Real Vampires Don't Wear Size Six

by Bartlett, Gerry

  “Sounds fascinating.” Penny grinned at Nathan.

  I grabbed Penny by the shoulders and looked her dead in the eyes. “Stay the hell away from him.”

  “Make me.” Penny jerked free, snatched up her cat, who’d finally come out from under the bed, and ran for her bedroom.

  I flopped on the couch next to Nate. “You see what I’m up against?”

  “Wait till you see what Ray’s doing. Penny’s just a kid acting out.” Nate looked tired and worried. “Come tomorrow night. Last performance before the band breaks for vacation. A venue out at Zilker Park. General admission. I really didn’t want them to do it but Ray insisted. He likes Austin. Plans to stay here to cut the album so he wanted to give back.” Nate shook his head. “Ticket prices were ridiculously cheap. It’ll be a mob scene.”

  “I’ll be there, though I’m not sure what I can do to help.” I leaned back and glanced toward where I could hear scratching at Penny’s bedroom door. Obviously Boogie wasn’t happy being shut in. “Sometimes people need to make their own mistakes.”

  “Thanks, Glory. If there’s anything I can do for you, just let me know.” Nate yawned, obviously exhausted.

  I leaned against him and inhaled, telling myself I was never going to drink from this mortal no matter how delicious he smelled. I got up, grabbed my bottle of synthetic and chugged it.

  “Just leave before you become my late-night snack.” I pulled him up and walked him to the door.

  Nate grinned and kissed my cheek. “You wouldn’t. Though you’re more than welcome. Have to tell you though.” He lost his grin and shuddered. “The truth is, I knew Ray was losing it when he threw me down and drank from me last night.” He winced when I gripped his hand and let my horror show. “Yep, his best bud. Luckily one of the shifters I’d hired to watch him ran in and wrestled him off me or I’d be dead, drained dry.” Tears sheened his dark eyes. “I had to be driven to the hospital for a transfusion, Glory. I was that far gone. We had a hell of a time arranging that too. Fortunately, I know a doctor . . .” He shrugged, trying to go for casual, and failing. “I’m scared, Glory. For Ray, for our friendship. This time he went too far.”

  “Oh, Nate. I’m so sorry.” I pulled him into my arms and just held him. Ray had crossed a line and I was wondering if he could be pulled back. If the council got wind of this, they’d take a hard look at Ray. Because he was an inch away from going rogue. I shuddered. And there was only one outcome for a rogue vampire in Austin. That was at the end of a stake.

  Seven

  I had to put some time in at the shop. At least I didn’t have to worry about Penny. She was busy supervising her move, nervous about her computer and her research. I’d arranged to meet Nathan at ten o’clock near Zilker Park. When the sweet scent hit me, I was going over receipts near the register while my night clerk, Erin, helped a customer.

  “Not avoiding that full-length mirror, are you, Glory?” Spyte came through the door first. He was a vision in blue tonight. His baby blue satin shirt clung to broad shoulders and did great things for his eyes, which were blue tonight, and his honey blond hair. His navy trousers had a sheen that shouted Italian silk.

  “Nonsense. I bet she’s already bought one for upstairs. Am I right, Glory dear?” Caryon wore a silver gray suit and black shirt. His tie had a stripe that pulled it all together. The pair drew admiring looks from my female customers. If they only knew . . .

  “That’s what you wanted, wasn’t it? For me to obsess about my fat butt?” I came out from behind the counter and, yeah, tried not to catch a glimpse of my reflection just visible down one aisle. Big butt, thighs, and why had I ever thought I could wear this shade of gold, which made my hair look dull and my skin washed out? I was definitely changing tops before I met Nate.

  Spyte’s smirk propelled me toward the back of the shop. “Follow me. We can’t talk out here.” I gestured toward the door that led to my storeroom.

  “I think we’re making progress, Spyte. Yes, I do.” Caryon was on my heels after I murmured to Erin where I was going.

  “In your dreams.” I smiled and opened the door. “Come inside. I don’t want to run off my customers. If they keep inhaling your stench, they’re likely to discover a craving and head next door for a muffin.”

  “Yes, we do have that yummy thing going on, don’t we?” Spyte wrinkled his nose. “Holy hellfire. Here’s a stench. Do I smell mothballs, Glory? Where do you get your stock? Dumpsters?” He picked up a vintage shirtwaist dress that had indeed come from a street person who’d found a box of great things on a curb destined for the garbage.

