The Heart of a Fox

by T. Isilwath

  “Like taking all of the plants and leaving none for the next season.” She gave him an approving smile. “Exactly.”

  “I never used to think about things like that, but you are right. If you take them all, then there won’t be any for next year.”

  “People believed it was okay because new plants would just magically reappear. The attitude was that they could take as much as they wanted because there would always be plenty.”

  He snorted. It sounded short-sighted even to him.

  “I’m not sure I would like your world,” he commented.

  A shadow fell over her eyes and she frowned. “I don’t think that you would. I think you would find it too loud and dirty and crowded. I think you would be like a rabbit among wolves. It would be terrible for you.”

  “More terrible for me than now? I think it would be okay if I was with you.”

  “You give me far too much credit. Where I live, I have little power to do anything for anyone. I am a… a little fish in a very big pond.” He gave her an incredulous look. “Somehow I don’t believe that.” She laughed and he was happy to see the smile on her face again. “You have far too much faith in me. When I am with you my head often swells too big for my shoulders.”

  “I only speak the truth,” he insisted, cocking his head to one side.

  “I know and that’s what’s scary. I’ve never met anyone as diligently honest as you. I mean, Michael doesn’t lie, but he’s been known to hedge a bit. With you, if I ask a direct question, I get a direct answer.”

  “There is no honor in lying. If a man cannot be trusted to keep his word and tell the truth, then he dishonors his family, his parents and himself. My honor is all I have. I would not throw it away so carelessly.” She nodded and gave him a pleased smile. “Nor would I ever expect you to or ask it of you.”

  “I know.”

  She sighed and looked up at the night sky. “So many stars. We call that long ribbon of stars the Milky Way.”

  “The what?” It was a new word, and a new concept, and he pounced on it immediately.

  “The Milky Way. Because it looks like spilled milk.”

  ‘Spilled milk?’ “Like milk from a mother?”

  “Umm, usually we’re referring to cow’s milk.”

  “Cow’s milk?”

  “Yeah, where I come from we drink a lot of it.”

  “What’s the calf drink?”

  She laughed softly. “Uhh, he shares it. Our cows make lots of milk.”

  “Why do you drink cow’s milk?” The idea seemed utterly ridiculous to him, but maybe there was a good reason for it.

  “Because it’s good for you… mostly, and it can be made into a lot of stuff like butter and yogurt and cheese…” She looked at him and noticed his blank stare. “All of which you have absolutely no idea what I’m talking about.” He shrugged sheepishly. “Sorry.”

  “I keep forgetting that you don’t really raise livestock here. Tell you what, you bring me some cow’s milk, and I’ll make some yummy things out of it.” He blinked at her, then leaned close to whisper, “How do I do that?” His innocent, and valid, question made her burst out laughing, but he didn’t understand why. For him, it seemed incomprehensible. How would one even get the milk out of the cow?

  “Bring me a cow that still has milk and I’ll show you.”

  “I don’t know if I could do that. The villagers would notice one of the oxen was missing, and most of them have calves that are ready to be weaned.” She sat back and smiled. “Ah well, maybe you’ll have to forgo that food adventure then.”

  He got the impression that she was disappointed and hurried to make amends. “Perhaps next spring when lots of oxen have newborn calves.” Her eyes grew hooded, and she gave him a sad smile. “Maybe. We’ll see what happens.”

  He felt her withdraw, and he didn’t know what he had done to make her pull away from him. “Joanna-sama? Have I done something wrong?” She shook her head. “No, my fox. You haven’t done anything wrong. I am just tired from our long walk today and a little homesick.” He lowered his ears, sad that he had triggered unhappy feelings. “You miss your home and your family. And your betrothed.”

  She nodded. “Yes. I miss Michael and Elisi. And my friends,” she admitted. “Summer is a magical time for us. We do a lot of things together and have a lot of fun. It’s a time of long, hot days and quiet nights. We’d sit on Elisi’s back porch and watch the fireflies. Elisi would be there in her rocking chair, and she would talk about the summers of her youth while Michael played the flute and I strummed my guitar. And Michael and I would go into the forest and camp for weeks at a time, just the two of us. I have a lot of fond memories of summer.”

