A Letter for Annie

by Laura Abbot

  As if on cue, Annie’s stomach growled. “I guess I am, too. Lead on.”

  They walked through the dining room and out onto the deck with its breathtaking view. Colorful beach umbrellas shaded each table. When Annie looked in the direction the hostess was heading, she froze to the spot, all pleasure draining from her. Seated at the large table were four other women—wearing the grown-up faces of girls she’d known at Eden Bay High. She thought she might hyperventilate. She couldn’t do this—join them and deal with their questions.

  Sensing her distress, Carolee slid an arm around her. “It’s okay, Annie,” she whispered. “Really. These are your friends. I would never put you in an uncomfortable situation.”

  All four women stood as they approached, smiles wreathing their faces. One by one, she recognized them. Mary Hocker, a fellow cheerleader; Lindsey O’Neal, her chem lab partner; Jill Sutherland, her locker mate; and Betsy Dale, her next-door neighbor in the house on Kittiwake. Before she could say anything, she was engulfed by hugs and excited hellos.

  When Annie finally caught her breath and sat down, she realized that not one single person had an accusatory look in her eye. In fact, they heaped warm greetings on her. “Sorry about your aunt.” “We’re so glad you’re back in Eden Bay.” “We’ve missed you, Annie.” “Not fair. How come you look just like you did in high school, and I have stretch marks and thirty extra pounds?”

  She heard all about their husbands, jobs and children. Not one of them said, “Where have you been all these years?” or “How could you break Pete’s heart like that?”

  By dessert, she found herself relaxing, then talking about her purse business. Mary asked if she could come by the house and see some samples. She was in charge of an upcoming charity event and thought offering some purses for auction would give Annie wide local exposure.

  As if Annie had something to contribute. No matter how genuinely interested they seemed in her or how desperately she wanted to be included in their circle, the fact remained: there was an elephant in the room.

  An elephant called running away.

  Carolee insisted on paying her tab. “After all, I spirited you here under false pretenses.”

  “But good ones, I hope,” Lindsey said, studying Annie’s face with concern.

  Not now. The tears couldn’t come now. She collected herself. “Yes, good ones.”

  She was quiet for the first miles of the ride home. Reflecting, she realized how much it meant to be embraced by these friends from the past. She had steeled herself for so long against forming attachments. Against remembering the good things about Eden Bay. Like the friends with whom she’d giggled and in whom she’d confided. The thing she couldn’t get over was the lack of censure in their expressions and their voices today. Were they really willing to accept her without explanations?

  Carolee turned down the volume of the radio and glanced at Annie. “So? Are you still speaking to me?”

  “You know I never would have gone if you’d told me your plan.”

  Carolee grinned mischievously. “That’s exactly why I kept you in the dark.” Another mile passed before she continued. “They were all so excited to hear you were back. Of course there will be some people who will want to hear all the particulars of your mysterious disappearance, but you don’t owe them an explanation. Friends accept you just as you are, where you are.”

  “I had no idea that…that…”

  “We cared so much?” Carolee finished for her. “Well, get used to it, sweetie. We’re none of us going anywhere. And we all hope you’re not, either.”

  “I don’t know what to say. Everyone was so welcoming, so…fun.”

  “Bet you haven’t had a whole lot of that in the past few months.”

  “Try past few years.”

  Carolee reached over and patted her arm. “Let us help, Annie. We gals are an awesome force when we put our minds to something.”

  “I don’t know how to thank you.”

  “Don’t worry. Your time will come to help us. With friendships, what goes around, comes around, don’t forget.”

  When she pulled up in front of the cottage and set the brake, Carolee leaned over and hugged Annie. “Now, what do you say? How’s about a girls’ night out next Friday?”

  Annie wanted to say yes, yet her fear of exposure in public places stopped her. But then an idea came to her. “For this first time, what would you say to coming here? I’ll fix some chowder, ice down a few beers.”

  Carolee’s eyes shone like a mother whose daughter has just performed an exquisite ballet solo. “Perfect,” she said. “I’ll tell the others. Seven o’clock okay?”

  Annie nodded. “Just right.”

