Real Vampires Don't Wear Size Six

by Bartlett, Gerry

  “Oh, he’s upstairs.” Never should have said it. The decibel level rose to shattering-glass range and they surged toward the door.

  “And is Penny up there too?” Jenny dragged me with them.

  “No! She went to the lab.” I put on the brakes and hid my smile at the moans of disappointment.

  “I brought her a treat from home. Mom mailed it to me. Maybe I can take it up and leave it for her.” Jenny pulled a tin out of her Coach tote. The way it rattled, I figured there were six cookies left in it, max, and the Christmas tin was a dead giveaway that this wasn’t a recent care package.

  “Give it to me. I’ll make sure she gets it.” I snatched it out of her hand and passed it to Erin. The werewolf stashed it under the counter and I knew she’d take care of it personally once the girls were gone.

  “Has Penny met Israel?” Jenny raised her eyes toward the ceiling, like she wished she had X-ray vision.

  “Of course. So embarrassing. She caught him coming out of the shower earlier.” Sorry, but couldn’t resist. My fledgling needed some points over the so-perfect Jenny and this was just too choice. Jenny collapsed on one of her friend’s shoulders and all of them moaned in Penny envy.

  “How long will he be staying with you?” Jenny was obviously trying to figure out how to meet Ray. “Penny and I really need to get together.”

  “Why don’t you just call her and meet for coffee somewhere?” I smiled. “Ray’s a private person. I’m sure you understand. Rock stars. It’s a nightmare the way the tabloids hound us. I never give out his schedule.” I gestured toward the three cameramen still lounging around the front of the shop, waiting for me to come out or, better yet, for Ray to emerge.

  “Oh, my lips would be sealed.” Jenny actually did the old finger-locking-the-lips thing. “It would be so cool if I could meet him, get an autograph. Maybe he could sing for our end-of-year social.”

  I laughed and walked the girls to the door. “Sorry, not happening. If you were on YouTube, you saw his horrific fall. Ray’s still recuperating. That’s why he’s with me. In fact, I’m going upstairs in a few minutes to check on him. Shouldn’t have left him alone this long.” I patted Jenny on the back.

  “But—” Jenny could see opportunity slipping away.

  “So sorry to disappoint you. Maybe I’ll get him to sign a few photos or CDs for you. Okay?” I eased them out the door, finally prying Jenny’s fingers off my arm. “Bye. I’ve got to go get my purse. You should call Penny.”

  I shut the door and headed to the back room. CiCi was just coming out.

  “They’ll be here any minute.” She looked stoked. “I told them to come to the alley door.”

  “Great.” I hoped Ray was okay upstairs, but followed CiCi into the back room in time to hear a knock on the door.

  Frederick and his partner were both handsome men. It made me remember Penny’s comment about vampire males. Yes, they usually were perfect specimens. What was up with that?

  “Thanks for coming, guys. I’ve got a situation that I need help with. Did your mother explain, Freddy?” I settled on the table while CiCi took my one chair again.

  “Something to do with my father? I hope you know I’m cutting all ties with him. I told him that the last time we were out there. I can’t take all that Energy Vampire crap.” Freddy glanced at Derek. “Derek made me realize I was letting Simon’s power go to my head. The bastard was doing a mind-control thing on me, trying to get me to come on board as his successor.”

  Derek put his hand on Freddy’s arm. “It was because he was proud of you. He thought the offer was an honor. But your mother raised you to be decent, Fred. Obviously you couldn’t go that way.”

  CiCi dabbed at her eyes. “Thank you, Derek. You don’t know what it means to hear you say that. I was so afraid . . .”

  “Mother, I would never serve a goddess from hell.” Freddy lifted her hand to his lips. “I wanted a father, but not one who could sacrifice people to feed a monster. I told Simon that.”

  “So you gave him an ultimatum?” I couldn’t believe it. If I’d planned this, it couldn’t have worked out better. Now if only Simon wanted a relationship with his son badly enough, maybe we could work a deal.

  “Basically. But Simon can’t leave the EVs. No one can. The goddess doesn’t tolerate defectors. You sign on for life. If Simon tried to quit, he’d be terminated.” Freddy’s shoulders sagged. “I’m sorry. I really wanted to get to know him. He’s a fascinating man. Brilliant, really. And he could do so much good if he hadn’t tied himself to Honoria and her demands.”

