Ash: Devil's Crucifix MC

by Carmen Faye

  When he is done, he places the blanket down in the corner of the living room and reaches out for my hand. I slide next to him as he pats down the old leather couch. Cloudy puffs of dust and dirt rise with his hits, and I give him a look that clearly says I won’t be sitting down there naked. He obliges by running over to his pile of clothing and grabs his leather jacket with the patches sewn on and lays it out flat for me.

  “Watch the zipper,” he reminds me half kidding as he takes my hand and guides me to my spot. He joins me on the other side, not caring about the condition of the couch. An arm, still full of sweat, wraps around my own shoulders and pulls me in a bit closer so my head just barely rests upon his bare, smooth chest.

  I want to lean into him. I want to kiss at his skin and trace the lines of his many tattoos. But I just can’t. Not now. Instead, I sit myself up to the edge of the couch and turn back over my shoulder as I say as coldly as possible, “Tell me who started those fires.”

  Chapter 15

  I haven’t even gotten my head around what just happened, and here Dani is asking me about the fires again. She has to be crazy if she thinks I’m just going to give that away. She has to be totally and completely nuts. This is not how it works.

  “No, I’m not ready yet,” I answer her pragmatically.

  Dani sits next to me, staring out at one of the flames flickering in the drafty breezes of the fireplace. It’s a long while before she actually speaks, but when she does, I can feel every bit of her fly open through those lips of hers. “What the fuck do you mean you’re not ready yet?” she demands, her voice more staccato than ever. “You fucking promised me, you son of a bitch!”

  “Calm down!” I hiss at her. “Look, I’ve got some clues, some hints on who it is. I’ve got a guy who’s good at this stuff working around the clock trying to figure it out. I’m not about to let the firewoman with connections with police detectives blow my work before it’s finished.” My answer is short, to the point, and honest. What more can I give her than that? I don’t want her finding out too soon. I don’t want her to go running her mouth to every fireman she knows so she can intervene with club business. If this is one of my own, even a disbanded member, I want to handle it my way, club way.

  “We had a deal, Ash,” she says, her voice thumping in an almost ominous way. “We had a fucking deal that if I screwed you, if I got on my knees and begged you to give me your fucking cock, that you would let me in on your little secrets. What the fuck happened to that?” She stands up, still completely nude as she cries out her offense. “I thought you all were men of your words. I thought you didn’t lie or go back on promises. I guess you are just a piece of trash like I suspected.”

  I stand up next to her, ready to fight back. I lift my hand to her shoulders, but she shoves it away almost instantly.

  “Don’t you touch me, you sorry, sad son of a bitch!” she screams. “If you fucking think you get the privilege of ever doing that again, you are so completely fucking wrong.”

  Dani runs over to where her clothes are, just narrowly missing knocking over one of the candles, and begins slipping that red dress over her head. She then pulls out her phone and I watch somewhat helplessly as she dials.

  My haunches go up immediately. “Who the fuck are you calling?” I demand, my voice thundering through the room. “The police? I swear to God, woman, you had better not get them involved in this.” The last thing I need is some fucking bitch telling them I kidnapped her and had sex with her against her will. She’ll have bruises after that session, and I’m sure that the damage I did to her pussy is in the “traumatic” vein. I know that if that number begins with a nine, I have nothing to counter her claims.

  She puts the phone down and rests it by her hips as she snaps back at me. “I’m not calling the police, you fucking idiot,” she snarls. “I’m calling myself a goddamn cab and getting the fuck out of here. What’s the address for this place?” She walks slightly towards the door as if she could see the main road from the front steps. Little does she know that the orchard driveway itself is at least a quarter of a mile and the trees block most of the view.

  I laugh as I think of a cab driver, or anyone for that matter, actually finding her out here. She looks back at me totally offended as I slump down into the couch. “You’re calling me a fucking idiot? Lady, don’t you remember the drive up here? How many cabbies did you see us pass? How many cars? You’re in farm country, girlie. And there ain’t nobody going to find you out here.”

  “Fine, fucker,” she says, “then I’ll use my GPS on my phone if you don't tell me the address.” I watch as she struggles with her phone, her thumbs and fingers slamming into the glass screen as she grows more and more frustrated. Finally, she looks back at me and says defeated, “Goddammit, I don’t have any signal out here.”

  “Like I said, farmland, honey,” I say with a wry, sarcastic smile that I fight to keep down but fail miserably. “I could slit your fucking throat and bury you out here, and no one would think to look out here for days. Weeks, probably.” I watch as she slumps down onto the floor looking more and more distraught than ever. I instantly regret the whole ‘burying her body’ thing. Realizing my mistake, I try to make it right. “Hey-- Dani, look. I’m sorry about that. I didn’t...”

  “Just stop, Ash.” Dani’s green eyes flash to her hands as she does that thing with her fingers when she gets nervous and upset. They wrap and wind around one another. “I should have known better than to come out here with you or to even let you back into my life. I should have known better than to trust that you would tell me who it is that’s starting those goddamned fires.” She pauses as she places a hand to her head, then continues. “All I wanted to know, though, was if you. To be honest, I still don’t know if I believe you when you say it wasn’t you. And now that you broke one of your promises to me, your word isn’t worth it.”

