Always Be the ONE

by Hadley Quinn

  That actually hurt. Yep, sensitive Matt felt like a worthless piece of garbage. Two women in my life and neither one of them felt constant. Aubrey had crushed my heart and left me behind, and now a casual thing with my neighbor made me feel like a fool as well.

  “I’m tired of dealing with bullshit,” I finally said.

  Her eyebrows raised. “Bullshit, huh? With Aubrey? What kind of bullshit is she still giving you?”

  She’d misunderstood but I chose not to correct her. “How am I supposed to trust her again?”

  “You said you didn’t believe in that ‘once a cheater, always a cheater’ saying. Do you now? Now that you’ve seen her, the possibility is more real?”

  Actually it was, but I didn’t want to admit it. Sure, I believed that people could change. Past choices don’t have to define us. But yes, there was the reality that Aubrey might decide to not be with me after all.

  I didn’t know if I could go through that again.

  “Yeah, it weighs on my mind,” I admitted. “Wouldn’t it for you?”

  She made eye contact for several seconds, long enough for me to admire the light dusting of freckles over her nose that I was sure she’d gotten from the sun today.

  Then she looked out toward the street. “Yeah, it would,” she agreed. “But people change.”

  “I believe that, too.”

  “And you never know what’s going on in someone’s life—in their head or heart—when they’ve made certain choices. We’re all human, we all screw up, but I think it’s a better choice to forgive and forget.”

  “And risk getting burned again?”

  She turned her head to me again, studied me for a few seconds, and softly answered, “Sometimes the greatest risk turns up the greatest reward.”

  The intensity of that moment made me swallow. She was giving me advice on how to proceed with another woman but it felt…wrong. I also felt guilty. Even though Clare had truly set our friendship up to be casual, I still felt guilty.

  I cleared my throat and leaned forward onto my knees. “So are you telling me to give her another shot?”

  I’m not sure how long she paused. Long enough for me to count all the blossoms on that stupid white orchid. But eventually she answered, “Only you can answer that, Matt.”

  She stood from her seat, smiled, and told me she’d better get back to her twin terrors before David calls CPS. I told her goodbye, or to take care, or something dumb and generic like that. I also realized I was staring at her ass as she left. It looked different. I wasn’t sure how, but it did. She was wearing faded jeans but her buns looked—

  “Okay?” I heard her ask.

  Blinking, my eyes traveled to her face since she’d turned around. “Uhhh?”

  “I said I’m having some people over tomorrow.” She gathered her hair into her hands and threw it into a quick ponytail. “I’d like you to come over if you want.”

  I nodded in response. “Okay. That sounds good.”

  She smiled but it looked cheerless. I wasn’t sure if it was because I’d been horrible company or something was bothering her. I was going to ask but she headed for home before I got the chance.

  ***

  I didn’t call Aubrey that night, nor did I contact her the next day either. I went to work, came home and showered, and actually did show up at Clare’s house that evening. I’d planned on going, and the more I thought about it, the better of an idea it seemed. I wanted to see them—Clare, Mia, and Sadie—and I felt like my life should not be put on hold because of a few setbacks.

  I would continue on with things like normal until I had answers for myself.

  Whoever answered the door lacked some manners. She just stood there and stared at me like I was a solicitor or something. I realized she didn’t know who I was either and attempted to introduce myself.

  “A neighbor?” she questioned. “Which one?”

  She actually popped her head out the door past me and looked down the street. Did it fucking matter which house I lived in?

  “Mom, Jesus, let him in,” Clare’s voice interrupted. She opened the door further and motioned me inside. “Sorry about that. Mom, this is Matt. He lives a few houses down. Matt, meet my mother, Doreen Johnson.”

  “It’s a pleasure to meet you,” I nodded. I stuck my hand out in case formalities were necessary, but she just looked at me like it was an odd thing for me to do.

  However, she shook it. “Same here,” she answered with a tight smile.