  “I am sorry to make you homesick,” he apologized.

  “It’s not your fault. But really, it’s not so bad because I’m with you, and that makes me less lonely. You know, a few days before I met you, I dreamed about a red fox. One of Michael’s strongest animal totems is Red Fox, so when I dreamed about the fox, I thought it was Michael reaching out to me. My people believe that we are always connected, and none of us are ever apart from each other. So I thought the dream meant that Michael was sending me comfort, telling me he was with me even though there was so much distance between us.”

  She looked at him and a gentle smile touched her lips as she reached out to lightly tug on one of his ears. He allowed it because it didn’t hurt, and he knew that she didn’t mean him any harm.

  “But now I realize that I was being told about you, my fox: that you would be coming into my life. I had asked for help or a sign from Spirit and Spirit sent me you. I know I can take care of myself, and hunt, and find my own food, and make my own things that I need, but it’s very nice not to be alone. You are a gift, Akihiro, sent to help me live through this time, and I am very grateful that you are here. Thank you for being with me.”

  He gulped, blinking at her in amazement, his whole body tingling with a sudden rush of numbness because he couldn’t feel his hands and feet anymore, and his eyes were locked on her face. He fumbled for words, but there were none to be said, at least none that would pay any kind of homage to what she had just told him.

  “Y… you’re welcome,” he stammered, knowing full well that his response was woefully inadequate.

  She yawned and gave a great sigh. “God, I’m tired. I haven’t hiked all day like that in years. I forgot how much it takes out of you. I think I’ll go wash up and get ready for bed.”

  She gave him a soft smile and a gentle pat before standing up and going into the trees to perform her evening toilet. He stared after her, still stunned and reeling from her simple words.

  Never before in his life, not since his mother had died so long ago, had he ever been anyone’s gift.

  Chapter Eleven

  “What’s an animal totem?” Akihiro asked her the following morning.

  She smiled to herself. She’d been expecting him to ask about it after her admission last night. So far, he’d been quiet and she knew he was mulling something over. She guessed that being called a gift had come as a shock to him, but she didn’t regret telling him that. Akihiro was a gift. If she had never found him, then she would have remained alone, and died alone. At least this way, even if she was destined to die, she still had a friend.

  She thought for a moment, trying to determine the right words to explain a concept she was certain he would find completely unfamiliar. “It’s… it’s an animal you identify with, whose characteristics and traits you find similar to your own. A lot of times a totem will represent some aspect of yourself. For instance, a lot of story-tellers say they have Spider as a totem because Spider is the Weaver, and a lot of great hunters have strong predator totems like Wolf and Bear,” she replied, smiling as Akihiro bounced around from tree to tree, full of frenetic energy. He wore her out just by watching him.

  “So it’s an animal you choose,” he stated, climbing up a nearby tree trunk.

  “Not always. Sometimes the totem c
hooses you. For example, I think it’s fairly safe to say that your totem is Red Fox.”

  He paused and faced downward on the tree trunk, his clawed hands and feet digging into the bark for purchase. “Red Fox? Because I am a kitsune?” She smiled wryly. “Though I could be wrong. It might be Squirrel.”

  “Squirrel?” he repeated, then seemed to catch her joke. He snickered, then curled his tail over his back and chittered the way squirrels did when they were

  “scolding.” She laughed, and he laughed with her as he hopped down, landing lightly beside her.

  “But you said Michael’s totem was Red Fox. Is he a kitsune too?” She shook her head. “No. Michael came from Oklahoma with Fox Medicine. His name when he lived there was Fox Whose Eyes Are Open.”

