Half Life

by Heather Atkinson

  “Honestly, I’m fine.”

  “All I’m asking is that you talk to him. That’s not too much, surely?”

  There’s a brief pause, during which I urge Kate with every fibre of my being to say it is and send them on their way.

  “I suppose not,” she sighs.

  I watch, horrified as they take the drinks into the sitting room. The wink Kate gives me does nothing to assuage the biting jealousy.

  Back in the parlour Sally takes the spare armchair, leaving Kate no choice but to sit on the couch next to Nick. It’s clear he likes her and why shouldn’t he? She’s beautiful and astonishing.

  I stand sentinel in the corner of the room, a sullen and hostile presence while they chat about this and that. When Kate throws her head back and laughs at one of Nick’s pathetic jokes my jealousy reaches breaking point. I come up behind him and pull his hair.

  “Ow, what the hell was that?” frowns Nick, putting a hand to his head and turning in his seat. “Something pulled my hair.”

  Kate’s the only one who can see me and flashes me a warning look. “You must have caught it in the zip of the cushion covers,” she says.

  This explanation seems to satisfy the oaf and he continues talking. So I tug his hair again.

  “Ow, what is that?” Nick demands, getting to his feet and looking around the room.

  Stop it, Kate mouths at me.

  I can see Sally is starting to get nervous and I smile maliciously. It’s her fault Nick’s here. She’s the one trying to force him on Kate. I move behind her and sensing my presence she looks around nervously but of course sees nothing.

  In the meantime Nick has retaken his seat and launches into another longwinded anecdote. Kate can hardly concentrate on his words because she’s too busy trying to keep a subtle eye on me.

  When I generate a cold spot around Sally she squeals and leaps to her feet.

  “What’s wrong?” frowns Simon.

  Kate’s eyes harden when she looks at me but I don’t care. I’m too angry.

  “Something’s here, I can feel it,” she says, clutching her arms tightly about herself.

  Simon laughs. “She thinks this house is haunted by the spirit of the man who built this place,” he tells Nick, amusement dancing in his eyes.

  Recalling the hair pulling, Nick doesn’t think it’s so much of a joke. “Is it haunted Kate?”

  “I’ve never seen anything,” she replies, her eyes fixed on me.

  This denial enrages me so I kick the back of Sally’s chair, causing her to leap into the air with fright.

  “What is it now?” says Simon.

  “Something kicked my chair, I felt it.”

  “Darling you’re being ridiculous…hey.”

  He leaps up too when I kick his chair. Kate looks positively murderous and I know she will make me pay for this later but I can’t help myself, I’m so damn mad. I yank the back of Simon’s jacket, pulling him back down into his chair. Sally screams and runs for the door, abandoning her husband to his fate but I reach it before she does and lock it. She yanks at it frantically, screaming and shaking but it wont open.

  “Tom, stop it,” yells Kate.

  Ignoring her I turn my attention back to the bemused Nick who is staring at the scene with his mouth hanging open and I shove him back onto the couch before tipping a bowl of pot pourri all over his head. He releases a yelp of surprise and frantically brushes the dried flowers off himself. I follow this up by hurling cushions at him and he jumps up and runs for the door. Shoving Sally out of the way he tries to pull the front door open but it still wont budge.

  “Tom I said stop it,” thunders Kate.

  “Tom? You mean Thomas Galbraith?” screams Sally, cowering against the wall as I hurl more objects at them while Nick continues to wrestle with the door.

  “Yes,” says Kate. “He’s harmless really. These are just cheap parlour tricks. Tom I said stop it,” she yells when I pour a glass of wine all over Simon‘s lap. Unlike the others he just sits there, staring at the glass floating through the air in bewilderment.

  I pick up the plate of biscuits Kate had laid out and throw them at him.

  “That’s it, I’m out of here,” he cries and joins the other two pounding at the door.

