The Flying Bedroom

by Heather Dyer

  The Flying Bedroom at the Theatre

  On Thursday, Elinor wasn’t well.

  ‘I think you’ve got a temperature,’ her mother said. ‘You’d better stay in bed.’

  It felt strange being in bed in the middle of the day. Elinor could see daylight round the edges of her curtains and could hear people passing by outside – and next door she could hear Mrs Pritchard sweeping her drive: swish, swish, swish.

  But eventually, Elinor closed her eyes and slept.

  When Elinor woke up, the ceiling and the outside wall had gone. Where the ceiling had been there were joists and pulleys, and where the outside wall had been there was a heavy velvet curtain. From the other side of the curtain there came a muttering and a rustling.

  Elinor sat up. A moment later her bedroom door opened and in came a man with a clipboard. His name badge said: DIRECTOR.

  ‘Is everything all right?’ he said.

  ‘No,’ said Elinor. ‘It’s not.’

  ‘What’s the matter?’

  ‘I can’t sleep. What’s that noise?’

  ‘What noise?’

  ‘That muttering and rustling.’

  ‘That’s the audience, darling!’

  ‘Can’t you make them go away?’

  ‘No I can’t! They’ve paid good money to see you.’

  ‘Me?’

  ‘Yes, you. You’re the star of the show!’

  ‘No I’m not,’ said Elinor. ‘I don’t even know the lines.’

  The director groaned. ‘This is all I need.’

  Just then a make-up artiste appeared. When she saw Elinor she gasped. ‘Are you all right?’ she said. ‘You’re very pale.’

  ‘No!’ said Elinor. ‘I’m not all right. I’m—’

  ‘Don’t worry,’ said the make-up artiste. ‘This will do the trick.’ And she dusted two red spots on Elinor’s cheeks. Then she turned to the director. ‘Do you think the light is better over there?’ she said.

  ‘Perhaps,’ said the director.

  The next thing Elinor knew they were pushing her bed across the room.

  ‘Hey!’ said Elinor. ‘Move it back again!’

  ‘She’s right,’ said the director. ‘It was better where it was before.’

  So they pushed it back again. Then the door opened and the king appeared, followed by the queen.

  ‘Is everything all right?’ said the king.

  ‘No,’ said the director. ‘It’s not. Sleeping Beauty here has forgotten her lines.’

  ‘But this is the crucial scene!’ said the queen. ‘This is where you get to kiss Prince Charming and live happily ever after.’

  ‘I don’t want to kiss Prince Charming.’

  ‘Did I hear my name?’ said a voice, and along came a handsome young man in purple tights. He was followed by a pantomime horse and twenty ballerinas, all on points.

  ‘Ah! Prince Charming!’ said the director. ‘Thank goodness you’re here. Talk to Sleeping Beauty, will you?’

  ‘Why? What’s the matter?’

  ‘She’s forgotten her lines.’

  ‘I haven’t forgotten them,’ said Elinor. ‘I never knew them in the first place.’

  ‘Never knew them?’ cried the prince. ‘How very unprofessional!’ And then everyone started talking at once.

  In the middle of it all, Elinor looked up and saw a plump lady being lowered down from the rafters on a rope. She was wearing pink tights and a tutu and had wings made from tights stretched over coat hangers.

  ‘Ah!’ said the director, relieved. ‘The fairy godmother’s here.’

  The fairy godmother smiled. ‘Is everything all right?’

  ‘No,’ said the director.

  ‘She’s forgotten her lines,’ said the queen.

  The fairy godmother laughed. ‘Just make it up as you go, my dear! Improvise!’ She tapped the top of Elinor’s head with her wand, then was reeled up again.

  ‘She’ll do no such thing,’ said the director. He shook the script in Elinor’s face. ‘You’ll stick to your lines, do you hear?’

  Elinor had had enough. ‘Out!’ she said. ‘All of you!’

  Just then the director’s pager buzzed. ‘Everybody backstage!’ he said. ‘Curtain in two minutes!’ And they all rushed out and slammed the door.

  Relieved, Elinor lay back down and closed her eyes.

  For a moment, all was quiet. Then the curtains opened and a bright light shone into Elinor’s room. Elinor sat up, blinking, and saw rows and rows of tiered seats filled with ladies with towering hairdos and men in dinner jackets. Her bedroom was at the theatre!