  “Never mind that. I want to make it clear, hellboys, that I am not and never will work for Lucifer. Now you can clear out and take your mirror tricks with you.” I threw the dead bolts and opened the back door. To my shock, Rafe was standing in the alley like he’d been about to use his key.

  “Sorry, Glo, but I’m here with orders from down below.” He smiled ruefully. “Remember that payback I told you about? Yeah, it’s a bitch.” Rafe took my arm and stepped inside, throwing the bolts home again. “Hey, Frick and Frack. See you’re still on the case too.”

  “Some respect would be nice.” Caryon sniffed. “I don’t think you can afford to be flip, Valdez.”

  “And I don’t think you can afford to piss me off, shitface.” Rafe’s eyes glowed red.

  “Uh, guys, calm down. I really don’t want my shop going up in flames. Again.” Or my shoes. I had on some nice platform heels. I stepped between them. Maybe not my smartest move, though I knew Rafe would never hurt me. But Caryon’s eyes sparked red now too and the place was heating up. Unfortunately, my shop had gone up in smoke before. Firebomb. My budget couldn’t handle another rebuilding.

  “We’re going to cooperate now, aren’t we, fellas?” Spyte stepped into the fray, flicking me aside like an irritating gnat.

  “Rafe, what is this about? Surely you’re not here to persuade me to be Lucifer’s trash collector.” Tears popped into my eyes. Not Rafe, my best friend, a man I’d depended on and who I knew in my heart was a good guy.

  Rafe finally gave up his stare-down with Caryon and turned to me. “I’m sorry, Glory. You think I want to do this? I’m stuck with a debt that I have no other way to pay. You know I have demon blood and used my powers when I shouldn’t have.”

  “That demon stuff is his best part.” Spyte dared lay a hand on Rafe’s shoulder and I thought the flame-throwing was going to start then and there. But Rafe just shrugged it off.

  “Not going to waste time arguing that.” He took my hand. “You know how I feel. Better that I jump in here than let these two loose on you. I think I’ve figured out a way we can satisfy my deal and get Lucifer’s bootlickers—”

  “Hey!” Now Spyte shoved a shoulder between us, his eyes shooting off sparks.

  “Chill, honey, I want to hear what our little bootlicker has to say.” Caryon’s smile was the stuff of nightmares. I shuddered and clutched Rafe’s hand like a lifeline, even though Spyte stood with his back to me and face-to-face with Rafe.

  “The day you get what I decide is too close to me or Glory here is the day you find out what hell is really like, you piece of shit.” Rafe hit both demons with a glare that could have peeled the paint off the walls. Now I was really worried. For him. To my shock, Caryon merely nodded with what might have been respect and Spyte snorted but moved out of our space. Hmm.

  “Go on,” Caryon ordered.

  I kept my mouth shut, trying desperately to stay out of this pissing contest. If I’d had the power of invisibility, I’d have been wallpaper. I was so clearly outmatched when it came to powers here. Even if I shifted into something tiny enough to hide or dangerous enough to attack them, they’d be able to stomp me, freeze me, fry me. The options were endless.

  “As I was saying . . .” Rafe put his hands on my shoulders and gave me an encouraging smile. Like that was going to make me relax. Hah! “Glory, what would be the harm if we could at least bring them the one they�
�re jonesing for?”

  “Simon. He won’t deal with us. What’s his motive for changing sides?” I focused on Rafe, desperate to ignore the demons, who seemed to be crowding too close to me.

  “I’ve been thinking about that.” Rafe seemed to realize what I was doing. “Back off, creeps. Give Glory some breathing room.”

  “She doesn’t have to breathe.” Caryon scratched his earlobe. “I want to hear this.”

  “One soul? Not nearly good enough to satisfy Luc. And you know, Valdez, that if you don’t bring this assignment in successfully, there will be hell to pay.” Spyte managed a toothy grin, though he was obviously pouting. He sat on my table, the shirtwaist a mangled mess under him. I had a feeling the bootlicking comment had struck a nerve. Maybe he didn’t like the taste of leather.

  “What does he mean, Rafe?” I really didn’t like the sound of Spyte’s threat.

  “Ignore him. Now Simon’s got a son, Freddy. Do you think he wants a relationship with him?” Rafe had clearly decided to take his own advice and ignore the demons for now.