  Kate has to push Nick aside she can unlock the door. Sally leaves first, shoving the men out of the way with a strength belied by her small stature. Her husband follows next and when Nick attempts to leave I stick my foot out, sending him sprawling onto the front step. He scrambles to his feet and charges down the path after his friends, not bothering to say goodbye.

  “Well how rude,” I smirk.

  Kate slams the door shut and rounds on me ferociously. My smile drops.

  “How dare you?” she hisses, hands on hips and foot tapping angrily. “They were my guests. You had absolutely no right to treat them like that.”

  “I didn’t like Nick. He wasn’t a good man.”

  “And how would you know? He’d only been here five minutes when you decided to start tormenting him. On top of that I asked you to leave Sally and Simon alone.”

  “They’re hideous people. I don’t know why you’re friends with them.”

  “I’ll tell you why. Because they were the only ones who stood by me when all my other so-called friends abandoned me. I could never have got through the court case without them. When Michael had completely destroyed my life they offered me sanctuary here. I’ve known them both for over ten years. Who the hell are you to judge them? And if I want to talk to a man I will, you have no right to interfere?”

  “No right, after all that has passed between us?” I say, thinking of what I told her just before that shower arrived, of the most personal and distressing thing that has ever happened to me.

  “That’s been lovely but where did you think it was going? You can’t even kiss me, not without draining the life out of me. What kind of a future do you think we have together?”

  “So this is the real Kate is it? A spiteful shrew. No wonder Michael couldn’t wait to get rid of you,” I spit back. The words are out of my mouth before I can consider them. She’s hurt me and all I want to do is hurt her back.

  The pain in her eyes breaks my heart. “You bastard. This isn’t working anymore. I think it’s time you moved on.”

  Before I can say another word she’s out the door. I try to run after her but my energy starts to drain as I approach the garden gate and I have to stand and watch impotently as she climbs into her metal beast and speeds off down the road.

  I return to the house, cursing myself. How could I say something so cruel, especially after what she’s been through? Because she hurt my manly pride, that’s how. What a fool I am. What right do I have to interfere in her life anyway? Haven’t I always thought she deserves a man who is at the very least alive? What do I have to offer her? Nothing.

  After tidying up the mess I’ve created I pace back and forth, working myself up into a state. Three agonising hours tick by and she’s still not returned. It’s almost time for our show too. We always watch it together and it wont be any fun without her.

  Finally I hear the key in the door and I wait to greet her, practicing my apology over and over in my head. However I’m surprised to be confronted by Sally instead.

  “Kate?” she calls. When there’s no reply she looks over her shoulder at someone. “It’s alright Marguerita, she’s not here. She probably got scared and ran off too.”

  In walks a bizarre looking woman, middle aged wearing a long flowing multicoloured dress and draped in jewellery and scarves. Her hair is bright red and her make-up makes Sally’s appear subtle. This must be Marguerita Swirls, the famous psychic. Let’s see just how damn psychic she is.

  “I sense someone here,” says Marguerita in a breathless little voice. “A man. He’s angry and upset. He doesn’t want us here.”

  “Is it Thomas Galbraith?” says Sally timidly.

  “Yes. Thomas, you can’t stay here any longer. Do you hear me? You
must move on. You must go towards the light.”

  What’s the ridiculous woman talking about? I’ve never seen any light.

  “This is no longer your house,” she goes on. For someone with such a soft voice she is quite a powerful speaker. “You’re interfering with the living and it cannot continue.”

  Now I divine what has happened. Sally thinks she will rid Kate of me forever. Well I’m not going. Petulantly I kick over a chair and Sally squeals and hides behind Marguerita’s bulky body, who appears completely unruffled.

  “This is a very powerful spirit,” Marguerita tells Sally. “I’ve never encountered one so strong. He must be feeding off the occupant of the house, like a bloated leech.”

  The comparison offends me. Sally appears angry and it is clear she only has Kate’s best interests at heart and suddenly I find it hard to be cross with her.

  “She has been tired a lot lately,” says Sally. “I just thought she was depressed.”

