Real Vampires Don't Wear Size Six

by Bartlett, Gerry

  “No, but let’s do it. We’ve got less than thirty minutes of quiet time.” I took the sword Jerry reluctantly handed me.

  “Gloriana, please let us do this. Stay behind us and only come forward if it looks like one of us is in trouble.”

  Now I may be all for women’s lib, but I know when to be smart. “Fine. I’ll be your backup. But, all of you, don’t take chances. If she’s too much for us to handle, just take off and we’ll throw the explosives down the cavern and hope that’s enough.”

  “You said that Simon—” Rafe was very serious as he led the way inside the dome.

  “I know. Got to take her heads. We intend to. I’m just saying we can’t sacrifice our lives at this point, Rafe. Then where would we be?”

  “I get it.” Rafe turned and stared at each of us in turn. “Comes to that. I can take my medicine. I mean it. Run like hell. I can stay down here and face whatever. Glory, I don’t deserve this.” He pulled me to him for a quick kiss. “Sorry, Blade. Had to do that. Now let’s go.”

  Jerry just pushed me behind him and followed Rafe down the path cut into the rocky hole that had obviously been drilled into the floor of the building. I swear I could hear the screams of damned souls as we stumbled down the crudely hewn steps. Rocks broke away and I held on to Ray, who’d managed to get in front of me until I was last in line.

  We didn’t speak, afraid we’d wake the sleeping goddess. Not that she was quiet. That horrible groaning, sucking sound that I’d heard before when I’d been out at the compound echoed off the walls of the cavern, which got wider the deeper we climbed. It also got hotter. It had been warm near the surface with a breeze that soon turned into a windstorm that tore at our clothes and made sweat pop out on my forehead. I wished I could tear off my scarf and wipe it away, but I was too busy hurrying to keep up with the long strides of the men.

  Suddenly Ray stopped and I bumped into his damp back. I realized he must have left his pack at the top of the hole just as I had.

  “What?” I whispered but it carried in the chamber, as loud as a shout.

  “The wind stopped and look at that glow. I think we’re here.” Ray turned and I saw fear in his eyes. “Stay. Don’t freakin’ move.”

  There was a red glow that made it difficult but not impossible to see, and it was coming from a huge cavern that had opened at the bottom of the steps. We crept across the floor toward a golden platform with a wide set of stairs leading up to it. Jerry stopped at the bottom and glanced back at us. He used hand signals to get the men to spread out, shoulder to shoulder. Ray kept me behind him.

  We were on the third step when a sigh and movement on the top of the platform froze us in place.

  “Ah, what have we here? Dinner?” Suddenly a beautiful woman stood at the top of the steps, her body wrapped in a sheer golden robe. And what a body. It was perfection. She tossed a mass of flame red hair back over her shoulders and put one sandaled foot on the step as if to come toward us.

  “Where’s Simon? I am starving.” She held out a hand covered in glittering jewels. “I think you are here with bad intentions. Naughty boys.” She smiled and there was the glimpse of evil I’d braced myself for. “Mmm. I do so love a vampire threesome.” She wrinkled her perfect nose. “I’ll have the shifter for dessert.” She waved her hand and I realized she’d frozen Jerry, Rafe and Ray in place. Simon’s trick. She yawned, though, as if the effort took a lot out of her. So we had depleted her energy.

  “No! Please.” I heard my plea echo around the huge chamber.

  “So you are the infamous Gloriana St. Clair. The one Lucifer has been so interested in.” She laughed and my body trembled and quaked. It was all I could do to stay on my feet. “Oh, yes, hell is all abuzz about his latest intrigue.”

  “I am no one. Nothing.” I moved around my men, touching Jerry. His eyes were the only things he could move.

  “So I thought.” She looked me over. “But Lucifer doesn’t waste time on nothing, does he? It makes me wonder.” She moved closer and raked my face with a golden nail, lifting it to her nose to sniff the blood she’d drawn. “Hmm. Interesting. I’d never have suspected.” She staggered back toward her platform.

  “What? What is special about me? I’m just an ordinary woman from London, turned vampire.” I swung my sword at her head. “Here to kill you.” It moved through air, hitting nothing.

