Secrets of My Hollywood Life #4: Paparazzi Princess

by Jen Calonita

  The first two are from Seth. "Hey there, shooting star. Seth here. I hope you're enjoying this great January weather and spending some time in the backyard reading Manolos Are Meant for Small Feet. Talk to you soon." I thought he said I could have till next week. And then another one. "Kaitlin? Seth again. Maybe hold off on reading Manolos till you read Meeting of the Minds, okay? Have fun, shooting star!" Click.

  I feel a little woozy when I hear Laney's voice. "KAITLIN. SURE WANTS YOU FOR A COVER TIMED TO THE END OF FA. I SAY WE TAKE IT. WE CAN STILL GET ALLURE AND I THINK -- WHAT? NO! I SAID LIMESTONE IN THE MASTER SHOWER. NOT MARBLE! DOES NO ONE LISTEN TO MY -- " Click.

  I feel like I'm being suffocated. I can't handle all of them badgering me. I begin to feel slightly dizzy and reach out for something to hold on to. I shake my head to clear it and almost miss my next message, which is from Mom. "Kaitlin, the editor at Fashionistas wants to talk to you about me being your mother. I know you're out with Austin, but I told her she can call you tonight. I didn't want to be rude. Make me sound good, sweetie!" Click.

  "AAAAAHHHHHHH!" I scream and drop the phone. I step on it with my pointy heels and stomp around in a circle screaming. "They're driving me nuts!" I yell at the sky. "I can't take it anymore!" I scream again then stop and take a few deep breaths. I look down at my phone. The screen is cracked. Oops. Guess I won't be getting anymore calls on that tonight. For some reason, that actually makes me giggle.

  "Burke?"

  I turn around. Oh my.

  When I chose to have a freak-out, I didn't realize I was standing in front of the lacrosse field. The entire Clark High team has stopped playing and is staring at me. My face feels hot.

  Austin runs toward me. He has taken off his helmet and I can see his face covered in dirt. His blond hair is matted to his head. He looks worried. "What's the matter? Are you okay?"

  "Um, yeah," I say, knowing all eyes are on me. "Just a momentary lapse in judgment." I wave to the team. "Hi guys! Sorry about that. Just blowing off some steam."

  "Don't worry about it," yells Austin's good friend Rob Murray, who dates my friend Allison. I met Allison and Rob through Liz when I went to Clark last spring.

  "We were finished anyway," Austin tells me. "Are you sure you're okay?"

  The guys walking off the field stare at me, and I continue to blush. "You must be starving. We can talk about it later. I don't want to miss our reservation," I tell him. We're trying out this new restaurant called Helios. I hear it's totally romantic.

  "If we miss it, we miss it," Austin tells me. "There are ten million restaurants in Los Angeles. I'm sure we'll find another one. I just saw you smash your cell phone to pieces." Austin smirks. "Tell me what is going on."

  He is so sweet. I lean in to give him a kiss. His mouth tastes like sweat and Gatorade. Someone behind us whistles. Just being here with him, I feel better already. It's only been a little over a week since I've seen Austin, but it feels like a lot longer. My friend Gina says that's the problem with dating a non-celebrity. Actor types are unemployed on a regular basis (days off from taping a show, in between filming movies, etc.) so most actor boyfriends can hang out in your dressing room 24-7. Still, I like that Austin has his own life that is just as busy as mine. I wouldn't want it any other way.

  We take a seat on the bleachers. "I'm just frustrated," I explain. It feels good to get this out. Lately, I feel like I'm in a bubble. Nadine has gone wacky, Liz is preoccupied, my friend Gina left last week to shoot a movie in Australia, and the only one I can talk to is Austin. Thank God I have him. "I'm having a harder time with FA ending than I thought," I admit, "and no one seems to notice or care. I feel like I'm graduating, but I don't deserve my diploma."

  "You're just scared," Austin says. "That's normal. I kind of figured you'd have a bit of a freak-out after you met with Seth and heard all those offers." He grins. "No offense, but you do tend to fly off the handle sometimes."

  It's hard to be offended when it's true.

  "You just need time to digest everything," Austin adds, "and come to terms with the show's ending in your own way."

  "That's the problem," I complain. "I don't have any time to do that. Everyone wants an answer from me immediately and I have no clue which project is the right one. The only thing I've gotten excited about so far is our invite to the Vanity Fair party."