  “He did that long before he knew he would have a family, Frederick. I’m sure he has regrets now. But it’s too late.” CiCi looked at me. “Unless . . .”

  “I don’t know. I guess the big question is, can she be taken out? That would free Simon from the EV thing.” I remembered the setup out there. The gold dome where Honoria resided, the moans and groans coming from a dark hole in the earth. Supposedly she sucked the energy from her victims to survive.

  “I tried to find out more about the EVs while we were out there, Glory.” Derek sat on the table beside me. “That’s one creepy place. It’s not just a hole in the ground, it’s a tunnel. Simon actually walks down inside it when he confers with her. Which shows he’s either brave or nuts. I wouldn’t get within a hundred feet of the place. I swear you can hear the screams of the damned coming from there.”

  “Wow. I had no idea. I had pictured a hose of some kind connecting to her. The Oreck from Hell, you know?” I shivered. “Guess the only one who could tell us how to take her out would be Simon. And that’s if he’s interested.” I turned to Freddy. “What do you think? Would your father give up the EVs for you?”

  Freddy looked thoughtful, then took his mother’s hand again. “There’s only one way to find out. Glory, you’re going to have to ask him.”

  “Me?” I swallowed, trying to picture that conversation. Simon had such power that he could be one of Lucifer’s demons. He could turn me to stone, read my mind past blocks, you name it. Probably all powers courtesy of Honoria. Yes, he scared me.

  “Hey, this is your idea. I gave him my ‘ultimatum,’ as you call it. He didn’t exactly fall to his knees and beg me to take it back. Just sat there, like he had to think it over. Right then I realized that I’d probably expected too much. Unless there’s a way to kill the goddess, walking away from the EVs wouldn’t give us time together. Simon wouldn’t survive to be a father to me. Honoria doesn’t allow for defectors.”

  “We don’t know that, Fred.” Derek frowned. “I say someone has to have a talk with Simon. Get some answers. You started this, Glory. Why not finish it?”

  “Simon and I aren’t exactly best buds.” I could feel three sets of eyes staring a hole in me. Yeah, I’d started it. No, technically Rafe had started it. Me and my loyalty. It had really taken me down a dark and creepy path this time.

  “But I think you’re the one to do it.” Freddy nodded. “Even if Simon survives leaving the EVs, you want him on Lucifer’s team. Mother told me the demons explained that’s what is necessary to get Rafe’s debt clear.”

  “Yes, that’s right.” This was too messy, with way too much margin for error. Freddy put a reassuring hand on my shoulder.

  “Relax, Glory. I’m assuming Lucifer can offer Simon some incentives to come over to his side after my father makes the break. Seems like that’s for you to explain too. If Simon shows an interest in leaving the EVs.” Freddy looked very serious and Derek jumped off the table to put his arm around him.

  “He loves you, Fred. It was obvious to me that, if there is a way for him to make a relationship happen with you, he’ll do it. Don’t let pride keep this from working.”

  “It’s not pride, Derek. But I don’t want to beg him to make the choice. Let Glory handle it.” Freddy leaned against Derek. “I’ve been without a father this long, I can make it without one forever if I have to.”

  “Ah, darling, I’m so sorry.” CiCi stood and
wrapped her arms around her tall son.

  “Okay, I’ll meet with Simon. See what he says.” I took a shuddering breath. “You know how I hate this.”

  “Sure we do.” Freddy smiled. “But don’t worry. Simon likes you. Even talked about making you an EV. I think Honoria shot down the idea though. Pissed him off. That’s another reason my father is ready to leave the EVs. He’s tired of taking orders from a woman.” Freddy glanced at his mother and then at me. “No offense, ladies.”

  “Oh, I get it. Typical Simon.” I sighed. “Okay, I’ll make a call. Soon. Now I’ve got to go. This is a busy night for me. Paparazzi out back?”

  “You bet. They were all excited that Israel Caine’s SUV is out there.” Derek grinned, obviously determined to lighten the mood. “You are so lucky. Don’t get jealous, Fred, but, Glory, any chance that bad boy swings both ways?”

  “Not that I know of. But I’ll check.” I winked at Derek when Freddy popped him on the arm. “I’ll let you guys know what I find out.”

