Playing by the Rules

by D'Ann Burrow

  No. That was the main question I couldn’t ask myself. Because I already suspected the answer.

  “Can she come out of the bathroom now?”

  I jolted back to reality. The pre-teen boy I’d met earlier leaned into the doorway, the fact he needed the room clear on his face.

  Tanner started to answer, but I interrupted. “Sure. Just a second.”

  I reached out for Tanner’s offered arm, and I slowly got to my feet, relieved that the floor stayed put this time. The boy pushed past me with a mumbled apology, slamming the door shut too close to my ears. Since Tanner didn’t even flinch, it might not have been as loud as I thought.

  Once we were in the hallway, Tanner gave me a close inspection. Then he nodded and backed away from me. “You ready to go home?”

  “Sure,” I agreed. “Is my bag here?”

  “It’s on the chair in the hallway. We can grab it when we leave.”

  I looked around the living room. At first, I’d thought this was just an oversized foyer, but now that I studied it closer, I realized that since it had a tiny loveseat, a recliner and a television, it must be their living room. I’d never been in a house this small before. His entire house could probably have fit on our porch back home.

  “Come on. Let’s go.” Something in his voice had changed. His tone was cooler now, more detached.

  “I was looking for your mom.”

  “Why?”

  “I wanted to thank her.”

  “She took Addy on a walk.”

  “Oh.” I bit my lip, not sure of what to say next. “Well, will you tell your mom I said thank you?”

  “Sure.” He tossed his keys into the air, my signal it was time to go.

  We stepped out the door and onto a gravel driveway. Tanner walked a few steps in front of me, not paying me the slightest bit of attention. I wasn’t sure where I went wrong, or maybe I was just imagining things. But I was typically a good judge of character. He was ticked off about something.

  He gave me a boost to get into the passenger’s seat of the car. It had seemed easier last night, but last night I wasn’t terrified of how far I was off the ground. He didn’t drive a monster truck, but it was close enough.

  After he got behind the wheel, the silent treatment continued. He stayed quiet as we drove through the streets littered with rusty cars. He stayed quiet as we drove past a building that I wasn’t sure if it was a junkyard or a house. The chain-link fence was at least eight feet high, and it guarded a pile of twisted scrap metal. Two pit bulls charged the gate as we approached. Tanner stayed silent as the truck’s wheels bumped over the railroad tracks.

  And that’s when I couldn’t take it any longer.

  “Your sister, Addy. Is she autistic?” Judging from the whitening of his knuckles on the wheel, I probably chose the worst topic imaginable to lead off with, but I couldn’t think of a better one that wouldn’t just be small talk. I wasn’t great at small talk.

  “Do you have a problem with that?”

  I guess that was his way of confirming it. “No. Not at all.”

  He didn’t appear convinced. He still wouldn’t turn to face me, but his jaw was stiff-set, and his lips were drawn into a tight line.

  “Back home, we had a program for autistic kids. We helped them learn to surf. I was one of the teachers.”

  That earned a flick of his eyes in my direction. “Autistic kids can surf? Addy can’t even talk.”

  He flinched. He hadn’t meant to sound like he was angry at her. He had a definite protective-brother vibe going when he’d been talking about Addy earlier.

  “A lot of them like the rhythm of the waves. We have a swim class for them. For those that seem to take well to the water, there’s a group of physical therapists who come out every summer and help us teach surfing. It’s more like wave-boarding, really, but we let them ride on the long boards sometimes.”

  “Why did you work with them?”

  “I was a lifeguard.”

  He gave a nod and a hint of a smirk. “That explains the legs.”

  “What?”

  “Um. Your legs have been the topic of conversation in the locker room.”

  Ugh. I didn’t need to know that.

  Based on the unexpected blush crawling up his neck, he hadn’t planned on telling me.

  I turned and stared out the window. “We definitely need a new conversation topic.”

  “Sure thing.” He drummed his fingers along the steering wheel, relaxing for the first time since we’d pulled out of his driveway. “Tell me more about the class.”