  Austin's face drops. "I was going to talk to you about that tonight. I have bad news. I can't go. Coach organized a lacrosse scrimmage for us in Phoenix and it's the night of the Oscars. I just found out this afternoon."

  Half of me is disappointed by the news, but the other half is impressed that Austin cares more about his beloved lacrosse than he does about meeting Jessica Alba. I don't think I ever really realized how into lacrosse Austin was. Now that the season is coming up, he practices all the time. If I call him before school, his mom says he's working on his toss in the backyard. After school, whether there is an official group practice or not, he's out there. And on weekends, if he's not playing, he and Rob are critiquing their performance on a tape of a game they played last year. And guys say girls are obsessive. "I understand," I squeak.

  "Why don't you ask Liz?" Austin suggests. "I'm sure she'd love to chat up Katie Holmes with you."

  "I guess I could." It's not the same thing, though. The Vanity Fair party is like the Hollywood version of the prom. Everyone wants to take their boyfriend to the prom. But I guess if I can't take Austin, the next best thing is going with Liz. She's always wanted to go to the Vanity Fair party.

  "I'll make it up to you. I promise." Austin kisses me. "Now let's get back to fixing you. Tell me about the scripts you're reading."

  "Well, the first one is this --" I pause.

  Austin's cell phone starts ringing and he reaches into his pocket and pulls it out. He looks at me curiously. "It's Nadine," he says and answers. "Hi. Yeah, she's right here." He holds out the phone.

  For a moment I think I might throw it. "This better be important," I grumble instead of saying hello. I can't believe Nadine of all people had the nerve to call Austin's phone to reach me. I could see Mom doing that, but not Nadine.

  "I've been calling and calling you!" Nadine complains without an apology. "Your phone keeps going to voicemail so I had to call Austin."

  I don't tell her about my broken phone because I'm already annoyed. What is so important that Nadine had to track me down on my date through my date? "What's going on?" I say.

  "A lot," Nadine says. "Rodney is coming back with the car right now. You have to meet with the executive producer of that ensemble family drama TV pilot tonight. He's flying out to scout locations in Vancouver tomorrow and he needs to make his casting decisions right away. It's tonight or never. You have to go."

  "You're kidding, right?" I complain. This was the show I was least interested in and now I'm being dragged out of here for a meeting without even being consulted first? This is crazy! I'm with the one person who actually cares about what I'm feeling and now I have to leave. I won't do it! "Forget the show," I say defiantly. "If it has to be tonight, I don't want to go."

  "Don't make me call back your mother and Seth and tell them that," Nadine warns. "Be reasonable. You can have dinner with Austin afterward. If you even think you might want in on this show, the meeting has to be now."

  I want to throw a fit again, but if I do that I might break Austin's phone too. I cover his phone with my hand, stare at the sky, and scream. I turn to Austin and grumpily explain what's going on. "What do you think I should do?" I ask him.

  "Dinner can wait," he insists. "Burke, what if this show is the one? Go to the meeting. I'll shower, Rod will pick me up, and then if it's not too late we'll have dinner afterward. You don't want to miss the chance just because we have a dinner reservation, do you?"

  Part of me does. I feel so powerless. But I don't really have a choice about this meeting, do I? If I don't go, Mom will kill me. And so will Laney. And Seth. And, it seems, Nadine. If I do go, I lose out on my time with Aust
in. It's so unfair. Ava's right. When do I get to do what I want to do?

  I uncover the phone and sigh heavily. "I'll be standing in the school parking lot in five," I say curtly to Nadine and then hang up without saying goodbye.

  I'm about to put my personal life on hold. Again.

  Wednesday, January 21

  NOTE TO SELF:

  Set up Jay Godfrey fitting 4 Vanity Fair dress!

  Order car 4 VF party.

  Choose Oscar gift suites 2 attend.

  RSVP yes 2 Gucci dinner.

  Call J.J. Abrams back.

  Call back Seth. Break news about pilot gently.

  HOLLYWOOD NATION'S. . . . . . .

  Family Affair--What Your Favorite Family

  Members Are Doing Nextby Kathleen Pearl

  They've made us laugh, they've made us cry, and now they're leaving us with an empty hole in our hearts and in our TV schedules on Sunday nights. Thankfully, there is life after the Buchanan clan skips town. You can still catch your favorite stars on the screen, both big and small, this coming year. Here's what theFamily Affairstars have planned for an after-party.

