Eyes Wide Open
Page 24
“Austin?”
Yes. There was the matter of Austin.
“He’s not seeing so clearly,” she said.
“He will. Sooner or later. The more intelligent ones come to lean exclusively on their own understanding. They tend to be so entrenched in their own dogma they can’t see beyond their own minds. He’s trapped in a prison with much thicker walls than you might guess. His greatest gift is as much a curse in this world.”
Christy offered a simple nod. The love she’d felt in his presence before was back. Her fingertips tingled with it.
“It’s time you knew more about where you grew up,” he said.
She blinked, freshly desperate to know. But not in a way that caused her anxiety. She was home already. In some ways, where she grew up no longer mattered.
“It was called Project Showdown,” he said. “Thirty-six orphans were taken to a monastery deep in the canyon you saw, hidden from the world and raised by good Christian monks to accept and follow the path of light. You were taught all the right things, said all the right prayers, embraced it all as best you knew how with all of your heart.”
Christy’s head swam. “I grew up in a monastery?”
“So did Austin.”
“Not just in a dream, but for real?”
“Yes.”
“Why can’t we remember any of it?”
“You will now,” Outlaw said. “If you want to. The children were twelve or thirteen years old when the project failed. Your memories were wiped clean and you were integrated back into the world.”
“You said thirty-six…”
“Thirty-six. The idea was based on an ancient mystical Jewish tradition that claims there are thirty-six righteous pillars in the world, uniquely gifted individuals who carry the weight of humanity. The Lamed-Vav. It’s their existence, the legend goes, that holds back the great wrath.”
“The other patients in the psych ward?” Austin asked.
“Alice and Jacob were among the thirty-six, none of the others. They know more than some, less than others, but they are still trapped in their own hells. You’re the first to see. A Seer.”
Strange, she thought. She’d grown up in a monastery surrounded by teachers of the highest virtue. Details of that time began to prick the edges of her memory.
She’d said all the right religious prayers, learned all the right things, argued dogma with the best, written papers on why this and why that. Her world had once been neat and buttoned up, a perfect bundle of beliefs and certainties.
But under all of it there was her. Still believing that she was ugly and broken.
And that was the lie she’d become.
A lie! Just like the lie even the most well-meaning people clung to.
“We’re the first?” she asked.
Outlaw shifted his gaze to the horizon. “The first. And the rest may not respond to this kind of experience. All in good time. You don’t have to understand everything just yet. When the time is right, I’ll share my own story with you. In the meantime, don’t forget who you are.”
“The Lawson is dead,” she said, smiling.
His blue eyes found hers again. “Deader than dead.”
“I am Lamed-Vav.”
“It’s not only the thirty-six. Share your story with any who have ears to hear and eyes to see. There’s a storm gathering. The earth is being reborn.”
Outlaw took her hand. “We will show them the way, Christy. We and all those who hear the call.”
“The call to see,” she said.
He smiled. “The call to hear the drum beating in the heartland and awaken. They will come.”
“Home,” she said. “To a place of beauty and perfection where there is no more need for correction.”
“Home. Where we all belong.”
“What about Alice?”
“Alice is a long way away from here, escaping into dreams because she knows no better. She’s next.”
“And Jacob?”
“Not yet. When the time is right, he will see. As will Austin.”
For his sake, she hoped so.
“You drew me to the storage room?”
“I created a thin space to help you see.” He glanced at the hand in which she held her pendant. “You retrieved the locket?”
She opened her hand and showed him the silver heart.
He withdrew a round medallion on a leather cord. Nearly identical to the one that hung from his neck.
“Join me,” he said.
Christy lifted the medallion from his palm and rubbed the embossed O with her thumb.
DEDITIO.
Surrender. Surrender her old vision of the world to reality. To seeing who she really was, no longer bound by rules of perception that had locked her in a prison of suffering. She would wear it always to remember that she too was now an outlaw.
He’d said he’d grown up in a jungle far away. It made her wonder what events had made him Outlaw. They were in the book he carried embossed with the large ‘O’. His story.
