Real Vampires Don't Wear Size Six

by Bartlett, Gerry

To my surprise my fledgling had come through with a pair of false eyelashes her sister Jenny had given her. Getting those on straight slowed me down, but I’d just made it into the living room when there was a knock on the door. I knew who it was so I sent Penny into the bathroom for her shower before I let Rafe in.

  “It’s Rafe. Stay calm, Jerry.” I gave my lover a warning look.

  “What the hell’s he doing here?” Jerry jumped up to stand by my side. Ray just smiled. He’d taken off his boots and had his bare feet propped on the back of the couch.

  “This is gonna be good. Oh, how I wish for the days of popcorn and beer.” Of course Ray knew all about my fling with Rafe. It had infuriated him and hurt him at the time. Now he just wanted to see how Jerry handled it.

  “Shut up, Ray.” I unlocked the door and opened it. “Come in, Rafe.”

  “What is this?” He looked from a glowering Jerry to a grinning Ray. “An ambush?”

  “No.” I put my hand on Jerry’s chest and felt the rumble of a barely suppressed growl. “Not at all.” I stared up at his frowning face. “Jerry, maybe you should head home and take your shower there.”

  “Not likely.” He smiled suddenly when he saw Rafe sniffing the air and obviously picking up on something that caused a furrow between his own dark brows. I’d showered off my hint of sex, but Jerry reeked of me and how we’d made love the night before. Ray had probably noticed, but no longer cared enough to even give me grief about it.

  “Glory and I have business to discuss. It’s none of yours.” Rafe shut the door behind him. “I believe she asked you to leave.”

  “I’m going to have to tell him what’s going on, Rafe. No more secrets.” I felt Jerry’s hand slide into mine. Possessive. I understood and accepted it.

  “He’s going to blow a fuse.” Rafe glanced at Ray. “And what the hell is he doing here?”

  “I’m here for the show. I can’t wait to see how Glory keeps the two of you from killing each other.” Ray sat up, looking more alert by the minute. I saw that he had finished one bottle of synthetic.

  “Think you can walk, Ray? Go lie on my bed. We don’t need an audience.” I nodded toward my bedroom. Maybe that wasn’t a good idea with the alcohol stashed in there, but Ray wasn’t budging.

  “No, too weak. I’m still sick. Either bring me a real drink or call me a cab.” Ray patted his pockets. “Hell, I don’t even have my phone or wallet.”

  “Yes, I know. You’re here to dry out. If you think you can handle it.” I really didn’t want to get into this now, especially not with this audience. Rafe and Jerry both looked ready to reach for cab fare and to haul Ray to the street.

  “I can handle it. But I don’t want to.” He rubbed his forehead. “Whatever. Go ahead, do your thing. I’m going to bed.” He heaved himself to his feet and staggered toward my bedroom. He hit the wall on his way and I ran to help him, tossing back the covers to the clean sheets I’d put on the bed after Jerry and I had gotten up at sunset.

  “I’m sorry, Glory. Call Nate. He’ll come take me off your hands.” Ray pulled my fingers to his lips.

  “Not right now, Ray. I’ve got my hands full.” I sighed. “Rest. I’ll check back with you in a few minutes. Okay?”

  “I feel like shit. What’s the matter with me? I’m supposed to heal.” His eyes fluttered closed and I pulled my hand out of his.

  “You’ve abused your body. Even vampires have limits.” I turned and left the room. No time for this. At least the living room was quiet. Which meant Rafe and Jerry weren’t fighting. Yet.

  “Now, Gloriana. Want to tell me what you and Valdez are working on together?” Jerry gestured for me to sit on the couch. Of course he was beside me, too close beside me, in an instant.

  Rafe sat in the chair Jerry had used earlier. He studied me with his warm brown eyes and I knew he was hurt and not a little disillusioned. I could easily read his thoughts. There Glory goes again, back to Blade and her old dependent ways. I sat up straight and slid into a corner of the couch, using my knees to put some space between Jerry and me.

  “Okay, here’s the deal. Alesa, the demon who possessed me before—”

  “Valdez’s ex-wife.” Jerry glared at Rafe.

  “Yes, she was that. Anyway, she went down to hell after we drove her out and apparently bragged about how strong I was.” I looked at Rafe for help.

