravated about my massive sale.

  “Do I look upset?”

  “I don’t know your looks well enough to say for sure. I mean … no. You don’t appear all that upset.”

  “Did you do this to upset me?”

  I shook my head.

  “Well, there you have it. No harm, no foul.”

  “I did it for Bella. She wanted to get back at you.”

  Kael nodded slowly. “And she’s mad at me why?”

  “She thinks you played me.”

  “Played you? I’m pretty sure you broke up with me.”

  “Well, we weren’t together, so there wasn’t an official break up.”

  “We were having sex, and that stopped.”

  “You miss the sex?” I raised an eyebrow. He had a much longer list … a much deeper pool of candidates in Epperly than I did. Even if he didn’t want to marry Tillie, I felt certain Amber would have made herself available to him. Hell … I think Amie would have volunteered.

  “Damn right.”

  I laughed.

  “You don’t?” he asked just before taking another sip of his drink.

  “Yeah. I miss the sex.”

  “I miss the conversation.” He smirked.

  “The conversation? We didn’t talk. We had sex.”

  “Not true. We talked about life. We talked about relationships and religion. We could probably even talk about politics. I have some interesting views on it as well.”

  “I’m sure you do.” I couldn’t hide my grin. Life felt right … in place with Kael. I couldn’t explain it. Just a feeling. That was the feeling he so expertly gave me.

  I fell backward, barely catching myself before falling onto my ass when the door opened behind me.

  “Mom … what are you—” Bella helped me regain my balance as her gaze bounced from me to Kael sitting on the crate. “Oh, hey, Mr. Hendricks. How’s your day-before-Christmas sale going? We’re killing it. Our whole inventory is nearly gone.”

  “Bella …” I rolled my eyes.

  Kael bit his lips together to contain his amusement with my melodramatic daughter.

  “I’m sure you’re pissed off at my mom, but you should know it was my idea. She might be blinded by all of…” she waved her hand in front of him, gesturing to his body “…that. But I’m not. Your nice guy act doesn’t fool me.”

  “Bella …”

  She turned toward me. “Why are you giving him the time of day?”

  I shook my head. “I’m not giving him anything. Now, what did you need when you came out here?”

  She huffed. “Amie is inside looking for you.”

  “Okay. Tell her I’ll be right in.”

  “I’ll wait.” Bella crossed her arms over her chest.

  God … I loved that girl. With her fire, she would rule the world. She was everything I knew I could be but didn’t have the courage to actually be.

  Kael stood. “I’ll let you get back to your customers. I was planning on closing early today anyway. Now I can surprise my employees with an even earlier start to their holiday. Merry Christmas to you and all of your family.”

  “Come on, Mom.” She tugged at my arm.

  “Bella.” I peeled my arm from her hold. “Give us a minute.”

  She sighed. “One minute. I’ll be right on the other side of this door, waiting, so if he tries anything …” She scowled at Kael.

  Again, his lips worked to suppress his amusement. As did mine.

  As soon as the door shut, we stared at each other in silence, both of us knowing Bella’s ear was glued to the other side. I glanced around the parking lot, but nobody was in sight. Pulling my phone from my pocket, I texted Kael.

  Me: Kiss me.

  He read my message on his watch and grinned, chin tipped downward staring at it.

  Everyone deserved a Christmas wish. That was mine.

  The second he glanced up at me, he took two steps and slid his hands along my face, cupping it as his mouth covered mine. It warmed me from the tip of my cold nose to my tingly numb toes. It made my heart race as my brain gave me a nice dopamine buzz. I imagined the Kael effect was stronger than ecstasy, the high of endorphins racing through my body.

  It wasn’t love. It was attraction.

  Love was the feeling I knew I’d have when he was no longer touching me.

  Love was the ache in my chest when I thought he would never kiss me again.

  Love was missing his smile.

  Love was craving the sound of his voice.

  My fingers claimed the front of his jacket to steady myself. When his lips released mine, he didn’t let go of my face.

  He lingered.

  That was the story of Kael Hendricks. Everything about him lingered.

  His intoxicating scent.

  His paralyzing touch.

  The life in his eyes burning brightly.

  Then there was something that I couldn’t quite name, couldn’t exactly put my finger on. It was that undefinable thing that lingered the most. And it wasn’t that I wanted Kael the way young Elsie Stapleton wanted Craig Smith.

  I didn’t want him.

  And I didn’t not want him.

  I didn’t know what to do with him because I didn’t know the new rules for my life. There was some defining left to do.

  He opened his eyes and brushed his nose against mine. I parted my lips to speak.

  “Shh …” he whispered, a reminder that Bella was a breath away, ear to door.

  I love you.

  I don’t know what that means in my life anymore.

  You’re the best kind of want.

  You’re the worst kind of need.