  “Thanks. And be safe.” Freddy kissed my cheek. “And I’ve been known to swing both ways. You get tired of Blade, let me know.”

  This time it was Derek who growled and hooked an arm around Freddy’s neck. I left them wrestling while CiCi fussed and hit them both with her purse.

  I grabbed my own purse, called Rafe to give him an update, then braced myself for the paparazzi gauntlet. It was fairly painless since I wasn’t making statements and they had enough pictures of me without Ray. When I got upstairs, I unlocked the door and figured I’d have a mess to clean up.

  To my amazement, the place was spotless, a little empty, but all cleaned up. No sign of blood on the hardwood floor and the couch was straight. Someone had moved the chairs that went with the dinette set in the kitchen to face the couch and there was a semblance of order in the living room.

  “Okay, what good fairies have been at work in here?”

  “Just one.” Jerry came out of the kitchen, a wet towel in his hand. “I came to my senses and realized we couldn’t leave you with this disaster.” He turned to toss the wet towel in the kitchen sink.

  “You look better too.” I could see that he’d obviously been home to change clothes and his face had healed. That was probably due to a pit stop where he’d whammied some hapless mortal and taken a good long drink. I didn’t comment, just walked up to him and wrapped my arms around his waist.

  “I won’t object if you examine me for injuries.” His grin made me shiver.

  “Maybe later. First, thank you.” I kissed his smile. “I dreaded what I’d find when I opened the door.”

  “Not my finest moment, trashing your place. So I put in a call. You’ll have two new lounge chairs, a coffee table and lamp by tomorrow night.” He ran his hand up my back. “I’m sending half that bill to Valdez. We were idiots, but I admit it felt good. I needed to give that shifter a pounding. I had a lot of issues with him. Still do.”

  “Let’s table that for now, Jerry. I’ve got a hell of a situation on my hands and that’s a fact. I can’t have boyfriend drama too. It’s just too much. Remember that your territorial jealousy thing tends to end up with us taking breaks. You want that?” I looked up at him, really interested in his answer.

  “I’d have an easier time reining in my jealousy if I didn’t have your other men in my face all the time.” Jerry rested his palms on my bum and pulled me against him. “And, yes, I plead guilty to being territorial. It’s a Highlander thing. You’ve known that about me for centuries.”

  “Known it and not especially liked it.” I kissed his firm chin. “Can you try to work your way through it without using your fists and fangs?” I angled my head when he leaned down to deepen the kiss. Why not? I enjoyed kissing him and needed a reminder while standing in my almost empty living room that Jerry was my guy. He pulled back first and smiled.

  “Yes, I will definitely try to stay civilized. Though when other men put their hands on you, I want to break out a claymore and use it on the nearest man who even looks at you.” He patted my bottom. “Patience, lass. I’m obviously a work in progress.”

  I pushed away from him. “I get that, but how many years should I give you? Two or three hundred?” I knew my smile was rueful as I kicked off my high heels and walked toward the bedroom. “Any word from Ray?”

  “He’s asleep now, finally resting.” Jerry followed me. “Not sure I’d bother him. I took him another bottle of synthetic about an hour ago. He had the shakes and obviously was in the throes of some night terrors. Mortals call them delirium tremens. I looked up alcohol withdrawal on the Internet.”

  I turned and caught Jerry’s grimace. “Seriously? You’ve been taking care of him?”

  Jerry shrugged, obviously almost embarrassed. “Never thought I’d feel sorry for the bastard, but this might do it. He’s got a rough road ahead. But clearly he needs to find another bed. This apartment is getting too crowded.” He gestured at the couch. “Sit. You want a bottle of synthetic?”

  “Sure, why not? Thanks. Not sure I can kick Ray out yet though. Not until he’s over this stage. I still feel like his mentor, you know. And the paparazzi are lurking out there, waiting for a photo op.” I sat on the couch, resisting the urge to check on Ray myself. Jerry had actually taken care of everything. I smiled at him as he brought me the cold drink, poured into a goblet. Nice.

  “Then I’ll move him back to the couch before it’s time for us to go to bed.” Jerry sat close beside me and slipped his arm around me.

