by Lacuna Reid
“Not quite,” I say, trying to find the right words to explain my own creeping sense of dread.
“So, tell me,” Lana says. “Have you started sleeping with any of the guys yet? No, let me guess, the hot Italian one you met at the bar? Geo?”
“It’s Gino, and no…” I take a deep breath.
“What’s up, love?” Lana asks, clearly noticing that I’m not in the mood for light banter.
“It’s just… well… These guys aren’t telling me everything. I just know there’s something else going on. They keep saying weird things. Sometimes, it’s like I remind them of some other girl, and other times, it’s as if they know me, but we’ve never met before, right? Earlier there was… well… a moment…”
“With which one? Oooh… don’t tell me it was multiple guys at once!” Lara shrieks.
“No!” I reply. “Nothing like that. It was… It was Helio.”
“The one who’s a total asshole?”
“That’s the one, only I saw another side of him. He… he’s like, a mile a minute. I can’t keep up. He runs everywhere, and I followed him out to the lake.”
“You never told me there was a lake,” Lana says dreamily. “Carry on, I need to adjust my fantasy, but pretend that I’m following the muscly demi-god out to the lake. Mmmmm.”
“Anyway, we were swimming and we kind of… we got close, and then he said he’d missed me.”
“What?”
“Exactly!”
“Maybe it was a slip-up?”
“Or maybe, he was thinking of someone else,” I say, the panic rising in my chest. “Maybe they do this – bring in a woman and seduce her, like some kind of sacrifice. Maybe you were right all along, and this is a cult.”
“Settle down,” Lana says, in her sensible voice. “Did you even ask him?”
“Ask him what?”
“You didn’t think to ask, oh, I don’t know, ‘what the hell do you mean by that?’ No of course, you didn’t. This is Mira here. Of course, you ran away.”
“What the hell do you mean by that?”
“Exactly – it’s fine when you’re standing up to me but whenever it comes to anyone else, you don’t have the balls.”
“I have plenty of balls, thank you very much.”
We both laugh.
“But seriously, Mira,” Lana says after a pause. “You need to figure this out – not the hot guy cult. You need to resolve your daddy issues.”
“What are you talking about?”
“Your father never let you speak up for yourself. He was a controlling manipulative asshole and so was Cliff.”
“I know, that’s why I don’t have either of those men in my life anymore.”
“But you still have the trauma – you still have the pattern of shrinking away, of running, of hiding. Unless you learn to stand your ground, you’ll always be running for the rest of your life.”
I sigh.
“So, tell me, Mira,” Lana says, putting on her Freudian accent, “what is really bothering you there in paradise? – aside from your rampant paranoia, of course.”
“Aside from the conspiracy theory? Actually… I think I’m developing feelings for all four of them.”
“All of them?! Don’t be greedy!” Lana screams. Then she cackles at me and makes a joke about fivesomes.
It’s great to have friends… The upside of being teased by Lana is that I stop feeling so anxious about these guys and their secrets. Before we end the conversation, Lana circles back to her favorite self-help-book lines about facing my fears.
I always recoil when she does this, but there’s a ring of truth in her warning that if I don’t confront the things that scare me, I’ll always be running – for the rest of my life, and in a way, that’s even more terrifying.
Chapter Twenty-Nine
Mira
I can’t sleep that night, thinking about them… Gino and Theo and Elias… and Helio… and all those dreams of Ancient Greece…
What do they have in common, If anything? And what’s up with Theo? Why won’t he look at me? Why is he being so distant? What the hell am I doing here, falling deeply in lust with four gorgeous Mediterranean men?
Whatever it is, I’m sure the dreams are connected; they’re some part of the mystery that I need to solve. My unconscious mind must be telling me something.
I get up to get myself a drink of water, and since I’m not going to get any sleep anytime soon, I google dream interpretations.
A temple in your dreams represents inspiration, initiation, spiritual thinking… looking for a place of refuge.
Well, that last part is certainly true, and here I am, at a luxury retreat, what better refuge is there?
Dreams of historical places could come from past lives. I’ve never believed in that stuff. It could be ancestral memory... Apparently, that’s when your DNA retains traces of your ancestors and you keep some of their experiences with you… could that be it? I’m pretty sure I don’t have any Greek heritage, and anyway it’s all a bit woo-woo for me.
They’re just dreams, Mira… or are they? Maybe it’s my subconscious mind trying to tell me something… Who knew my subconscious was so steamy?
There are a million possible dream interpretations online, and it’s a bit too much to think about.
I go back to bed but I still can’t sleep.
I try to remember the older dreams, the ones I had as a teenager, but it’s all a blur. Is it possible that the dreams are connected? … Or maybe I really am going crazy.
I need to talk to Theo.
I assume he’s already asleep, but I’m not even close, so I decide to go for a walk. Again, I can’t avoid the uneasy feeling of being watched as I make my way through the El Cielo buildings. It’s almost creepy enough to make me turn back, but I persist until I reach Theo’s office. Light is shining from under the door, and I take it as a sign. I knock.
“Come in,” Theo’s voice is always so deep and rich and velvety.
I enter.