  “Fox Whose Eyes Are Open? Strange name. Why was he named that?” She paused, momentarily confused. “You know… I don’t know why. He became Crow Dancing shortly after he moved East, and I don’t think he’s ever told me.” ‘That’s true. He’s never told me why he was named that. In fact, the only reason I know his first name is because Elisi told me.’

  “Well, it must mean something. All names do. My name means…”

  “Generous Autumn,” she said proudly.

  He stopped and blinked at her, then shook his head. “No. The kanji for “hi” in my name means “fire.” I’m named after my father, Kazehiro. I am Autumn Fire, and the “ro” is the kanji for the counting of sons.”

  “Autumn Fire. That sounds like a strong name.”

  He smiled broadly. “My father was proud of me. I was his firstborn.”

  “If you are anything like him, he must have been a great kitsune.” Akihiro blushed and looked away. “He was. But he died before he and Haha-ue could have any more kits.”

  “I’m sorry,” she apologized.

  “It’s okay,” he replied, then brightened. “I’m here with you now.” With that he bounded off again, scouting the road ahead for danger. They’d been traveling for the better part of the day, and she hoped that they were getting close to their destination. She wasn’t certain exactly where Akihiro was taking her, but they had been heading steadily east then turned south sometime that morning. By her calculations they had walked about fifty miles over the course of two days so they had to be nearing the coast soon.

  As if he had read her mind, Akihiro returned, his face happy and excited.

  “We’re almost there. Another ri if that!”

  She grinned. “Great!” she answered and stepped up her pace. ‘If I remember correctly, a ri is approximately two and half miles.’

  She smelled strong scent of saltwater about an hour later and she knew that they were getting close. The jungle was also giving way to coastal vegetation.

  “What is it?” she asked as Akihiro paused and sniffed along a dirt track that appeared to be man-made.

  He shook his head. “This way,” he replied and trotted off.

  She followed as he led her through some dense undergrowth, then he slipped between two boulders to reveal a close, mud rock tunnel with steep walls.

  “What is this?” she questioned, looking at the damp, slick walls and wet ground. The way was narrow, but it was theoretically wide enough for two people to walk side-by-side.

  “A fisherman’s tunnel. Humans carved them to bring boats down to the beach. It’s the only way to get down the cliffs,” came Akihiro’s answer from farther ahead.

  “Cliffs?” she repeated, but he didn’t reply, and she followed him slowly through the passageway. Soon the narrow corridor became a true tunnel: dank and dark with a low roof, and even her sharp eyes couldn’t cope with the almost total darkness.

  “Aki? Aki, I can’t see,” she said, pausing with one hand on the damp wall.

  She wasn’t afraid, but she certainly wasn’t comfortable. With no way to see, she had to navigate by sound and touch alone, and it was very disconcerting. She heard Akihiro’s bare feet stepping lightly on the moist ground just before his hand took hers in the blackness.

  “It’s okay, Joanna-sama. I can see just fine. Don’t worry. I won’t let anything happen to you.”

  “Okay,” she answered, very glad of his hand and the confidence in his voice. ‘His fox eyes must be far superior to mine in low light.’

  After a few harrowing minutes of walking blind with nothing but Akihiro’s hand and voice to guide her, she finally caught a glimpse of what might be the end of the passageway. As they continued along, the light she was seeing became brighter, and her suspicions were confirmed. A few yards later the tunnel ended, and she found herself blinking in the sunlight as her eyes adjusted. It took a couple of seconds but, when her vision cleared, she gasped at the view.

  ‘Oh my god…’

  They were about halfway down a steep cliff that looked out over the clear blue Pacific Ocean. A pristine, white sandy beach stretched out below them, unmarred and empty, and completely devoid of any signs of human habitation.

  There were more cliffs edging the coast with caves and grottoes that were lush with green, and she could see at least two waterfalls. The sky was perfect, un-blemished by a single cloud, and gulls hunted in the tidewaters. It looked like a picture out of a postcard or a vacation guide, and it was, in a word, breathtaking.

