Half Life

by Heather Atkinson

  “Oh thank God,” she breathes when she sees him appear at the gate.

  He’s whistling happily as though he hasn‘t a care in the world, light brown hair dishevelled as usual. It never looks tidy or combed but that only adds to his considerable charm.

  Rosie races to the front door to greet him, ready to unleash a torrent of relieved abuse.

  “Where the hell have you been?” she demands the moment he comes through the door.

  “To the shop, like I said.”

  “You’ve been ages and you told me you wouldn’t be long.”

  His soft hazel eyes widen with realisation. “Oh Sweetheart I’m sorry,” he sighs, wrapping an arm around her and kissing the top of her head. “I didn’t realise I’d been gone so long.”

  “What are you hiding behind your back?”

  He produces a bunch of long stemmed red roses. “I stopped by the florist. I wanted to get something to cheer you up.”

  She looks up at him and smiles, feeling a little guilty for her overreaction. “Thank you, they’re beautiful. My favourites.”

  He cups her face and kisses her. “You’ve been so down lately, I wanted to do something nice for you.”

  “I’m sorry I’ve been so on edge but I can’t stop worrying.”

  His expression turns sombre. “You know I wont let those men hurt you. You’re safe with me.”

  “I know,” she replies, forcing a smile she doesn’t feel.

  “Why don’t you sit down and I’ll make us a brew?”

  “Okay. I’ll just put these in water first.”

  While she busies herself arranging the flowers in a vase, JD watches her from the corner of his eye, so intent is he on observing her that he almost pours the boiling water all over the worktop rather than into the mug. She’s still a little agitated and he kicks himself inwardly for worrying her unnecessarily. This last week has been so difficult for them both.

  By the time she’s arranged the flowers to her satisfaction and found them a nice spot on the mantelpiece, Rosie is significantly calmer. She perches on the couch to admire her handiwork and JD sits beside her. He wraps an arm around her shoulders, his fingers playing through her short dark hair. Rosie nuzzles into him and he sighs with contentment.

  “I have an idea,” he says softly. “Why don’t I run you a nice hot bath full of bubbles and you can relax?”

  “Sounds good,” she smiles.

  He gives her a long deep kiss before heading upstairs. As he sets the taps running and drips in her favourite Jasmine scented bath foam he hums happily to himself, frowning when he hears the slam of the front door. Turning off the taps he strains to listen.

  “Rosie?”

  Silence.

  Fear grips his heart and he races downstairs, taking the steps two at a time. He dashes into the living room where he’d left her and freezes. She’s gone and the roses are strewn all over the floor, the petals torn from their heads.

  “No,” he cries, panic-stricken.

  Snatching up the car keys he races out the front door, just as one of the neighbours who lives across the street comes through the garden gate.

  “JD I’ve just seen Rosie. She looked terribly upset.”

  “Which way did she go?”

  “Down there,” she says, pointing left.

  “Shit,” he mutters, wrenching open his car door.

  He gets in and slams the door shut, plugging in the hands free kit for his mobile phone while starting the engine.

  “Harry it’s me. She got away.”

  JD winces at the loud exclamation in his ear.

  “Dammit I knew this would happen.”

  “She must have realised the truth,” says JD, trying to stem the rising tide of panic.

  “How? What did you do?”

  “Nothing. I just bought her some flowers.”

  “What sort of flowers?”

  “Roses.”

  “You prat.”

  “I thought I was doing a good thing.”

  “I warned you didn’t I? You find her. You find her now,” bellows Harry.

  “I will I swear.”

  “You’d better. We’re on our way,” he growls before hanging up.

  With a sigh JD throws the phone onto the passenger seat and pulls out onto the road, going in the direction the neighbour indicated but Rosie isn’t anywhere to be seen. She could be anywhere by now in this maze of streets. He kicks himself inwardly for being so stupid as to have left the front door unlocked but he’d forgotten all about it when she’d confronted him on his return home, all spitting rage.