  Until she made it into the house and thought of Kyle, everything had been just right. She set down her purse and went to the upstairs bedroom where Pete’s letter lay open on the bedside table. She let her eyes sweep over the message on the back. “Try my buddy Kyle…you won’t find anyone better to love.”

  In fairness, she owed Kyle a chance to explain why he’d withheld the letter from her. She held it against her heart and, with her eyes closed, spoke to Pete. “I’ve spent the last week remembering and loving you, darling Pete, but I know I have to set the past aside and replace our dreams with others. If you think Kyle might be part of that plan, well, then…I’ll do my best to give him a chance.”

  This time when she looked at the letter, she nodded in slow recognition, then folded it carefully and tucked it away in her jewelry case. Geneva could have sold the cottage at any point in the past few years. Instead, she had left her this legacy. It was time to do what both her Auntie G. and Pete had encouraged her to do—live.

  KYLE PARKED his truck at the curb in front of the Nemecs’ house and sat without moving. Never—not even after he had set Rosemary straight—had he experienced such a dread of seeing them. Reluctantly, he stepped out of the cab. It was a beautiful Oregon evening. The faint scent of roses, emanating from Janet’s flower garden, made him sad. Pete had often picked a single one of these roses to take to Annie.

  Oh, yeah. I really need to think of her right now.

  He squared his shoulders and strode to the front door. Bruce greeted him and ushered him to the family room at the back of the house. “Beer? Cocktail?”

  “Just a soda, please.” This was not a social occasion, and Kyle was so nervous he didn’t know if he could even swallow.

  While Bruce put ice in a glass and poured the soda, Kyle wandered to the window. The patio table was set with yellow and red place mats, and a bouquet of spring flowers served as the centerpiece.

  Bruce handed him the soda, then laid a hand on his shoulder. “How do you want to do this, son?”

  Kyle appreciated the man’s sensitivity. “I think it’s best before dinner.”

  “Rosemary and Janet are in the kitchen. Margaret and Rick will be here as soon as the babysitter arrives. What do you say we watch the tail end of the Mariners game while we wait?”

  Although Kyle’s eyes were fixed on the television set, if he’d been asked, he couldn’t have told a thing about the strike count, the number of outs, even the score. The waiting was hell, so he was almost relieved when the Bairds finally arrived and Bruce assembled everyone. Margaret gave him a cursory greeting, then turned away. Rosemary nodded, uncharacteristically quiet. Janet sat next to Kyle on the sofa and the rest found places around the room. Bruce perched on the arm of Rosemary’s chair. The term hot seat swam up from Kyle’s subconscious.

  Bruce began. “Kyle came to see me Friday and said he had something he wanted to visit with us about. I’m as in the dark as the rest of you, but I’m sure he wouldn’t have asked for this time with us if he hadn’t felt it was important.”

  Silence fell, and Kyle knew it was up to him to fill the void. “Thank you for being here. I’m not looking forward to what I have to say to you. It’s been a long time coming and I wouldn’t blame you for wondering why I’ve waited. All I can say is that I’ve struggled wi
th a lot of stuff since Pete died, trying to make sense out of what happened and my role in it.

  “Pete was the brother I never had.” Here he had to clear his throat. Images of Pete filled his head, affecting his concentration on the carefully prepared speech. He gripped his knees, wondering how to utter the next words. He didn’t dare to look at any of them. “Before I go on, there’s one thing you should know.” He raised his head. “I would gladly have taken that sniper’s bullet for him if I could have. What I came to tell you is this. I’m responsible for Pete’s death.”

  Bruce stood in protest. “Kyle, no, son. It was a result of war.”

  “Please, sir. Let me finish.” Clasping his hands between his knees to conceal their trembling, he went on. “That day in Afghanistan was bitter cold. Overcast. Work on the bridge we were building was slow going, but vital for keeping our supply lines open. We knew there were guerrillas all over the place, hiding in the mountains, blending in with the locals. There were tribes that wanted us gone—at any price. I knew the danger. As the Humvee driver, it was my job to get the guys out of there as quickly as possible. But I made two mistakes.”