  And I had him hooked. As long as I was talking, I wasn’t thinking about how much the motion of the car was making me regret that little glass of juice. I told him about my favorite students, the time the dolphins swam up to the class and the time one of our kids managed to successfully stand on a board all by himself. Far too soon, we arrived at Loretta’s house.

  I wasn’t surprised when my aunt’s car wasn’t in the driveway. When she said she was spending the weekend at the art festival, I doubted she meant just one day. I didn’t expect to see Scarlett’s window open and her lace curtains billowing in the wind. The fact she was home caught me beyond off guard. I kind of figured my cousin would have spent the night with someone else. My hands started to sweat as I realized I was about to have to do the walk of shame, especially since I hadn’t really done anything.

  What was Scarlett going to think, watching me jump out of Tanner’s truck?

  Then again, maybe she wouldn’t see me at all. After all, it wasn’t like she was looking for me. I’d been missing overnight and hadn’t gotten as much as a text message.

  The truck’s brakes squeaked to a stop in front of the house. If Scarlett hadn’t heard the chickens freaking out at our arrival, there was no way she could miss the screech. I grabbed the door handle, not sure how to end what could possibly be described as one of the most embarrassing nights of my life. So I went the simple route.

  “Um. Thanks.”

  I jumped down from the seat, raising a cloud of dust beneath my feet. I could hear Scarlett’s music thudding the windows of the house from here. No wonder she hadn’t already appeared on the porch to make sure I wasn’t too close to Tanner for my own good.

  “Not a problem. See you tomorrow.”

  “Yep. See you.” I echoed, remembering the theater teacher’s dire words of warning. In the little time I’d been in her class, I’d already discovered her idea of what defined a fun and enriching activity differed greatly from mine.

  I was still pondering what Mrs. Whitmore could have meant about an exciting announcement in class tomorrow when I stepped through the front door and jogged up the stairs as quickly as my still-throbbing head would let me. I almost made it into my bedroom.

  “Where the hell have you been?” If I’d wondered if Loretta might have parked her car around back, Scarlett’s vocabulary confirmed my aunt hadn’t gotten home yet.

  “I left the party.”

  “That much I already know. Someone was actually trying to tell me that you left with Tanner. Like that would ever happen.” She turned her back to me, studying something on her laptop that definitely didn’t look like homework.

  “How did you know he drove me home?”

  My cousin blinked so quickly, it was like I’d slapped her. “You…you really went home with Tanner?”

  “Yeah. I did. I guess I passed out in his car. You weren’t home. Loretta wasn’t home. So he took me to his house.” I used short sentences so they’d be easier for her to understand.

  Scarlett turned around slowly, almost like a record set too slow on a turntable. Each movement was exaggerated, an incredulous look in her eyes. “You’ve got to be kidding me.”

  I guess my sentences weren’t short enough because that’s where she lost me.

  I waited for an explanation, but it didn’t come. Instead, she just stood there, staring at me, caught in that awkward moment of waiting for an apology but the person who needed
to do it didn’t have a clue where they might have offended.

  At this moment, that definitely described me. I didn’t have a clue what I’d done or said that had ticked her off.

  Finally, I couldn’t handle the awkwardness any longer.

  “I’m gonna need a little help here.” I blinked and waited. She couldn’t figure it out either. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

  “You want to know why I’m mad. You want to know what you did to piss me off. Are you sure you want to know?”

  “I asked, didn’t I?” I’d never been one to back down from a challenge. That’s how I ended up almost drowning after trying to swim out to the marina. I didn’t generally back down from a challenge, but that didn’t mean I made the most awesome decisions either. I definitely had a tendency to get in over my head. Right now, looking at my cousin’s widened eyes and reddened cheeks, I sensed I’d made a judgment error. Maybe I didn’t actually want to know.

  But it was too late.