  “Most men would.” I was getting an idea and saw where Rafe was headed. “And Freddy is a good guy. Never would want to have anything to do with the Energy Vampires. Money and power aren’t his thing.”

  “Sounds like a sorry excuse for a son to me.” Spyte started juggling a fireball and I gasped when it danced close to my hair.

  “Hush, Spyte. I think they’re going to work for us.” Caryon smiled. “Start with Simon. We already told you we want him. Pull him over to us and all will be cool. For a while, anyway.” He flashed me with a little crackle heat from his red eyes. I jerked and blinked, my eyelashes stinging. Surely he hadn’t . . . “But don’t think you’ll be totally off the hook. Especially you, Valdez. You can’t just use your demonic powers and not pay and pay, now can you?” He winked.

  “Simon should be enough for you. Let Glory help with this and then forget her.” Rafe kept me close by his side. “What do you say, Glory? Are you up for getting Simon as Lucifer’s plaything?”

  “I hate Simon. Don’t care where he ends up, as long as it’s somewhere down below. But you and I both know, Rafe, that a deal with a demon isn’t worth shit.” I knew Rafe could feel me shaking from the truth of that statement. Example: Why were my eyelashes now crumbling crisps? That was a damned mean trick and totally undeserved. I shot Caryon a hard look and a pithy mental message. Of course both of these creeps were reading my mind.

  “If you’re looking for guarantees, Glory dear, you can forget it. And you can buy excellent fake lashes at your nearest drugstore. Doesn’t hurt to have a reminder that we’re powerful enough to make you miserable if you think to wriggle out of any deal we make.” Caryon laughed when Rafe frowned, studied my face, then bit out a colorful curse.

  “Relax, Valdez, they’ll grow back. Now you two get busy. And, Glory, there’s a bright side. You have your reflection.” Cue maniacal laugh. “Think. You’re going to give us the king of the EVs, who you yourself acknowledge is an evil man. He’ll only get what he so richly deserves—a hellacious afterlife.” Spyte hopped around in what could only be described as a demon version of a happy dance.

  Caryon frowned at him. “He’s right. You know Simon’s goddess, who is a major slut, by the way, had probably planned to give him a cushy spot enjoying sizzling sex with her when he finally gets that stake he’s been cruising for all these years.”

  “Yes, I bet she does. He worships her and has fed her energy for centuries from the poor saps he captures. He almost got my energy once.” I held on to Rafe. He’d actually come up with a solution I thought I could live with. But how did we pull this off? What did you do to get someone to sell his soul? Barter? Coercion? Would it help to do a web search for deals with the Devil?

  “Relax, dear girl. We have a contract. When the time comes, we’ll make sure you know what to do.” Caryon clapped his hand on Spyte’s shoulder when he started to levitate. “Calm down, my man. You’re embarrassing yourself.”

  “Can’t help it. Lucifer is going to be so happy.” Spyte grinned, all fangs and candy breath. “Maybe he’ll even shut down the karaoke for a while.”

  “Silence? That would be too much to hope for. One more screaming version of ‘Endless Love’ and I’m going to . . .” Caryon rubbed his forehead. “Never mind.” He gave Rafe and me a stern look. “This isn’t a done deal yet. And the penalty for failure is steep. Valdez is Exhibit A, Gloriana.” He glanced at Spyte and sighed. “Don’t you dare reveal your true nature!”

  “I can’t resist, Glory doesn’t like them. Look at her, she’s freaking.” Spyte now wore face paint, red pants, a green polkadot shirt and a blue bow tie. He squirted us with water from his bright yellow flower, then tooted a horn, which made me flinch.

  I clung to Rafe. Spyte was right, I didn’t like clowns. Yes, maybe it was a stupid phobia, but I’d never been comfortable around them. Leave it to a demon to zero in on it and take advantage.

  Spyte danced closer to me and laughed when I cringed. “Going to cooperate now, Glory?”

  “Leave her alone. She’s going to. Aren’t you?” Rafe looked down and I managed a weak nod. “Now back off, asshole.” He put his hand on Spyte’s loud shirt and shoved.

  “Takes one to know one.” Spyte giggled and did a flip, landing on my table and squirting Caryon and Rafe with his flower.

