by Candis Vargo
“If we took a step back now, it would just be worse in the long run. Trust me, Mike. I promise you I’m not trying to hurt anyone. All I’m doing is trying to help.”
“Yeah, okay.” He reluctantly agreed.
“Let’s meet up next Friday after work again, okay? See how things work out.”
“Yeah, I guess. See you then.” Mike hung up and scratched his head as he looked around. As he glanced over in the direction of the driveway, he noticed that the mailbox was left open. He walked over to shut it only to realize it was filled with mail. Grunting with frustration, he pulled the mail out and closed the mailbox. Glancing across the street before he headed back to the house, he saw the neighbor watching him through the window of their large, tan house. The house stood directly across from him like an eyesore, taunting and teasing, a home he could never afford.
Rich bastards, he thought. No doubt they had heard Mia’s scream. Old fuckers probably thought he was beating her or something. He never did care for them. Always nosing in other people’s business. People needed to learn how to keep to their own and not butt into everyone else’s crap. He thought back to the time Mia had called him when he was out of town on work. He was gone for two weeks and a mutual friend would stop by and see if she needed help with anything while he was out of town…that friend just happened to be male.
She got word of the rumors going around the neighborhood…all because a male was stopping at their house and Mike was out of town. No doubt the neighbors across the street started it all, saying that it didn’t look good for her ‘reputation’. Whatever the hell that meant. Nosey old bastards, he thought. As much as it had angered him, Mia seemed to think it was quite hilarious.
“Mia,” he called when he walked back inside. “I thought you said there wasn’t any mail? Mia,” he continued as he walked down the hall. “Mia.” He opened the door to their bedroom and saw her sound asleep on the bed. Gently, he shut the door, not bothering to go in.
When he turned around he stood still, staring at the door to the room that had haunted him for so long. After mustering up his courage, he walked back into Eli’s room and sat down on the bed. Reaching up, he grabbed the stuffed dog that lay on Eli’s pillow. He ran his fingers through the plush material and closed his eyes as he remembered years of tucking his son into bed.
He struggled as he tried to remember the sound of Eli’s voice and the feel of his hugs. Mike laid down, bringing his knees up to his chest as he smothered his face with the stuffed animal; the smell of Eli still lingered on it.
***
He lost himself to sleep and his dream consumed him. His vision was blocked by the thickness of snow falling from the sky. It made it impossible for him to see anything, though it didn’t keep him from trying. He blinked several times, eyelashes moist from the snow melting on his skin. He looked around, trying to find out where he was.
The blaring of a horn alerted him, twisting his stomach as he turned around to face the source of the horn. He saw the big rig sliding sideways toward him as he realized he stood in the middle of a road. He turned to run out of the way and when the screeching of metal crushing from a near unstoppable force hit his ears he ducked down and shielded his head.
The next thing he knew he was submerged in water. His body ached from the coldness that surrounded him and he found it hard to move at all, his muscles protesting out of pain. His chest burned and he realized he needed to breathe. Fighting against the pain and the thickened water, he tried to swim his way to the surface.
Thick shards of ice cut through his arms as he tried to swim upward. Something inside told him that he wouldn’t make it to the surface in time and he stopped swimming. His energy had diminished and his body went stiff. He floated, staring into the deep abyss. As he struggled to keep his eyes open he saw a vehicle flipped upside down in the water with him and he knew it was Mia’s jeep.
He panicked, heart thumping uncontrollably, as he tried to swim towards the jeep. As he neared the vehicle he saw the darkness lingering above it. The darkness stretched itself out to the length of the vehicle.
“No,” he tried to scream. Every ounce of his being fought to get to the Jeep, to get to Mia and Eli.
“No, no!” His screams were of no use. The darkness continued to grow until it engulfed the entire jeep into its depth.