  “I got something started tonight to satisfy the demons. Freddy’s been reaching out to his father. You can imagine how that’s freaked out CiCi. We’re going to see if Simon is actually interested in defecting. If so, we need to find out how to take out his goddess. That would end the EVs permanently. Then they can all sign over to Lucifer’s team. I’m sure the demons have some incentives to offer them. I called Rafe and told him about it.”

  “All right. You brought it up. Let’s talk about this demon thing.” Jerry lost his smile. “How are they forcing you to work for them?”

  I realized Jerry had gotten the shorthand version of what Rafe and I were doing. The full story wasn’t going to go over well. And that was an understatement. “They can’t force a good person to do the Devil’s handiwork.”

  “Then you’re out of it. Simply refuse and walk away. Let the shifter take care of Destiny and his goddess. Hell, Glory, you remember what it was like out there. No way are you getting anywhere near that cesspool again.” Jerry snugged me closer.

  “I can’t abandon Rafe, Jerry.” I knew he was going to hate this. “He can’t refuse them. He used his demonic powers when I told him I wouldn’t sleep with him again. Flew off the handle.”

  “Not against you.” Jerry’s arms tightened around me. “I’ve seen what the man can do. You wouldn’t be here right now if he did.”

  “He burned a bush. That’s all. It was freaky at the time, but I know in my heart that Rafe would never hurt me.” I touched Jerry’s tight jaw. “Take my word for that.”

  “So he’s got to get them Destiny. Let him. It’s none of your business.” Jerry grabbed my hand. “You’re risking your immortal soul trucking with those creatures.”

  “No, I’m not. I’m only making sure an evil person gets what he so richly deserves.” I knew I’d never persuade Jerry to cut Rafe some slack. “And helping someone I care about at the same time. Let it go, Jerry. I’m doing this.”

  “It’s insane. You know you can’t trust these demons. They’ll do anything to seduce you to their side.” Jerry looked really worried. “We don’t have any guarantees we’ll live forever, Gloriana. Call me old-fashioned, but I always fancied seeing you in Heaven after this life was over.”

  “Oh, Jerry, of course we’ll see each other there.” I kissed his lips. “They’ve tried to get to me already and I laughed in their faces. I won’t be tempted, no matter what they dangle in front of me.” I shivered and looked around. Had I just waved a red cape in front of
a bull? I braced myself in case Spyte and Caryon made a sudden appearance. When nothing happened, I relaxed.

  “Then I’ll do whatever I can to help you, Gloriana. The sooner this is done, the better. You want Simon Destiny? Just tell me what I can do. I’ve wanted to bring the man down for a long time.” Jerry grinned. “And if we can speed up the process? Even better.”

  “God, Jerry. You realize the risk? I mean . . .” I grabbed him and kissed him until we were both breathing hard. “Thank you, Jerry. I love you.” I gave him a leisurely kiss this time that made me wish Ray wasn’t in my bed. When we finally parted, we were both smiling.

  “What’s this?” Jerry looked down as Boogie strolled into the room.

  “Penny’s cat. Isn’t he sweet?” I reached down and lifted him into my lap. “Poor baby. Did you hide under Penny’s bed when all that horrible fighting was going on?” I glanced at Jerry. “It will never happen again.” I stroked the cat’s fur.

  “I like cats.” Jerry reached for the cat and rubbed him between the ears. The cat rewarded him with a loud purr.

  “Good to know.” I put the cat back on the floor. “I guess Penny fed him. Her sister came into the shop today. Penny wants to tell her she’s a vampire but it’s going to be a problem. I can see—”

  The door crashed open and a wild-eyed Penny ran into the room. She dropped her laptop case on the floor, turned and threw the dead bolts.

  “What is it? What’s the matter?” I jumped up and grabbed her shoulders. She was shaking.

  “I just did the most amazing thing!” She looked down. “Oh, no! I dropped my laptop.” She picked it up, slid it out of the canvas bag and quickly turned it on. “Okay, no harm done.”

  “Penny! You ran in here like the hounds of hell were after you.” I glanced at Jerry. “And, trust me, I know that’s possible. What happened?”

  “Well, you remember on the hilltop? When those demons had us?”

  “Sure, who could forget?” I could feel Jerry’s eyes boring into my back. I turned to look at him. “One of their tricks. You know how Aggie turns people to stone? Demons do it too. Rafe and I were statues.”