  “Knowing her kind, that was to save face. She was trapped in Glory for a good long while. Any demon worth her salt should have been able to jump right back out again after what happened. Instead, she was stuck in Glory. Couldn’t get back to hell until we used extreme measures.”

  “Right. The exorcism and the power of love.” Jerry looked beyond grim. “This all goes back to you and your demon origins, Valdez.”

  Rafe leaned forward, his elbows on his knees. “Which you knew about and appreciated when you hired me to look after Glory. Thought my powers might be useful.”

  “Okay, so that’s a standoff. Am I right?” I didn’t like the heat rising from Rafe or the way Jerry’s fangs were glinting in the lamplight.

  “Not exactly. What has that to do with now? You sent this demon bitch back where she belongs. So you’re done, Gloriana. Valdez no longer works for me. He’s no longer your bodyguard or your lover. Am I right?” Jerry stared at me, almost daring me to close my mind to him.

  I didn’t. I opened it wide. “No, he’s not my lover. That’s history.” I turned to Rafe. “I’m sorry, Rafe, but Jerry and I are together now. What you and I did . . .” I stopped. No need to dredge that up. “Anyway, I’m committed to making our relationship work now.”

  “Committed. Working. Fine. Have at it. But you and I are in a hell of a mess.” Rafe glared at Jerry. “Sorry, but we’re committed too. And if I don’t help you, Glory, we’re both up shit creek.”

  “Explain.” Jerry bit off the word.

  “Alesa did such a sales job on me that two demons showed up, determined to make me an offer I couldn’t refuse.” I sighed. “They want me to work for Lucifer, to collect souls for him.”

  “That’s ridiculous.” Jerry smiled. “Anyone who knows you would never expect for a moment that you’d go over to the dark side.”

  “Exactly!” I wanted to reach over and hug him. But I didn’t. Rafe was here and I wanted to keep the tone of this meeting as neutral as possible. “They even tried bribing me. Said if I did this, they’d make me a size six, permanently.” I laughed. “Like that would do it.”

  “I remember when you went down to that size, in California.” Jerry reached over and rubbed my bare knee, exposed by my skirt. “You were too thin, lost your full curves. You weren’t the Glory I knew and loved.”

  “Well, maybe not physically, Jer, but, no matter the size of my outside, I’m always the same inside you know.” I frowned, hearing myself. Hello? When I was right, I was right.

  “I could have told you that, Blade.” Rafe just had to put his two cents in. He nodded at Jerry like get a clue.

  “Don’t start, Rafe.” I sighed. “In that world, Hollywood, surrounded by so many glamorous stick-thin women? It was important to me. And, I admit it, ultracool. A dream come true.” I sighed again. Too bad it hadn’t lasted. I’d always consider Ian MacDonald a genius for creating a vampire diet drug that worked. But so temporary and so outrageously expensive. Ray had paid for it. Which reminded me. I could see that he’d shut my bedroom door. What was he up to in there? If he was hunting for my Blud-Lite . . .

  “Regardless, she turned them down flat. Even though they gave her another incentive.” Rafe smiled at me. “She can see herself in a mirror. Actually gets a reflection.”

  “I don’t believe it.” Jerry gripped my knee.

  “Oh, believe it. I’ll show you later.” I sat up straight, effectively getting away from Jerry’s hold. I was afraid this next bit of news was going to make him crazy. “Then they called in the big guns.”

  “How so?” Jerry looked from me to Rafe.

  “Me. I owe hell a f
avor.” Rafe shot me a look that said it wasn’t too late for me to abandon him. I sent him a mental message that he could forget it. “For using my powers. So I’m charged with helping Glory work for Lucifer.”

  “No, by God!” Jerry jumped up, gripping Rafe by his shirt front.

  “You think I want her working for demons?” Rafe shoved at Jerry and the sofa moved.

  I jerked the coffee table out of the way. I’d already lost one to a fight in here and I really liked this one.

  “Calm down, both of you. There’s nothing we can do except work to fix this.”

  “All of this comes down to this damned demon.” Jerry snarled at Rafe.

  “You brought me here. Let me get to know Glory, love her. This is your damned fault, Scotsman.” Rafe was livid and he threw a punch that landed with a sickening crunch on Jerry’s nose. Blood spurted and I screamed.

  “If you love Glory, then get these hellspawn away from her. Do something!” Jerry roared and charged, hitting Rafe solidly in the midsection and reducing my chair to kindling as they hit the floor.