  “I’m going to help you Thomas,” calls Marguerita theatrically. “I’m going to send you home.”

  “I’m not going,” I yell, knocking the books off the coffee table with a sweep of the arm.

  Marguerita produces from beneath her dress a book and what appears to be a small wooden rattle. I worry where she got them from because that dress has no pockets. Marguerita opens the book and starts chanting in a strange language and shaking the rattle rhythmically. As she gets into full flow the whole room seems to darken around me, as though night has drawn in early and I drop to my knees as the strength drains right out of me. All I can do is lie there helplessly on the rug as the world recedes away, leaving me in a terrifying limbo. I attempt to rise but it’s impossible. I can see my hands are transparent, almost faded away to nothing and I‘m icy cold. Then I am overcome by a debilitating paralysis and can do naught but lie here impotently.

  “Thomas, go towards the light,” I hear Marguerita call faintly, the click clack of the rattle barely audible.

  What is she doing to me? It feels like she’s destroying my very soul. There is no light. I see nothing but blackness and desolation. Dear God please save me.

  In response to my prayer I hear another sound, a very angry one that drowns out Marguerita’s chanting. It’s Kate. Struggling to see through the pall of blackness I can just about make out Kate shouting and gesturing at Marguerita, who ignores her and continues to chant, eyes screwed tightly shut. Kate snatches the rattle from her hand and hits her over the head with it. This has the desired effect and finally Marguerita shuts up. The blackness does not engulf me but neither does it ebb away and all I can do is watch while Kate shoos them both out of the house, a tigress seeing off two startled rabbits. If this is to be the last of me then so be it. At least I am blessed to see Kate at her most magnificent self.

  Then she is kneeling beside me and clutches my hand.

  “Tom, can you hear me? Are you alright?”

  Unfortunately I can’t speak but the worry in her eyes heartens me. Perhaps she can forgive me for what I did earlier.

  “Here, take my energy,” she says.

  I feel the warmth flow from her into me, banishing some of the cold but it’s not enough. I’m still lost in blackness.

  “Oh please Tom try,” she begs.

  Releasing me she runs around the room turning on all the appliances and lights. Then she lies beside me and wraps herself around me, which is difficult as I am so insubstantial. She hugs me tightly and her energy engulfs me, the strength returning to my limbs, light replacing the dark, warmth and life banishing the cold and that terrifying nothingness. As I grow stronger she weakens and her eyes become heavy so I pull away from her slightly and concentrate on the electricity in the house instead. Now she is unable to move I hold her in my arms and we remain locked together on the thick soft rug.

  “I didn’t ask them to come here…I didn’t,” she says weakly.

  “I know. You saved me, thank you,” I say, brushing her forehead with my lips. “And I’m sorry for what I said earlier. I didn’t mean it, I was stupid and jealous.”

  “I’m sorry too,” she breathes before drifting off to sleep.

  I pick her up and carry her to the couch. Once she is settled I turn off all the appliances and sit beside her while she sleeps, attempting to come to terms with what almost happened. The memory of that frightening void will remain with me forever, of that I am quite certain.

  Kate wakes a couple of hours later and when she gives me that sweet smile I know all is forgiven and forgotten.

  “How do you feel?” I say.

  “Never mind about me, what about you?” she says, sitting up and taking my face in her hands. “Thank God you feel solid again. When I came in you were hardly visible, it was so frightening. What did that horrible woman do to you?”

  “I don’t know but it felt like she was obliterating my soul.”

  She shivers. “The stupid cow, she doesn’t have a clue what she’s doing.”

  “People have tried to exorcise me before but its never had any effect. They always spoke in Latin. I didn’t recognise the language she used.”

  “It was an African dialect. I couldn’t tell you what she was saying but I’ve spent enough time in that country to recognise it.” She looks angry again. “Who knows what damage she could cause and what she’s already done. How many innocent souls has she destroyed? She must be stopped and I’m going to do it.”

  “I’ve no doubt you will. Kate I’m sorry I hurt you, I could see it in your eyes.”

