by Lacuna Reid
Theo watches my expression intently. “You don’t want to see him, whoever he is.”
I shake my head, not quite able to speak. My heart is racing, and not in a good way. Anxiety clamps down on my chest like a vice.
“It’s fine,” Theo says. “I’ll tell them to send him away.”
I let out the breath I didn’t realize I was holding.
“Thank you,” I say.
“It’s fine, Mira,” Theo says, “but you might like to tell me what that was about.”
“The only men I could think of,” I say, my chest tightening again, my breath catching in my throat, “…are my father, who is an awful, controlling man, and my ex, Cliff, who is just like him.”
Theo nods. “Don’t worry, Mira. We will protect you. We will do everything in our power to keep you safe, now that we’ve finally found you.”
“You’ve been looking for me?”
“For too long,” Theo says, burying his face against my shoulders. “When Gino said he found you, it was more than I could hope to be true… and then I saw you for myself.” Theo pulls me towards him, wrapping me up in his arms. His mouth finds mine, and fire burns between us. I can feel him stiffening under the sheets, but he pulls back.
“There is nothing more in the world that I want than to make love to you all day, Mira, but there are others to whom we are accountable.”
Theo picks up his phone again and presumably sends a message to the other guys.
I sigh and roll onto my back.
“Ah, and I almost forgot,” Theo says. “I have a meeting in Venice this afternoon. I leave for the airport in…” He checks his watch, “…forty-five minutes, and I must eat first.”
“When will we have time to talk?” I ask Theo.
There’s a knock at the door, and Calista enters, carrying a tray. I duck under the covers, not wanting to offend her sense of propriety but she simply laughs and shields her eyes.
“You told her?” I say as the door closes, leaving us alone with the tray piled high with steaming croissants, alongside spreads and cheeses.
“I asked her to bring me breakfast for two instead of my usual,” Theo says, with amusement in his voice. “I think she will be pleased. She is always on at me about being an eligible bachelor.”
I smile and take a croissant from the tray, smothering it with brie and mustard, and then pulling it apart piece by piece, eating one delicate strip at a time, letting it dissolve in my mouth.
“I love the way you eat,” Theo says. “It’s exquisite.” He kisses me on the forehead. “I’m back the day after tomorrow. You are right. We do need to talk – with Gino, Helio, and Elias as well. We can all meet in my office after I get back, shall we say six in the evening? Then we can tell you what we know.”
There’s a look of concern in Theo’s eyes, but I try to ignore it. I want to hold onto the blissful feelings from earlier this morning. I brush off the croissant crumbs and roll towards Theo, spooning into his shoulders, wrapping my arm around his firm chest. I want to push everything else away, so that nothing exists outside this bed.
Chapter Thirty-One
Elias
I’m still in bed when I get the call from Theo. My mind is still drifting with daydreams of Mira, exploring the endless possibilities of how I can get close to her.
“Elias, we need to meet in my office,”
“When?”
“Now, I have a plane to catch in 20 minutes.”
It must be urgent, so I drag myself out of bed, throw on a shirt and jeans, and make my way through the vineyards to the main buildings of El Cielo.
Gino is already there when I arrive, sitting in an arm-chair in Theo’s office. The sight of him now is so tempting… so smooth, and yet clearly off limits. The past is too painful for both of us to revisit.
Theo’s study always smells like the lemon-vanilla of aging books, and of expensive leather and wood polish from the furniture.
Theo stands behind his desk, gesturing for me to take a seat. Just as I sit down on the sofa Helio storms in.
“His holiness has summoned us,” Helio says, his voice dark and frustrated. “This better be important.”
The rest of us look at each other, eyes cautious. Helio is clearly in one of his moods.
Theo gestures for Helio to sit, but he ignores this and continues to stand, looming over us.
Theo clears his throat.
“I’m going to Venice for a couple of days,” Theo says.
“And?” Helio asks.
“And… before I go, I need to tell you something.”
We all look at Theo as the tension rises in the air.
“Mira and I…”
My jaw drops, along with Gino’s and Helio’s.
“You didn’t” Helio says. “You had to sneak in and get there first, didn’t you, old man?”
That’s what Helio calls Theo when he’s pissed at him. The rivalry between these two goes back to when we all first met.
“I had to tell you because of our pact,” Theo continues.
Gino’s expression is unreadable. All I know is, that I’m somehow filled with a kind of grief I didn’t expect. Back in the temple life, Mira wanted to be with all four of us, but perhaps everything has changed… Perhaps now in this different time, she will want to be Theo’s wife, want the postage and the social standing of being married to someone wealthy and well-regarded. Perhaps my chances with her have just evaporated before anything even began…
Helio thumps the bookshelf nearest to him, making the books shudder.
“This better be different from last time,” Helio says. “We all know it was you who screwed up the temple life – it’s your fault we are stuck on repeat here.”
Theo stands back and grips the edge of his desk chair. His knuckles are white, but he doesn’t say anything; he just waits for Helio to finish.
“Is this it then?” Helio continues. “Are you going to claim her again? Is she off-limits now? Your fucking priestess, is she?”