  I don’t pause. I don’t even let her words settle in me. She just managed to push me over the barrel, and I am not ready to stop. “Goddammit, Dani,” I start, “I didn’t start those fucking fires! Come on now! If you think I would be so fucking stupid as to get myself in prison for something so stupid as killing off some innocent people and destroying some real shitty houses, you need to get your head examined. I know what the evidence is. I know what it looks like. But you know, deep down, that I am not the guy you’re looking for.”

  “Then take me back home!” she yells almost over me, her voice more powerful than ever. “Take me back to the firehouse and leave me there for good. I am through playing these fucking mind games with you, Ash. I am through trying to sort through your shit and baggage. One minute you’re Mister Sensitive, and the next, you’re back to being that club guy with the badges on his chest and the guns in his pockets. I don’t want to be with you when you go back and forth trying to see if you’re worth my time and trust. You’re not. You’re just another abusive asshole. And I need to be done with that shit.”

  I stare at her for a long moment, taking in the way her chest heaves and hoes as she breathes in deeply. I can practically see her heart beat out of her thin rib cage as she tries to calm herself down. Even that porcelain skin of hers has turned flush red from her bare feet to the part in her hair. She has never looked hotter. I’d take her right here, right now if I could.

  Instead, I bite the part of my top lip and force myself to swallow all the nasty words I want to say right back to her. We are done for the night. I stand up, walk past her towards my clothes, and as I slip on the jeans and t-shirt, I turn back over my shoulder and command her, “Finish getting dressed, and then put away those candles in the kitchen. I’ll be waiting outside for you.”

  “Excuse me?” she demands.

  But I don’t respond. Instead, I walk out the door and towards where I parked the motorcycle. For an early summer day, it sure is balls hot out. The little humidity in the air sticks to my sweat-laced skin and, luckily, the breeze continues to cool me down. I watch out in the distance as the unmanicure
d and bushy trees sway perilously from side to side. Some of them have been here for over a hundred years, yet even in the wind, they look as though they could break with the right force.

  I hear the door shut behind me, and I walk past Dani standing on the top of the stairs to lock the door. I ask her quietly, “Did you remember the candles?”

  “Yeah,” she says, her lips curling in what can only be described as hatred, “I put them back in the kitchen. Your majesty”

  I nod and excuse her sarcasm as I walk us back over towards the motorcycle. I think to offer my hand to her, but she’s already past me, a leg hitched over the side as she adjusts her dress that’s hiked up high along her thigh. Dani waits for me as I look back at the farmhouse again. I don’t know the next time I’ll be out here, but one thing is for sure that it will not be with her.

  The ride back to the fire station goes by quickly, and as we get closer and closer to the main road, my mind searches for a way to make this go slower. I don’t know what changed in the moments from me yelling at her to her holding on tightly to my chest for support, but I am flooded with the senses of Dani. Her smell lingers on my jacket, her hair still whips at my neck as she holds me closely, and her thighs rest up against the back of mine like they were always meant to be there.

  I open up my mouth a couple of times, tempted to tell her what I know and why I know it. But I can’t bring myself to do that. The downside of telling her my suspect in the fires is that I will have to tell her everything. I will have to tell her about murdering a guy in cold blood and covering it up all these years. I will have to tell her about my brother and sister-in-law and why I really went to prison. I will have to tell her why I’m a nomad, a man on the run, someone she should never be with. I will have to give her up.

  Part of me thinks she can see through this. She’s already given me shot after shot. And that moment in the hospital parking lot where defied everyone else just to be close to me was proof that she could see past my rough exterior. But the truth is a different thing. It doesn’t paint over past sins; it exposes them. And while I can take Dani far away from here and be a happy man for it, she could never see me the same once she knows who I really am and what my story is.

  I slow the bike down as we inch up to the fire station. The lights are still on in the upper floor where I suspect they all sleep. I wonder if anyone noticed she was missing while we were gone. My guess is that these idiots were totally in the dark that one of their own was with the lead suspect in an unsolved arson case. I’m sure none of those guys -- especially that scumbag stalker Jamie -- would take to kindly to that.

  Dani seems to sense what I’m feeling. “Not here,” she shouts over the engine running. “You’ll get caught. Go down the block and I’ll walk.”

  “I’m not letting you walk alone, Dani,” I tell her, feeling a protective instinct I’m not very familiar with.

  “You don’t have a say in it,” she says. “Just pull over there.” I feel her jaw rest in my shoulder as she lifts her arm off of my chest and points to an abandoned parking lot in the distance. “I’ll be fine. Just leave me there.”

  I park the bike and then dismount before she has a chance to. I know I’m cornering in, but I have to say what I want to say. “Listen,” I tell her, “I’m sorry for what I said back there, and I’m sorry for not giving you information, but I’ve got reasons.”

  “Yeah?” she says sarcastically, her eyes narrowed. “Name me one reason why you felt it was in any way acceptable to degrade me like that.”