  He rose and, like a caged animal, paced back and forth in front of the fireplace. “First, I was in a hurry to get back to camp. I warmed up the engine and then let my attention wander to the mountains, which, even in that hostile environment, were beautiful. I should have seen movement, sensed the presence of the sniper.

  “Second, and far worse, I should have pulled Pete into the cab. That time I let him pause to look at Annie’s photo was the split-second difference.”

  He heard a muffled snort from Margaret. The look on her face revealed more than her mumbled words. “It figures. Annie again.”

  Kyle stood stock-still, facing the Nemec family. “Pete would still be here if I had done my job.”

  Janet uttered a sharp cry and then came to stand beside him. She picked up his hands and looked him straight in the eye. “It wasn’t your fault, Kyle,” she said in a firm voice. “You have to believe that.”

  Rosemary hugged herself, studying the floor. Rick put an arm around Margaret and shook his head sadly. When Janet dropped Kyle’s hands and resumed her seat, he dared to look at Bruce. The man’s jaw was working and his eyes were moist. Unable to speak, he merely nodded at him to continue.

  “But that wasn’t the only time I failed Pete,” Kyle said, his voice ragged with emotion. “When Annie ran away, I should have encouraged him to find her. There wasn’t much we could do from Guard training, but when we got back to Eden Bay, I told him stuff like ‘No girl is worth it’ and ‘She punted you, man. Forget her.’” Cringing inwardly, he wondered if his own feelings for Annie had motivated those remarks.

  “But Pete didn’t hear any of that. Loyalty was his middle name. Besides, he was crazy for her. If only I’d helped him more when he was searching so frantically for her, maybe we’d have found her and he wouldn’t have been looking at that damned photograph.”

  His voice broke then. “I’m sorry, so very sorry.” He swallowed the sobs thrusting up from his chest. “I’ll understand if you don’t want me around.”

  Bruce crossed the room and enveloped him in a bear hug. “We’ve lost one son. We don’t want to lose another.” When he stepped back, he sought Kyle’s eyes. “It was war, Kyle. Unspeakable things happen in war. There isn’t anything much worse than losing a child that way. But we have nothing to forgive, son. No one in this room holds you responsible in any way. Please don’t torture yourself.”

  “Why not?” The bitter question caused everyone to face Margaret. “It has to be somebody’s fault.”

  Bruce moved closer toward his daughter. “Margaret, it’s time to quit trying to assess blame. It’s time, as well, to move on. Pete’s death ravaged all of us. But it was an accident, sweetheart, an accident. Any error in judgment, if that’s what we can call it, was Pete’s.”

  “But—”

  Bruce spread his arms. “Come here, honey.”

  Margaret collapsed against her father, grief spilling out in tears.

  Janet approached Kyle and laid her hands on his shoulders. “Have you been living with guilt all these years?”

  He could only manage a nod of the head.

  “It’s over, then,” Janet continued. “Pete wouldn’t want you to suffer on his account. He would want you to play all the ball games he can’t, to catch your limit of fish for him. To live, Kyle. Each and every day.”

  He was overwhelmed by their acceptance. “I don’t know what to say. I, uh, expected—”

  “To be banished?” Smiling, Bruce looked over Margaret’s head at him. “Not in my lifetime, son.” He stepped back and led Margaret back to Rick before rejoining Kyle. “Now what do you say I give you the beer you really wanted when you came in?”

  “You know me too well.”

  “I hope so. I practically reared you.”

  “Does this mean we have to accept Annie Greer, too?” Once again they all turned to Margaret, her eyes glittering with pain.

  “What’s that supposed to mean?” Bruce looked genuinely puzzled.

  “Go ahead, Rosemary, tell them.”

  Rosemary turned a deep fuchsia. “Please, Margaret. It’s no big deal.”

  “To the contrary. I suspect it’s a very big deal. First of all Kyle rejected my sister. But to add insult to injury, the very next day she saw him walking on the beach with Annie Greer.” She paused before administering the blow. “Holding hands.”

  Janet turned to Kyle, her mouth forming a perfect O. “Annie?”

  Three sets of female eyes pinned him to the wall. “Well,” Margaret said, “wasn’t it enough to let Pete down without hurting the rest of us with Annie?”