  God, I was just in the shit-for-luck category when it came to parents, wasn’t I? Aubrey’s parents had barely liked me, and even though I wasn’t dating Clare, her mom already treated me like a second rate musician as well.

  “Come in,” Clare said with a big smile, pulling me by the arm. “There are a couple of females that are looking forward to seeing you.”

  I was confused at first until she pulled me into the back yard. Mia and Sadie were out in the grass (playing with David, but whatever) and Clare immediately got their attention.

  “Looky who’s here!” she drawled in a sing-songy voice. “Mia, Sadie, look.”

  She was now squatting next to them, but pointing to me on the patio. Mia’s face instantly lit up and I’m telling you now, that was enough to make a grown man cry. A toddler was happy to see me and it made my damn day.

  “Hey girls!” I grinned. That got a second smile from Sadie and they both came over to me. I couldn’t help but notice the scowl on David’s face. Normally I wouldn’t have rained on his parade, but Clare had initiated it first. He set the bottle of bubbles down that he’d been blowing for them and entered the house.

  I glanced at Clare and gave her a face in question, but she just shook her head subtly, suggesting that I not worry or ask about it.

  Sitting on the grass, I had two little girls with my full attention. “I heard you went to the zoo yesterday? Did you see lots of animals?”

  “Bears!” Sadie chirped with a clap.

  “You liked the bears? Did you see…elephants?”

  They both nodded, and at the same time, Mia was situating herself on my leg.

  “What about…penguins? Did you see any penguins.”

  “Yes!” Sadie jumped up and down. “Peeeeee yewwww!”

  I laughed out loud. “They stink, huh? What was your favorite animal? Do you have a favorite?”

  Sadie was in serious thought mode. She stood there with her mouth contorted, thinking hard. “Mommy?” she asked.

  “Tiger,” Clare answered.

  “Tiger!” Sadie cheered. “Rawr!”

  “The tigers were really active,” Clare nodded. “I’ve never actually seen them so lively.”

  “Ha, me neither,” I said. “But…I haven’t been to a zoo for a long time so I don’t remember.”

  “You’ll definitely have to come next time.”

  “Mmpeeze!” Mia said excitedly. I had no idea what she said until she began tickling under her armpits.

  “Monkeys?” I inquired.

  She squeezed her hands together with a big grin on her face. “Mmpanpeeze! Eek eek!”

  I actually wondered if she was trying to say “chimpanzee” but Clare’s mom came outside and ushered everyone in to grab some food.

  I liked how casual it was—kind of buffet style, grab a plate and fill it up—and it was totally my thing. Clare’s dad was actually there, too. His name was Richard, and yes, the twelve-year-old boy in me could not keep from giggling inside. I so badly wanted to call him Dick Johnson to see what he’d say.

  All in all, it was an enjoyable evening. I noticed right off the bat that Clare did not have an easy relationship with her parents. The funny thing was, they all seemed fairly normal. Her mom even warmed up to me a bit and we had some good conversations about music. I was shocked she was a Dead Head, but thought it was pretty cool and decided to dismiss her earlier response to my arrival. Thinking of Doreen as a fan of the Grateful Dead after that made me smile.

  By the time I departed, it
was just David left in the house. Yeah, he’d been a boil on my ass but what could I say. It was easy to see that he was trying to win Clare’s affection, and even though that bothered me, I felt bad for the guy because I could tell she wasn’t interested in him. The more he got cozy with her or the girls, the more she tended to gravitate toward me.

  I didn’t mind being that buffer for her, but I seriously wanted to tell the guy she and I had been sleeping together just to rip the Band-aid off quickly.

  Or…maybe I wanted to stake some sort of claim on her. I didn’t really have a right to, but the possessive, jealous bastard in me was feeling conflicted over it.

  However, shortly past nine—just ten minutes after getting home that night—Clare texted me, asking what I was up to. I answered that I was just about to jump in bed to watch the last two innings of the Giants game and joked that she could join me.

  Clare: That’s cruel.