  “Degrade?” I almost laugh. “C’mon, woman. You wanted me as much as I wanted you. No one forced you to blow me. No one forced you to get down on your knees.”

  “Bullshit!” she cries. “You fucking knew I wanted information, Ash. You knew you had that power over me, or you wouldn’t have made that promise.”

  She’s got me. I have no answer for that. “You’re right,” I answer quietly. “I shouldn’t have made you beg for something I knew I couldn’t give you. But I’m a man who takes what he wants. I’m not used to people like you coming at me with demands of their own.”

  “That’s the problem, Ash,” she counters. “I’m not one of those whored-up fuck toys you mess with. I’m not a skank at the bar who will spread her legs wide open for nothing more than a ride on your motorcycle.” I catch a small smile creep across her face as she pats the leather seat in front of her. “I had an agenda, and you’re still not explaining the full picture here. So I’m out.”

  I let out an exasperated sigh as she walks away from me. This one’s trying my last goddamn nerve, but something within me has made me care more than I ever really ought to. I walk quickly back towards her, my hand grabbing on to her wrist and my other hand reaching for her jaw. I force her to look up at me as I say sternly, “You don’t understand how this works. In my world, when one of your guys goes rogue, you handle it on your own. You can’t question that. I don’t care how smart you think you are, or how goddamn good you look naked. You don’t get to question how we do things.”

  Our eyes connect as our faces are just mere inches apart. I can taste her sweet breath and feel the strands of her hair fly in our faces. I could kiss her right now, make this all disappear. But I doubt she would go for it this time. Nothing is going to save us from falling apart right here in this parking lot.

  Dani grinds her teeth slightly as she responds, “In my world, you tell me the truth or you don’t see me again,” she insists, her head shaking away from my hand holding her in place. I slowly let go of her wrist, and she steps off the backseat of the Harley and begins to walk. Her footsteps grow quieter and quieter as she rounds the corner of the parking lot and makes her way across the empty street. I follow her for a few yards, waiting to see signs she made it back to the firehouse safely.

  With each one of my steps nearer to her, I wonder why I’m here and why I am chasing down this creature. She isn’t like me, and she will never be. This is just another piece of ass, great at fucking and with an independent spirit that makes my dick hard -- but ultimately, just another piece of ass, right?

  But as I watch a light flicker on in the top floor of the firehouse, something stronger than any of my doubts and fears tells me I can’t let this be the end of us. Her walking away was me giving up; and that was almost as bad as walking back into the farmhouse after all those years. All those dreams of a normal life away from the club are fading with her, but I can’t let go. I am going to make Dani understand what it is like to be with a real man.

  Chapter 16

  “Dani! Hey! Dani!” There’s a knock at my hotel room door as I struggle to open my eyes. It’s still dark out, almost pitch black. I roll over to check the old rotary clock on the side table, but without my contacts, I can barely make out the blurry red numbers. I grab my one pair of nerdy glasses and slip them on. It’s only 2 AM. I just finished a training shift an hour or two ago. No wonder it’s taking me so long to wake up.

  “Dani! Open the damn door! You know who it is!”

  Ugh. Ash again. I should have known when I first heard that knock who it was. I would ignore it, but the last time I did that, I had to deal with hotel management threatening to kick me out for bringing rowdy guests into the building.

  But Ash isn’t exactly my guest. Over the last few weeks, he has been nonstop in pursuing me. What for, I can’t say. But almost every day has been one new thing after another. First, there were the flowers with the pink and white apology card. The note was almost indecipherable. All I could make out was the childish signature at the very bottom and the underlined words of “I’M SORRY!”

  Then came the flood of gifts. Suddenly, those boys who were watching me everywhere I went became Ash’s personal deliverymen, like UPS guys dressed up in leather. The day after the flowers arrived, there was a box full of new clothes at my door. None of it was really my taste; it was all skimpy, black leather, and boots. At the bottom of the package was a t-shirt with his club’s logo on it. I hate to admit it, but I
actually did wear that around the gym when I knew I wouldn’t be spotted. But seriously, who the hell wears assless leather chaps anywhere except in the bedroom? And there was no way in hell Ash was ever going to get to see me in them.

  Next came candy and food. I’ve never been self-conscious of my weight before, but I knew I had to have packed on some pounds after the daily pizza delivery, the fresh baked cookies from one of the top bakeries in town, and the trays of homemade lasagna and shrimp pasta. There was champagne, too. Lots of it. But as much as I wanted to pop those corks, I didn’t dare out of some small fear they had been tampered with. You never know with a guy like Ash. Maybe I’d wake up with a hood over my head and a ball gag in my mouth. And with Ash, that could mean anything from kidnapping and torture to sex and…well, torture.

  Finally, after the first week of present overload, Ash Cooper had the nerve (or the courage, depending on how you looked at it) to come meet me face to face. I was in the firehouse, of course, working out. It was my third session of the day, and I was putting my body through some pretty harsh punishments. With only a week till my firefighter test, I knew I couldn’t let myself slack.