  “Stop it!” I kicked at both of them but they didn’t even notice, too busy pummeling each other as blood sprayed the wooden floor and pieces of chair crunched under their bodies.

  “Nice.” Ray stood in the doorway, a bottle of Blud-Lite in his hand.

  “Damn it!” If that didn’t just make this whole thing worse.

  “Glory, your cell is ringing.” Penny came out of the bathroom, my cell phone in her hand. I guess I’d left it next to my makeup bag. The mirror in there was now my favorite place in the apartment.

  Jerry and Rafe cursed and rolled toward me. I threw up my hands and stalked around the back of the couch. To hell with them. To hell with Ray too, who now leaned against the bathroom door, flirting with Penny. I grabbed my phone, shoved Penny toward her bedroom and Ray into the bathroom, then slammed the door. I finally answered the phone, though I could barely hear over the grunts, curses and crashes from the living room.

  “Hello?”

  “Glory? It’s Erin. We’ve got an emergency in the shop. You’d better get down here.”

  “What kind of emergency? I’ve got a situation up here that’s pretty bad at the moment.” Damn it, there went my lamp. Jerry was paying for a new one. I was pretty sure he’d started this brawl with his attitude. Then Rafe’s red eyes started heating up and I was afraid he was going to owe hell even more favors. I had to stop this, right now.

  “Paparazzi. Seems you and Israel Caine are back together again if the fact that his SUV is parked behind this building is any indication. Which is way cool. But you know what happens. We’re swamped. You went to that concert and someone got a picture of the two of you right after he did a header off the stage. Is he okay?” Erin sounded breathless. “Yes, ma’am, this is her shop. Oh, yes, I’ll ring you up.” I heard the rustle of fabric. A sale.

  “Erin, I’ll be down in a few. Ray’s fine. But we’re not—” I almost fell in when the bathroom door opened behind me. Ray came out wearing nothing but a towel around his waist after what had to be his quickest shower ever.

  “Damn, that water’s cold.” He snagged me around the waist. “Let me call Nate and get some clothes up here.”

  I heard more glass breaking in the living room. “Erin, hang in there. Give me five minutes to kill a few men and I’ll be down.” I shut the phone and handed it to Ray. “Knock yourself out.”

  “Thanks, sweet thing.” He gave me a smile and a squeeze. “Better do something about your guy in there before he kills your dog.”

  “You are such a jerk.” I took his hand off my waist and charged into the wreckage of my living room. “Stop!”

  Jerry rolled off Rafe and lay panting on the floor. His shirt was ripped and bloody and both eyes were swollen to slits. Obviously he’d been ready to call a halt or he’d never have obeyed me. Rafe lay on the floor where Jerry had left him. He had long gashes in his skin where obviously Jerry had used his fangs to good effect, and he was bleeding all over the floor and what was left of his ripped shirt. His lips were cut and swollen to double their normal size.

  “Aren’t you a pretty pair?” I put my hands on my hips. “And look at the mess you made.” I figured the only piece of furniture still worth keeping was the couch. Both chairs had been destroyed, along with my lamp and various decorations I had used to make the living room homey. My coffee table hadn’t survived either. Damn it. “Did this solve anything?”

  “Sorry, Glory.” Rafe winced as he sat up. “Guess we should have taken this outside.”

  “Ya think?” I kicked the broken lampshade aside to make a path. “You will pay for every bit of damage. Both of you.” I glared at Jerry, who was getting to his feet. I saw him bite his lip against the pain but didn’t have much sympathy for him. His temper had started this.

  “Of course. Send me half the bill.” Jerry held on to the wall as he staggered. “The shifter can pay the other half.”

  “It should all be on you.” Rafe was on his feet now and grabbed a kitchen towel to wipe the blood off his arms. “You put your hands on me first. I don’t take that shit from anybody.”

  Jerry smiled. “You just took it from me. How’d you like the beat-down?”

  Rafe growled, obviously about to launch himself at Jerry again.

  “No!” I jumped between them. “I’ve got to get to the shop. Apparently Ray and I are an item again, according to the tabloids, and all hell has broken loose down there.”

  “Seems hell has broken loose up here too.” Penny stared around the room in dismay. “You didn’t bump into my computer, did you?” She picked her way to the kitchen table and anxiously checked the new setup there.