Desperate for air, Mike sucked in a gulp of water. Jolting awake, he sat up on the bed with sweat dripping from his forehead. Not wanting to be in the room any longer he placed the stuffed dog back on the pillow and left the room, closing the door behind him.
Chapter 7
Wanting to distract himself from the dream, Mike went into the living room and sat down in his recliner. He turned on the TV figuring he would catch up on some TV shows while Mia slept.
He glanced into the kitchen and saw the basket of clothes Mia had been folding, but the clothes sprawled out on the table. He shook his head, realizing Mia was now doing more to keep her delusion of Eli alive. Now she was having him mess up perfectly good folded clothes.
Halfway through the first episode of Chicago P.D. the harsh tone of Mia’s voice demanded his attention.
“Christ, Mike. Your son is standing right there,” she held her hand out flat, not pointing in any certain direction. “How many times does he have to say ‘Daddy’ before you listen to him? Can’t you at least acknowledge him, pick him up and put him on your lap maybe, anything that’s remotely fatherly? He’s just a freaking kid, Mike!”
“Ugh…ugh,” Mike stammered. He looked slightly to the right of where he sat and patted his lap, “Eli, would you like to come sit on daddy’s lap, buddy?” Each word cut like a knife. God, it was like torturing him over and over again. But he would push through, just a little more suffering until she was better.
That’s what mattered right now.
“E for effort Mike but next time you pretend you give a shit why don’t you try to actually look at him.” Mia looked down just like she would if she was looking down upon Eli, “Come on, buddy.” She walked into the kitchen and set a coloring book and crayons on the table.
Her words stung. How he longed to do those fatherly things, the things he should have done more of before the accident happened. He never thought his child would die before him. No. That’s not the way it’s supposed to work. The child is supposed to bury the parents, everyone knew that.
He cursed himself for that. For not spending his time like he should have, not that he would ever admit that to anyone. He would keep it hidden inside. Men didn’t share their emotions like women did.
If he could go back in time he wouldn’t get so upset over the little things. He would have spent less time yelling and more time playing and smiling. He would have wrestled with Eli more, played more ball, or just sat on the couch watching cartoons with him while they laughed.
But life doesn’t give second chances.
Not long ago he would have told Mia not to take the Lord's name in vain. Even though he used to be what people would consider a seasonal drunk he still believed in God and everything the Bible had to offer. Hell, he figured if Jesus drank wine what would a beer hurt? But everything that happened changed his way of thinking.
He didn’t go to church on Sundays because he couldn’t handle all of the stares. Half of those people only pretended to be Christians anyway. Instead, he opted to watch Joyce Meyer all alone on Sunday mornings. As much as he tried not to question God he still couldn’t help but wonder why God let this happen to him. To his family…to his son.
Mike ordered a pizza for dinner, figuring he’d give Mia a break from cooking for him, especially after the day she had. He knew she had bottled up emotions that were slowly cracking the glass. Once in a while she’d try to talk to Mike about the dark figure she saw and how she felt like it was coming for her but he just brushed it off. He knew that she could feel the disbelief in his words, but he couldn’t give in to another delusion.
As they waited for the pizza to arrive, Mia called M
ike over to the couch. As he sat down beside her dust scattered through the air, dancing like tiny fireflies as they moved throughout the light of the setting sun.
“I’m sorry,” she said. “I don’t try to be so mean all the time. It’s just Eli isn’t listening as well as he used to. Maybe it’s a boy thing…or maybe it’s just because he’s getting older and trying to stretch his independence, I don’t know. But it has me stressed and I wish you’d do more to help with him sometimes. And then the thing I saw in Eli’s room today…what if it was after him? I know you don’t believe me, but there was something there.
“If there’s a God and there are angels, then there has to be a devil and demons too, and that’s just what it felt like…a demon. I know, I know. You don’t believe me, but it worried me. Still does. Anyway,” she went back to what she really wanted to talk about. “I just wanted to say I’m sorry. I love you. Why don’t we all just go out to dinner or something? Do something as a family, it’s been forever.”
