by Candis Vargo
Mike thought for a minute. Monday seemed so far away. He was ready to just get everything over with, to get on with their lives the best they could. “Got anything sooner” he whispered into the phone.
“I’ll tell you what,” Kris said. “I’m free tonight, if you’re not busy we can meet around five-ish.”
“No, that’ll be fine.” He really didn’t mind missing a night of dinner at the house. He would just call Mia and tell her he was working late.
After they hung up, he turned around to see a few of the guys on the crew staring at him.
“Who was that?” Anthony asked with a smug smile.
“Just a friend,” Mike said.
“Yeah,” the guys laughed. “We know what it’s like to have ‘just a friend’.”
“It’s not like that,” Mike defended himself.
“Aww, come on man,” Anthony walked over to him and patted him on the back, sending saw dust flying off of his shirt. “We’re just busting your balls.”
Anthony was a tall and scrawny man. They used to always harass him about being so scrawny, but truth was they all knew he could knock their asses out if he really wanted to.
Pat walked over and placed his hand on Anthony’s chest. “What Gumbo here is trying to say is we’re just glad to hear about you getting out and about again.”
Anthony wrapped his hand around Pat’s bald head and pushed him back. “Why don’t you come out for some beers with us tomorrow night? The boss man says we finally get a Saturday off.”
Mike wouldn’t have minded working a Saturday since this was his first week back to work in nearly a month. When he felt a tinge of frustration he pushed the thought out of his mind. He couldn’t control the past, but he could control the present. As much as Mike had been avoiding interacting with the guys, a few beers actually sounded good to him. He could definitely use a night out to loosen up and escape reality for a little while.
“Yeah,” he said. “Yeah, that sounds good.”
“Alrighty then,” Pat wrapped his arm around Mike and gave him a small shake. “See you there.”
Mike gave a small smile, wondering if he really wanted to do it, but he saw how the guys were trying to act like things were back to normal. Why the hell not, he figured.
***
After work, Mike sat in his car watching all the other guys drive off. Once everyone was gone he dialed his home number. He was at once annoyed yet grateful when Mia didn’t answer the phone.
The answering machine picked up and Mike listened to his own recorded voice from their first day in the house. “Hi, you’ve reached Mike and Mia.” Mia’s voice chimed in, “The M and M’s.” Mike’s voice held back laughter as the message continued, “We can’t get to the phone right now, leave a message and we’ll call you back.”
The “M and M’s”. That’s what everyone used to call them. They went from being Mike and Mia to being referred to as two chocolate candies that everyone loved. Even on their wedding day, nearly seven years ago, Mia couldn’t help herself and had two giant M&M’s as the wedding cake topper.
For some reason she thoroughly enjoyed their nicknames. Everything else about their wedding was as normal as normal could be, except for her dress. Mia wore the most beautiful, elegant, ruby red dress…one she insisted was a ‘strapless mermaid’ style. A few diamond looking embellishments on the top portion enhanced the beauty of it.
He smiled at the memory. “Hey babe, it’s me. I got caught up here at work for a little bit. I won’t make it in time for dinner. I don’t know how long I’ll be, so don’t wait up. I love you. Bye.”
He hung up and placed the phone in the passenger seat before grasping the steering wheel with both hands. He leaned his forehead on top of the wheel and closed his eyes, staying like that for only a moment before he drove off towards the coffee shop.
Mike parked in the same spot as before and took the same, tedious path across the street to the Coffee Shop. He ordered his black coffee and turned to see Kris already sitting at the same table they met at last time.
He grunted as he sat down.
Kris smiled. “Long day, eh?”
Mike gave a halfhearted smile. He was still covered in sawdust and smelt of freshly cut wood. “Long past four days, actually.”
“How’d things go?”
“The same as always, I guess. Only this time I felt like I was helping her delusions, and not as in helping them go away.”
Kris nodded. “It’s going to take time. It’s not something that will be realized over one night, or even four.”
