The Hand That Holds Me

by H. J. Marshall

  “If I didn’t respect you so much, I would fire your ass, Lucas. I don’t want your plan to cost me my daughter, just so you can get your dick wet. She isn’t like the girls you regularly screw and I won’t allow you to cast her aside when you are done with her. This could completely destroy any relationship I may have with her in the future! If that happens, you are a dead man.” He growls into the phone.

  I understood his anger and I’ve explained how I felt about her to him a few times, but I am sure he’s just fearful of both of us losing her. He has already let me know he thinks she and I would be great together but warned me she probably has her mother’s temper and will fight just to be difficult.

  “Stop talking like that about her. I know she isn’t anything like the girls I used to mess around with. I will tell you one more time, she is everything to me. I fell in love with her the first moment I saw her picture and I would move heaven and earth to make her happy. I’ve spoken with her Aunt and Uncle and told them my intentions. They gave me their approval, Jason, and they are the ones who raised her.”

  I knew that last part was a low blow but fuck him if her thinks I just want to screw her and leave.

  “Fuck you, Lucas. I know what they have done for her. I just want her in my life. She hates me and I don’t blame her. It just hurts to know your own daughter thinks you are scum.” I heard a sniffle and he cleared his throat.

  I felt like shit. This man gave me a home when my own mother couldn’t handle me, taught me to be a man and gave me the tools and education to live a very comfortable life.

  “I’m sorry. I know how hard this is on you and I’m just as stressed as you are. But I have faith this will work. Her job offers are being dropped off as we speak, and you have provided many different options of work for her. From stressful to simple, now you just have to sit back and let her come to us. This will all work out, I promise you.”

  “I trust you and I’m sorry too. I know you would never mistreat her. Hell, I have never seen you like this with any woman, let alone one who you have only talked to once. I just want to put this all behind us and so we can start fresh. There is so much I want to tell her. So many places I want her to visit. Hell, I want to give her the world if she will let me.”

  “Between us and her family, she will have so much love she won’t know what to do. We just need to get her into the company so I can begin to unwind all the lies and confusion surrounding all of this.”

  “Okay. I’ll do my best to be patient, but do not let this drag out too long. Lucas, or I will take over.” He admonished before hanging up the phone.

  I looked down at the receiver with amusement. Just her presence at the edge of our lives was turning into an adventure. I can’t wait to see where it takes us.

  Knock. Knock. Knock.

  The sound startled me as I sat my coffee cup in the dishwasher. I smiled, thinking about how many loads of dishes I have washed in my life and how something so simple like a dishwasher could make me giddy.

  I looked through the peephole and saw that a delivery courier was waiting outside my door. I signed for the package and thanked the courier with a tip.

  Closing the door, I looked over the sender and saw it was from the firm I registered my resume with a few months ago. A feeling of dread seeps into me, allowing my anxiety to peek through the cracks I had worked so hard to cover and hide.

  What if I hate the job offer? What if the job is away from Georgia?

  Too many questions swirled in my brain when Caroline came into the kitchen and saw the look on my face. She knows me better than anyone and was immediately aware I was on the verge of losing it.

  “What do you have there, Maddie?”

  “It’s a courier package from the job agency I registered with. I’m a little confused as to why they would send a package over instead of sending an email or a phone call.” I rambled, all the while, clutching the package to my chest like it would fly away if I let go.

  “Have you looked at it to see what it could be? Maybe it is such an amazing offer that they sent your employment contract and first paycheck over to entice you.” She laughed, taking all the tension out of me.

  That’s why I love her. Her infectious laugh and positive outlook makes everyone happy just to be in her presence. She knows exactly what to say to lighten the situation, but isn’t afraid to tell someone the cold, hard truth when necessary.

  I found it amusing that she is such a “Proper Southern Lady” yet she can and has made a grown man slink away in shame.

  As I looked down at the envelope, hoping to see inside by some miracle, she swiped it from my hand and began to open it.

  “Let me look at it so I can gauge if we need champagne to celebrate or liquor to numb. Remember, it’s just an offer and you are not required to take it. We are doing fine, thanks to you, so, relax.”

  I sat down at the kitchen table with our two cups of coffee.

  Why hasn’t she said anything yet? What could be in those papers that is taking her so long to read?

  “Umm, Maddie. You may not believe it, but, there is an employment contract and something called a sign on bonus issued to you.” She looked at me like she has seen a ghost.

  “Haha! Very funny!”

  I reached out and took the package from her and was shocked at the amount of the check I was holding.

  “$250,000?! What the hell? I don’t know what this is but clearly there has been a huge mistake. I need to call the courier service to come and pick this check up, now. I do not want to be responsible for it.”

  My hands were shaking and I was having a trouble taking a deep breath.

  Caroline grabbed my phone from me and placed it on the table.

  “Calm down. Deep breaths. In and out. Did you read the letter that was attached Maddie? I think it may be a good place to start.”

  After a few moments, I was able to collect myself enough to look over the packet and not just stare at the ridiculous amount on the check in my hand.

