The Forbidden Promise

by Helena Rose

  "In truth, yes. You know, I had thought that your brother’s courtship was sincere and I had expectations, illusions that have proven to be completely false."

  " You were so in love?"

  Aurora blushed looking away "I think so, Federico knows how to be very charming when he wants. But now I know what he is capable of and I won’t be charmed by him anymore."

  "I think that deep down you're lucky."

  Aurora looked at him strangely and Lucas blushed embarrassed.

  " Yes, well ... Federico isn’t the best man to marry, he has a gambling problem and he drinks too much. You would never have been happy. You should expect better for yourself. You are so beautiful, intelligent, compassionate ... "

  "I’ve no intention of marrying," answered Aurora with more emphasis than she would want.

  " No?"

  " Not at all. I just want to dedicate myself to medicine, healing the sick, I want nothing more."

  " All of this does you credit. But remember, sharing your life with the right person would make you much happier than you would be only through your work. Believe me, don’t deprive yourself of a family, you would never be complete."

  Lucas’ words really upset Aurora who thought about them all the way back home.

  He spoke this way because he knows what it means not to have love or a family. Poor man, how unhappy his childhood must have been.

  Upon her return she was greeted by her mother, Aurora was unusually radiant, so much so that her mother did not even ask if she had been escorted home.

  "Today I received a message from Doña Ines. My dear, she tells me that her nephew Felipe was very impressed by your elegance and wishes to be able to visit you again."

  "Really?" Aurora replied absently.

  "Don’t you think he’s a young gentleman and very pleasant? "

  " Yes, he’s very kind. "

  "You like him then? Will you accept his courtship?" asked Doña Viviana

  "Excuse me? I didn’t understand, what you're talking about!" Exclaimed Aurora.

  "Aurora you’re not listening to me," said her mother annoyed. " I'm talking about Felipe, he’s interested in you and wants to see you."

  " No, no, mother, I’m not interested in that young man’s courtship. We’ll never get on."

  " Why do you think that? Last night you spoke to each other and shared many ideas."

  " Yes, except what is closest to my heart. I don’t think he would be agreeable to a woman who ... " Aurora stopped suddenly realizing what she was saying.

  Doña Viviana, furious, confronted her daughter, "I already told you to stop this obsession!"

  "It's not an obsession!" Said Aurora, tired of the constant pressure that her mother was subjecting her to.

  Vivian looked at her sternly.

  "Let's go to my room to talk," she ordered in a lower voice. "Your father is in his office with a patient, I don’t want our affairs to be immediately on the lips of all the gossips in Tampico!"

  Aurora reluctantly followed her mother into her room. Viviana closed the door behind them, then she turned to face her daughter. She had calmed down a little, although her beautiful facial features were still drawn in anger.

  "It's time to talk woman to woman," she said, staring at Aurora with her hazel eyes, lit up by agitation. "You’re no longer a child!"

  " It’s because I’m no longer a child that I know what to do with my life! I want to make my own choices!"

  "You're reckless. You don’t know what that means! Don’t you understand that I just want to help? I'm your mother, remember, I just want what’s good for you!"

  Viviana sat down on one of the chairs that furnished her room. Aurora chose to remain standing, too nervous to stay still.

  " Mother, I never wanted my return here to Tampico to coincide with a resurgence of tension between us," she said sadly.

  Viviana’s face and voice softened.

  " Darling, you're one of the most important things in my life. It’s for this reason that I really want you to get married, have children, a family. I just want to spare you unnecessary suffering. I don’t want you to experience the bitterness and bitter disappointment on discovering that all your hopes, all your plans are just illusions, illusions that vanish into thin air. Reality is quite different from how a girl of your age paints it! "

  Softened, Aurora moved closer to her mother and pleaded,

  "Please, let me try at least ... "

  "No! It’ll be even harder! I beg you, my dear, I don’t want you to suffer, then embitter your life with regret, sadness and disappointment. In this society, you can’t choose freely! The sooner you realize this, the better. At the moment, you're enthusiastic, but you don’t understand that the infirmary for the poor can’t be your future? Do you want to be alone forever, without the security of a husband, without the joy of becoming a mother? What happens when your father and I aren’t here anymore? You’ll begin to spend your inheritance to maintain yourself, your work will never earn you a living, and you'll end up sad, lonely and poor! Don’t allow the naive dreams of your youth to ruin your life! Your father and I have made available a large dowry, enough to buy a house, if necessary! But you have to get married! "

  Aurora walked away again, going to the window.