“Well how long is this going to take?”
“There’s no telling. It could be one month, it could be four.”
“Well shit,” Mike leaned back in his chair. “I don’t know if I can do this for four more months. It’s like every time she mentions him, and now I play along with it…but every time she mentions him and pretends he’s there I relive the moment all over again. I can’t keep reliving that day for four more months. Shit, sometimes I wonder if she’s only doing it just to force me to keep reliving it.”
“Why would she be doing that?” Kris lifted her chin the slightest bit, narrowing her deep, hazel eyes.
“I don’t know. Maybe because she was mad at me that day. Maybe she’s still mad at me, hell I don’t know.”
Her eyebrows rose. “I’m not trying to overstep here, but why was she upset with you?”
“Upset? Hell, she was full on pissed. You know, when a woman gives you the silent treatment but talks to you if necessary when the kid is around? Yeah, that was her. Most of the time I never cared enough to remember why she was upset—always thought she was just overreacting,” he took a long pause, sucking in a deep breath of well-needed air. “But not that time…”
“Well, maybe this will help me understand the situation more. And the more I can understand, the more I’m able to unravel to hopefully fix it all together.”
“I was never the husband I should have been,” Mike reluctantly said. “We had our issues, and I’ll admit my stubbornness caused most of them. The night before the accident I was out snowmobiling with my buddies…all night. Hell, I think I came home around five in the morning, drunk off of my ass,” Mike shook his head and looked down towards his coffee out of shame. “Eli went to preschool every day at eight and got out at noon. I didn’t even wake up until about a half hour before it was time to pick him up. I know what I did was wrong, I know that now. But I didn’t then.
“I knew it was supposed to snow some more, but I didn’t know it was going to be that bad. And she’s never liked the snow. Hated driving in it even more than she hated Frosty the damn Snowman. Maybe…maybe if I would have done things differently. Maybe if I didn’t stay out all night and I went to go pick up Eli, things wouldn’t have turned out the way that they did.” He looked up at Kris, “I know she was pissed at me that day. Can’t blame her, really. But do you think she could still be pissed? Wouldn’t you think that if she did blame me that she would have left me? Or maybe she thinks this is a worse punishment for me…to force me to relive it.”
Kris sat quiet for a moment. “Do you ever blame yourself for it? Or blame her, maybe?”
“No,” he spat. “Hell no, I never blamed her. And I never really thought about blaming myself.” His voice softened, “I don’t know if things would have actually happened differently, you know. But I guess in a way, everyone wonders if they could have changed things.”
Kris leaned forward and placed a hand on Mikes arm. “I can guarantee you, this is not her way of punishing you. She’s not still mad at you. These ‘delusions’, as you put it, are very real. Sometimes people can’t grasp onto reality and instead create a different one, a happier one.
“Try not to beat yourself up over it. It’s not your fault. You’re doing what you can for help, and that’s why you came to see me.” She smiled at him, “That’s why I just need you to trust me, as hard as it will be, and let me work my magic.”
Mike took
a deep breath and nodded. “So what’s the next step, Doc?”
“It’s Kris, remember.”
“Yeah, I was just trying to lighten the mood. Especially with whatever you’re about to lay on me,” he chuckled.
“I need you to take it one step farther. When it’s mealtime and she’s requesting your help with getting Eli to eat, I want you to distract her. Suggest she go do something; take a bath, paint her nails…whatever, but suggest she go do something else while you get him to eat. While she’s away, I want you to mess up the plate she sets out for him. Make it look as though he actually ate something. See how she reacts.”
Mike couldn’t help but look at her like she was absolutely insane. “If acknowledging someone that isn’t there isn’t helping, how will this?”
Kris looked into Mike’s eyes, keeping her voice soft. “If anything, Mike, it will at least help me. Knowing how she will react will at least help me know the next step to take.”