Helio breathes life into my fears with his words… but I can’t let this continue. I have to speak.
“No,” I say. “Theo feels bad enough about the past. He knows he has to make things right this time – we all do.”
I try to give Helio a meaningful look, but he looks away, avoiding my sentiment.
“Theo always has to be first,” Helio continues, “– always has to be in control. Bastardo!”
“Don’t take your rage at your absent father out on me,” Theo retorts.
There’s a flash of satisfaction in Helio’s eyes. He’s finally baited Theo into responding.
“Hah!” Helio says, raising his hands in the air. “That’s a low blow. You know it wasn’t my father’s absence that was ever the problem – it was when he was around – something you have in common.”
“Helio,” Gino interjects, “This is bigger than us and our differences. This is about our destiny.”
Helio turns to Gino. “You can shove your destiny up your ass.”
“Stop!” I say. I rarely raise my voice and I’m as surprised as the others, but it seems to have the effect of making them all listen. “This isn’t about us; Gino’s right – it’s about her. That’s what’s important now.”
Chapter Thirty-Two
Mira
That delightful floaty feeling stays with me throughout the morning. Theo must have released every endorphin in my brain – and I’m drifting around in a sea of bliss, feeling high after my night of pleasure.
There’s no kitchen work to do, so I spend my day dreamily swimming in the pool, and walking around the property, imagining myself as a permanent fixture here.
I don’t see any of the guys on my journey. I find the vegetable gardens and enjoy strolling through the rows and rows of tomatoes, peppers, eggplants, studded with lush basil and thyme and sage. There are melons and cucumbers in the greenhouses along with some younger tomato plants and other vegetables I don’t even recognize. It’s the biggest garden I’v
e ever seen, having grown up in New York and not really spending much time in the country.
I pick some ripe cherry tomatoes, basil, and a cucumber. I take them back to my room and make a platter with more cheese and crackers. The fresh vegetables and herbs picked straight from the garden are the best I’ve ever tasted.
When I can’t possibly eat anymore, I lie back on my bed and close my eyes, enjoying the cool breeze from the open window.
Past lives? Ancestral memories? Is any of this even possible…? Am I going mad, or is this just some kind of spiritual awakening, my subconscious finally finding refuge and freedom from the struggles and drudgery of my life in New York… and from the controlling men who dictated almost every moment of the first twenty-four years of my life, before I finally managed to break free? That’s probably what a psychologist would tell me and they’d probably be right, but I can’t help thinking about the dreams, going over them in my mind, searching for more clues that something magical and totally irrational is happening here.
I had most of the dreams so long ago; I can’t remember all the details, but there were definitely hot Greek men, and they were very sexy dreams – at least, from the perspective of my teenage self… in fact… I’m sure there were times when there was more than one guy together with me at once.
I blush just thinking about it. As a teenager, I was embarrassed by the dreams. I only ever told Lana about them and even then, I didn’t tell her everything. I was sure there was something wrong with me… that I was turning in to a sex-crazed maniac or something.
It’s not until that night, when I’m trying to sleep, that my excitement turns to anxiety. I can’t help but feel that something terrible is about to happen – that the well of stability I’ve felt since last night is about to come crashing down. I lie in bed alone, wishing I was with Theo in his big bright room, or Gino in his modern apartment, or Elias or Helio wherever they live… I don’t want to be alone.
I go over my memories of dreams in my mind, trying to place the guys… This is crazy… Mira, you’re losing it.
I so want to be a part of this place, a part of these men’s lives, that I’m willing to entertain that we are somehow fated to be together… but how could it be that I happen to have four gorgeous men as soulmates? Lana would definitely say, that’s unfair. I try to give myself some sensible advice: Separate the fantasy from the reality, Mira… You’re here in paradise… Enjoy it, stay grounded… You slept with one of your bosses and you feel a connection with the others, as well… You’re just trying to squeeze yourself to fit… It’s just that overactive imagination that Cliff always said you had… there’s nothing to worry about. Everything is fine.
I try to read a novel set in an old English manor but I’m too sleepy already. I put down my Kindle and drift off to sleep repeating it to myself over and over… everything is fine…
Chapter Thirty-Three
Mira
The next morning, I make myself a coffee and sit in the sunshine on my balcony. Things seem much brighter. I check my bank account, and my pay has come in. It’s great, especially as my accommodation and food is all included here. The stack of the bills on the counter are much less intimidating now that I can finally pay some of them. After eating a cheesy croissant, I decide to do the mature, grown-up thing and sort through the envelopes to see which ones need paying first.
I sift through them, recognizing the logos from the utility companies and my student loan debtors. There’s a plain envelope in the middle with just my name written on it. Interesting.
It doesn’t have a postmark or stamp. It didn’t come in the mail, which means someone hand-delivered it to my apartment mailbox in New York before I left. A chill runs through me, and I freeze. I know I should open it, to figure out who is sending me mail. It could just be Lana leaving me a friendly note before I leave, but it’s not her handwriting and it looks suspiciously like Cliff’s.