  “What can I say? Like you, I was mad as hell at Annie for disappearing and breaking my buddy’s heart. When she came back to Eden Bay, I never wanted to see her. But my work for Geneva Greer made that impossible. I told Annie exactly how angry and disappointed I was about her actions.”

  “But?” Janet encouraged him to go on.

  “She was dealing with quite a bit with her great-aunt. Besides, I kept remembering how much Pete loved her. If he’d been here, he would have comforted her, eased the way. I don’t know, I guess I just sort of began doing for her what I thought Pete would’ve done.”

  “How gallant,” Margaret muttered, swiping at her tearstained cheeks. “And self-serving.”

  Kyle felt his ears burning. He was sorry for Pete’s sister, but he’d had enough of her sarcasm. “Margaret, I regret that you feel so strongly about Annie. You loved Pete and I get it that you never wanted anyone to hurt him, least of all the girl he loved with all his heart. But Annie has her reasons for what happened. Maybe they’re none of our business, but that’s no reason to hate her. You all liked her before, welcomed her into your home, almost like a daughter. Would Pete want you to ostracize her now?”

  Margaret had the grace to shut up and stare at the floor.

  Janet took command of the tense situation. “I think we’ve all said enough for now. Kyle has given us a lot to think about. None of us wants to say anything more right now, anything that might be hurtful.” She gazed around the room, fixing her eyes on each of them. “So…let’s move outside and get those burgers cooking.”

  Kyle murmured his excuses to Janet. No way could he gather with them around their table as if nothing had happened. He was on his way to the door when he heard footsteps behind him. Rosemary had followed him. “Kyle?”

  He turned and saw gentle acceptance in her expression.

  “About Annie…well, I just wanted to say, I’m okay that things didn’t work out between us. I’ve thought a lot about it. I was trying way too hard.” She rubbed a hand up and down his arm. “You were right in there. About Pete. About how much he loved Annie. So…if you want to be Annie’s friend, or more, I think Pete would approve.”

  Then she stood on tiptoe and kissed his cheek. “You’re a good man, Kyle Becker,” she said as sh
e opened the door for him. “There will be other nights for supper.”

  He walked slowly down the walk, undone by her understanding. How could he tell her that he’d ruined his chances with Annie? That even with Pete’s blessing, Kyle would never have a life with the woman he loved.

  ON HIS WAY HOME, Kyle stopped at the grocery store to grab a TV dinner or two. It would be a far cry from burgers on the grill, Janet’s famous potato salad and Margaret’s signature baked beans. He’d never gone away hungry from the Nemecs’. When he was a kid, Janet would even wrap up homemade cookies for him to take home with him.

  No cookies tonight. Only rioting emotions. He was humbled by the generosity of Bruce and Janet, their willingness to forgive him. He wondered, though, if they really understood the extent to which he blamed himself.

  On the drive home, he thought a lot about Annie. The atmosphere in the Nemec family room had turned stormy when Margaret confronted him. It was almost as if in her eyes the ultimate betrayal had not been dereliction of duty in Afghanistan but his betrayal of Pete with Annie. Yet support for his relationship with Annie had come from the unlikeliest source—Rosemary.

  When he pulled into his driveway, he shut off the motor and turned to Bubba. “Go figure, fella. I haven’t lost my job. And most of the Nemecs still accept me. I guess it’s a good thing Annie’s turned her back on me, because the one sore spot with Janet and Margaret, at least, is Annie’s treatment of Pete.” He plucked the key out of the ignition and opened the door. “They’ll never understand without knowing the truth and it’s not for me to tell them.”

  Inside, he stripped off the pressed khakis and sport shirt and exchanged them for a pair of shorts and a gray T-shirt. He flipped on ESPN and grabbed a beer. The running commentary on the tube might as well have been white noise, though, for all the attention he was paying.

  If he hadn’t given Annie the letter, maybe he’d have had a chance with her. But then, he’d always played second banana to Pete. It seemed the ultimate irony that the one woman he had found to love was still carrying a torch for the one man who’d always overshadowed Kyle. He ached with the need to jump in his truck, drive to the Greer cottage, swoop Annie into his arms and make passionate love to her.