“If you say so…”
Chapter 5
By the time Mike arrived home, all of the lights were off and he knew Mia would be in bed. Relief washed over him because he wouldn’t have to try to explain himself to her yet again. He made his way through the house as quiet as he could possibly be and slowly slid in be beside her.
When morning came he woke to Mia sitting in the bed beside him, rubbing his back.
“Breakfast is started,” she said.
“Coffee?” he mumbled.
He opened his eyes just enough to be able to see through a small sliver. Even though her face was blurry to him he was able to see her smile. “As always.” She kissed him on the forehead. It was so soft, and so gentle, that if he didn’t see her lean down to kiss him he wouldn’t have even known she did it. He could smell the sweetness of her generic jasmine scented perfume he bought for her three years ago for her birthday. Shit, he thought. Her birthday is coming up.
By the time he made it to the table the usual breakfast—eggs, hash browns, and sausage, was already set out. Beside his plate sat his cup of coffee he longed for every morning. Unlike the past few days when he would try to eat his meal as fast as he could to avoid the inevitable, this time he was ready for it. He had finally accepted the fact that this needed to be done to help her. And he would do anything for that woman.
“I took Eli to the park while you were at work yesterday,” Mia said in between bites. “I think we need to get him out and socialize more, especially with school starting up soon.”
Mike nearly choked on a bite of sausage. He pictured her at the park, sitting on a bench by herself. He could imagine what people there thought of her as she just sat there watching children play.
“I think we need to get him out more…have him get more socialization,” she continued. “The entire time he just kept to himself. He would steer away from other kids and if they came too close he would go somewhere else and play. I’m kind of worried. If he doesn’t start talking with other kids soon I think I might take him to the doctor's, make sure there’s nothing wrong with him.”
Great, he thought. First she’s at a park with their deceased son, he could only imagine what would happen if she tried to take him to a doctor appointment.
“I think it’ll be fine,” Mike said. He really didn’t want her making an appointment. “I think everything will work itself out once school starts. Must just be going through some weird adjustment stage. I don’t really think there’s any reason to worry.” He thought a moment about Mia at the park. “Maybe he just wants to be more independent, you know. How about I pick up some books about colors and numbers or what not, and we let him try those out. Maybe that’s what he wants.”
Mia shifted her eyes to Eli’s seat, “I don’t know…maybe. We can try it but I still think he needs to socialize more. I just don’t want him to end up being one of those kids who is…well, anti-social. You can still get him those books but he needs friends, Mike. We can’t keep him locked in this house forever. Heck, maybe he needs some ‘man’ time too—why don’t you two do something together? Take him fishing.”
“Mia, I don’t fish.”
“Well then, I don’t know, how about the next time you tinker in the garage you have a little helper again? Does that sound like fun to you, Eli?” Mia grinned from ear to ear. “Yeah? Well it’s settled then, but only if you work on the books daddy is going to get you and you at least try to make some friends. You had a lot of friends in preschool and you’re one awesome kiddo, so I know you can do it buddy.” Mia winked at the empty seat before taking another bite of her food.
Mike sipped his coffee, “Sounds like a plan to me.” He took another sip, trying to keep his heartache from showing itself on his face.
He missed the days his son would spend in the garage with him, when Eli thought he was helping and Mike let him. The joy on his face was more valuable than a few lost bolts and screws.
They were nearly finished with breakfast when Mia went back to their normal routine, “Eli, will you—”
“Honey,” Mike cut her off. “I’ll take care of it. Why don’t you go check the mail—see if anything came in from the doctor's office for me? I’ll clean up, too.”
“Okay.” She looked at him with curious eyes.
Mike watched and waited. As soon as she stepped outside and closed the door behind her he hurried over to the plate that sat in front of the empty seat. He used the fork that lay beside it to slice up the hash brown and sausage and scraped some of the plate’s contents off onto his plate. He rushed over and sat back down in his seat, eating as much as he could before she came back inside, empty handed.