  "With Don Felipe?" She asked bitterly.

  "I don’t care about Don Felipe!" Snapped Viviana. "Choose the gentleman you prefer! You're a beautiful, young lady, with a large dowry, you can afford to choose! You’ve nothing to be envious of your cousin Marisol about! "

  Aside from perhaps the husband Aurora said to herself.

  "Don’t be dominated by fantasy and imagination, child. Unfortunately, we women have to be realistic, we aren’t allowed to dream ... otherwise we’d end up in pieces, like our dreams, shattered by harsh reality. Don’t make the same mistakes as me.”

  Aurora turned, curious.

  " What do you mean, mother? What happened to you to talk like this? You aren’t happy with my father?"

  Viviana jumped up and grabbed Aurora by the shoulders, her face proud and haughty, her eyes blazing.

  "I love your father," she exclaimed vehement. "This you must never doubt! He’s the best man I've ever known! What happened to me is nothing that could interest you, but know that by accepting my fate with your father I was able to find true happiness! Precisely for this reason, I don’t want you to carry on with this ridiculous behavior! "

  Aurora stood for a moment staring at her mother.

  "We’re very much alike you and me mother, not only physically," she said with resignation. "You know very well that neither of us is willing to give up. We’re in a stalemate."

  " It’s true. We’re too similar. This gives me hope that sooner or later, you’ll accept reality. For my part, I’ll not surrender. And your father cannot indulge you forever. For him, you are his beloved child, but he knows very well that I am right and eventually he’ll make his voice heard."

  Aurora nodded.

  " Let me think," she said wearily. "I only ask this, give me time."

  Viviana did not answer and just nodded.

  Aurora brushed her cheek with a kiss and left the room.

  Viviana turned to stare at herself in the mirror. For a moment, she saw herself as she was as a girl, young, beautiful, long wavy hair the color of bronze, expressive brown eyes, full lips, and a passion for Hector that dominated her. Then she saw how that night on the seashore, Hector had abandoned her, his heart engulfed in a dark sea of despair and sadness.

  With Hector, I felt alive, I felt a burning passion, but also the most complete disappointment and terrible suffering. With Costantino, I live a serene daily life, the certainty of being loved and respected every day, the happiness of small homey things. Isn’t it these small emotions that make life worth living?

  Sighing, she left her room, and went downstairs to make sure that the maids were preparing lunch satisfactorily.

  I’m the queen of this house and my husband’s heart. Isn
’t this enough to be happy?

  Viviana replied yes to herself, but at the back of her mind there remained the doubt that she was trying once more to convince herself.

  Aurora had lunch quickly, without making conversation. She waited anxiously for a maid to be free from the kitchen to escort her and then immediately set off for the convent walking as quickly as possible to inform Dr. Peron and Mother Agostina about the help that Lucas had promised her. The poor maid, once they arrive at the convent, had to stop to catch her breath before returning home.

  Returning to work distracted Aurora so that she had no time to think about the umpteenth argument with her mother.

  The old woman who had been admitted in the morning showed signs of restlessness. She was agitated and nervous, was struggling to remain lying down, her legs gave sudden jerks and she kept moaning unable to say complete sentences. Mother Agostina made the sign of the cross many times, invoking St. Vitus, the patron of epileptics.

  Aurora tried to examine the old woman, but she was too agitated.

  " What did you say her niece’s name was?" She asked worriedly.

  " Alma," said Mother Agostina, frightened.

  " This woman has been drugged repeatedly. She’s now going through withdrawal. Do you agree Dr. Peron?" Aurora asked.

  " Yes, I recognize the symptoms." Replied Dr. Peron, his voice, reduced to a whisper as the memory of his own withdrawal crises due to abstinence from alcohol invaded his mind.

  " Given her age, it could be risky to completely stop the substance that she is dependent on. We must give her some and reduce it a little at a time."

  " What could the substance be?" Asked Mother Agostina.

  " It could be anything." Said Dr. Peron, "Morphine, belladonna, laudanum, opium."

  "Let's try morphine?" Suggested Aurora.