  I smiled, but then quickly hoped she’d said that for the reason I thought she’d said that. But then I remembered the advice she’d given me about Aubrey and felt conflicted. I was being a fucking idiot, wasn’t I? The more I thought about it, the more respect I had for Clare. She’d basically given me a chance to mend things with my ex, whether I was ready to or not. I knew without a doubt that my neighbor was into me… So why was she so aloof?

  Me: You have a tv in your room. If a game happens to be on in there…

  Clare: It’s waiting for you

  I threw my shirt and jeans back on, slipped on some shoes, and headed out the door as I sent another text to mess with her.

  Me: Prove it

  I got to her porch by the time she sent a picture of the Giants game playing on her television. I softly rapped on the front door and waited for a few seconds. She opened it with a sassy smile and narrowed eyes.

  “I can’t believe you made me prove it to you.”

  Laughing, I stepped inside the house. “I was already on my way over, beautiful.”

  She gave me another suspicious look but locked the door behind us. “Hmm.”

  “Hmm? You don’t believe me? I’m wounded.”

  “Well bring your wounded ass down the hall and watch your game. The girls were exhausted from a long day and they are sound asleep. I’m just getting myself ready for bed.”

  She did have the game on, and as I dropped onto the bed and kicked my shoes off to watch the bottom of the eighth, I realized I was glancing more toward her bathroom door than I was the television. The game didn’t hold my interest at the moment, and upon dwelling on the fact that it was just the buffer for us to bump and grind, I decided to turn the sound down a little bit.

  Clare came out of the bathroom two minutes later in just a pale blue tank top and a pair of sleep shorts. She hopped onto the bed and faced the TV cross-legged, asking about the game.

  It was a moment of truth for me. Did I want to be here with Clare when I was considering a second chance for Aubrey? And…was I truly considering that second chance?

  I gave her an update on the stats as I watched her from the corner of my eye. I’d been lying back with my hands behind my head, so I had a perfect view of her sitting on the bed to my left.

  She was gorgeous.

  “How long have you been a Giants fan?” she asked, her eyes fixed on the TV.

  My hand had slid over to her and I casually placed it on her thigh. I was testing her reaction. “Since I was a kid,” I answered, softly massaging her leg as I spoke. “When Trent and I were about eleven and thirteen, we’d walked to the stadium on game days now and then. We thought for sure we’d strike it lucky and a homerun would fly out of the stadium for us to catch.”

  She chuckled. “Didn’t you ever go inside for a game?”

  I shook my head. “Nah. Never had the money and never dared to ask our mom for it because she could barely afford the basics for us. One time,” I smiled at the memory, “Trent brought an old ball with him. There was a ball hit out of the park and everyone outside went running to find it. My brother actually pretended his ball was the homerun ball and ended up selling it to some guy for forty bucks.”

  “Seriously?” Clare laughed. “Oh my gosh, that’s funny.”

  She looked back at me with that beautiful smile of hers, but then she repositioned herself to lie next to me with her head against my chest.

  Hmm, she was going to cuddle?

  “So you guys should’ve bought some cheap tickets to the next game,” she said.

  “Nah, we talked about it and said we would, but my brother actually slipped the money into my mom’s purse the next day. She found it a couple of days later and…just the look on her face was priceless. She went straight to the grocery store that night.”

  Clare remained quiet for several seconds. I was now playing with her long, soft hair and her hand was on my stomach. It was one of those cuddle-fuck moments, and I knew it was going to progress shortly.

  Sure enough she turned toward me a little more, and even though she asked about my mom, I decided to kiss her instead. It turned passionate pretty quickly, and as soon as she was kissing me back, I was taking her clothes off.

  17

  There was no mistake of leaving the bedroom door open this time, and when I woke up around six the next morning, Clare’s bum was pressed up against me with the bedding in all sorts of positions.