  “You really don’t see it, do you?” She approached me, a cheerleader bounce still in her steps, but her eyes were those of a tiger stalking its prey. For the moment, the tiger wanted me to think it was my friend, but I sensed the danger just beneath the surface, lying in wait on her next breath. “You don’t get why I don’t want you here. And I mean don’t…as in, I still don’t like you here. I haven’t gotten used to you. I. Don’t. Like. You.” She spoke each word like a weapon. “I never have.”

  Not a shocker.

  We’d never been share-an-ice-cream-cone cousins. We’d never camped out in the yard at night or giggled into the phone comparing elementary school crushes. We had always been more likely to count down the hours until the other one goes back home. In our case, I was always the one who left.

  “I know that.” Hell, it didn’t take a rocket scientist to figure that one out. When I was six, I came for a two-week visit, and I kept finding all my things packed up and my suitcase out on the porch. I knew who kept trying to get me to leave. It hadn’t changed. “You hate me.”

  There. I said it. I’d always known it, but I’d just pretended to ignore the inconvenient truth. You weren’t supposed to hate your relatives. In Scarlett’s case, I’d be happy to make an exception—just like she would for me.

  “You’ve always hated me.”

  It was her turn to look surprised. I couldn’t figure out if she was shocked I’d actually said the words or if she just couldn’t believe that I could see through her acting. And I could. Because she was a horrible actress. She couldn’t even convince the crowd she was excited about the football game. Trying to convince me she liked me was a lost cause.

  And then she blinked. For a minute, she wasn’t Scarlett-the-head-cheerleader or Scarlett-my-stuck-up-cousin. She was just Scarlett. And she looked kind of shocked. “I never hated you.”

  Her shoulders relaxed. Now she was a housecat instead of a tiger. She almost looked embarrassed. Maybe she was more of a kitten.

  She picked up one of the needlepointed throw pillows on the couch and took a seat as far away from me as possible and still be sitting on the couch. Her back was so stiff, I had to wonder if she’d be more comfortable on the floor.

  Her mouth opened. And closed. And opened again. And closed.

  I thought she wasn’t going to say anything. I started to walk away.

  “Stay.” She reached for my arm, giving the command like she’d yell at a dog. She sensed it too. “Please, stay.”

  Her fingers fiddled with the hem of the cushion’s ruffle. “I’m only going to say this once. And if you repeat it to anyone, then I’ll deny it.” The look in her eye told me she wasn’t lying. “I never hated you.”

  Scarlett spoke so softly I wasn’t sure if I really heard her or not.

  “Really.” She swallowed and sniffed like this was really emotional for her, but the lack of tears made me wonder if she was still just trying to act. “I just. I… Do you know what it’s like being related to you?”

  She didn’t really give me a chance to answer.

  “Your life could be on television. Or maybe in the movies.” She shifted on the couch, bringing her body almost around to face me. “I mean it. Just look at you. You’re blonde. You’re thin. You’re a lifeguard.” She let that one linger in the room for a minute. “And your house. I mean, you have six bedrooms, and y’all only use two of them. What are the other four even for? Y’all never let me visit. Even when I begged.”

  I never knew she begged to visit.

  “You can see the ocean from your house. You can even hear it.”

  I knew I could hear the ocean. I remembered. I still had trouble going to sleep without the gentle rumble.

  Now there was a rumble outside. The clouds I’d seen on the horizon when we left Tanner’s house had approached with a vengeance. They’d closed in on the house with an intensity I’d never seen. An arc of lightning flashed overhead, causing the lights to blink, and adding electricity to an already charged mood inside.

  Scarlett was just getting started. Her cheeks flushed as red as her name implied. “You have a maid. And a convertible. And look at what I have.”

  The air around me became heavy. The half-painted walls were practically screaming. I thought back to the other morning when we were fighting over the shower…and I ended up without hot water. I’d never run out of hot water at home. I’d never had to wait for the shower either.

  From outside, I heard a screech. Tanner had returned to the house, but I had no idea why. Perhaps he was psychic and trying to prevent one of us from killing each other right now. It didn’t matter. I was kind of on a roll, and I couldn’t stop.

  I couldn’t stop because I understood what she meant. I saw her point. I knew why my very presence here ticked her off. But my blood started pounding in my ears anyway. “You’re jealous because of the things I have.”