  Then the door opened and in came Prince Charming. He ran across and knelt beside Elinor’s bed.

  ‘Now what?’ said Elinor.

  The audience burst out laughing. Prince Charming looked disconcerted for a moment, then he said, ‘Sleeping Beauty, I came to wake you from your slumber.’

  ‘I told you,’ said Elinor. ‘I don’t want to be woken.’

  The audience laughed again.

  ‘But you’ve been sleeping for a hundred years,’ said the prince. ‘It’s time to—’

  ‘Go away!’ said Elinor.

  A man at the front guffawed. Prince Charming hesitated.

  ‘I’m waiting…’ said Elinor.

  ‘Fine!’ said Prince Charming, and he stomped out, slamming the door behind him.

  The audience roared with laughter, and there was a round of applause. But presently, the laughter died down and there was an expectant hush. Elinor looked at the audience. ‘You can go home now,’ she said.

  The audience roared with laughter, but nobody moved.

  ‘The show’s over!’ said Elinor.

  There was more laughter. But still nobody moved. So Elinor got out of bed, marched to one side of the stage, and pulled the curtain across. ‘Good night,’ she said. Then she went to the other side and drew that curtain, too. But just as she was about to get back into bed the door opened and in rushed the king and queen. They linked their arms in hers and lined up for the final bow – then the curtains parted.

  ‘BRAVO!’ cried the audience. ‘BRAVO!’

  The queen blew kisses and the king took off his crown and gave a bow. Then in came the troupe of ballerinas and the pantomime horse and the fairy godmother and all the rest of the cast. And finally, to thunderous applause, the prince arrived.

  People stamped and cheered and threw roses at the stage, and Prince Charming gathered up the roses and tossed them to the ladies in the front row.

  Three times the curtains opened and closed. Three times the actors bowed and blew kisses. Then the curtains closed for the very last time.

  The director turned to Elinor. ‘You were fabulous, darling!’

  ‘I was?’ said Elinor.

  ‘You’re a natural,’ said the fairy godmother.

  ‘I am?’ said Elinor.

  ‘Yes,’ said the queen. ‘Now let’s go and eat.’

  They all trooped out again, talking and laughing. But Elinor hung back. When everyone had gone she shut her bedroom door. Then, just to be sure, she went and put her head out through the curtains. The last few theatre-goers were leaving through the door marked EXIT and the cleaner was sweeping between the seats.

  ‘Goodnight,’ said Elinor.

  ‘Goodnight,’ said the cleaner.

  Elinor climbed back into bed and eventually, soothed by the swish, swish, swish of the cleaner’s broom, she closed her eyes and slept.

  Some time later Elinor woke up. Her mother had brought up a tray with a bowl of tomato soup, a slice of white bread – buttered – with the crusts cut off, and a red rose in a vase. ‘You’ve got good colour,’ said Elinor’s mother. ‘How are you feeling?’

  ‘Much better, thanks,’ said Elinor.

  Elinor’s mother said, ‘That’s fabulous, darling.’

  When her mother had gone, Elinor got out of bed and went to the window. She opened the curtains wide and looked out across Aberdovey. Then she gave a bow, and blew the world
a kiss.

  The Flying Bedroom in Outer Space

  On Friday there was a full moon.

  ‘What do you think it’s like,’ said Elinor, ‘on the moon?’

  ‘A bit dry,’ said her father, tucking her in.

  Elinor was thoughtful.

  ‘And lonely too, I should think,’ her father said. Then he kissed Elinor goodnight and went out, shutting the door behind him.

  But he had left the curtains open. A path of moonlight shone over the carpet, up the side of Elinor’s bed and across her pillow. Elinor lay awake for a long time, looking at the moon. But eventually she closed her eyes and slept. And while she slept, her bedroom flew.

  Up and up went Elinor’s bedroom until Aberdovey was just a small cluster of lights below. Higher and higher it flew, straight between the moonlit clouds and up, up, out of the Earth’s atmosphere altogether.