  Melli Ralton (Paige, Grandaddy Buchanan's daughter, mother of Sam and Sara, wife of Dennis)

  After a summer-long hiatus, Melli will be seen on the big screen in the girl-power flick Revenge. Playing against type, Melli will star as the mother of two small kids who finds out her husband is actually wanted by the FBI.

  Spencer Hirsch (Dennis, Paige's hot hubby and Sam and Sara's pop--and the reason the gang is moving out of Summerville!)

  He'll appear this summer on London's famed West End in a modern retelling of As You Like It. After that, he flies to Yugoslavia to shoot the thriller Tell Me What Time I Die?

  Sky Mackenzie (Bad seed Sara, daughter of Paige and Dennis, and twin of Samantha)

  Sky's got Pretty Young Assassins to promote with FA costar Kaitlin Burke (see below) and has had offers to do several pilots. We hear she's this close to choosing one for the CW about bratty girls who live in a Chicago hotel and make backstabbing their favorite sport. Guess our favorite bad seed will continue to be the bad girl in town. We love it!

  Trevor Wainright (Samantha's boyfriend)

  FA's resident hottie is upping his smoldering quotient with a shirtless star turn as a slacker surfer in Beach Bum, from can't-miss comedy director Jus Apple. "This is going to be the film that takes Trevor from sidekick to major movie star," Apple tells us.

  Tom Pullman (Family Affair's creator and executive producer)

  Said to be in demand for several TV series offers, Tom has just signed on to do a pilot for the CW based on Scooby-Doo. The Buffy-esque plot, full of sarcasm and too-cool-for-school wit, follows the Scooby Gang and their comrades in monster-slaying. Don't be surprised if you see several Affair players pop up in this series should it get picked up for the fall. Matt Burke, Kaitlin's bro and FA's newest cast member, just signed on to play Velma's boyfriend. Which brings us to....

  Kaitlin Burke (Practically perfect Samantha, Paige and Dennis's daughter, Sara's twin)

  This is where things get interesting. Family Affair's stand-out teen and media darling hasn't signed on to do a single project! Her publicist, Laney Peters, says she's mulling over offers, but an insider tells us that Kaitlin has refused to commit to anything she's been given so far. The only Kaitlin news we've heard lately is this bizarre story about Kaitlin smashing her cellphone at her boyfriend's lacrosse practice. (Did you get bad news, Kates? Uh-oh.) That means other than promoting Pretty Young Assassins this summer, we'll be Kaitlin-less for a while. Make up your mind, Kaitlin! We miss you already. *

  Six: Kaitlin Burke -- Music Star?

  "YES!" I scream after the car door closes behind me. I start bouncing up and down on the seat in excitement.

  It's Saturday morning, and Seth, Mom, and I just came from a breakfast meeting with the director of Manolos Are Meant for Small Feet. I read the script and loved it. It was very The Devil Wears Prada meets Legally Blonde. What could be better than that? I told Seth I have to have the part. This is the only script I've flipped over so far. The family drama pilot I had a meeting about the night I was on a date with Austin turned out to be too similar to Family Affair. (At least the meeting was semi-short. Austin and I were still able to have dinner afterward.) I don't want to repeat what I've already done. That jungle flick would certainly be new territory, but when I met with the director yesterday, his vision -- method acting with us actually living in the jungle during filming -- seemed too much for me. Manolos might just be what I'm looking for. I feel safer picking a movie as my next project than a TV show. In my head, a movie is something I would do on hiatus anyway so I can pretend this is just another one. Even if it really isn't. "Dean was so funny and smart," I gush about the film's director. "I really liked what he said about this role being my chance to be seen as more than just a flighty teenager."

  Seth nods. "He's right. This is exactly the type of project we need for you if you want to go to the next tier. I'm going to call him as soon as we get back to the office and find out what he thought of you, but I'm sure he loved you. We could have an answer by the end of next week."

  I scream and Mom holds her ears.

  "Stop that," she complains. "And to tell you both the truth, I didn't really like Dean all that much. Or his script."

  "What?" Seth and I say at the same time, shocked.

