The Heart of a Fox

by T. Isilwath

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  Akihiro woke up warm and comfortable, and surrounded by Joanna’s lovely scent. It was so close to his nose he imagined that she was right next to him, then he opened his eyes and saw that she was indeed right next to him, or rather, he was right next to her. In her bed. With his arm around her. And she had her arm around him.

  He gulped, coming to full consciousness very quickly as he tried to remember how they had ended up in such a compromising and suggestive position. His brain slowly supplied the necessary memories, and he reconstructed the previous night’s events. He’d botched a hunt and he had sought to make amends by allowing her to punish him for his mistake, but she had refused.

  ‘She wouldn’t beat me. Hiroshi would have bound me and whipped me bloody for ruining a hunt like that, but she… she broke the punishment rod and called me friend.’

  He recalled his shock and confusion at her behavior, then his emotional, tearful breakdown in her arms. Instead of rejecting or ridiculing him for his tears, she had held him and soothed him, and it had been more than he could bear. When she still insisted on feeding him from her very limited supply of food, he hadn’t been able to take it anymore and he’d run away. The storm had gotten worse while he was out in the forest, and he had eventually returned, unable to keep himself from her side.

  Rather than be angry with him, she had once again held him and comforted him. Then she had invited him into her bed and allowed him to sleep next to her. It was the first time since he was a little kit that he hadn’t slept alone, and he had forgotten what a solace it was to snuggle with someone else.

  He blushed when he realized that he was dressed only in the oversized kosode Kaemon had given him, and he vaguely remembered Joanna taking him out of his soaked clothes. Even though the kosode was more than long enough to cover his private places, he was still keenly aware that he was otherwise naked, and he put a little bit of distance between their two bodies.

  ‘But she’s seen you naked before, and you know she won’t hurt you.’

  He felt perfectly safe, in fact, and he looked at her sleeping face, smiling as a rush of emotion made his chest tighten.

  ‘She is so beautiful.’

  He dared to nuzzle her cheek and was rewarded with a soft sigh and a sweet smile, then her lips parted and she murmured softly.

  “Michael…”

  The name was a blow and he flattened his ears, unhappy to be reminded that she wasn’t his to claim. He knew she loved her intended, and she spoke of him often, but he couldn’t help but be jealous of the man he had never met. No doubt her betrothed was handsome, well-off and, above all, human. There was nothing he could offer Joanna to persuade her to break her engagement and choose him as her mate, and he wouldn’t even try, but still… he had dreams. If this Michael was as handsome and high ranked as he thought, then the man would have no trouble finding another wife. He, on the other hand, would never find another female who would give him a second glance. It wasn’t fair that he should have to give up the only woman who had ever looked at him with affection because she was already promised to another man, and he resented Michael for it.

  If he wasn’t certain that Joanna would be devastated and hurt by it, he would consider challenging her betrothed for the right to marry her. But he knew that his vixen loved her intended very much and such a challenge would only bring her pain.

  She was making rousing noises and he realized that she was waking. He felt a brief moment of total panic, unsure of how she would react to finding him in bed with her, and he froze as she opened her eyes. She gazed sleepily at him for several moments, then she smiled.

  “Akihiro.”

  “Joanna-sama,” he answered carefully, trying to judge her reaction.

  She moved, stretching a little, but that only served to make more of her body brush against his. “Mmmmph. I’m so glad you’re safe. I was so worried about you when you were out in that storm.”

  He blushed. “I was fine.”

  Her smile widened, as if she had expected him to say that, and she looked at him fondly. She didn’t seem the least bit upset that they were sharing a bed.

  As always, she cared more about his well being than anything else.

  “I know, but I still worried. Thank you for coming back.” He looked down. “I couldn’t stay away.”

  She answered him by lightly rubbing his back with her hand and he relaxed. It surprised him a little bit that she didn’t seem in any particular hurry to get out of bed, but he didn’t question her. All things considered, he was very comfortable, and if she didn’t want to move then neither would he.

  “Is it still raining?” she asked.

  He perked up his ears and listened for a moment before replying, “Yes.” She sighed heavily. “Crap.”

  He giggled. It always made him laugh when she cursed. Suzuka never cursed.

  “We have to get food today. We don’t have a choice,” she said solemnly.

  “Yes,” he agreed. He knew very well that they were out of food, and he was very concerned about her illness. She had to eat or she would get sick.

  “Akihiro, will you help me bring down a deer?”

  Her question shocked him and he stared at her. “A deer?” ‘Did I hear her correctly? Did she just ask me to help her kill a deer?’

  She nodded. “Yeah. The rain probably has them ragged too, and all the mud should make it easy for us to find them. A buck would feed us for several days.”

  He blinked. ‘But…’ “You would eat the flesh of a deer?” She looked confused. “Sure. Why not?”

  “Most of the humans I know do not eat the meat of any four-legged animal. In fact, it is forbidden by the Emperor, although it is not usually enforced in the small villages. I know you eat rabbit, but I did not realize that you would eat deer as well,” he explained, then asked, “Would you eat a boar?” She nodded. “Sure, I like pig. Pig cooks really well in the underground oven. But I figured a buck would be better. Boars are dangerous.” He laughed. “Are you afraid of pigs?”