“Can I help you with something, Mira?”
Theo doesn’t make eye contact. He looks at his desk, not at me.
“Did I do something wrong?” I ask.
“What would ever give you that impression?”
“It seems… like you’re avoiding me.”
Theo sighs. He gets up and paces around his desk, finally pausing in front of me, finally looking at me.
“Yes,” he says, keeping his voice level.
“Why?” I can’t help but show my hurt feelings after our steamy kiss the other day.
“We shared that… that moment, Mira,” Theo says, looking me in the eyes properly. “And since then, I’ve been unable to stop myself… thinking of you.”
A wave of surprise hits me followed by something almost like arousal, except with the added painful tug at my heart.
“So, you’re avoiding me?” I’m angry now. It’s a fucking emotional rollercoaster.
“I want to give you… how do you say it? Respect. I want to give you the time and the space and respect for you. I do not want to cloud judgement.”
It’s the first time I’ve noticed that English must be his second language despite his thick accent, because he usually speaks so well and so clearly.
“I’m an adult, Theo. I can make up my own mind about what I want.”
“And what do you want?”
I want answers… I want to know what’s going on… but Theo is standing now, coming towards me…
I take a step towards him, too… feeling the tingles of goose bumps on my neck.
“You,” I say.
There’s a gust of chilly air and the door slams closed. I jump, and Theo lunges towards me, as if the floodgates have burst and everything holding him back has gone with them, taken out by the power of a single word. He grabs my hair from the back of my neck and kisses me again, harder this time, more fiercely. I groan into his mouth as I feel my own arousal.
Theo pushes me up against the desk, grinding himse
lf against my mound. I wish there was a quicker way to make our clothes disappear, to get him inside me before he changes his mind again.
Theo pulls back and looks at me with those big deep brown eyes. “Mira, you’re so beautiful,” he says, caressing my cheek and down my jawline with his fingertips. “Are you sure this is what you want?”
“Yes.”
“And the others?” He whispers into my neck, and then kisses my collar bone.
“Excuse me?”
“Are you attracted to them?”
“Uhh…”
It seems like a strange thing to ask and it feels like a trap. If I say yes, will he stop? If I say no, it’s clearly a lie…
“Why do you want to know that now?”
“Just be honest, Mira.”
I pull back.
“Why?”
“I need to know…” he says softly. “I need to know if I’m strong enough.”
“I don’t understand…”
Theo continues kissing me down my collarbone to my shoulders while his hands loosen the ties of my dress. As it slips away, he kisses right down to my breasts, pulling the cup of my bra down, so that his lips can find my nipple.
I gasp at the tingling sensation that runs from my chest, down to my groin. I’m so wet now, I’m scared to move in case I make a mess.
“I won’t stop… not unless you want me to… Mira, just tell me the truth.”
“Yes,” I say, because I want to stop thinking about what’s right or wrong and just get on with things.
Theo pushes me down hard against his desk, pulling my panties to one side as he begins to lick my clit, while circling and cupping my breasts with his hands. He groans into me, and says something that sounds like “I’ve waited such a long time for this…” which can’t be right. We only met a few days ago… unless he’s talking about some kind of otherworldly connection… it’s not possible, but I don’t feel in the mood to argue. The vibrations of his voice against my clit are like magic, and at this point, he could say anything to me… do anything to me…
Theo circles his hands around my waist, grabbing my hips and mashing his face harder against my mound. He groans again, the vibrations sending me closer to the edge. I tremble and he pulls back. I reach for him, tugging at the buttons of his expensive linen shirt until he takes over. I unbutton his fly, liberating his stiff cock. It feels wonderful in my hands as I rub it, and I know it’s going to feel even better inside me. I’m practically dripping with anticipation. The ache inside me grows, needing him to fill me.
I pull him towards me. He groans into my neck as I feel his cock rubbing against the lips of my vulva. He inches forward, grinding against my clit, then pulls back.
“Are you absolutely sure?” He asks.
“Yes!” I say. He moves away, for a moment, leaving me hanging there on the edge, grabbing a condom from his desk draw and rolling it on. He sweeps his arm over the desk, sending paper and pens flying, then he picks me up, one hand under my knees and the other under my back, and lays me down on the table. Spreading my legs, he positions himself above me, insatiable hunger in his eyes, running his hands lightly all over my skin. I tingle. Everywhere. With delight. With anticipation. It feels like some kind of ancient magic.
He cups my breasts again, raking his fingers up to my neck, and teasing me with the tip of his cock, then, when I can barely take it anymore, he grasps me by the hips and enters me with one long, slow, fluid motion… filling me right up and hitting my g-spot like no one ever has before. He pulls back, and thrusts again, and again, and again. I can hear drums, or it might just be my heart beating.
With each thrust, he’s transporting me to another time, to the Ancient Greek dreams, to my fantasies, to the end of the earth and back. I’m floating, I’m in heaven… heavenly light cascades across my vision and another vision appears, just for a nanosecond: a vision of Micah… just like a guardian angel surrounded in gold with his bright blue eyes… He may be a figment of my imagination, but he’s beautiful!