Mike’s anger faded. Maybe he was being too hard on her. Everything had obviously taken a bigger toll on her than him. Yes, he would miss his son with every breath he took, but she was the one that carried him for nine months. She was the one who felt every little hiccup and kick inside of her. She endured the thirteen hours of pain before finally bringing him out into the world.
“I know,” he said. “And it’s okay. It’s not like I’ve been the perfect husband. But we work through everything together…that’s what marriage is, just as you’ve always said. ‘Two people working through their problems, not running away from them’. And going out to eat,” he thought about how disastrous that could turn out to be. The stares, the humiliation…but that was his wife and he would be doing it for her. “Going out to eat sounds nice, let’s go now. When the pizza comes we can throw it in the fridge for tomorrow and head out. I love you too, baby.”
Mia got herself and Eli around while Mike waited for the pizza to be delivered. Everyone was ready and the pizza still hadn’t shown up so Mike just left cash on the porch with a note that read ‘Have a pizza on us.’
“So where to,” Mike asked.
“Well Eli is still in the mood for pizza, so Pizza Hut it is.”
Mike laughed, “You mean to tell me instead of waiting for our pizza—the one we ordered—to arrive we are going to go out for pizza instead?”
Mia returned his laughter. “Yup, that’s what I’m saying but at least we’re out of the house as a family.”
This was it. He felt like he was finally starting to get her back and he loved it.
When they arrived at Pizza Hut they went and seated themselves at a booth farthest to the back. The seats were covered in torn green pleather and the table wobbled with age. A single light dangled from the ceiling above the tables, casting a glow on each seat. Framed pictures of pizza hung on the walls and soft music filled the air.
There was only a handful of people in there so he wasn’t too concerned with causing attention. He felt good about what he was doing, proud even.
A young woman-probably in her early 20’s-with short blonde hair and dressed in black slacks with a red ‘Pizza Hut’ shirt came over to take their order.
“Can we have a Mountain Dew, a sweet tea and a chocolate milk?” He didn’t think too much when it came to ordering for them. He knew what Mia liked and for all anyone knew he ordered a chocolate milk for himself.
“Thirsty tonight, eh,” the waitress smiled.
Mike ignored her and placed an order for a medium mushroom and sausage pizza.
“Oh, can I get an extra plate,” he asked the young lady before she took off.
The waitress looked down at her notepad and wrote in it. “Okay, got it” she said and hurried off.
Mike and Mia sat at the table having small chat about how long it’s been since they’ve been out and about. Every once in a while Mia would turn to her side and tell Eli to sit still or quiet down but it didn’t bother Mike too much.
The waitress showed up with their drinks and handed Mike his. “Mountain Dew,” she said with a smile. “And a tea and chocolate milk.” She placed the other two drinks in front Mia. “I’ll be right back with your food,” she offered Mike another sweet smile and Mia tried to contain her giggle.
Once the waitress walked away Mia said, “She’s totally hitting on you.”
“What? No.”
“Oh yes. She couldn’t make eye contact with me but with you, she was all smiles.” Mia was still smiling and he knew she was still trying to contain her laughter.
Mike groaned. There was no way she was hitting on him.
Ten minutes later the waitress came back with their pizza and set it in the center of the table and set the plates beside the pizza. There were only two plates.
“Um, we need another plate,” Mia narrowed her brows at the waitress but she paid no attention.
Mike looked from Mia to the waitress, “Can we have an extra plate, please?”
The waitress pulled her notepad out of her black apron and glanced it over. “Um, yeah,” she said, flustered. “I’m sorry. Yeah, I’ll be right back.”
“There babe,” Mike said. “She just forgot it. Waitresses have a lot to remember and do.”
The third plate was brought out and the waitress hurried off to welcome some more customers. Mike put a piece of pizza on each plate, not caring too much what people thought right now.