  JD spies a woman with short dark hair wearing a red t-shirt and blue jeans and yanks the steering wheel hard to the left, pulling the car over with a screech of tyres.

  “Rosie,” he yells, leaping out of the car and grabbing the woman’s arm.

  “Get off me,” exclaims the stranger, alarmed by the frantic look in his eye.

  “Sorry. I thought you were someone else.”

  He releases her and she hurries away, looking anxiously over her shoulder at him. JD returns to the car dejectedly to continue with his search.

  “Where would you go Rosie?” he murmurs to himself. Then it strikes him and he puts his foot down, sending the car lurching forward.

  Linden Falls is a local beauty spot, a cascading waterfall set in acres of flowering parkland and one of Rosie‘s favourite places. The quickest way up there is through the local cemetery and he accelerates through the gates and up the hill. When the track gets too narrow for the car to pass through he abandons it and races through the maze of graves, pausing beside one on which has been placed a bunch of red roses, the petals torn and scattered all over the grass. He notices the same has been done to another grave a few plots away. Pulling out his phone he calls Harry to let him know where he is.

  Following the trail of flower petals he continues his ascent up the hill, the sound of rushing water growing louder. As he reaches the summit he sees the solitary figure stood on the cliff top, gazing down into the torrid waters of the falls below.

  “Stay back,” Rosie screams when she sees him approach.

  She takes a step closer to the edge and JD’s heart leaps into his mouth.

  “Please Rosie, just stay still.”

  “I remembered,” she croaks, tears streaming down her face. “The last time you bought me roses I was cutting the stems to put in the vase and I…I attacked you with the scissors. Then I did this to myself,” she cries, indicating her short jagged locks which were once long and luxurious.

  “It’s okay. Just come away from the edge and we can discuss it.”

  “What is there to discuss? I’ve been keeping you a prisoner.”

  “No you haven’t.”

  “This past week I’ve been living in a delusion. There aren’t any bad guys wanting to hurt us. The danger’s in my own head. What if I’d hurt you again? You should have left me in the hospital.”

  “You don’t belong there. You belong here, with me,” he says, voice cracking.

  “Not anymore,” she replies so softly her voice is almost lost in the air. “With me around you have no life. Even our kids are afraid of me.”

  “They’re young, they don’t understand.”

  “You’re better off without me,” she says, taking another step backwards.

  “No Rosie please I’m begging you, don’t.”

  “I’m doing this for all of you. You’ve been lumbered with me long enough.”

  “No,” he cries as she takes another step.

  In blind panic he reaches out, grabs her by the arm and yanks her away from the edge with such force she falls over, causing her to scream. Two men who are walking nearby misinterpret the scene and rush over.

  “Let her go,” snarls one of the men.

  They rugby-tackle JD to the ground.

  “Get off me you idiots,” he yells, desperately trying to free himself. Over the shoulder of one of the men pinning him down he sees Rosie pick herself up and wal
k back to the edge of the cliff.

  “Rosie, no.”

  Lashing out with his fists he catches one of the men square in the face, knocking him sideways and kicks the other in the groin, crumpling him up into a heap. Jumping to his feet JD dives at Rosie and grabs her hand just as one of her feet meets empty air.

  “Let me go,” she shrieks, writhing furiously in his grip.

  He drags her back onto solid ground. “If you go I go too.”

  She stops fighting and stares up at him wide-eyed. “You don’t mean that.”

  “I do. Without you I have nothing.”

  Her mouth opens and closes. She has no words.

  They are both distracted by the sound of a car engine and they see a blue Saab climbing its way up the hill, an ambulance bringing up the rear.

  “You’re parents are coming,” he says. “Better make up your mind.”

  “You’re not serious,” she exclaims, frantically trying to pull her hand away but his grip is like iron.

  He takes a step closer to the edge and looks down, fighting against the wave of dizziness the sheer drop brings on.

  “I am,” he tells her determinedly.

  Rosie’s eyes fill with tears. “Please let me go and get on with your life.”

  “You are my life.”