  When he took a step back, I wondered if he could read my mind. His smile said yes—such a sublime picture before me. He tipped his chin and retrieved his phone, again … no words were exchanged. As he turned and sauntered away, my phone vibrated.

  Kael: Merry Christmas <3

  Chapter Twenty-Seven

  When we failed to acknowledge individuality and honor autonomy, our very existence lost meaning

  * * *

  I made a timeline of my life.

  Let’s say I lived to be a hundred. Why the heck not?

  Add three years of dating to our twenty-two-year marriage, and that meant I sp
ent twenty-five percent of my life with Craig Smith, raising four kids. The previous seventeen years, or seventeen percent, of my life was spent being a kid and going to school. That left fifty-eight percent (or fifty-eight years) of my life unaccounted for.

  The “second act” Mary referenced.

  When we failed to acknowledge individuality and honor autonomy, our very existence lost meaning. I learned to recognize the difference between chapters and the entire book.

  I shared chapters with many people who came and went from my life—Craig included. However, the book was my story and my story alone.

  “Don’t let anyone else write your story.” I smiled at Bella’s final words to her graduating class as she stood at the podium atop the stage in the auditorium.

  My words … she repeated the words I said during a toast I gave the day we officially closed the door to Smith’s Specialties. It was bittersweet. The end to many chapters of my book, of my kids’ books, Craig’s, and his parents’.

  I spent the rest of winter and most of spring quilting, painting, and helping get Mary’s and Ron’s things sold so they could move to assisted living. Then I sent Bella off to Arizona to stay with my parents until she moved to her dorm in College Station, Texas. Our house hadn’t sold, so I stayed in Epperly.

  I hadn’t spoken to Kael since Christmas Eve. He plowed my driveway the rest of the winter. Occasionally, he gave me a two-fingered steering wheel wave if he passed me on my morning walks with Amie and Meadow.

  For the most part, I stayed at home. I honored Bella’s request to not make anything about my needs while she finished her senior year. What I didn’t do for my kids …

  Then two weeks after she moved to Arizona, I ventured out. Really ventured out. I passed by the space that used to be Smith’s Specialties. Nothing had opened yet, but they finally posted a Coming Soon sign—a fitness studio. I laughed out loud.

  “Of course … now it opens.”

  Continuing down the sidewalk, I popped into Spoons. I hadn’t been there since the day Kael outed us to all of Epperly in front of Tillie. To my surprise, most everyone kept to themselves, offering friendly smiles as I waited in line.

  Finding a table by the window, I enjoyed my cup of soup and garden salad, watching residents mill around the square in the early June heat. After I finished my lunch, I continued making my way around the rest of the town square, ending at What Did You Expect?

  Nerves sent my breathing a little off-kilter as I opened the door. What would it be like to see him up close? Would he look at me the same way? So many thoughts raced through my mind.

  A new face greeted me from behind the counter. “Welcome. Let me know if I can help you with anything.” She smiled.

  I nodded. “Thanks.”

  The place wasn’t as crowded as I’d remembered it being, but it was the middle of a Tuesday in June. I recognized a few faces, friendly ones that gave me quick smiles and returned to their shopping. I grabbed a basket and started piling stuff into it.

  I’d been secretly dying to start my own collection of specialty vinegars and oils, but I couldn’t do it with Kael as my competition. Over two hundred dollars later, I swiped my credit card and mustered the courage to ask my burning question. “Is Kael in today?”

  “No. He’s been gone for weeks. Camping in Utah with friends.”

  I nodded. “Sounds fun.”

  “Yeah. He’s not here that often. Rachel manages most everything. Kael likes to travel … a lot.”

  I smiled. “Yeah, I’ve heard that. Are you new to Epperly?”

  “I am.” She handed me my receipt. “I met Kael years ago when he traveled to Toronto.”

  “Ah, you’re Canadian?”

  “Yes. Can’t you tell from the accent?” She laughed, curling her blond hair behind one ear as she showed off her perfect teeth and youthful complexion. “He offered me a job and has been letting me stay with him until I figure out where I want to be. I’m at a weird crossroad in my life.” She shrugged.

  A beautiful young girl was staying with him. Nope … that didn’t bother me at all.

  “Well, thanks. Have a good one.” I grabbed my bag and pushed through the door. “Oh … excuse me.” I ran right into someone.

  “Hi.”

  When I glanced up, squinting against the sun, I realized it wasn’t just someone. It was Kael with a thicker beard and even longer hair. Tanned nose and cheeks. White smile. And that familiar sparkle in his eyes.

  “Hi.” I finally returned his greeting after staring at him in disbelief for several moments.

  He nodded to the bag in my hand. “Looks like you bought one of everything.”

  I glanced down at the bag and shrugged. “Just supporting local businesses.”

