The Charmer

by Mandasue Heller

  ‘Put it on now and it might just about be ready by morning, if I’m lucky.’ Maria smiled, then laughed when it turned into a yawn. ‘God, you’d never guess that a little thing like spending would take so much out of you,’ she quipped, sitting down heavily on the bed. ‘Good job I’ve been poor for so long, or I’d probably be dead by now. No wonder Beth told me to be careful.’ Yawning again, she blinked as tears filled her eyes. ‘Wow, I haven’t felt this wiped in years.’

  ‘What was that about Beth?’ Joel asked, looking through the bags for the jeans and jumper that she’d insisted on buying for him.

  ‘Oh, nothing really,’ Maria said, standing up. ‘I rang her this morning to let her know I was all right, and when I told her we were going shopping she warned me to go easy.’ Hanging her jacket in the wardrobe, she smiled fondly. ‘She’s so protective, she swears I can’t cope without her to watch over me. She’s convinced I’m going to blow it all and have nothing to show for it.’

  ‘You’re way too smart for that,’ Joel said, ripping the plastic wrapping off the sweater and shaking it out. ‘She can’t know you very well if she thinks you’re that stupid.’

  ‘She probably knows me too well,’ Maria laughed.

  ‘I don’t buy that,’ Joel said, pursing his lips and narrowing his eyes playfully. ‘I haven’t known you for long, but I can see how intelligent you are. And funny, and sexy . . .’ Moving towards her, he put his arms around her, cupping her bum in his hands. ‘And did I say sexy?’

  ‘Yeah, you did,’ she grinned, looping her arms around his neck. ‘But you can say it again, if you like. I don’t mind.’

  Joel’s mobile began to ring.

  ‘God! That scared me!’ Maria laughed, putting a hand on her chest. ‘It’s loud.’

  ‘Must have turned it up by mistake.’ Joel patted his pockets. ‘Damn! Where is it?’

  ‘Hurry up.’ Maria pushed him away. ‘I’ll be deaf in a minute.’

  Finding the phone, Joel pulled it out and looked at the name on the screen. It was Jippi Hinari – a freaky Japanese artist with a voracious appetite for coke and with money to burn.

  ‘Yo,’ he said, nodding when Maria picked up the towels and mouthed that she was going to the bathroom. ‘Long time no see, man. How’s it going?’

  ‘I wanna see you – like now, dude!’ Jippi announced dramatically. ‘I’ve just got off the plane. I’ve been exhibiting in the goddam States, and I haven’t had a decent high in like three goddam months! Release me from these chains of sobriety, per-lease!’

  ‘Where are you?’

  ‘In a big fat smelly man’s cab on my way to the hotel,’ Jippi answered loudly – no doubt the driver was listening. ‘I’m like dying, guy.’

  ‘How much you after?’ Joel asked quietly, wishing Jippi would learn to be a bit more discreet.

  ‘Whatever you’ve got,’ Jippi said, as if it were a stupid question. ‘Better be good, though.’

  ‘It’s fine, don’t worry about it,’ Joel said, grimacing about the greedy cutting he’d done. But Jippi mightn’t notice if he’d been without it for that long.

  ‘Best had be, or I’ll ass-fuck you,’ Jippi threatened, laughing uproariously. ‘My favourite place at ten,’ he said then, pleasing Joel that he didn’t come out with the name of the bar he was referring to.

  Agreeing to meet him there, Joel hung up.

  ‘Everything all right?’ Maria asked, coming back in, wiping her hands on a towel.

  ‘Fine,’ Joel said, putting the phone back in his pocket. ‘That was a client. I’ve got to nip out and see him for a drink later on, to talk over some gigs he’s planning. Shouldn’t take more than a couple of hours. You’ll be all right, won’t you?’

  ‘Yeah, course.’ Maria smiled, pleased that he was okaying it with her even though she would never have dreamed of interfering. This was work, not pleasure.

  Stretching, Joel rolled his head on his neck. ‘I could do without this tonight,’ he said tiredly. ‘I reckon I’ll take a break after this. In fact, I might even suggest that my guy gets himself another organiser for this one. He’s a great bloke to work with, but I think I’d rather spend a bit of time with my new lady.’

  ‘You can’t turn work down for me,’ Maria said guiltily.

  ‘It won’t kill me to lose one job,’ Joel assured her, pulling her to him and kissing her neck. ‘I’ll see how I feel when I see him. But if it’s going to take me away for too long, I’m definitely not doing it. I might find another flat in a couple of weeks, and you might decide you want to go back to Devon.’