  Suddenly the beautiful woman was gone and there was only a moving mass against the far wall. Groans filled the chamber and I felt a pull, like I was being drawn toward that wiggling, writhing creature.

  “Never ordinary, Gloriana. But it is not my job to answer that question. Kill me? How amusing.” Suddenly the three-headed monster Simon had described reared her hideous heads and hissed.

  I backed away, bumping into Jerry, who was suddenly no longer paralyzed; none of the men were. Had she decided to play with us? Enjoy the sport of taking them down one at a time?

  Jerry shoved me behind him, then moved right, Rafe left, exchanging hand signals. Ray took the center. All of them were straining as the thing must be sucking at them too. Suddenly Ray went down to his knees, skidding toward the awful blob that rose up and had not one but three faces. One of them smiled and opened a mouth large enough to take Ray in whole.

  “No!” I ran forward and slashed at it with my sword, drawing blood as I braced myself between Ray and the beast. Jerry and Rafe were by my side and held on to me when we were sprayed with a sickening sludge that stank of hell and worse.

  “Duck, Glory.” Jerry used his broadsword and the head that had pulled at Ray dropped to the rock floor.

  “One down. We stay together. Go right.” Rafe held on to me. Ray was on his feet now and the four of us linked arms to resist that insistent sucking determined to drag us in. Jerry’s broadsword proved to be the only thing sharp and strong enough to take a head. The monster shuddered and screamed its outrage, slashing at us with teeth the size of my arm. We all fell back, but Jerry managed to get his sword under its neck and struck the killing blow again. Head two was on the floor.

  “Now left.” Jerry gripped the sword in both hands and I kept my arms around his waist as we slid toward the left and that last horrific head. This one seemed to gain strength as it did the work of its fallen sisters. It grew in size, doubling before our eyes. Its teeth were even bigger now; my legs weren’t so long. And slits for eyes gleamed with the fires of hell itself. We couldn’t even pretend to breathe in the fumes from the blood and haze of the miasma that had come out of the awful creature. Goddess. What a flattering word for such an abomination.

  “Take her now, Blade.” Rafe suddenly let go of our human chain and danced close to her as if to offer himself like a tasty treat. “Honoria! Like what you see?”

  “Rafe, no!” I screamed and tried to get to him. “Don’t let him do this!”

  “Right!” Jerry ordered, then slashed with the sword as the thing took the bait, making a swipe at Rafe and getting a bite of his arm.

  Rafe jerked loose and fell to the right, the head barely missing him as it fell to the floor with a noisy plop. Suddenly it was quiet in the cavern except for the sound of Rafe’s labored breathing and my own moan at the sight of Rafe’s bloody arm.

  “Rafe!” I jerked free of Ray’s grasp and slipped my way over to check on him.

  “I’m okay, let’s get the hell out of here. I think she’s dead, but there are Energy Vampires up above scheduled to wake up and they won’t be happy once they realize their powers just took a nosedive.”

  “No kidding.” I helped him to his feet and turned to Jerry. “You were amazing.” I looked at Ray. “All of you. Now let’s get going. I may never feel clean again.”

  “Yeah, this was a hell of a job.” Ray wiped his hand on his jeans.

  “Ha. Ha.” Rafe pulled off his shirt and wrapped it around his bleeding arm. “I mean it, let’s hurry. And I do want to blow this place up. We can throw those explosives down the hole. Just to be on the safe side.”

  “Ri
ght you are.” Jerry helped me get up the stairs, which seemed way steeper going up than they had coming down.

  When we got to the top, Ray pulled out his package of explosives and a timer. “Ian said this has a ten-second delay. So I’m setting it now. Ready?” He looked around and we all nodded. “Go!”

  We all ran outside, relieved that apparently we’d beat the clock as far as the EVs waking up, and shifted out of there. When we got safely into the woods, we landed under a tree and waited until we heard the explosion. The dome collapsed but the outbuildings were unharmed.

  “Excellent planning. I guess Ian didn’t want to blow up the entire countryside.” I glanced at Jerry.

  “It was wise of him. This way Destiny will still have his headquarters if he chooses to use them and there wasn’t enough of a disturbance to alert authorities.” Jerry nodded at Ray.