  To: Maddie Johnson

  From: MSJ Media

  RE: Employment offer

  Dear Ms. Johnson,

  On behalf of MSJ Media, I would like to extend an offer of employment. More specifically, multiple offers, for you to consider. Your outstanding academic achievements as well as your dedication to community involvement have been brought to the attention of the Board of Directors. MSJ Media is committed to hiring the best and the brightest candidates to help achieve a future where, in part, education is free and no one gets left behind. Your passions are exactly the qualities we are looking for in our organization. Enclosed you will find a sign on bonus in the amount of $250,000. This is yours to keep regardless of whether you choose to join us. Also enclosed is a list of positions available within the company for which we feel you would well suited. Please take your time to look over the proposal as well as the salary and benefits information. I have also enclosed information about the company’s philanthropic works and current charitable giving, as well as our public disclosure of financial information.

  Please take the time to consider each job and list any questions you may have about the position.

  I eagerly await your response.

  Sincerely,

  Lucas Walter

  Director of Acquisitions and Development

  MSJ Media

  “What are you going to do?”

  I looked over at Caroline and was speechless.

  “I..I don’t know. Is this for real? Really? Its seems like a joke. No way does a company like MSJ Media contact a college graduate and give them a quarter of a million dollars with no strings attached. There has to be a catch.” I whispered, afraid the entire building would know about the check I had a death grip on in my hand.

  Caroline scanned the letter quickly and shouted “Lucas Walters? Like Mr. Hotness from the bar a few weeks ago? Girl, I told you that night that man wasn’t done with you.”

  “It must be a coincidence with the names. No way is this the same
guy from the bar. There is almost six million people in the Metro area. I’m sure that there are more than one Lucas Walters in the city.” I tried to reason out loud, secretly hoping that it was my Lucas.

  “My” Lucas? Where do all these ideas come from when I think of him?

  “Well, let’s look at MSJ Media and see exactly who this Lucas Walters is. That way, you can get back to the amazing job offers you just received.”

  Grabbing my phone and typing the information in, I was shocked and aroused when his picture loaded onto my screen.

  The things we said as I walked out of the bar is rattling around my head. Words of fate and chance. When in reality, I wished that fate would bring me someone to hold me and love me. Someone who wants to be around me for no other reason than being with me makes him happy.

  Feelings of abandonment and loneliness gripped my heart and squeezed.

  I played it off to the world that I was okay with being single and carefree. In reality, I was the same seven-year-old girl who was cruelly sent away by my father and then orphaned by my mother.

  I wasn’t mad at my mother for dying but losing her at such a young age caused me to build walls around my heart. Walls that I fortified with steel and concrete, afraid to let anyone in. Scared that they would find fault in me and leave me all alone…again.

  The only people I’ve ever let in are my Aunt, Uncle and Caroline. Josh tried to crack the walls and he probably got closer than anyone else I have ever been with. Unfortunately, he wanted a life that I knew I couldn’t to give him. Marriage and children were something that I would not do.

  I’d never allow my child to feel the things I felt growing up. Unwanted, unloved, and a burden.

  I wondered if fate was working on my side. If Lucas would be the one to finally tear down my walls.

  Once again, my wondering thoughts caused me to zone out while staring at Lucas’s picture.

  “Maddie, Oh my God! It’s Mr. Hotness! You know what this means, he’s been looking for you! You need to call him and thank him for the offer. Or maybe you can go down to his office and give him a proper thank you.” Wiggling her eyebrows at me, she let me know where she stood on the job offers.

  She probably thought I should show up at his office in nothing but a trench coat and a smile.

  While I have done some crazy things in trying to be carefree, getting involved with someone like Lucas could possibly be my biggest mistake. Especially if I decided to take a job with MSJ Media.

  Ignoring her remarks, I looked over the job offers and was pleasantly surprised by the number of jobs and the large salaries and bonuses that accompanied them.

  There were offers in literacy and senior development, which would build programs to companion elderly citizens with youth to help them learn to read, write, and build their social skills. Senior positions in finance, even though I had no experience in that field of business, and fundraising and charitable giving, just to name a few.

  As I scanned the page I realized that there were a dozen offers that had salaries, with attached bonuses, would equal around half million dollars a year.

  I’m glad I was sitting down when I really started scrutinizing the documents or I may have fallen to the floor.

  “Recent college grads do not get starting offers like this Caroline! Something is wrong with this whole thing. Why do I feel like Lucas is offering me these jobs with alternative motives attached?”

  “What if he is just the person offering you a job, Maddie? You did register with a job service and have been sending your resume out to a lot of companies around the city. Don’t read too much into this. In cities like New York and Los Angeles, I’m sure this is normal. Atlanta is growing, so if you look at it that way, this is just business for him. He probably didn’t even write the letter himself. He probably has some gorgeous young blonde secretary at his beck and call to do this kind of things. I bet he only signed it because it was with other things requiring his attention. You know? Like a rubber stamp situation.”

  I wasn’t convinced but didn’t say anything else.

  Caroline always saw the best in a situation and I was always waiting for the other shoe to drop. Not a pessimist, per se, just a realist.