  ‘No, I won’t,’ Maria said quickly. ‘I’m definitely staying. I even told Beth this morning.’

  ‘Oh, yeah? I bet she didn’t take that too well, if she doesn’t think you can cope without her.’

  ‘She couldn’t really object, seeing as it was her idea for me to move in here in the first place,’ Maria said, sitting down on the bed and leaning back against the pillow. ‘She was more concerned about you staying here, actually.’

  ‘How so?’ Frowning, Joel lit two cigarettes and passed one to her.

  ‘Oh, nothing, really,’ Maria shrugged, smiling fondly. ‘She’s just being a mother hen – doesn’t want the nasty man to take advantage of me.’

  ‘Is that what you think?’ Joel asked, a serious look on his face now as he sat down. ‘Because there’s no way I’d do that to you. I’d rather leave right now than stay for one minute longer than I was welcome.’

  ‘Of course I don’t think that,’ Maria assured him, wishing she hadn’t said anything. ‘And neither does Beth. She’s always been protective of me. It isn’t personal.’

  ‘Yeah, well, I hope not,’ Joel murmured. ‘Anyway, I’ll be looking for somewhere as soon as. I wouldn’t want to come between you and your friend.’

  ‘You won’t,’ Maria insisted. ‘And I don’t want you to move straight out. You’re absolutely not putting me out and, like I said before, there’s no point taking something unless it’s perfect. And, to be honest, I don’t really care what Beth thinks, because I know she’s wrong. Anyway, she hasn’t got a clue what you’re like, so she’s got no right to an opinion.’

  ‘Just so long as you don’t fall out with her over me,’ Joel said, reaching out and stroking her leg. ‘You’re so beautiful. It’s no wonder she doesn’t want me to get too close to you. She must have spent years watching from the sidelines while guys fell in love with you.’

  ‘Not really,’ Maria said, blushing, because he wasn’t too far from the truth. ‘I admit there were more lads after me than her, but she had her fair share. She’s a really lovely girl.’

  ‘I’m sure she is,’ Joel agreed. ‘But she’s not a patch on you, and that’s got to affect the way she deals with you having relationships.’

  ‘What do you mean?’ Maria frowned confusedly.

  ‘You’re too sweet,’ Joel said knowingly. Then, holding up his hands, he said, ‘But I’m biased, so I shouldn’t be saying any of this. And I’m sure she wouldn’t begrudge you having fun. But even if she did,’ he added, with a sly half-smile, ‘I’m sorry, but she’ll just have to get used to me being around, because even when I’ve found a new place, I’ve got no intention of losing you. Don’t mind, do you?’

  ‘No.’ Biting her lip, Maria smiled shyly. She didn’t really think Beth was jealous, but if she was – tough! Men as gorgeous, and considerate, and lovely as Joel didn’t come along too often, and there was no way she was letting him go. Anyway, she’d be lucky to see Beth from one month to the next now that they were living so far apart.

  Getting up, Joel leaned down and kissed her. ‘Better make that coffee, then get ready to go, I suppose. I’ll sort my cases out when I get back if it’s not too late. I shouldn’t think it’ll take long, but Rod does tend to get a bit chatty.’

  ‘Rod?’ Maria’s eyebrows rose. ‘You don’t mean Rod Stewart ?’ When Joel grinned and shrugged, she said, ‘Oh, my God! I love him. What’s he like?’

  ‘A
right one,’ Joel chuckled amusedly. ‘You wouldn’t believe the lengths he goes to for privacy. Knowing him, he’ll be dressed up as a Japanese transvestite, or something crazy like that when I meet him. He does it all the time.’

  ‘Why?’ Maria was intrigued – thrilled to be getting inside info on such a major star.

  ‘Because now and then he likes to be anonymous in a crowd,’ Joel explained. ‘He gets recognised everywhere he goes, and sometimes he just wants to cut loose and do his own thing. And it works. I mean, he comes into Manchester every couple of months, or so, to have meetings and visit his girlfriend. But you never hear about it, do you?’

  ‘No.’ Maria frowned thoughtfully. ‘But isn’t he married?’

  Nodding slowly, Joel gave her a pointed look. ‘Why do you think he goes to such pains to fool the press? But you never heard that from me – okay?’

  ‘I wouldn’t dream of telling anyone,’ Maria assured him. ‘But I’ll never look at him the same again – the dirty dog.’