I bite back my fear and tear open the envelope. Inside is a hand-written note.
Now that you’ve hit rock bottom, let me in again, Mira. I just want to help. Come back to me. I know you’ve met Gino. You’re not meant to live in struggle week-to-week; you’re made for luxury. I hope you like my gift.
I stare at it for a few minutes. Reading and re-reading.
What. The. Fuck.
Cliff knows Gino. Cliff has been watching me – he was following me in New York close enough to know that I met Gino… he sent me this note to scare me away from the hot Italian man I met in a bar. He’s probably snooping on my life even here… or maybe… My heart races in my chest as my mind spins with paranoid possibilities… maybe he sent Gino!
I read the note again but it’s unclear whether meeting Gino is a good thing or a bad thing. What gift?
Dread pools like liquid lead in my gut. I want to scream, but it’s too heavy.
Is this whole place a gift… a gift from Cliff? Is that the real reason why they’ve given me all this? Is that why Theo is acting so strangely distant after our kiss, and why the other guys have been saying strange things? Are they actors, forgetting their lines?
Cliff locked me in a box, literally. He locked me in his big fancy house. I wasn’t allowed to leave, not even when he was gone, traveling for work. He made me wear a fucking tracking necklace, which monitored my heart-rate to let him know I was still there, at home. “Still safe,” he said, but that was not at all what I was. I was never safe with him. Never safe to be myself. Never safe to do anything I wanted to do. Was I naïve to think he’d just let me walk away?
When I left Cliff, I didn’t take anything of his. I left with the clothes on my back and I went to Lana’s and cried on her shoulder and slept on her couch. But even though I had nothing, that freedom was the best thing I’d ever tasted. I’d never had it before – I’d left one controlling man who raised me for another, who was even worse. Cliff made me drop out of chef school. He made me into the person he wanted – a doll – a companion to dote on him – a supporting role in his life, rather than a person with my own story. I had to leave him in order to have my own life, but what does all of that mean now?
My mind is swirling with bad memories, and I can hardly see through the pain. I crawl into bed and get under the covers, hoping like a child that I can hide from my problems.
It’s still the middle of the day. I don’t care. My life is back to feeling like a heavy burden whereas just this morning it was blissfully light… waking up in Theo’s bed. Surely, Cliff couldn’t want that. He’s too possessive… Unless this thing with Theo has gone out of control. Maybe I could turn him against Cliff if they really are paid actors… but would I want to?
I love everything about this place, but in one small paragraph, Cliff has managed to take it from me, too. Even if he isn’t responsible here, even if he was trying to keep me away from Gino… he knows where I was living in New York, which means he was watching me. He knows I’m here and that means I’m not safe.
I’m not prepared for the waves of grief that hit me as I’m lying in bed, contemplating how to get away. It’s the old grief from losing my mother as a child, but it’s amplified by the thought of losing these guys I’ve just met. How can I possibly be so attached to them – all four of them? What the hell is going on?
There’s something about these men, their lives, their pain, that captivates me. Surely, they can’t just be actors. This can’t just be a set up. It feels so real.
Eventually, I drift off to sleep but I’m confronted with more strange ancient dreams… those men who I’ve seen before… who I’ve loved and another man… a violent man…
The temple is on fire. I’m running, but someone is close behind me. I glance back to see him – Pellis – the boy I grew up with from my village, the one who used to follow me around and say we’d be married someday. He’s carrying a sword, and there’s fire in his eyes like nothing I’ve ever seen before.
“Mya! I told you, you’re mine!”
I run into the forest but it’s to
o late. He’s too close. I feel his bulk against me. His hands rough on my waist… then they tighten around my throat. I try to scream.
His sword though my chest, under my heart.
I wake myself up, screeching into the pillow… no!
I’m clutching the place on my chest where my birthmark has always been, and somehow, I know that the two are linked… my birthmark, and the wound that killed me… even though that can’t possibly be true. There’s no rational explanation. It was just a dream… I tell myself, but the terror stays with me.
There is something very wrong here and it all goes back to those dreams… they’ve gotten so much worse since I came here. I have to escape.
Chapter Thirty-Four
Mira
It’s afternoon here. Too late for a phone call because Lana will be at work, until I realize it’s Saturday.
“Hey babe, what’s up?” Lana asks.
“Hey,” I reply. “Things are not good here. I think I need to leave.”
“Why? What happened?”
“Where do I start? I slept with my boss – Theo.”
“Oh my god – I knew it! Carry on.”
“What the hell was I thinking?”
“Was it that bad?” Lana asks.
“No – it was amazing. Honestly, the best sex I’ve ever had.”
“Oh. My. God! So, what’s the problem?”
“Lana – he’s my boss for starters, but not only that, I’ve had these intimate moments with all the other guys who also happen to be my bosses.”
“Are they all jealous?” Lana asks.
“I don’t know.”
“So, what’s the problem?” Lana asks again.
“Okay. So, I was sorting through a pile of bills I brought with me now that my first pay has come in and I found this letter from Cliff.”