  Mom shrugs. "I thought he seemed cocky and his script was pompous."

  "Meg, he's a well-respected director," Seth starts to say.

  Mom waves her hand flippantly. "I don't think Kaitlin wants an offer for this movie. It's not right for her."

  "MOM," I say a tad sharply. I'm growing tired of how dismissive Mom is of my opinion, especially when she does it in front of Seth. "I do want an offer. This is the first project I've liked the sound of. You have no idea how hard all this has been on me --"

  "You think you like the sound of this project because you haven't met with other directors yet," Mom cuts me off. "We have to meet with the network about those other pilots and the reality show. You have to make a decision and soon, Kaitlin. I will not have another article on our hands like that one in Hollywood Nation."

  "Meg, that article was ridiculous," Seth tells her. "Kaitlin is doing the same thing everyone else on the show is doing, considering offers. We're not behind -- yet. We just have to find a project she really likes. I already had Laney call Nation and tell them about the projects Kaitlin is currently considering."

  I beam at Seth. I love how he has my back when it comes to Mom. Seth hasn't said it in so many words, but Nadine thinks Mom's managerial style really gets under his skin.

  "Several of the projects Kaitlin is considering are very promising." Seth winks at me.

  "I finished that TV pilot about the teens in Alaska and I thought it was remarkable," I tell them. The writer for the show is phenomenal. Even though the idea of a new TV show scares me, this script was so good I couldn't put it down.

  "I'm trying to get you a meeting next week," Seth says. "Are you game?"

  "I hated it," Mom interjects. "A show set in Alaska sounds boring. That's the only TV pilot I've read that I've hated."

  Seth and I just look at her. If Mom tries to stop me from meeting with this director, I'll freak out. My mother, more than anyone, should know what kind of roles appeal to her daughter and what don't.

  "I can't wait to hear what you think of the play when you're finished reading it," Seth tries to change the subject.

  "I started reading it last night and it's really good," I admit. I'm still terrified of the idea of live theater, but I think being onstage could be very liberating. Dad's right. Every night your performance is different, and every night the audience reacts to it differently. It sounds like great thespian training. And a play is something that could help me transition from being just a teen actress to a more grown-up one.

  When I think about it, I do have a lot of good choices. I just have to get past th
e idea of accepting one of them as my new job (if I'm offered one, of course). I can like the scripts all I want, but the idea of committing to something makes me want to breathe in a paper bag.

  "I still think TV is the way to go," Mom says stubbornly. "It's much more stable."

  "That's not true, Meg," Seth interjects again, sounding a wee bit strained. "Pilots are a gamble. Kaitlin could work with a brilliant director and a talented cast and the show could still not get picked up."

  Seth knows HOLLYWOOD SECRET NUMBER SIX: Very early in the pilot season, the buzz always centers around pilots that have star quality of some sort. If the show has a big-name creator, is a popular current show's spin-off, is based on a popular book or movie, or has a star attached, then everyone gets all excited and writes about how the pilot is the next Friends or Sex and the City or Gossip Girl. Sadly, it rarely works out that way. At the end of the day it doesn't matter who wrote the pilot or who is attached to star or what book the pilot was based on -- to get picked up, the show has to be good. It's that simple.

  "Which is why I want to cover all our bases," Mom says stiffly. "That's why I made the next appointment."

  "What appointment?" Seth and I say at the same time again.

  "Mom, I have to meet Liz in an hour," I moan. "You knew that."

  "Kate-Kate, I was not about to pass up a meeting with TJ from Jay Street Records because you're meeting Liz to go shopping," Mom tells me." Tell Liz you'll be there when you can."

  "Mom, you have to stop booking things for me and not telling me!" I complain. I'm not sure what to freak out over first -- the fact that Mom is ruining the first date I've had with Liz since before Christmas or the fact that I'm being forced to see a famed record producer, which I do not want to do.

  I've never met TJ before, but I know all about him. He goes by just TJ. His first name is Troy, but no one seems to know what his last name is or if it even starts with the letter J. He's this musical whiz kid. He had his first triple-platinum album at seventeen, started his own label at nineteen, pillaged a rival label's clients at twenty and now at twenty-two has arguably one of the best music catalogs in town. He's also known for his hard-partying ways. How he gets any work done is beyond me. There's not a night that man isn't photographed on the town.