  The car and ambulance pull up nearby and Rosie’s parents jump out and stare at the scene with horror.

  “You’re not going to let them see you throw yourself off a cliff are you?” he says gently. Seeing her waver he presses home his advantage. “Stop this now, please.”

  Her shoulders slump with defeat. “I will. On one condition.”

  “Anything.”

  “You put me back in the hospital.”

  He shakes his head negatively. “No. You’re coming home with me.”

  “I appreciate what you’ve been trying to do but it’s not working.”

  “It is. You’re rational now.”

  “Rational?” she repeats incredulously. “I just tried to throw myself off a cliff. What are you going to do, spend the rest of your life pandering to my delusions?”

  “If I have to.”

  A sob rips from her throat and she touches his face tenderly. “I love you so much JD but that’s no life for you. Put me back in the hospital, forget all about me and get on with your life with our children. Please. Do it for me.”

  He takes in a deep shuddering breath and presses the palm of her hand to his lips. “I can’t be without you.”

  “You have to. “I’m a…,” she pauses to gather her strength to speak the words that still horrify her even now, two years after her diagnosis, “…paranoid schizophrenic and if you don’t do as I ask I swear I will end it all here and now. For all of us.”

  She snatches her hand from his and takes a step back, so one foot is in mid air. Her mother’s scream carries up the hill towards them but Rosie forces herself to ignore it.

  “Alright I promise, I’ll take you back to the hospital,” JD exclaims fearfully.

  She nods and steps back onto terra firma. He wraps an arm around her waist and pulls her to him, careful to maintain a tight hold on her.

  “You promised and you’ve never broken a promise to me yet.”

  “I wont,” he croaks, shattered emotionally and physically.

  “Thank you,” she says, resting her head on his shoulder.

  Together they walk down the hill towards the ambulance, past the two bemused hikers.

  “Rosie,” cries her mother, flinging her arms around her neck.

  “I’m sorry Mum,” she weeps.

  While the two women cling to each other JD’s father-in-law approaches him.

  “What did I tell you?” Harry scolds quietly.

  “Sorry. I thought I was helping.”

  Harry’s expression softens when he sees how stricken his son-in-law is. “You’ve done everything you can for her but she needs help you can’t give.”

  “She made me promise that I’d put her back in that place. She doesn’t even want me to visit her there.”

  “Perhaps she’s right.”

  JD looks appalled. “She’s my wife.”

  “Not anymore she’s not. No husband could have done more. It’s time to let her go.”

  JD looks at the woman he’s shared twelve years of his life with, who has born his two daughters and feels his heart ripped from his chest. He could no more turn his back on her than he could cut off his own arm.

  “How is she?” JD asks the nurse anxiously. He’s managed to keep his promise to Rosie for six months but he can’t stand it any longer. He has to see her.

  She regards him sympathetically. “I’m afraid she’s not responded to any treatment. She’s almost lost contact with reality altogether.”

  Her heart goes out to him when the tears well in his eyes.

  “Can I see her?”

  “Okay but it’s unlikely she’ll know you.”

  He just nods at this comment, unable to speak. Following the nurse into the room he pauses in the doorway as he sees Rosie sat at a table reading a magazine.

  “Rosie, you have a visitor,” says the nurse.

  She looks up and smiles, looking beautiful as ever. Her short dark hair is now shoulder-length, where it was before she’d hacked it off with the scissors. “Hello.”

  “Hi,” he begins uncertainly. “My name’s JD.”

  “What does that stand for?”

  “James Daniel.”

  “That’s a nice name. Are you a patient here?”

  “No, just visiting.”

  She regards him thoughtfully. “Have we met before? You look familiar.”

  For a moment any response is choked from his throat by the violent pain her words cause, seeing his beautiful brilliant wife reduced to this. It’s hard to believe she’d been a successful journalist, an amazing mother and loving wife.

  “Perhaps you’ve seen me around here?” he says.

  “Probably. So what do you do?”

  “I’m a lawyer.”

  “Are you married?”