  As a couple squeezed by us to get into the store, Kael took a step back so I could get out the door and out of their way. We met going into winter, so it was strange seeing him in cargo shorts, a well-fitted tee, and sneakers instead of boots.

  “You look good. I like your shorter hair.”

  I reached for my chin-length hair and smiled. He still managed to make me blush just from his proximity … from the grin on his face and mischief in his eyes. “Thanks. I needed a change.”

  “Change is good.” His hands went straight for his back pockets, his usual stance. It pulled back his shoulders, made him appear a little taller, and definitely fit the Captain America persona.

  “Your employee … friend … roommate … uh …” My nose scrunched as I fumbled my words. “She said you were in Utah.”

  “I was. Just got back this morning. We drove through the night. I’m in need of a nap.” He yawned. “But I wanted to check on things here first.”

  It took me a few seconds to realize he’d stopped talking. I found myself enamored with the simplicity of his presence before me. I knew I’d missed him, but I wasn’t aware of just how much until he stood a few feet from me. “Well, I won’t keep you. I just ventured out beyond the grocery store and the bank for the first time in months. So …”

  “Finish your quilts?” He grinned.

  Gah! I loved that grin.

  “Three of them.”

  “Painting?”

  I chuckled and nodded. “Every room. I’ve tidied up the landscaping and potted lots of plants. I didn’t start my usual garden because I’d hoped the house would sell, but clearly nobody wants to move to Epperly. And who can blame them?”

  “Bella leave for school?”

  “Not yet. She’s in Arizona for the summer with my parents. She’ll move to Texas the first of August. I already have my airfare booked to help her get settled.”

  “And you?”

  “And me …” I grinned and sighed. “I’m just living in the moment.” My smile intensified in response to his.

  “What are you going to do when the house sells?”

  “If it sells? I don’t know. After Bella starts school this fall, I’m thinking of traveling. Maybe I’ll learn to make olive oil in Italy or captain a boat on the Mediterranean.”

  Kael nodded. “All good plans.”

  “Actually, I’m leaning toward Peru.”

  “Peru?” He lifted his eyebrows.

  “Yes. Machu Picchu. The Amazon.”

  “Sounds amazing.”

  “Over the years, our family vacations involved anywhere we could drive to. Four kids. Owning a retail store. It wasn’t conducive to international travel.”

  “Well, now’s your time. I’m happy for you.”

  “Thanks.”

  Why did it hurt to see him? Oh … right. My heart never let go. “So … you have a roommate. That’s so not you.”

  He glanced through the window behind me. “Yeah. Claire’s doing her own searching for a new direction. I needed some help at the shop, and she needed a place to live for a while. It’s just good bartering.”

  I nodded slowly. “Well, I’ll let you get inside to see her. I’m sure you missed her.” My gaze didn’t quite reach his face. “Maybe I’ll see
you around now that I’m venturing out. Get some sleep.”

  “I’ll walk you to your vehicle.” He reached for the bag in my hand.

  “What? No. Don’t be silly.” I tried to pull away from his hand wrapped around the handles of the bag next to mine.

  “I’m not being silly.” He pulled the bag out of my grip and headed toward the parking lot like it was a forgone conclusion that I was parked there.

  I was.

  “You are being silly.” I huffed, catching up to him.

  “I’m not. I’m being greedy.”

  “Greedy?”

  “Yeah.” He shot me a quick sidelong glance. “Looking for any excuse to spend a few extra minutes with you.”

  There he went … reaching for that jar on the highest shelf with my heart inside it.

  “What about Claire?”

  “Claire already spent time with you. It’s my turn.”

  Smart ass …

  I couldn’t hide my grin. “Kael …”

  He found my Tahoe with ease … probably because he’d parked right next to me. As soon as he reached the driver’s door, he turned. “Elsie.”

  In a silent standoff, we held our ground as if waiting for the other one to blink.

  “Have you missed me?” He blinked first.

  “Does it matter?” My head tilted to the side as I curled my shorter hair behind my ear.

  “No.” His eyes shifted, inspecting me from head to toe. “But have you missed me?”

  The familiar thrill and anxiety of falling in love came rushing back. My mind raced with possibilities and fear. My heart fluttered as it tried to find its normal rhythm again. I don’t remember falling out of love with Kael, yet there I was … falling in love with him again. A disorganized euphoria of emotions made it impossible to speak.

  “Are you really not going to answer me?”

  I shrugged. “Do I really have to?”

  “Are you seeing anyone?”

  My lips twisted. “Does it matter?”

  “No.” He grinned, bending to the side to set my bag on the ground. “But are you seeing anyone?”

  I giggled, shaking my head.

  “Is that a no?”

  “It’s a ‘you’re crazy.’” I unlocked my doors and gave him a gentle nudge with my elbow, so he’d step aside. I grabbed the bag and opened the door. “It’s been good seeing you.” I told my heart to just chill out and play it cool for once.