The Heart of a Fox

by T. Isilwath

  “Barley cakes, baked fish and a rice ball,” she said, laying out a small blanket and placing the individually wrapped food items on it.

  “A rice ball?” he repeated, staring hungrily at the white cake.

  “It’s last year’s rice,” she amended, and she saw his face droop.

  “Oh,” he said with disappointment, and she knew he’d been hoping that it was a ball of new rice, sweet and pungent.

  She pulled out a large bamboo water canteen and handed it to him.

  “Drink.”

  He obeyed without protest and she suppressed a smile. For all his chauvinistic bravado, foxes were matriarchal and he knew who called the shots in their little duo.

  “It looks like you’re almost done,” she commented, looking at the rice field.

  He nodded. “I’ll be finished before dark.”

  “The children stopped me on my way up here to ask if I was going to go to the celebration tomorrow night.”

  Although his pause and grimace of pain were almost imperceptible, she saw them and her own suspicions were confirmed.

  “That will be fun for you…” he started to say, but she cut him off.

  “I told them I would be with you.”

  He stopped in mid-sentence, his ears going straight up. “Huh? What did you tell them that for?”

  She smiled and swallowed a giggle. She still loved those ears, those two perfect fox ears. She shrugged and took a sip from the water canteen. “Because it’s true.”

  “But I never go to any of the festivals or feasts they have.” She cast him a childlike look that was anything but innocent. “Then I guess I’m not either.”

  “You should go. It would be rude for you to refuse their invitation.”

  “I don’t care. They’re being rude to you. Besides it was just a bunch of children. It’s not like Hiroshi invited me himself.”

  “But still…” he argued.

  “If you don’t go, I don’t go,” she stated, and he gave in, his ears flattening.

  She heard him sigh and saw him slump his shoulders.

  “You shouldn’t pit yourself against them by siding with me,” he said softly.

  “Why not?” she demanded a little angrily. She hated when he put himself down, especially where the villagers were involved. As far as she was concerned, they’d been abusing his good nature for three decades, and it was about time that he started standing up for himself.

  “Because then they will think even more poorly of you than they already do.”

  She shrugged. “Let them. I don’t care. As soon as I’m strong enough, I’m going back to the grove, and I won’t have to see any of them ever again. You worry too much about what they think. When are you going to realize that I don’t give a rat’s ass about anyone here but you? Well, maybe I’d miss Kaemon. He’s decent. But the rest of them, they can go jump in a lake for all I care.”

  He blinked at her, his brow furrowed with confusion. “Why would they want to jump in a lake?”

  His innocent question made her laugh, and she was once again reminded that many of her colloquial expressions made absolutely no sense to him.

  “It’s a figure of speech,” she explained, rubbing his arm affectionately. He smiled and leaned into her touch. “It means that I don’t care if they all disappear. I wouldn’t miss them if they were gone.”

  “Ah,” he replied, understanding, then moved even closer, his eyes hooded and soft. “But you’d miss me?”

  She put an arm around him, pressing their cheeks together. “Of course I’d miss you. Silly fox. Who would snuggle with me and drive me crazy when he doesn’t take care of himself while he’s out in the hot fields?” He snickered then crooned when she began to rub his ear. “If I took care of myself would you bring me lunch and make me rest? This way I get to see you when I otherwise wouldn’t.”

  “Oh, I get it. Sneaky fox, not silly fox. And here you were scolding me for coming out in the heat when you planned it all along,” she teased, then pushed his shoulder, making him topple over. He did nothing to stop her and did not resist.

  He landed softly with his back on the blanket and beamed up at her happily. “Aren’t all foxes crafty and wily?”

  She scrunched up her nose at him. “Some more than others.” He just grinned and closed his eyes, sighing with contentment. She let him rest for a few moments before patting his arm to get his attention. When he looked at her, she held up the barley cake, and he sat up to take it from her.

  “So… does this mean you’ll go to the celebration with me?” she asked coyly.