  “I’m telling you, Blade. Ian’s all right. He’s going to be here awhile, so get used to him.” Ray frowned down at his filthy clothes. “I’m going straight home to burn these. You okay now, Glory?”

  “Yes, fine. Thanks, Ray.” I kissed his cheek. “You were a champ down there.”

  “Not so much, but I didn’t wimp out, did I?” He grinned and nodded to Jerry. “I’d say you kicked some goddess ass, Blade. Good job.” He and Jerry bumped fists. Guess Ray had taught him that. “Valdez, hope this is the last of the rescues, my man. My heart can’t take much more of this.”

  “You got it. My demon side is staying down from now on.” Rafe gave me an apologetic look. “I’ll never forgive myself for putting Glory in harm’s way like this.”

  “There you go. See ya, Glory.” Ray shifted back into bird form and took off.

  “Great idea. I’m going home to my own bath. We’ll talk later.” Rafe saluted me and put his hand out to Jerry. It was the one on his injured arm, but he didn’t even wince. “Wouldn’t blame you if you refused to take it, but you were quite a sight down there tonight, Blade. I owe you everything.”

  “I’ll shake your hand. Got to start being civilized. Gloriana is right about that. And you acquitted yourself well. Let’s not do this again, shall we?” He shook hands with Rafe, then put his arm around me.

  “No problem. Good night.” Rafe shifted and was gone.

  “Well I have to agree with both of them. You were amazing, Jerry.” I kept my arm around his waist. “I have never seen you in battle before. It was quite a turn-on.”

  “Oh?” Jerry grinned. “Shall we go to my house and try out my Jacuzzi tub, then you can show me how turned on you are?”

  “Sounds like a plan to me.” I kissed his lips. One more thing to do and I was free of all my demons. I felt like celebrating.

  “CiCi’s having a birthday party for Freddy later. First, Simon will meet us at the club and get his deal with the demons set up.” I paced the back room. It was deadline night.

  “I hope this is the last of your work with stuff from hell.” Penny sat on the table. She was supposed to report to Ian in a few minutes. They were scouting lab sites tonight.

  “So do I. Have you thought any more about what to do about Jenny?” I was still haunted by what Honoria had said about my blood. Of course I was ordinary Glory St. Clair. That had been typical goddess stuff, messing with my head. A distraction. I had to forget about it or it would drive me crazy.

  “Yes, I’m not telling her now. Maybe after she graduates from school.” Penny sighed. “She’s got a full plate. Studying for finals. Boyfriend trouble. And now she’s going home for the summer to work with Mom. Cheerleading camp.”

  “I’m proud of you.” I put my arm around her. “That’s a mature decision. Let her enjoy college life. You can keep doing what you’ve been doing. Meet her after dark, get to understand your new life. Help her if you want to. Guess the mind reading has given you a new perspective on your relationship.”

  “No kidding. I never realized what my ‘gifts,’ if you want to call them that, did to her.” Penny made a face. “I was always jealous of Jen’s popularity, the way she fit in everywhere. I had no idea she hated the way I got my parents’ attention with my scholarships and school successes.”

  “You each have gifts. Now you are extra special, working for Ian.” I rubbed my tummy, which still looked a little lumpy. “Any progress on my blood analysis? Figuring out why I’m the lucky one in a million who has a freaky reaction to the genius’s drugs?” And could this be related to whatever the goddess had smelled or pretended to smell in my blood?

  “Ian’s onto something but won’t tell me about it. I think he’s waiting until he gets back a certain test result.” Penny leaned against me. “Obviously you’re the one who’s special. You got me this gig and it’s given me a new purpose. Introduced me to Trey too. We’re really getting along.”

  I knew that. She was on the phone to the shifter or making plans to meet him every time I turned around.

  “Good. Now I’ve got to go. Jerry’s meeting me at the club for this last deal and the party.” I jumped off the table and picked up a wrapped package. “Once this demon stuff is over, I’ll make sure you get introduced to my friend CiCi, her son and his partner. Are you going to be at N-V later?”

  “After Ian and I are through. Maybe I’ll see you there.” Penny hopped off the table too and gave me a hug. “Seriously, thanks for taking me in. I owe you for your patience. I realize I didn’t make it easy. And I’ll be so glad when you’re free of the demon thing. I’ve been praying for you.”