  “Now you know what we endure down there.” Caryon sighed and wiped the moisture off his face. “Clowns. Hell is full of them, the kind who like to torment kids. They actually have contests to see how many of them can fit into those little cars, then race, running over toys and Christmas ornaments.” He shuddered. “Exhausting.”

  “Not as exhausting as watching you channel that loan officer who came down last week. Too bad you aren’t buying your apartment, Glory. Cary just loves a foreclosure.” Spyte gave me a creepy smile. “So he’s really pissy this trip. Even for you, Cary, that eyelash thing was low.”

  “I left her eyebrows!” Caryon poked Spyte in his bulbous red nose.

  “You sure you weren’t aiming for them?” Spyte squirted Caryon in the eye before they both vanished.

  I surprised myself with a giggle, then buried my face in Rafe’s shirt. Before I knew it, I was crying bitter tears. Rafe’s arms were strong as he rocked me against him. I finally pushed back and took the tissue he’d grabbed from a box on the table. I blew my nose and wiped my wet cheeks.

  “Sorry for the meltdown.”

  “You earned it. That was pretty intense.” He leaned down and picked up the dress Spyte had knocked to the floor. “At least they’re finally gone.”

  “But they can pop back in at any time.” I sat on the one chair in the room. “A deal with the Devil? You have any idea how that freaks me out?”

  “Of course I do.” He knelt down in front of me and took my hands. “And I know this is my fault. Alesa came here for me and landed in you.”

  “Well, now. I guess you owe me, don’t you?” I kept my face solemn and saw his stricken look. “Oh, relax, Rafe. You know I don’t blame you. Stuff happens. We all have baggage and you never could have predicted what she’d do. And I was the one who made you so mad you used your demonic powers. So I guess I can take some of the blame here.” I kissed his lips, briefly, not letting it get into too much.

  “I appreciate your attitude. But I can’t let you accept any of this responsibility. Corralling Destiny for Lucifer is going to be tough. I have no illusions about that. I just want this to go away so I can keep you safe, damn it. I don’t want to lose you.” This time Rafe leaned forward, one hand threading through my hair when he took my lips, his mouth lingering as he plundered mine. I felt that kiss all the way down to where he’d worked my knees apart and slid in between them.

  I wrapped my arms around his waist and sank in, meeting his greedy kiss with my own. Yes, I wanted him. Jerry had been right about that. And I loved Rafe. Enough to . . . ?

  A knock on the door pulled us apart.


  “Glory, you told me to remind you when it was nine thirty.” Erin called through the door.

  “Thanks, Erin. I’ll be leaving from the back in a few.” I sighed and touched Rafe’s cheek. “Got to go.”

  “What’s up?” He brushed back my hair.

  “I’m meeting Nate. He asked for my help with Ray. Our rocker is back on the sauce, vampire-style.” I stood, with Rafe’s help, and walked over to the mirror above the bathroom sink.

  “Oh, God! Look at me! Damn, Caryon. I can’t believe he took my eyelashes.” And of course my hair was a fright too. Add to that the fact that Rafe had kissed away my lipstick and I was a total freak show. I rummaged in the makeup bag I kept back there but didn’t hold out much hope.

  “Wait here, I’ve got an idea.” Rafe patted me on the back and headed into the shop. I repaired my lipstick and got rid of the remains of my eyelashes with my powder puff.

  “Here, put these on. You’re going to a rock concert. You’ll fit right in with the crowd there.” He handed me a pair of vintage Ray-Ban sunglasses.

  “Shades?” I grinned at myself in the mirror. “Brilliant. And you’re right. Ray’s friends totally wear these at night. Especially if they’re hungover.”

  “There you go. Now tell me something.” Rafe grinned at me in the mirror.

  “Anything.” I attacked my hair with a brush.

  “Two things.” Rafe turned my face toward his. “Holy crap. You really can see your reflection. I heard Spyte say something, but I guess I wasn’t really thinking about the ramifications. Doesn’t it just blow you away? After all these years?” He laughed.

  Tears sprang to my eyes. Of course Rafe understood. He knew me so well. “Yes. But it’s a double-edged sword.” I turned back to check my face in the mirror. “I want to be able to do my makeup without that computer thingy Ian made for me but then I see that I never should have bought this sweater. Gold is not my color.”

  Rafe frowned. “I see what you mean. I like you better in blue or red. Want me to run out to the shop and get you a different one? I know you like to look good when you see the rock star.”