  “Who wouldn’t be?”

  “My house. My job. My car.” I hated it when my voice started shaking. My old drama teacher loved it. She said the judges ate it up at one-act. Right now I wasn’t acting. “You’re jealous of my life?”

  My voice raised, and Scarlett threw a nervous glance out the front window. If I got much louder, Tanner would be able to hear me. Let him. I didn’t care.

  I couldn’t sit still any longer. I got to my feet and rounded on her. “You’re jealous of my life? Let’s see. Last year, my mom left for a day at her work and never came home. And then my dad came into my room one night and told me to pack. I needed to go visit my aunt for a few days.”

  I let the words echo.

  “A few days. Not weeks. Not forever. My dad couldn’t handle raising me, so he stuck me on a plane without having the guts to even say goodbye.” For the first time, Scarlett looked honestly afraid of me. “I totally get it. Who wouldn’t want my fucking life?”

  Seeing the look in Scarlett’s eyes, one I’d never really seen before, that was something I couldn’t handle. I needed out. Now. It didn’t matter if it was raining pigs outside, I had to leave. If I stayed inside the house one more minute, the walls threatened to crash in on me, suffocating me.

  I’d never been afraid of being a little wet.

  Thunder crashed outside, shaking even the glass in the windows. If the weather was trying to warn me to stay inside, it could just keep its mouth shut. Because I couldn’t stand here, being the object of Scarlett’s pity.

  “I’ll be back.”

  “Kennedy, wait!” Of course she wanted to talk at the exact moment I wanted to be anywhere that wasn’t remotely close to her.

  I jogged down the stairs, wondering for a minute where Loretta might keep the umbrellas and thought maybe I should look around for a second. Then I thought of the jumble of stuff that she considered a coat closet, and I changed my mind. Probably not. If I waited, Scarlett would have the chance to convince me to stay and talk.

  And I really couldn’t handle staying and talking right now. I could handle Scarlett in head-cheerleader mode,
when she took joy in bossing anyone who didn’t belong in her inner circle around, but sympathetic Scarlett weirded me out.

  I crashed through the door with an intensity that may have broken the lock. Loretta needed to replace it anyway. Back in the house, footsteps thudded through the hallway between bedrooms. My cousin scampered into her room, probably hoping to keep the weather from frying her computer. My computer was free to die. Maybe my dad would actually talk to me on the phone if I had to call to tell him we needed to replace it.

  My dad hadn’t actually spoken to me in the two weeks since I’d been here.

  My dad…

  I closed my eyes to take a breath.

  I never meant to do it.

  But I’d already been thinking about him. I’d been concentrating on him when my eyes closed. I’d been angry, and that intensified the connection.

  Because where I was, it suddenly wasn’t raining anymore.

  In fact, sun bright enough to be in southern California streamed down around me. I actually blinked at the sudden intensity. But I wasn’t in California. And I wasn’t in this part of Texas anymore. This place was unfamiliar. Three and four story buildings lined the street. Oversized flowering plants hung from wrought-iron arms.

  And so many voices.

  At least a hundred people milled around, but none of them noticed my dad and his co-workers. With their sunglasses and flowered button-down shirts, they looked like they could be tourists…anywhere.

  Oh God, I wasn’t supposed to be doing this.

  I didn’t mean to, but I couldn’t pull away.

  He was focused on a building in the distance. A flash of red caught the corner of his eye…my eye, and I felt a sudden surge of annoyance.

  Only seeing through my father’s eyes, I blindly stumbled off the porch. Right into something kind of hard.

  “Whoa. Easy.” Familiar hands gripped my arms, steadying me, pulling me back into reality. My reality. Because the other place was real too. “Are you okay?”

  I blinked, forcing myself to focus on that voice.

  Tanner’s voice. I’d forgotten I heard his truck pull up in front of the house.

  Using all the strength I could summon, I blocked the thoughts about my father and concentrated on the here and now and just how incredibly wet I was getting.