  We must have had sex about four different times throughout the night. I honestly wasn’t expecting that, but it was like: okay give me an hour and bam, we’re at it again. Having been with only one other person in the past several years, it was new and, yeah, exciting. Clare was gorgeous—as a woman, a mother, a friend, and just her soul in general—but her sexual side was fiery and very…enjoyable.

  Okay, that was a mild word to use. I’ll be completely honest and say that I could bang her for the rest of my life and be thrilled with my sex life. She was fun to be with, very laid back, and shit, she gave the best head I’d ever had. It made me second-guess myself, because while she was sitting there watching the Giants game for me, I’d decided to stick with what we had going on for the time being. I mean obviously I was there at her house for a reason—I wanted to be around her—but after a night of amazing sex, I didn’t want it to seem like that’s all it was about.

  She stirred next to me, a sleepy moan coming out of her lips. It made me smile, especially because she’d moved and a boob slid out from under the sheet that barely covered her. I guess I’d never woken up to a female that was still naked. A certain someone always showered and got dressed almost immediately after.

  Clare’s hand was haphazardly patting around for the bedding so I grabbed the comforter and pulled it up to her.

  “Mm, thank you,” she mumbled. “It feels drafty for some reason.”

  I chuckled at her sarcasm but wrapped my arm around her, pulling her close. She made another noise as she nestled her backside against me, and I must have fallen asleep again in our bed burrito because the next thing I remembered was noise at the bedroom door and Clare slipping some clothes on.

  Realizing her girls were up, I searched around for at least my clothes. I got dressed quickly and used the bathroom, and then ventured down the hallway toward the sounds in the kitchen. Clare had both girls in high chairs already while she scrambled some eggs, and the second they saw me, huge smiles broke out on their faces.

  “Ooh the early birds that run mommy’s life,” I teased.

  I also realized I was doing that odd voice-higher-than-it-should-be thing like I’d once mocked David for doing. Feeling a bit humbled, I silently asked for forgiveness.

  Suddenly Clare turned around and said, “Oh shit! I mean, eh, shoot. Aren’t you late for work?”

  I shrugged. “Yeah, normally. But sometime around, oh, round three… I texted Vinnie that I wouldn’t be in today.”

  She eyed me for a moment. “Oh?”

  Nodding, I sat down next to the girls to be silly with them. They both had a bowl of Cheerios in front of them so I helped my
self to a bite of Sadie’s and she giggled at the noises I made.

  Apparently I fit in well with the toddler scene.

  “So what are your plans for today?” I asked as Clare delivered a serving of eggs to each child, and then put one in front of me with some toast.

  She exhaled as she shrugged. “Nothing set, I guess. I need to make a trip to the grocery store at some point, but other than that, we don’t have plans. And how ‘bout you?” she eyed me carefully.

  It was my turn to shrug. “Figured I’d do whatever you girls were doing. If that’s okay,” I quickly added.

  I knew she didn’t work, which was why I’d decided to take the day off as well. I was hoping it wasn’t too presumptuous of me, but there was one thing I was sure of and it was that they liked having me around.

  Clare smiled over her shoulder as she returned to the kitchen. “No objections here. You’re always welcome.”

  Hmm. And I felt that, too. However, I kind of felt like a dick because of the crap I unloaded on her the other day about Aubrey. But hell, if she wasn’t going to question how things were with my ex, then I was going to take full advantage of that. I pretty much hated myself for it, but I really just wanted to enjoy my life while I could. Maybe that was selfish, but I needed some time to figure things out.

  After breakfast was cleaned up and the girls were dressed, I asked Clare if she wanted to go for a ride with me so I could show her something. She was game, so we packed the girls into her car and I drove a half hour outside of the city.

  I’m not too fond of children’s music just yet. After about ten minutes of patty-cake and Muffin Man, I helped myself to the radio and found a classic rock station. Nah, I wasn’t going to blast it loud and make a pair of toddlers head bang with me, but I did know the words to the songs that played, and glancing in the rearview mirror proved that Sadie and Mia didn’t care what was playing, they just liked the music.