  “See? See what you’ve done? Is this an example to set for a fledgling, Jerry?” I thumped him on his bruised chest and had the pleasure of seeing him wince. “And, Rafe, get that smile off your face. You threw the first punch and owe me for half. Make no mistake about that.” I grabbed my purse, which, luckily, had been in a chair safely near Penny’s computer. I stomped back to the bathroom door and held out my hand. Ray, having just ended a call, slapped the phone into it.

  “Nate coming?”

  “No. He’s pissed at me. Says for me to stay here and dry out.” Ray shook his head. “What the hell is the matter with him? Where’s the loyalty?”

  “I think you drank it, Ray. Right out of his veins.” I clomped into my bedroom, picked up the bag of Blud-Lite that Ray had obviously unearthed from my hamper, and hefted it. “This is coming with me. Take Nate’s advice and dry out. I’ll check in on you later. You and I are a couple again.” I brushed my hand on his cheek. “Sorry, sweetie. I know this is going to be rough. Please try to stick with it.”

  His answer was a lunge for the bag that made him stagger. “Glory, I need to leave and work on my research at the lab at school. My computer is okay now, but . . .” Penny glanced at Jerry and Rafe.

  “Oh, they are both leaving. Immediately. Don’t touch this mess. One or both of them will come back later and help me clean it up.” I grabbed the doorknob and opened the door. “Am I right?”

  Jerry nodded. “Of course I’ll be back. Don’t expect the shifter though.”

  “We still need to talk. I don’t want her involved with these demons any more than you do, Blade. I told her that.” Rafe glanced at Jerry, then me.

  “Yes, well, I can’t let them torture you when I . . .” I shook my head. Jerry didn’t need to know the details of why Rafe had lost his cool and used his powers. “You’re my friend. I don’t abandon friends who need me. Get it, Jerry? Ray, you hear that?”

  “Glory the good witch,” Ray muttered as he staggered over to fall on the couch. “I hear you. Thanks, I guess.”

  “Gloriana, you need to think about this.” Jerry glared at Rafe. “Valdez is letting you off the hook.”

  “I know. Not accepting that. Now I’ve got to get down to the shop.” I shoved them both out to the hall. “I suggest you each go upstairs, shift
and disappear that way. I have a feeling the paparazzi will be camped on my doorstep waiting for a Glory sighting. I really don’t want to be seen with either one of you looking like you’ve been mugged. They’ll assume Ray took you on and won.”

  “Hey, I like that.” Ray grinned, but the effect was ruined when he lurched to his feet and ran into the bathroom. We could all hear him heaving into the toilet. Uh-oh.

  I hurried to look in on him. “You okay?”

  “Yeah, yeah. Get out of here. Clear everyone out. Guess it’s what I deserve.” He looked up at me, a towel in his hand, his face pale. “The fewer who see me like this, the better. You dig?”

  I ran cool water on a washcloth and wiped his face. “I really will come up and check on you in a while. There’s plenty of regular synthetic if you feel like it.”

  He grabbed my hand. “Thanks, babe. I know you and Nate mean well.”

  “Yeah, we both love you.” I brushed his hair back from his face. “Need help getting back to bed?”

  “No, think I’d better camp out here next to the john for a while. Go. I mean it.” He leaned back against the bathtub, managing to flash me. Ray as usual noticed me looking and winked. “Or stay if you can get rid of the brawlers out there.”

  “Gloriana?” Jerry was suddenly behind me in the hallway.

  “I’m coming. And you’re leaving.” I shook my head at Ray and pushed Jerry toward the door. When Jer leaned toward me as if he thought to kiss me good-bye, I held up my hand.

  “No, not going to happen.” I whipped out my compact, checked my lipstick and dabbed some translucent powder on my nose. “You’re bloody and I’m mad at you. Penny, will there be mortals at the lab?”

  “Uh, no. Too late for that. I’ll be alone. I’ve got a key card and the security code. This won’t be the first time I’ve gone in late to work.” She picked up her laptop and stuffed it and some papers into a canvas bag. “And I drank two bottles of synthetic in case I run into anybody.”

  I stared at her, pretty sure she was up to something, but just didn’t have the time to deal with her right now. “Okay, take off and make it soon. Ray would like some privacy. Just don’t mess with any mortals. Remember the council’s termination policy.”