  ‘Yeah, well . . .’ Joel shrugged. ‘You’d be surprised what celebrities get up to. That’s why they insist on secrecy. I’m cool, because they know me, but if I tried taking you along, they’d be gone before I had a chance to say hello, and word would spread that I couldn’t be trusted. My career would be over like that!’ He clicked his fingers sharply.

  ‘I can imagine,’ Maria said, masking her disappointment. ‘But don’t worry – I won’t be bugging you to take me to work with you.’

  ‘Shame I can’t,’ Joel said regretfully. ‘If they met you, they’d soon realise you’re nothing like the little slappers who try to get to them via people like me and the managers – skirts up to their armpits, tops down to the navel. It’s embarrassing.’

  ‘Sounds it,’ Maria said, shaking her head. ‘I could never do something like that.’

  ‘If it’s any consolation, you’re not missing anything,’ Joel said, winking. ‘Between you and me, most stars are complete tossers.’

  Taking Maria’s keys so that he could let himself back in without disturbing her, Joel kissed her goodbye, promising to be as fast as he could.

  Pausing at the gate to light a cigarette, he peered out along the dark street before setting off to make sure there was no one about, and no suspicious shadows lurking in the bushes. Seeing nothing, he shook his head. There was no reason to be paranoid round here. It was way too upmarket for your average class of scally to be hanging about. And a car full of Glaswegian hard men would stand out like a sore thumb.

  Reminded of Psycho, he decided to give Mack a ring to see how the land lay that end.

  ‘It’s me,’ he said when Mack answered. ‘Any news?’

  ‘I can’t talk right now,’ Mack said evasively. ‘Ring back later and I’ll see if I can sort you out, yeah?’

  ‘You all right?’ Joel asked, knowing that it was a stupid question, because Mack obviously didn’t want to talk just now.

  ‘I’ll get back to you,’ Mack said, still trying to sound casual. ‘All right, Chris?’

  Joel heard the fear in Mack’s voice and it made his blood run cold. And he’d called him Chris, so there was obviously somebody there who was connected to Psycho. Mack was trying to protect Joel and that made him feel guilty for ever having doubted his loyalty.

  ‘Look, I know you can’t talk,’ he said quietly and quickly. ‘But don’t worry about that money for Caldwell, ’cos I’m going to send you the lot first thing tomorrow – okay? Just give me a ring as soon as you can and let me know you’re all right.’

  ‘Will you quit fucking bugging me, you smackhead bastard,’ Mack snapped back at him. ‘I’ve told you I’m fucking busy. And I ain’t got nothi—’

  Joel frowned when the phone went suddenly quiet. ‘You still there, Mack?’ he ventured tentatively. ‘Mack?’

  ‘Well, well . . . If it isn’t Kyle Johnson. Nice of you to get in touch after all this time, you fucking little grass.’

  Joel almost choked when Psycho’s voice hissed down his ear.

  ‘Oh, I get it,’ Psycho said softly. ‘You’ll talk to this fuckwad, but you don’t wanna talk to me? Well, I can’t say I blame you. Even I’d think twice about talking to the bloke I’d stitched up like a cunt – ’specially if the bloke was gonna rip my fucking heart out and eat it! You hearing me, Kyle? You getting the picture, pretty lad? Still not talking, eh? . . . Well, let’s see if this helps. Keep listening, you fuckin’ little arse bandit – keep listening . . .’

  Joel covered his mouth with a hand to stop himself yelling out when a blood-curdling scream ripped down his ear, followed by agonised sobbing.

  ‘Hear that?’ Psycho was back on the line. ‘That was me ripping your mate’s front teeth out with pliers. Imagine the fuckin’ pain of that, eh? Isn’t half fuckin’ bleeding, an’ all – all over his mammy’s saggy auld tits. Which is kind of disrespectful, if you ask me, but you know what these half-breeds are like.’

  Laughing coldly, Psycho took a deep, audible drag on a cigarette.

  ‘Oh, I didnae tell you his mam was here, did I?’ he went on in a conversational tone. ‘Yeah, auld Sue’s here – lying on the floor with her cunt all ripped up, ’cos I’ve just fucked the arse off her!’

  Another drag on the fag, designed to draw the tension out – and it worked, because Joel could barely breathe now.

  ‘Not my usual type, as you know,’ Psycho went on, as politely as if they were two old mates discussing the weather. ‘But this pal of yours needed teaching a proper lesson, ’cos he had this mad idea that I should pay him to give you up. How fucking crazy is that, eh? Oh, ’scuse me a minute, Kyle . . . he’s trying to get away. Won’t be a sec.’