  He stopped in mid-bite and lowered his eyes. “I don’t know if that is wise.”

  “Then we’ll just have to have our own little celebration with just the two of us.” His face grew thoughtful and she decided to push a little. “I’ll wear something pretty,” she offered in a sing-song like voice.

  His eyes met hers, and she was taken aback by the open adoration in them.

  “You’ve never been anything but stunning to me,” he whispered.

  “I’d argue that you didn’t think so the first night we were together. If I remember correctly, you thought I was going to defile you or use you in some evil ritual.”

  He blushed and smiled sheepishly. “I’d remind you that you had stripped me naked, and I had no idea who you were at the time.”

  “What? A woman can’t strip a man naked and not have any perverted thoughts?”

  Now it was his turn to look wide-eyed and innocent. “You mean you didn’t?”

  “Of course not,” she replied, then smiled. “At least not right away. After you were all healed up? Now that’s different. I’ve always thought you’re cute.”

  “Me?”

  “No, the other fox who sleeps next to me. Yes, you, you dolt.” He looked away and she saw his eyes fall unconsciously down to his clawed hands. She reached out and placed her hand over his, not afraid that he might cut her with those claws.

  “Don’t. Stop doing that. You’re beautiful. There’s nothing wrong with you,” she insisted, forcing him to look at her.

  “You’re the only one who thinks so,” he replied, lowering his eyes.

  “That just means that I’m the only one with eyes that can really see.”

  ********

  “That just means that I’m the only one with eyes that can really see.”

  ‘What did I ever do to deserve you?’ he wondered.

  Simply being with her was so often like something out of an impossible dream, that sometimes it was almost too much for him to bear. Despite the fact that he knew she loved him, part of him always feared that she would reject him once they left the seclusion of the grove, and when she didn’t, he could honestly say that he was surprised. He had never dared to hope that he would ever find a vixen of his own, and even though they hadn’t mated, if they never progressed to that stage, he knew he could die happy. The past several days had been filled with so much joy, he was practically bursting with it. Even working in the rice fields until he was drenched with sweat and every muscle in his body ached to his bones, all he had to do was take one look at her or catch one whiff of her scent, and all his pain was forgotten.

  He responded by wrapping his arms around her and holding her close. He wanted to thank her, to tell her how much she meant to him and how much he loved her, but the words just wouldn’t come. So he chose express himself with actions instead because she always seemed to understand him perfectly.

  By accident his hand slipped down to brush against her side and lower abdomen, and his brain immediately registered that something was amiss. He placed his palm back over the soft place where her belly met her hip and realized that the familiar lump of her medicine pouch was no longer there. He froze, his heart pounding, and his mouth suddenly going dry as he pulled back to look her in the eye. She met his questioning gaze sadly, but calmly, and he knew the answer before she could speak.

  “I took it off this morning,” she said softly.

 
He nodded, still mute, but this time with the weight of knowing that he had not been with her during that critical moment.

  ‘Was she alone? Was Kaemon with her at least when she gave herself the last of her insulin and pulled the pouch from her body?’

  “How do you feel?” he asked, but it was an empty question.

  “I’m fine. My blood sugar was 108 right before I started walking over here, and I brought some of the gymnema tea with me so I do have medicine.”

  He took her hands and held her gaze. “Soon I will go to find the maitake.

  Oshou Seigo’s notes said it was very powerful. Just as soon as all the rice is in, and we’ve had a few cold nights, then the mushrooms will be ripe and ready.” She nodded at him, but he could tell that she wasn’t convinced. He still hadn’t told her about the blood bond, and he was still reluctant to mention it.

  He just wasn’t sure if it would work or make her worse, and he didn’t have anyone whom he could ask. He’d thought about trying to find his uncle, but he didn’t want to leave Joanna for very long, and he had no idea if the kitsune would even be willing to talk to him. No, he would keep the blood bond solution a secret until he knew he had no choice.