  “You’re right. I’m worrying over nothing. Now, help me sort these offers into something that I can give some consideration to.”

  We spent the next hour going over the offers and finally deciding on Literacy and Senior Development. It was definitely area that I was passionate about and where I could make a difference.

  Now, to bite the bullet and give Lucas a call to let him know that Maddie Johnson is the newest employee at MSJ Media. I just hope this decision doesn’t come back to bite me in the ass.

  I had been sitting at my desk for the last two hours, refreshing my email and looking at my phone almost constantly, checking to see if Maddie had made contact yet.

  Get a grip!

  She is going to freak out over the initial offer and knowing Maddie, like I hoped I did, she would meticulously review the offers until she had pro and conned the entire list. I also hoped that she accepted the position created especially for her.

  Hell, they were all created for her. Each position chosen was an area that I thought Maddie would excel in without feeling like a hamster in the corporate wheel, with some positions thrown in that she wouldn’t want in order to make it look more authentic.

  I had Jason’s input on every turn and actually got Jason and Lisa to Skype, in order to make sure that the family that Maddie had and the family she would gain put all animosity aside, for her sake.

  Maddie lived a life full of love from the family that took her in and wrapped her up tightly after Sara’s death. I never wanted my beautiful girl to ever feel unwanted again.

  I started to think back to when Jason took me in after my fathers’ death. It didn’t take him long to tell me about Sara and Maddie. Looking back, I realized he was not only trying to teach me a lesson about being a man by bearing his own shame, but he looked at me as a kind of second chance.

  The intercom interrupted my thoughts “Mr. Walters, Maddie Johnson is on the phone for you. Would you like me to connect the call?” the altered, artificial voice of my secretary calls out into the silence.

  “Yes, please put her through.”

  My heart raced like I’d just ran a marathon. This call would tell me if all of my hard work paid off.

  “This is Lucas Walters. How can I help you Ms. Johnson?” I purposely used the “Ms.” to see if she remembers me. If that brief period of time we spent together stuck with her as much as it did me.

  “No Miss. Just Maddie, Lucas. I guess it really is you. I wondered when the package arrived this morning if it was you, or another Lucas Walters.”

  “It’s me. I am glad you called me back about the job offers. Do you have a decision?” holding my breath, I prayed that she would take the chance.

  “I hoped I could schedule an appointment to sit down and talk with you about the offers you sent.”

  “No appointment needed, Maddie. How about we meet for lunch today and I can answer any questions you may have.”

  “Today? Um…sure. I can meet you whenever is best for you.”

  “How about one o’clock today? Del Sol at Peachtree Plaza should give us privacy to discuss business.”

  Her silence made me panic. Did I go overboard with the restaurant? I wanted something nice and fairly close to her apartment.

  “That sounds nice. I’ll meet you there at one o’clock…Oh, and Lucas?”

  “Yes Maddie?”

  “Thank-you for the opportunity.” Her voice sounded strong and confident.

  “You are welcome but the job offers are all due to your brilliance and civic commitment Maddie. Remember that.”

  After I hung up the phone, I stared off into space for a few minutes, smiling that my plan was beginning to work. It was just a matter of time before I was thoroughly entrenched in Maddie’s life.

  I arrived at the resta
urant fifteen minutes early to ensure we had the best table and to try and calm my nerves. I’m normally in control, but the thought of forever with her was making me crazy.

  At precisely one o’clock, Maddie walked in wearing the most amazing blue sheath dress that highlighted her delicious curves. She wore high heels that accentuated the muscles in her legs and pushed her ass out, making my mouth water.

  I was so enthralled with her beauty that I didn’t realize she was standing in front of me with her head shifted slightly sideways, staring at me questioningly. An amused smile graced her beautiful face, like the sun was shining down from heaven.

  I cleared my throat and stood to greet her, pulling her chair out, and making sure she was comfortably seated, all the while willing my heart to slow down and my lust to cool off. The last thing I wanted to do was to make her uncomfortable around me. No. I wanted her to love me.

  “It is so good to see you again. I’m glad you looked over the offers and have agreed to join MSJ Media.” I used the most professional voice I could muster.

  Did this woman know how hard I was working to not pull her into a kiss and devour her?

  “It’s good to see you too, Lucas, though I am surprised by all of this. How on earth did you find me?” she asked, almost shy in her delivery.

  This is not the Maddie I knew. No. This was a shy and scared young woman, looking for her place in the world and afraid of losing herself in the process.

  “Like I explained on the phone, it was all unplanned. Your name came across my desk a month or so ago in a resume sweep we conduct quarterly. We look at the most recent graduates of various programs and degrees and then offer them employment before they are snatched up by a competitor. We only hire the best and the brightest at MSJ and after our…” he hesitated, “…meeting, I decided that you were most definitely the best of the best. So we made you an offer. When I met you in the bar a few weeks ago, your name sounded familiar, but I deal with quite a number of people in business, so I brushed it off as déjà vu.” I tried to explain, telling just enough of the truth to be honest, but holding back to protect her and this precarious situation we were in.