  Stumbling into the shadows of a darkened shop doorway, Joel retched at the muffled sounds of kicking and punching, followed by yet more screams.

  ‘Fuck me – he’s got a gob on him,’ Psycho yelled, sounding as if he was having the time of his life as the screams went on and on in the background. ‘All that fuss over one little bollock! Anyone would think I’d cut his cock off. That’s next, you tosser!’

  Laughing, he came back on the phone.

  ‘What’s he like, eh? Right mardy arse – crying over one little nadge. Fuck knows what he’s gonna be like when I make him shag his old lady.’

  ‘I’ll tell you where he is!’ Mack cried out in the background. ‘Please . . . I’ll tell you! PLEEEASE . . .’

  ‘Hoo-eee!’ Psycho chuckled. ‘Hear that, Kylie? Your mate’s gonna tell me where you are. So, I guess I’ll be seeing you soon, eh, pretty lad! Hope you’re ready for me?’ His voice changed now, taking on a chilling edge as he said, ‘I’ve been waiting a long time to catch up with you, Johnson. You are one walking fuckin’ dead man!’

  The phone went dead in Joel’s hand and he stared at it in horror, wanting to throw it away – smash it, and rid himself of the disease of fear that it had poured into him through his ear. His hands and legs were shaking wildly – everything was.

  Those screams had been truly awful, and he dreaded to think what Psycho had done to cause them. He couldn’t blame Mack for giving him up. If Joel had been the one on the receiving end of what he’d just heard, he’d have happily sacrificed the Virgin Mary and Baby Jesus.

  Setting off at a run, hoping that the cold air would clear the images from his head, Joel reached town in record time and leaned against a wall to catch his breath.

  The run had helped; he was thinking a bit straighter now. Terrible as it had been hearing Mack being tortured like that, at least he knew exactly where he stood now: Psycho wanted him dead, and, armed with whatever information Mack gave him, he would be on his way here. But if Psycho set off right this minute and drove like the wind it would still take him a good few hours, so Joel still had time to do what had to be done and get back to Maria’s.

  He just thanked God that he hadn’t told Mack – or anyone, in fact – about her. So that was one trail Psycho could never pick up on, no matter whom he tortured or threatened.
>
  The one spark of hope in this particularly dark and dangerous abyss was that Psycho wouldn’t stick around for too long once he realised that Joel had escaped. Knowing him, Joel reckoned that he would come to the conclusion that Joel had pissed off to Spain, or somewhere like that – like anyone with half a brain would if they had a murderous bastard like Psycho hunting them down.

  A little calmer now, Joel pushed himself away from the wall and walked the rest of the way to the bar to meet Jippi. Being philosophical, he knew there was no point dwelling on what he’d heard on the phone. He couldn’t change whatever Psycho had done. If Mack was still alive, he’d recover. If he wasn’t . . . well, at least Ronnie Caldwell wouldn’t be able to get to him.

  Either way, Joel’s life was safe – for now.

  Going into the Cuba Café, Joel spotted Jippi immediately. Always out to shock, he looked truly bizarre tonight with his sky-blue contact lenses, scarlet Afro wig, black Lycra dress and stilettos.

  Jumping up when he spotted Joel, Jippi waved theatrically. ‘Baby, baby . . . come to momma!’

  Frowning when all eyes swivelled his way, Joel dipped his head and rushed across the room to join Jippi at his table in the far corner.

  ‘Sit down, for fuck’s sake,’ he hissed. ‘Everyone’s looking.’

  ‘Don’t be mean, or I’ll have to spank you,’ Jippi scolded, slapping Joel’s hand flirtatiously. Drawing his head back then, he gave him a penetrating look. ‘You look weird, guy. I hope you’re not going to mess with my head, ’cos I’m way too fucked-up for that. I only just got off the motherfucking plane!’

  ‘I know, you told me,’ Joel said, wiping sweat from his brow. ‘And no, of course I’m not going to mess with you. This isn’t about you. I’m just having a bit of woman trouble, that’s all.’

  ‘Oh, change to boys, dear,’ Jippi advised blithely, with a dismissive flap of a long elegant hand. ‘They don’t want you to respect them in the morning, and they’ve got much bigger mouths for sucking cock.’ Opening his own mouth wide, he flicked out his tongue.

  Flinching back when he saw that the tip had been split to make it snakelike, Joel shuddered. ‘Christ, Jippi . . . No offence, man, but that is way too whacked-out.’