  She snorted at him. “They’ve got big tusks.”

  “Heh, and bucks have antlers. They’re dangerous.” She shrugged. “Not too many hunters get gored by a buck.”

  “True.”

  She yawned and settled back down in her blankets, closing her eyes. “I’m still tired. I stayed up late waiting for you to come back. Wake me when the rain stops if I’m not awake before then. We’ll go hunting and catch us a buck.”

  “O… Okay.”

  She gave a little nod, then went back to sleep. He watched her for a while, waiting for her to enter deep sleep and forming a plan in his head. He wished he had known she would eat deer and boar days ago. It had just never crossed his mind that she would be willing to consume meat. It was one thing to eat rabbit, but another thing entirely to eat deer or larger game, and a whole new world of possibilities had just opened up for him.

  When he was certain that she wouldn’t wake up by his leaving, he slipped quietly out of the blankets. Silently, as only a kitsune could, he dressed and snuck out of the hollow into the pre-dawn air. Joanna had just given him a way to redeem himself for his terrible mistake the previous day, and he wasn’t about to waste it. He hadn’t hunted big game in years, but his genetic memory was as clear as if he had brought down a deer yesterday, and he became the predator he knew he could be.

  Driven by his devotion, and overwhelming need to please and take care of the woman he adored, he tracked and slew two bucks and a boar before dawn and dragged their bodies back to the grove. The hunts were easy because the animals had bedded down to seek shelter from the rain, and the wetness had masked his scent. He made sure his prey were fat and healthy animals, but past their prime, and offered thanks the way he had seen Joanna do every time she made a kill. He knew she would be pleased to know that he had made the proper prayers for their sacrifices.

  It was four times the amount of meat that they needed, but he knew she would preserve it for later use. Not only tha
t, but he was making a point and a silent commitment to her. No matter what, he vowed to himself, his Joanna would never go hungry again.

  Chapter Ten

  “Akihiro…”

  He raised his head from where he had been sniffing for game and turned in the direction of the welcome sound. She was calling him and he responded immediately; to ignore the implied summons or to disobey it was unthinkable.

  It had been four weeks since their relationship had irrevocably changed.

  Four weeks since he had come crawling back to her, and she had held him in her arms. Four weeks since he had bound himself to her more tightly than he had ever bound himself to anyone.

  He belonged to her now. Everything he had, everything he could ever be, was hers for the taking. He lived for her call, waited for it, and rushed to comply. Her voice was his lure and he could not resist it even if he tried. He was alive only when he was by her side. To be away from her was agony; to be separated from her was a fate worse than death. He breathed for one purpose. His heart beat for one purpose. There was only her, the miracle that was Her.

  To Her he was not “Hanyou” or “filthy half-breed.” He was Akihiro her friend, and she treated him with respect and kindness. In return, he gave her everything of himself. As a fox, he sought one partner, one vixen to provide for and protect. Kitsune mated for life, like their dog-demon and wolf-demon counterparts, and stayed faithful until death. For him there was only one choice: Joanna.

  It didn’t matter to him that she was betrothed. It didn’t matter that he could never have her. It didn’t matter that she would leave him when her people finally found her. She was his whether they were mates in the true sense of the word or not. There was no rhyme or reason to it, it simply was, and he was determined to end his life rather than live without her. Indeed he did not know how he had survived seventy-four years away from her. It was as if he had died on the day she had saved him and been reborn as someone new.

  He found her sitting by the fire ring, frowning into one of her odd “praa-stakk” containers. The frown twisted his heart in his chest and he squatted beside her, waiting for her to tell him what she wanted him to do.

  “Joanna-sama.” Her name was a benediction upon his lips.

  What would she ask of him? What task would she set for him? It did not matter. If she asked for the stars themselves, he would gather them in the chest of his kosode and place them at her feet. He was hers to command, her faithful, abject servant, and there was nothing he would not do for her.

  Did she know this? How could she not? Yet she did not call attention to his devotion, nor did she abuse it. Never did she ask more of him than he could give, although he longed to prove himself to her. He wished for an almost impossible task if only to win her favor and make her smile his way.

  “I’m almost out of salt,” she said, showing him the interior of the container. He blinked, peering into the small cup. “How far away is the ocean?”

  “It is about forty ri to the east,” he replied immediately, happy to answer her simple question.

  He saw her working something out in her head, then she nodded. “How long would it take for us to get there?”

  “Two or three days. Do you want to go to the ocean?” She nodded again. “Yeah. I can harvest salt from the sea water, and we can get out of this heat. I can’t imagine that it will be this awful at the seashore.” After nearly six weeks of soaking storms, the rains had finally stopped, but the sweltering heat of high summer came quickly on its heels. Now the only relief from the oppressive temperatures could be found in the deep, dark of the forest or the cool breezes along the shore.

  “Yes,” he agreed. He knew it would be. In the years he had wandered after his mother had died, he had spent many weeks by the sea.

  “Can we go tomorrow?”