Every so often he would look up and glance around the room and at one point in time he caught his waitress talking with another one, and glancing over at their table. Once he made eye contact with his waitress she turned around and walked into the kitchen.
Great. Here we go again, he thought.
A few more stares came from people throughout the restaurant so after Mike ate two pieces of pizza he insisted he was full. They got their pizza boxed up and left.
Mia was good during dinner. She didn’t pester Eli to eat or anything. Surely people have done things stranger than asking for an extra drink and plate. But this was a small town, everyone knew what he was dealing with, there was no doubt about that. He just wished people would leave them alone and stop staring at them so he could come out of the other end of this battle. Everything was hard enough as it was and he wished they would just stop adding to his stress, making it harder.
On the drive home Mia kept looking in the back seat and making funny faces. “Hey,” she said, still facing the back seat. “I thought we agreed you’d keep your teddy at home from now on?”
Mike glanced at Mia before looking back.
His heart seized at the sight of Eli’s favorite teddy bear laying on its side in the seat.
Chapter 8
Mike didn’t understand why Mia would have taken Eli’s teddy bear out of his room. A part of him was pissed off. That was Eli’s bear—one of his most loved things—and Mike wanted it to stay in the room where he knew it was safe.
He forced himself to look at the situation how he thought Kris would have him look at it. Mia didn’t know what she was doing but she knew that Eli would want it with him when it was dark out.
He pushed his anger aside and let his love for Mia take over.
When they got home Mia got out of the car and opened the door to the back seat, grabbing the bear.
“Hey babe, look at this.” Mia held up the note and the cash they had left on the porch.
Mike snickered, “Well, guess it’s a good thing we didn’t wait around for that pizza. Jackasses.”
When they walked inside Mia went to the back of the house to put the bear back in Eli’s room while Mike sat on the couch.
Mia smiled at him as she walked into the living room and sat down beside Mike. She set one hand on his leg as she placed a kiss on his forehead. “So, anything going on tonight?” She sat back, smiling as if there wasn’t a worry in the world.
He thought about it for a moment, wondering if maybe she wanted to go out. He couldn’t remember the last time she had gone out but he knew it
was months before the accident.
“Do you want to go out or something?” He fully intended on letting her go out if that’s what she had wanted to do.
“Oh no,” she said. “I’m perfectly content here.”
“Well…a few of the guys at work asked me if I wanted to hang out with them tonight. I haven’t been out with them in a long time, and I figured if you didn’t have any plans and didn’t mind, that I would go hang out with them for an hour or two.”
Mia smiled. “You have been cooped up in this house for a long time. I truly don’t mind. You go ahead and go out, I have a pint of ice cream and chick shows to watch. Unless, of course, you’d like to catch up on the newest vampire heartthrob.” She winked at him.
“Nope.” Mike stood up. “No, I think I’m good on that one.”
Mike took a quick shower and put on some worn jeans and a long sleeved shirt. Though it was nearing summer the nights still had a nip to them. When he came back out into the living room Mia told him that Eli was already in bed.
“I told him you said goodnight and that you loved him,” she said. She told him to go ahead and go so she had more time to watch her shows.
With a quick bye and I love you, Mike left to go meet the guys down at Rocky’s Bar and Grill. Just by looking at the place one could tell that it was some backwoods bar, but it was the closest one in town. It was a small building that sat next to some old railroad tracks with a small bar, about five stools, and three tables. Thought it was so small, one would be surprised by the number of people that would shove in there like sardines in a can.
When Mike arrived there were only about fifteen people inside. He made his way over to the bar area and met up with the guys from work. Anthony, tall as he was, stood out like a beacon with Pat and Tommy.
“Hey!” Anthony yelled. “He actually made it!” He wrapped his arm around Mike and the smell of the yeast from Anthony’s overindulgence consumed him. “Hey, Sasha,” Anthony called to the bartender, “how about a Labatts here for my friend…draft.”