  “You’ll have to go up into the mountains,” she commented, looking off at the rising profile of Fuji-no-yama in the distance.

  He remembered her telling him that she had known she was in the wrong time when she saw the mountain but none of the cities of her era. She’d expressed a desire to climb the sacred peak, but women were forbidden to make the hike up to the summit. Knowing her, however, she wouldn’t care about that, and he knew that he would help her if she decided that it was something that she really wanted to do. He knew he could easily disguise her as a man if it came to that. All it would take was a simple illusion spell that he could set into a necklace made with one of his teeth or a few strands of hair.

  “Yes,” he confirmed. “But it won’t take me long to get there. I’ll be gone three days at most.”

  She looked at him and smiled softly, the sunlight lighting on her bronzed skin and black hair. She’d dressed in one of her loose sleeveless tops and a pair of “jeans,” but these were cut off just above the knee and left her lower legs bare. He noticed that she had performed the odd practice of shaving the hair from her calves again. She’d explained to him that shaving her legs and under-arms was a cultural tradition in her country, but he just didn’t understand why.

  He finished his lunch and drank half of the water in the canteen, then turned his attention to the rest of the rice field. “I should get back to work.”

  “Okay. I’ll just stay here and wait for you.”

  He sighed inwardly. He would rather she return to the cool shade of the shrine not only for her health but also for her reputation. Even if she didn’t care what the villagers thought, he did, if only for safety’s sake. They were pushing the limits of tolerance and he knew it. For now, the villagers seemed grudgingly willing to accept his relationship with Joanna, but only because they thought she was mentally ill and suffered from an incurable disease. If they decided that her deficiencies were no longer an acceptable reason for her taking a half-demon lover, then both of their lives were in grave danger.

  If his vixen was threatened, he couldn’t guarantee that he wouldn’t kill to protect her and that could turn out very badly. It was bad enough to be born a half-blood. To be charged with murdering a human was a death sentence, and he’d be hunted down by every exterminator in Musashi and beyond.

  “I’d rather you go back and stay in the shade,” he tried.

  She waved one hand dismissively. “I’ll be fine. I’ll just lie down here on the grass and enjoy the sunshine. You won’t be too long, will you?” He glanced at what was left to be cut and calculated how long it would take him. “No. But then I have to carry the stalks down to the drying barns.”

  “How about I help you…”

  He began to object, but she silenced him with a finger on his lips.

  “I’ll go down to the village and get a pair of oxen. You can tie some of the stalks to their harnesses and I’ll bring them down to the drying barns. I’ll even lead them from horseback so I won’t have to walk. I won’t have to do anything but go back and forth, and it will take fewer trips, ne?” There was no arguing with her and he knew it. One of the things he liked least about her was her stubborn streak, but then he didn’t know any kitsune vixen that took orders from her mate. In the fox world, females ruled because they were the mothers. The males might be the protectors, but it was the vixens who made all decisions, and the males knew better than to challenge them.

  “All right,” he agreed, defeated. “But ride the old gray. He’s solid and surefooted, and he isn’t afraid of me. The oxen are too dumb to be scared.” She leaned forward and rubbed her nose against his, and he felt the blush rising in his cheeks. “Okay, my worry-wart fox. I’ll be back in a bit.” She stood and he watched her head down the trail, her pack slung over her shoulder and her walking stick in her hand. He had carved the stick for her and capped the end. It wasn’t anything fancy, but it was made with his love, and it pleased him to see her using it. He kept watching her until she disappeared out of sight before returning to the field. He was almost finished cutting all of the rice stalks, and he knew if he hurried he could finish the last section relatively quickly. In truth, he was glad for the work because it helped him to keep his mind off of what had happened that morning while he was away.

  ‘I should have been there. She puts on a brave face for my sake, but I know she’s scared. Even if Kaemon was with her, it still should have been me. I shouldn’t have left her alone. I knew she was almost out of medicine.’