  Why was she asking him? Did she not know that he would bend the heavens to her will if she wished it? A journey to the ocean was a simple thing to ask, and well within his power to provide. Besides, a trip with her would mean they would be alone for days with, hopefully, no one to bother them. It was a dream come true. He would have her all to himself and could pretend that it would always be so. And he knew just the place to take her. It was a bit farther down the coast, but he didn’t think she would mind. The location itself was well worth the extra travel.

  “Of course,” he eagerly agreed.

  She smiled and his whole world became brighter.

  “What I mean is, do you sense any bad weather coming in?” she clarified.

  He shook his head. Nothing smelled or felt like rain or storms. “No. The skies should be clear.”

  “That’s great. We can go there, stay a couple of days, harvest some salt, and then come back. It’ll be a little holiday at the beach.” He blinked but smiled. Anything that pleased her made him happy too, even if he had no idea what she was talking about. “What is that?” She rubbed his ears and he sighed happily. “You’ll see. I’ll show you a good, old fashioned New England clam bake.”

  “A what? Is that food?”

  “My fox always thinks with his stomach,” she teased. “Yes, it’s food.”

  “Then I am sure to like it.”

  “Is there any food you don’t like?” He thought for a moment, then shook his head. “No.”

  “I didn’t think so. Here, start a fire. I’ll heat up the venison stew.” The very thought of the thick, flavorful stew made his mouth water, and he hurried to comply. She in turn began working on the deer skins she was currently in the process of tanning while they waited for the stew to warm up. She had turned one of the hides from his first hunt into a smoker for meat, but the second skin and the one from a subsequent hunt, she had decided to tan. He had watched her turn the stiff hides into the softest deerskin he had ever felt, but it required days of scraping and handling to make the leather soft and supple. She had promised him a garment made from the hides as soon as they were ready.

  “Do you have to go to the village before we leave?” she asked.

  He frowned. He did not like to remember his affiliation with the village.

  His frequent visits there took him away from Her, and Suzuka had been asking some very shrewd questions as of late. He wondered if she didn’t have some suspicions as to his other life in the forest. He knew it was his fault if she suspected anything. No matter how hard he tried to behave the same way he always had, there was no hiding his happiness, and Suzuka was bound to notice the difference in him. Kaemon had noticed as well, but the priest seemed pleased by the change, not wary and suspicious like his younger sister.

  “I should,” he admitted finally. “I will go tonight after our meal and be back before dawn.”

  He hated to sleep away from her. Although he had only been invited to share her blankets twice, he was always permitted to sleep close enough to feel her body heat. Nothing more than simple cuddling had ever occurred between them, but her sweet scent in his nostrils was a balm to his broken soul. When he had to spend a night without her, he couldn’t sleep. His kitsune senses would keep searching for her missing scent, and he would get no rest.

  “Okay. I’ll leave the light on for you,” she quipped with a little smile.

  It was a joke between them. She had explained the concept of “leaving a light on” when a family member was due to come home late, and now she would tell him that she would set one out for him when he went to the village. She didn’t have to. It wasn’t that he couldn’t see perfectly in the dark, but it was the sentiment behind it.

  “I thank you.”

  “It’s no problem. I want you to be able to find your way back, you know.” He snickered. He could find his way back blind, deaf, and with all his limbs broken.

  “You don’t need to worry about that. I have my father’s nose.” She smiled and tapped the end of his nose with her finger.

  “And what a cute kitsune nose it is,” she said happily.

  He blushed. He loved it when she touched him. She was so free with her affe
ctions. Her demeanor was nothing like the humans he knew. She had no fear of physical contact, quite the opposite in fact, and it seemed that touch was an essential part of her life. She hugged and petted him often, and she was always rubbing his ears… not that he had any complaints about that.

  It was still amazing to him that she found him physically attractive. Almost every other human he had ever met had been repulsed by his animal features.

  Joanna, on the other hand, adored his ears and tail, and she had groomed him on numerous occasions. It was part of what made him so attached to her: her acceptance and affection for him, although he doubted that she understood the true significance of her actions. Mates groomed each other as part of the intimacies that sealed their bond, and much of her behavior was mate-like, even though she had never touched him in a way that could be interpreted as a signal for mating.

  He knew some of the human signals for mating, and he certainly was familiar with the scents associated with a female’s fertility cycle. Joanna never smelled fertile or “interested” in him, and while her touch was very loving, it was always completely platonic. He wasn’t quite sure how he felt about that.

  On one hand, he was attracted to her in ways that he had never been attracted to anyone before, and he was certain that having her for a mate would be Paradise.

  On the other hand, he was ashamed by his less than pure thoughts, and often berated himself for sullying her with his filthy desires.

  Still, he would not give her up or separate himself from her in order to save her from his impurity. Nor would he risk bringing disgrace down upon her by acting on his urges. He remained her friend, learning how to have and be a friend, and letting her teach him what it meant to be wanted and loved. He’d never had friends while he was growing up. He’d never played with other children or participated in games. His kitsune blood had marked him as an outcast, and no one had wanted to be associated with him. Humans or demons had either hated him or not, tried to kill him or not, but none had ever done anything more than tolerate him.