  He glances at the nurse for help, who nods her head.

  “Yes. We have two daughters.”

  “What are their names?”

  JD staggers back slightly as though struck, struggling to process what he‘s hearing. It’s just too much.

  “Are you okay?” frowns Rosie.

  “Just…feeling a little dizzy.”

  She gets to her feet to assist him. “Sit down. Can I get you some water?”

  “Please.”

  Rosie pours him a glass from the jug on the table and he accepts it from her with shaking hands before taking an eager sip.

  “Better?” she says, kneeling on the floor before him.

  He looks down at her and nods. As she catches his eye she freezes, as though she has just realised something groundbreaking.

  “When I look at you I think of water, a waterfall.”

  Oh God she’s remembering the last time we were together, he thinks.

  “I see you kneeling before me holding out a ring,” she continues, brow furrowing in concentration. “Why am I seeing that?”

  He can’t help but smile at the memory. Once again he glances up at the nurse, who nods encouragingly.

  “Don’t you remember?” he says to Rosie.

  “Do you know?” she presses. “It’s so clear in my head, as though it were yesterday. Please tell me.”

  “You’re seeing the best day of my life,” he says gently, touching her hand.

  “JD has to leave now,” the nurse says, eager to get him out of the room now they’ve made this little breakthrough.

  Reluctantly he gets to his feet. “May I visit you again?” he asks Rosie politely.

  “Yes please do,” she replies thoughtfully.

  She watches him leave with a puzzled frown.

  “Why did you get me to leave, just when she was remembering?” JD demands of the nurse the moment they’re out of earshot.

  �
�The doctor doesn’t want her recalling everything all at once. It could be too traumatic.”

  Just before he reaches the door he hears a voice calling out his name. “JD.”

  Turning he sees Rosie rushing up to him. She flings her arms around his neck and hugs him tightly. He’s surprised but elated and hugs her back fiercely. Then she releases him and she stands watching as he’s led away by the nurse.

  “He’s starting to remember,” Rosie tells the doctor stood at her side.

  “It would appear so. We’ve finally found the correct dose of medication and it seems to be having an effect.”

  “He still thinks I’m the one who’s the patient here.”

  “It’s a coping mechanism. It’s easier for him to believe you’re the one who’s sick. Better that than face up to the fact that he hacked off your hair and almost pushed you off a cliff.”

  She shudders at the memory. “If it hadn’t been for those two hikers he would have done.” He would have thrown himself off too if she hadn’t talked him out of it.

  JD’s condition had slowly crept up on them all. At first he’d become introverted and quiet then began to talk of people following him. It all came to a head one day when she was arranging a bunch of red roses in a vase. He’d taken the scissors from her and hacked off all her hair. In his mind he was trying to protect her from the secret agents he believed were following him. He thought if her appearance was altered they wouldn’t be able to find her. She was just grateful the children were at school at the time.

  After three months in a psychiatric hospital they’d found a medication that suited him and he’d come home for a trial run. At first he seemed to be doing so well, he’d even bought her a bunch of roses. Unfortunately that was what had brought it all screaming back and, unable to deal with what he’d done to her JD had run off to Linden Falls, their favourite beauty spot where he’d proposed to her twelve years ago. Still believing they were being pursued by men wanting to hurt them, he tried to push her off the cliff so she wouldn’t fall into their hands. Everything he’d done to her he’d twisted in his mind, making himself believe she was the one who was ill and that he had saved her so he wouldn’t have to deal with the fact that he’d tried to kill his own wife.

  “It’s uncommon for a schizophrenic to display such violence and he hasn’t had a violent episode since,” continues the doctor. “The increased dose of the antipsychotic medication is controlling his condition and we’re breaking through the delusions. He’s given up on the idea of spies following him and he’s starting to face up to the truth of how he hurt you, even if his perception of it is distorted. Once he confronts what he did he’ll start to move forwards, I’m very confident of it. Keep talking to him of his life, get him to open up and remember. If he faces up to his past then hopefully he‘ll face up to his illness too.”