  “It’s alright. After what’s happened it seems so silly now.”

  “I’m very relieved.”

  “I don’t want you to go either. I love you Tom.”

  Once again this remarkable woman has amazed me. No one has ever said those words to me before, not even my parents.

  I grasp her hands ardently. “I love you too.”

  As I utter this much longed for phrase the most curious sensation steals over me. It is as though a weight has been lifted from my shoulders and I feel lighter. I feel free. Sensing something behind me I turn and look to see a strange light glowing in the doorway leading into the kitchen.

  “What’s that?” says Kate.

  “I think it’s the light.”

  “You mean, it’s time for you to leave?”

  “It would seem so,” I reply.

  I look back at Kate, her eyes wide with sadness, pure sadness. I had thought when or if this time ever came I would leap into the light, eager to escape this half life. Now the moment has arrived I find I am reluctant to leave.

  “Why has it come now?” she says.

  “I believe I needed to find love.” I sound like some bad fairytale character. “Now I have it seems I must give it up.”

  “You should go,” she says softly.

  “Do you want me to?”

  “It doesn’t matter what I want.”

  “Kate, do you want me to go?”

  “No because I’m selfish but I don’t want you to be trapped here forever either. You may never get another chance like this,” she tells me bravely, a single tear rolling down her cheek.

  “I don’t want to leave you.”

  “I’ll be alright.”

  I take her face in my hands. “I can’t leave you.”

  “You must if you are to find any peace.”

  Torn, I look back over my shoulder at the swirling vortex. It truly is beautiful, tempting me in, calling to me. I close my eyes and whisper in my head please not yet, just a little longer.

  I feel rather than hear or see the acknowledgement of my request. When I open my eyes, its gone.

  “What happened?” says Kate.

  “I’ve been granted more time here.”

  “How much?”

  “Just a little. It will come back.”

  She clings to me tightly, burying her face in my shoulder. I hold her close, drinking in the scent of her hair, determined to make the most of every precious moment with her. It could be secon
ds or it could be days, I have no idea.

  “We missed our show,” I say, after we’ve remained this way for several minutes in silence.

  “It’s repeated in the morning.”

  “Good.”

  “Want to get your own back on Marguerita bloody Swirls?”

  “Oh yes.”

  She sits up and pulls what she has told me is called her laptop towards her. The little screen flickers into life, which never fails to amaze me.

  “I’m going to find out every last detail about her life,” says Kate, typing furiously. “I’m going to lift up every stone, dig out every last bit of dirt I can on her and then tell the world.”

  “You don’t know what you could be opening up. Everyone has their secrets.”

  Her eyes turn steely again. “She’s going to pay for what she did to you.”

  I take her hand and kiss it. “Alright. But wont that mean you going away?” I say, not wanting her to leave me.

  “No. It’s amazing what you can find with a computer and a few well placed phone calls.”

  She types furiously, looking up information then jotting it down on a notepad. After speaking furiously into the phone for several minutes she hangs up, looking rather satisfied.

  “The wheels are in motion. Now we just have to wait.” She glances at her watch and rubs her eyes. “It’s late and I’m tired. Will you come to bed with me and stay with me the whole night, please?”

  This is something we haven’t tried yet. I see her to bed every night but I don’t stay because I’m frightened of what the physical intimacy between us will lead to. Blasphemy. We cannot consummate our relationship like a normal living couple and it is torture.

  But how could I ever resist those big beautiful eyes. “Of course I will.”

  She looks pleased and we walk up to the master bedroom hand in hand. As I know my time here is short I’m reluctant to let her out of my sight, even for a moment. I wait anxiously until she emerges from the bathroom, a vision in a short white nightgown, her hair loose and brushed out, skin creamy in the dim light. We climb into bed and she nestles into me. We lay together quietly and I run my fingers lightly up and down her back. We kiss gently and soon our passion is roused, leading to the act that I long for more than anything but fear will damn us both.