“Here,” she said, placing her necklace in his palm. “I don’t need this anymore. I know who I am now.”
He winked at her, then took the locket and casually dropped it into his pocket.
“And so the journey begins.” He lifted his hand and brought it to the side of her face. Brushed her cheek with his thumb. “Join me, Christy.”
She felt a hot tear slide from her eye.
“I already have.”
“Yes, you have. Whole and perfect, as you are.”
She nodded. “Loved.”
“Don’t forget who you already are, fully restored. Whole. If you find yourself forgetting, surrender again to who you are and embrace your father with whom you are one.”
“Deditio,” she said.
“Deditio.”
He leaned forward, and placed a kiss on her forehead. “I’ll come for you soon.”
Then he offered her one final nod and turned to leave.
“Do you ever forget?” she asked.
He turned back and for a few seconds only looked at her.
“Too often, my dear. Far too often.” His lips nudged upward. “And then I remember.”
“Do you have a name?”
Outlaw hesitated only a moment.
“Stephen,” he said. And then he dipped his head, and walked away, like that man who knew where he was going but had nowhere to be.
Stephen.
The Outlaw.
Eyes wide open.
Nothing would ever be the same.
A Note from Ted Dekker
When I think back on my life, I see the many times that I’ve forgotten, not only who I am, but why I’m alive, what truly fulfills me. What does not. Like Christy, every time I forget, I suffer. Often deeply. During the darkest times, I wander through my dungeon, wanting to claw my eyes out, if only to be able to see the beauty that I know is there. I cry out for love in a world that seems, in that moment, to have gone dark.
Dramatic, yes, because, well… I’m a writer and we’re an expressive lot in a difficult profession. But in truth, I’m no different than any other person with a deep faith in a loving God. I’m the same as you. Which is why you identify, on some level, with characters like Christy and Austin who grew up in the Christian faith and suffer still.
There are times when the challenges of living in this world feel like more than you can bear. When nights all alone in your bedroom seem to turn your heart into a stone. When the mirror tells you that you’re not good enough; when the words of others say you never will be.
The ‘law’ of this world tries to keep you trapped in its prison of condemnation, but in truth, that law is now dead and you are made whole, a new creature with more beauty and power than you can possibly imagine.
In this way, you too are an Outlaw—you just may not know it yet. It was with this deep awareness that I began penning the Outlaw Chronicles. This is only the beginning.
Take a new journey into the heart of mystery, lov
e and wild adventure with me—the world is brimming with beauty and power here. As are you.
Be who you are. Be Outlaw.
Acknowledgments
A massive shout-out to my friend and partner in crime, Kevin Kaiser, without whom I would be lost. Together we take a journey into all things spiritual, together we concoct wild scenarios that find their way into these stories, and together we imagine and commune with the tribe of Outlaws who gather in the world of story both on paper and in cyberspace. I can’t adequately convey my gratitude for your partnership, so I’ll just go with thank you. Eyes Wide Open would not be what it is without you. Neither would my life. Thank you, from the bottom of my heart, thank you.
Gary Dorsey, artist extraordinaire. Thank you for joining me on this journey and giving flesh to the unseen world through visionary artwork that we would all be proud to hang on our walls. Your genius and talent is truly a gift to the world. Your incredible imagination has helped me see life through a new lens more times than you realize. For that I will always be grateful. The best is yet to come, brother. Deditio.
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Table of Contents
Title Page
Copyright
Book One: Identity
Chapter 1
Chapter 2
Chapter 3
Chapter 4
Chapter 5
Chapter 6
Book Two: Mirrors
Chapter 7
Chapter 8
Chapter 9
Chapter 10
Chapter 11
Chapter 12
Book Three: Unseen
Chapter 13
Chapter 14
Chapter 15
Chapter 16
Chapter 17
Chapter 18
Book Four: Seer
Chapter 19
Chapter 20
Chapter 21
Chapter 22
Chapter 23
Chapter 24
A Note from Ted
Acknowledgments
Coming Soon
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