  “Good. I appreciate it.” I hugged her back. “And you’ve been coming along faster than most fledglings would have. Meeting Ian here?”

  “Yep. I’ll hang around and pick out a few things.” She laughed. “I know. No horizontal stripes.”

  “Excellent. You really do learn fast.” I walked with her through the shop, then fought the paparazzi horde as I headed down the sidewalk to N-V. I’d agreed to meet the crew there rather than be bombarded with questions from the photographers about Jerry or Ray.

  Rafe’s club was jumping as usual. Trey met me at the door and pointed me toward the bar. Rafe waved and downed a glass of Jack Daniel’s.

  “I’ll be glad when this night is over.” He lifted his glass in a mock toast, then drained it.

  “Man, way to shove it in my face.” Ray came up behind me and signaled the bartender. “Give me some of your vamp special, without the alcohol.” He smiled at me. “I’m staying on the wagon.”

  I turned and smiled back at him. “Love to hear it’s still holding. What are you doing here?”

  “Got to see this all the way through. Am I right?” He glanced at Jerry, who’d come up on my other side. In true Ray-style, Ray slung an arm around me and drew me close. “You want something stronger?”

  “Why not?” Jerry smiled grimly. “Glory?”

  “As you say, why not?” I was proud of Jerry for not doing his usual jealousy thing, trying to wedge himself between Ray and me. Not even a growl. I kept things cool myself, easing away from Ray. But I had to go to Rafe and check in with him.

  “How are you doing?” I bumped him with my shoulder.

  “I’m still wondering if this will all go down like it’s supposed to. You can’t trust a demon to keep his word. Or Simon. Bet the fact that we demoed his golden dome didn’t sit well.” He gazed around the crowded club. “Man, just when things were going great. Isn’t that always the way?”

  “Think positive. We did what we set out to do.” I dredged up a smile.

  “Yes, we did. Let’s go.” Rafe took a fresh drink that I hadn’t even seen him signal for and tossed it back. He pushed away from the bar. “Clock’s ticking.” He nodded toward Jerry and Ray. “Maybe I should do this alone. In case things go bad.”

  “No, no way!” I grabbed his arm and looked back at Jerry and Ray.

  “We’re coming. I didn’t dirty my broadsword to sit out the finale.” Jerry grabbed his drink and mine, Ray right behind him as we headed for the stairs.

  The music was loud and a
recent hit. It was about having it all. Yes, that’s what I dreamed of—having everything, these three men who were so important to me, my friends and security with my business. Why couldn’t I ever get it all together? Rafe was right. The timing here sucked.

  We got to the deserted balcony, which Rafe had had roped off with a Closed sign at the bottom of the stairs and looked around. It didn’t take long for the telltale sweet smell to fill the area.

  “Ah, what have we here? The gag-me gang and the demon child.” Caryon materialized next to a round table, Spyte right beside him. They were both dressed in their disco best, as if they’d been back in the seventies. Cary had on the full bell-bottomed pants and matching vest in white with a red and gold print shirt with full sleeves. He could have been Travolta in Saturday Night Fever. Spyte had done a white suit with an open-collared red shirt.

  “Look at you two. Did you forget to check a calendar?” I couldn’t help taunting them. I hated them so much I wanted to spit, then kick them with my pointed-toe shoes if it wouldn’t have damaged the leather.

  “It’s a dance club. We got into the spirit. And this is an homage to you, Glory. You do love the vintage look.” Cary grinned at me with fangs showing.

  “Spyte? Not saying much. How are your eyes?” I felt Jerry’s hand squeeze my shoulder. I’d told him about the confrontation in the back room. Guess he thought I was pressing my luck now.

  “I can see, no thanks to your chubby cherubs.” Spyte cackled. “Oh, I love that. Chubby like your chunky self, eh, Glory? Now you’ll never be a size six. We’ve got orders from Lucifer himself. You are on our no-fly list.”

  “Good to know.” I smiled. “Now why don’t you two give up and go home. I’m sure there’s a torture chamber down there calling your names.”

  “Gladly. Come here, Rafael.” Cary crooked his black claw. “Unless you have a surprise for us, Glory?”

  “You can’t have him.” Jerry stepped in front of Rafe.