I bring myself back to reality, scratching my nails down Theo’s back, and he groans again, thrusting even deeper, causing the best kind of pain to thrum inside of me. I grab his muscular shoulders and pull him in deep again as I climax and suddenly, I’m floating in space, as my body continues to throb with pleasure at his thrusts.
I collapse like a puddle of water against the desk.
“Would you like me to keep going, Mira,” Theo asks, pulling back.
I can see he’s still rock-hard and I don’t want him to stop.
“Yes… please… keep going.” I’m sure I can handle multiple orgasms.
Theo stands and pulls me up, towards him. He turns me around so that I’m facing towards his desk and his hard cock is brushing against my ass. Then he runs one hand down my front until it cups my mound, pressing against my clit.
I let out a small involuntary moan.
“Do you like that?” Theo says.
“Yes…”
He pushes me forwards so that the same place where his finger pressed is now up against his desk. The pressure of the cool wooden surface against my mound feels so good. Then he runs his hands down my back, pushing me forwards to lean over this desk with my arms spread.
“Tell me if you need me to slow down,” Theo says.
I groan as he enters me, the intense pressure of his cock, building from behind, contrasts with the delicious tension from the desk against my clit that intensifies with every thrust.
“Do you like that?” Theo says as he thrusts, his hands running down my back, his chocolatey voice soothing my soul.
“Yes!”
He thrusts, again, and again, and again, hitting my g-spot, propelling me further and further out into space. The pressure builds and builds and then releases into waves, cascading around me.
Theo sighs, and groans, and collapses against me.
I’m seeing stars.
He pulls out and picks me up again, this time, carrying me, or the puddle-formerly-known-as-me, over to the big green velvet sofa by the bookshelves.
He lays me down, so that I can continue pooling in my puddly state. Theo climbs onto the sofa next to me, pulling a soft grey blanket over both of us that probably costs more than a month of my wages.
“You understand now, don’t you?” Theo says, and somehow, I think I do.
I drift from my delicious wakefulness into blissful slumber.
Chapter Thirty
Mira
I open my eyes to brightness. As my eyes adjust to the light, my mind adjusts from my intense dreams. Back in reality, I realize I’m in a large, round, white room. Theo is lying next to me in the enormous four poster bed. It’s firmer than the one in my own room. I must have fallen asleep on the couch next to Theo. He must have carried me to his room. A warm, humming feeling follows this realization.
It was all real… last night with Theo… and it was amazing.
I look at the gorgeous man sleeping next to me. Sure, he must be over ten years older than me with those white streaks at his temples, but we’re all adults here, and with that body he’s certainly not too old. I admire his toned, tanned chest.
I feel different. Something has shifted. I’m not so fragile anymore. There’s a solidity inside me – as if my connection with Theo has fed me, filled me, reminded me that I’m strong, helped me realize that I was already whole.
I let myself drift in and out of daydreams, enjoying the waves of pleasure created by my brain – still high as a kite from last night’s adventure.
Theo… yes… I can imagine myself with him in a relationship that stands the test of time… What would my life be like as Theo’s girlfriend? As his partner? Would I have to play host to his fancy clients? Would I live here with him in this large open space? Would we travel together and enjoy the finer things in life?
It’s a perfect dream, but I can’t help thinking of the others. All. Of. Them… Eccentric and suave Gino, and sweet, sensual Elias, and if he stopped being s
uch a dick, maybe even wild, fiery Helio.
I could imagine lives with all of them… maybe even all of them at once!
When did I get so greedy? That’s what Lana called it. I’m not sure that’s the right word. Lucky... Lucky is the right word. It’s as if all my problems have melted away in the night and left me feeling light and free and dreamy.
I relax into the bed, feeling sated, as if I’ve just climbed the highest mountain and achieved everything I’ve ever hoped. El Cielo has that effect on people. This really is paradise.
I examine the elegant space around us. This must be the biggest of the silo buildings. There are windows all around, providing a panoramic view of El Cielo.
A light breeze blows the white curtains and the drapes over the bed. Theo is snoring softly. I trace the line from his cheek bone down to his chin, admiring the symmetry of his face. Then, I trail my fingers down Theo’s neck, to his collarbone and then his chest.
His eyes flutter open. “My… Mira.” He says, smiling at me.
I search his deep brown eyes.
“I’m sure you have many questions,” Theo says, “and we will answer them as best we can.”
“Can’t you just tell me now?” I ask.
“We all have different pieces of information… it will work better if we are all together with Gino, Elias, and Helio.”
My throat tightens thinking of all the possibilities… What will work better? Is this where I get to find out the big secret? Is it something to do with my dreams? Then, I remember Helio and how I ran from him… how I left him in the water. I hope he doesn’t take it too personally. I hope he doesn’t hate me now.
Something buzzes and Theo picks up his phone from beside the bed.
“Interesting…” he says.
“What?”
“It seems you have a visitor.”
“A visitor?”
No one knows I’m here. No one except Lana and this would be a bit much of a surprise, even for her…
“A man, downstairs,” Theo says.
A man… no, no, no…
There are only two men it could possibly be, and I don’t want to see either my father or Cliff.