  He couldn’t imagine what taking the medicine pouch off must have been like for her. In all the months that he had known her, it had always been attached to her body and removing it had to have been traumatic no matter how hard she’d tried to make light of it.

  ‘It must have been like cutting off a limb,’ he thought darkly.

  He felt like a complete jerk. There he had been, blithely out in the fields cutting rice while she had been by herself at the shrine during one of the most traumatic moments of her life, and he hadn’t even been there to hold her hand.

  ‘Some mate I am, leaving her all alone…’ Somehow the thought of Kaemon being the one to sit with her while she took off the pouch made him feel even worse and jealous as well. ‘I didn’t smell Kaemon on her though…’

  The knowledge that she carried no male’s scent other than his own calmed him down somewhat, but he still felt awful so he attacked the remaining rice ears with violence, taking his frustration out on a safe outlet. He was three-quarters of the way through the last field when he heard and smelled a horse and oxen approaching, so he paused in his harvesting and waited for her to appear on the trail. She came into view several moments later, riding the gelding and leading four oxen by a rope tied to the horse’s saddle.

  “There are two wagons at the base of the hill. We can load these guys up, and I’ll take the rice down to the wagons and dump the sheaves into them,” she told him when he joined her at the top of the trail.

  He shook his head. “I don’t want you overexerting yourself,” he refused.

  “I’ll be fine. I’m a lot stronger than I look, Akihiro.”

  “I know you are, but this is very hot and sweaty work, and I don’t want to take the risk of you overdoing it.”

  “I’m not helpless you know,” she said a little peevishly.

  He flattened his ears against his skull and opened his eyes wide in an expression he knew always made her at least stop to think for a few moments. He knew she wasn’t used to being weak or ill, and having to slow down and take things easy was very hard for her, so he was trying to be understanding.

  “I know, and I’m sorry if you thought I was implying that. I am just concerned for your welfare, and I don’t want you to overtax yourself, especially now. I am a hanyou. I don’t get tired or feel th
e heat the way that you do.” She sighed and dismounted the old horse, letting it lower its head to eat.

  The oxen lowed softly, their dull eyes blinking. “I understand, but you don’t need to treat me a like a china doll. Some exercise is good for me and I know my limits. I can help by gathering the sheaves into piles and tying them up with rope, then you can lash them to the harnesses and I’ll take them down to the wagons. It won’t be too much for me if we make the bundles small enough.” He gritted his teeth, but he knew he was on the losing end of the battle, and she’d waste more energy fighting him than she would if he just gave in. Joanna might be stubborn, but she was also beautiful, faithful, and loving. She was everything he could ever hope for in a mate, and he knew he ought to be grateful.

  ‘There is no yin without yang. Be happy that she loves you and be content with that,’ he reminded himself.

  “All right. Begin with the piles over there,” he agreed, nodding to the heaps of stalks he had placed on the edge of the lower field. “I’ll finish the cutting while you’re wrapping the sheaves up and then help you lash them to the oxen.”

  She smiled at him, no doubt enjoying her victory, and nodded. “Okay.” He watched her take the lengths of rope she had brought with her and begin sorting the stalks into small piles to be tied up. He noticed that she knelt down to work, and that she made the bundles no larger than the circumference of her arms, and he was pleased that she didn’t seem to be taking on more than she ought to be. He returned to cutting the stalks, hurrying so he would finish before she did, and carried the piles from the upper field down to the lower one to be bundled. Then he sat beside her and helped her wrap the sheaves, only his were twice as large as hers.

  “Show off,” she snorted, but she was smiling.

  He snickered but didn’t reply. In the end, the four oxen were able to carry about a third of the rice down in one trip, and he toted the rest of it down by hand while she led the animals down the trail to the wagons. He made sure that she saw him every time he whisked by her carrying a large pile of stalks on his back, and grinned at her as he ran back up the trail to fetch more.