  “Oh… Akihiro…” she whispered, tears welling up in her eyes.

  Now she knew where they were and why it had taken them so long to get there. They had crossed the Boso peninsula on the eastern side of Tokyo Bay and had come to one of the “secret” beaches the peninsula was famous for.

  Flanked by 50-70ft cliffs, these long, white beaches of the Northern Boso had remained untouched and uninhabited for centuries because of their isolation.

  Even in her era, the only way to get to some of them was by sliding through ancient tunnels dug by fishermen, just like the one they had used.

  “Are you happy, Joanna-sama?” Akihiro asked hopefully She nodded, smiling at him in approval. “Yes, Akihiro. It’s beautiful.” He smiled back and pointed down to a place where the cliffs met the white sand, towards a patch of beach that had been populated with grass. “I hoped you would like it. We can make camp over there. It is far enough from the tides.”

  She agreed. “We just need to get down,” she said, looking at the narrow path that followed the cliff-face. She wasn’t afraid of heights, but the trail was little more than a dirt track wide enough for one person. She had no idea how anyone could get a boat down without falling off the edge.

  He beamed at her. “That’s easy.” Then he grabbed her around the waist and lifted her up, putting her behind him on his back. “Hold on.”

  “Akihiro, what are you doing!” she cried as she clung to his shoulders.

  He hooked his arms under her knees, forcing her to grip him around the hips, then he jumped, going over the edge and landing on a ledge below.

  She tried not to scream, but it was very hard not to as he made his way down the cliffside in a series of hops that had them free-falling for yards at a time. The trip was the most harrowing minute of her life, and she swore that her heart was going to stop beating any second until he finally set her gently down on the beach. Her legs gave out, and she slumped to the white sand, still recovering as she put one hand over her chest to hold in her pounding heart.

  “Joanna-sama? Are you okay?” he asked, looking genuinely concerned as he crouched down beside her.

  She stared at him for several moments as the terror faded, then took a deep gulp of air and nodded. “Yeah, just don’t do that again without warning me.” He lowered his ears and looked contrite. “I’m sorry, I just thought it would be the best way down.”

  “And it probably was, but I just wasn’t ready for it,” she agreed, knowing he would need the reassurance.

  He blinked, then looked hurt. “I would never have let anything happen to you, Joanna-sama.”

  She read his unspoken message and gave him a comforting smile. “I know.”

  His whole demeanor changed when he w
as back in her good graces, and he pointed to the potential campsite again.

  “We should set up camp. It’s getting late.”

  She nodded. “Yeah. Okay, let’s get to it,” she said, finding her legs and glad that she had stopped trembling enough to stand.

  rvested some seaweed too. And he’d filled their water flasks with fresh water.

  “Wow. We have a veritable feast on our hands tonight,” she commented with a smile, and he beamed back.

  He started the fire while she cleaned the mussels and fish, then she tossed them, plus the shrimp, into a boiling mixture that was 3/4 freshwater and 1/4

  seawater for the salt. While they waited, she made some tea and a seaweed salad, and served those with the cooked shellfish.

  “Do you have a totem, Joanna-sama?” he asked her as they picked their way through the mussels and shrimp.

  It surprised her that he was bringing up the conversation from earlier. After her squirrel comment that morning, he hadn’t asked any more questions about animal totems so she had assumed that her explanation had satisfied his curiosity. Obviously he still had an interest in the subject, but she hoped he didn’t ask too many questions because totems were Michael’s expertise not hers.

  “Traditionally the Cherokee don’t have totems,” she replied, prying a steamed mussel open.

  She saw him wilt and his brow crease with confusion. “Oh. But…” She smiled to herself and decided to let him off the hook. “The Cherokee don’t have animal totems, but the Choctaw do. Michael has some Choctaw cousins and they taught him about totems. I don’t have an official Cherokee totem because they don’t exist, but I do have an animal affinity.”

  “Is it Fox too?” he questioned, watching her as she made short work of the food with practiced expertise.