“No mail?” he asked with mouth full of eggs.
“Nope. Nothing. But at least that means no bills.” Mia walked over to the table and looked down at the plate that was meant for Eli. “Eli, you need to eat!”
“He did,” Mike protested. “Do you not see his plate? He ate something.”
“Please, Mike.” Mia rolled her eyes. She obviously didn’t believe that Eli had eaten.
Mike sighed and shook his head as Mia walked down the hall. She either knew what he had done or just didn’t even realize that the plate looked like it had been eaten off of. Mike stood up and gathered the plates to load them in the dishwasher. The sound of Mia's blood curdling scream made him drop the plates, sending them crashing into pieces on the floor.
Chapter 6
Adrenalin flooded Mike’s veins as he ran to the back of the hallway and through the only doorway that was open. He found Mia sitting in the corner to the left of him. With her eyes filled with fear she looked at Mike and pointed to the corner diagonal from her.
“Did you see it? Did you see it?” she said frantically.
Mike glanced in the direction she was pointing, ready for anything, but then he turned and ran over to Mia. Kneeling down beside her he asked, “See what? What did you see? Was there someone in here?”
“No! It was…this thing! I don’t know.” Mia started weeping. “It was just this big, black, thing in the corner. It just hovered, like smoke. But…but it made this sound…it was a growl like from the damn Exorcist or something!”
Mike looked back at the corner then back at her. He gently grabbed her face, forcing eye contact. “Look. Mia. Look, there’s nothing there. Whatever you saw, it’s gone now.”
Mia continued to cry. “But it was there. I swear Mike, it was there.”
“I believe you…I believe you,” he whispered as he placed her head on his chest. Though he didn’t truly believe her, he needed to comfort her. Maybe she was really losing her mind.
All he could think was somehow his messing with the plate had caused this. That he caused it. If it was him then he was going to stop. There had to be another way. All he wanted to do was help her, but he might be messing with her mind more. He couldn’t stand the thought…couldn’t stand himself.
After a few moments, he finally realized what room he was in. It was Eli’s room. He hadn’t been in that room since th
e accident. He couldn’t bear it. His son's bed was made, the Transformers blanket pulled up to the matching pillow where Eli’s favorite brown, fluffy teddy bear was tucked in, as though he was going to sleep in it that very night. The beloved framed pictures of motorcycles hung on the walls in the same spot they had always been. His Cars lamp still sat on his dresser beside the toy airplane he had to have but never played with. The scent of his boy still lingered in the air, mixed with the musk of dust that hovered from being recently disturbed.
Mike felt the tug on his heart as a hollowness tried to take over but pushed it aside. He couldn’t let himself become emotional, especially not right this moment. Not when Mia needed him.
He waited until Mia was calmed down and resting in bed before he stepped outside to call Kris. There had to be some type of explanation for what the hell was happening and if messing with the plate had caused it, he sure as hell wasn’t going to touch the plate again.
“Hey, Mike,” Kris answered.
“Hi, Kris. Listen…Mia just freaked out. I did what you said, and not long after she just freaked out. She starting going on about seeing some crap…a black blob type thing. And it just happened to be in Eli’s room too. Is this because of what I did?”
Kris’ voice was gentle and reassuring. “Sometimes, when people slowly come to terms with reality…their mind will try to hurt them. Play tricks like that on them. It’s like the power of the situation is stronger than she is. This is why we are moving slowly, why we are taking it one small step at a time.”
“Well hell,” Mike said. “If this is the cause of taking it slow, maybe we need to rethink what exactly slow is.”
“Just think, Mike,” Kris replied. “Just imagine how it would be if someone came to terms with it in one sudden moment. It could lead to an all-out catastrophic breakdown. A breakdown that practically no one would be able to handle. You’re doing the right thing, and eventually it will get better.”
“Yeah…I guess you’re right. But can’t we just take a step back?”