  When Elinor woke up it was very quiet and her bedroom was surrounded by stars. She went to the edge of her room and looked down. Her bedroom was flying! Far below Elinor could see a vast grey desert, pitted with craters. Then down and down her bedroom went until – bump! – it landed, sending up a cloud of dust.

  Elinor stood at the edge of her bedroom, coughing and waiting for the dust to settle. Then she heard a sound. It sounded like long, slow footsteps.

  ‘Hello?’ said Elinor, peering into the dust. ‘Who’s there?’

  Out of the dust cloud came a man. He wore a silver suit with silver boots and a helmet with a window in the front. With each step, he rose slowly into the air, then landed gently, like a deep-sea diver walking on the bottom of the sea. He came right up to the edge of Elinor’s room then clumped in across the threshold and took his helmet off. ‘Whew!’ His face was flushed and his hair was pressed damply to his head. ‘I’m Niall,’ he said, and he took off one of his gloves and shook Elinor by the hand. ‘Boy, am I glad to see you.’

  ‘I’m Elinor,’ said Elinor. ‘Would you like a drink of water?’

  ‘No, thanks,’ said Niall. ‘I’ve got some juice here.’ He sat down in Elinor’s wicker chair, took out a small foil packet which he pierced with a straw, and sucked until it rattled. Then he looked around.

  ‘Neat little ship you’ve got here. Air’s pretty fresh, too.’

  ‘Thanks,’ said Elinor.

  Niall got up and went round her room picking things up and putting them down again. He twirled Elinor’s globe, tickled his cheek with a seagull’s feather, and pressed Elinor’s largest seashell to his ear. Then he turned to Elinor and said, ‘So – do you think you can fix it?’

  ‘Fix what?’ said Elinor.

  ‘My rocket.’

  ‘Your rocket?’

  ‘Yes! That’s why you’re here, isn’t it?’

  Elinor stared at Niall’s boots and helmet and his silver suit. He couldn’t be… Could he?

  Elinor went to her window and opened the curtains – and gasped. For there, thinly wreathed in cloud and turning slowly in space like a blue-green Christmas bauble, was planet Earth.

  Her bedroom was on the moon!

  ‘Is something wrong?’ said Niall.

  ‘No!’ said Elinor. ‘It’s just … I’ve never been this far from home before.’

  ‘Me neither,’ said Niall. He joined her at the window and they were silent for a moment. Then Elinor said, ‘The sea is so blue, isn’t it?’

  ‘Yes,’ said Niall. ‘And the grass is so much greener there.’

  ‘I expect it’s all the rain,’ said Elinor.

  ‘Ah, yes! The rain. Marvellous, isn’t it? The way it keeps on coming. Watering the plants and rinsing the pavements and filling up the bird baths and dripping on … on…’ Suddenly Niall let out a sob. Elinor handed him a tissue. ‘I’m sorry,’ he said. ‘It’s just that – it’s only when you’re far away you see how beautiful it is.’

  ‘Yes,’ said Elinor. She was thinking about the sun shining sideways through the clouds over Aberdovey estuary, and about the scent of wet bracken blowing down from the hills – and then she needed a tissue as well.

  ‘Don’t worry,’ said Elinor, blowing her nose. ‘We’ll soon get you home.’

  ‘Know a lot about rockets, do you?’

  ‘A bit,’ said Elinor. She went to her bookshelf, took down a book on rockets and thumbed through the pages. Then she said, ‘Have you tested the supersonic nozzle?’

  ‘Fully functional,’ said Niall.

  ‘What about the electrostatic ion thrusters?’

  ‘Not responding.’

  Elinor nodded. ‘Insufficient detonation, I expect. I’d better take a look.’

  ‘You’ll need my suit,’ said Niall. He took off his silver space suit and his boots and his gloves, and Elinor put everything on. Then she took the alarm clock off her bedside table and slipped it into her pocket.

  The moment she left her bedroom she was as light as a birthday balloon. She crossed the ground in huge leaps, sending up a puff of dust with every step.

  When she got to the rocket, Elinor opened a panel in the side, took out two small batteries, and replaced them with the ones from her alarm clock. Then she bounded slowly back across the surface of the moon. Niall was standing in his long johns, waiting.

  ‘That should do it,’ said Elinor, clumping in across the carpet.

  ‘Oh, thank you! Thank you!’ cried Niall.

  ‘No problem,’ said Elinor. She took off the space suit and the gloves and boots and Niall put them on again.

  ‘Goodbye!’ he said.

  ‘Goodbye!’

  Elinor watched Niall return to his rocket. After what seemed a very long time, there was a ‘whumph!’ and the rocket shot straight upwards like a firework. It curved towards planet Earth until it was just a small orange speck in the sky – then disappeared completely.

  Elinor was alone. She looked around. Above, behind, below and all around her, empty space went on and on forever. Everyone that Elinor knew, and everyone who had ever been, was up there on that little blue-green marble.

  Elinor suddenly longed to get home too. So she stepped off the edge of her bedroom, put her fingers underneath it and lifted. Her whole room was as light as a cardboard box, and floated just above the ground. Then Elinor put her weight against it and pushed. Slowly it began to move. Faster and faster it went until Elinor was running to keep up, and then – hup! – she jumped aboard.

  Elinor switched on her hairdryer and stood at the edge of her bedroom blasting hot air at the ground. With an explosion of dust her bedroom started rising. Higher and higher it went until the moon was no bigger than a golf ball shining in the darkness below. Then Elinor switched her dryer to HIGH and set her course for planet Earth.

  The Flying Bedroom and the Pirates

  On Saturday the weather was wild. Rain ran along the gutters in little rivers. Waves crashed up against the sea wall, soaking people walking their dogs along the promenade.

  ‘What a day!’ said Elinor’s mother.

  ‘I wouldn’t like to be at sea in this,’ said Elinor’s father.

  It was still raining when Elinor went to bed. For a long time she lay awake, listening to the rain patter on the windows and the wind trying to get in under the eaves. But eventually, she fell asleep. And while Elinor slept, her bedroom flew.

  Up and down and round and round went Elinor’s bedroom. The curtains cracked and snapped like washing on the line. Elinor’s books all slid to one end of the shelf and several crayons rolled off the edge of her bedroom and were lost forever. Then down, down, down went Elinor’s room until – bump! – it landed, throwing Elinor out of bed.

  Elinor picked herself up. It was still dark, and the rain was blowing crosswise overhead. Elinor switched on her bedside light, put on her dressing gown and rabbit slippers, and went to the edge of her room. In the moonlight she could see waves crashing on the shore and rushing up the sand. Her bedroom was on Aberdovey beach!

  But what was this? A rowing boat was coming through the breakers, with two men pulli
ng at the oars. When they reached the shore the men jumped out and dragged their rowboat up onto the sand. Then they lifted out a wooden chest and carried it up the beach towards Elinor’s bedroom. One of the men had a wooden leg. The other had an eye patch and a huge black beard.

  ‘Pirates!’ whispered Elinor.

  The pirates came straight into Elinor’s bedroom and dumped the chest on the carpet. Then they slapped each other on the back, linked arms and did a little jig.

  ‘Let’s take a look at the loot!’ said the pirate with the wooden leg.

  ‘Aye-aye!’ said the pirate with the eye patch.

  So the pirate with the wooden leg brought across the lamp from Elinor’s bedside table, and held it above the trunk. The pirate with the eye patch took a gold key from his pocket. But just as he was just about to put it in the lock the pirate with the wooden leg said, ‘Not so fast!’ and jerked his thumb at Elinor. ‘What about her?’

  The pirates looked at Elinor.

  ‘She’s only small,’ said the pirate with the wooden leg. ‘And there’s only one of her. We could always…’ He drew a finger across his throat.

  ‘So we could,’ said the pirate with the eye patch.

  ‘Or,’ said the pirate with the wooden leg, ‘we could make her promise not to tell.’

  ‘We could indeed.’

  So the pirate with the wooden leg turned to Elinor and said, ‘Do you promise not to tell anyone?’

  ‘Tell anyone what?’ said Elinor.

  ‘About the loot!’

  ‘What loot?’ said Elinor. ‘I haven’t seen any loot.’

  The pirates looked at one another. ‘She’s right,’ said the pirate with the eye patch. ‘She hasn’t seen it yet, has she?’

  ‘No,’ said the pirate with the wooden leg. ‘She hasn’t. And if she knows what’s good for her, she never will.’