  Dr. Peron shook his head.

  " We’ve very little, we need it for post-operative treatment of the most seriously ill. Let's try laudanum or belladonna."

  The old woman, meanwhile, had started to rave.

  "My poor niece! She has been taken over by the devil! The devil has come to take her to hell! Call Father Julian! He must bring her back from hell! The devil has taken her to hell!" The old woman’s voice became higher and higher. Mother Agostina tried to calm her, while she invoked St. Michael, the Archangel, defender of all demons.

  Aurora made the old woman drink water with belladonna, hoping to calm her down.

  "It would be better if we tied her down until we see if the belladonna is effective, otherwise she could hurt herself."

  Dr. Peron helped Mother Agostina to tie the old woman’s wrists.

  The rest of the afternoon thankfully passed pretty quietly, even though the old woman did not calm down.

  "We should try something else," commented Dr. Peron.

  Aurora nodded and said, "We shouldn’t however mix too many substances, we need to wait until the belladonna has been metabolized."

  "I'll stay here until late, so that I can administer some laudanum." Replied Dr. Peron.

  Aurora completed the round of visits and then returned home before sunset.

  At dinner she saw that her mother was calmer and told her parents about the case of the old woman.

  "It’s easy for eldery people who have problems with insomnia to abuse these substances. It’s criminal to see them used without any control," ruled Costantino.

  Viviana said nothing, but contented herself with watching her husband and daughter discussing the evils of drug addiction.

  Immediately after coffee, Aurora wanted to retire to her room.

  She kissed her father and turned to bid her mother goodnight.

  "Good night, mother," she said.

  " Good night, child. Think about what we said today."

  Aurora did not answer. How could I forget? She wondered, as she climbed the stairs.

  The agitation and nervousness returned to invade her. The distraction that her work had given her vanished in an instant while she was putting on her nightgown.

  She relived the discussion with her mother. She’ll never give up, She’ll not have peace until I find a husband. She got between the sheets. You're beautiful, young with a large dowry, you can afford to choose! Her mother had told her. But who she had hoped would become her husband had only deceived her. Why can’t I pursue my dreams? Why I can’t I hope to be happy in my own way? Her mother’s reaction that afternoon had amazed her. What had happened to make her so disenchanted? The minutes passed long and unrelenting, but she could not get to sleep. The minutes became hours and Aurora kept tossing and turning in bed. She got up and poured herself a glass of water. In anxiety, she was not aware that she had spilled some on the table. I also need some belladonna tonight.

  Finally, even though she did not realized it, her mind surrendered to a kind of unconscious alertness. Faces and thoughts swirled around, she was no longer able to make complete sense of all the things that she saw in those moments. I must not lose heart. Lucas hasn’t given up, he's chasing his dreams! Lucas, why am I now thinking of him? Then she saw his sad, green eyes, while he recounted his unfortunate childhood and his suffering on account of his stepmother. I won’t be discouraged, I’ll try other ways to get the money I need! But he was a man, he was able to fight to realize his dreams, to reestablish his name and succeed in life.

  But he doesn’t have the money to do so she said to herself. In her semi-conscious state she smiled. I have the money, but I don’t have a husband who will let me lead the life I want ... what had her mother said in the afternoon? Your father and I have made available a large dowry, enough to buy a house, if necessary!

  She never knew how her mind, confused by fatigue, had linked the two thoughts to form a unique design, a picture in which each piece matched perfectly ... Suddenly the same idea that she had just conceived startled her and woke her up abruptly and she found herself sitting up in the bed, panting. My God, I'm going crazy. How could I even think such a thing?

  Chapter 5

  Aurora woke up with dark circles under her eyes, the sun was shining, already high in the sky.

  My God! It's so late! And of course, my mother didn’t wake me up!

  Like a fury, she washed and dressed. She combed her long hair and put on some make-up to try to mask the aftermath of the sleepless night.

  She went down stairs and quickly greeted her mother, her father had already gone to visit a patient.

  As she hurried to La Virgen de la Caridad convent she could not help reflecting on what had leapt into her mind during the night.

  The plan that she had thought of to save the situation would have been brilliant if it had not been so bizarre, reckless and even amoral.

  I must be completely mad she kept repeating, like a litany.

  She arrived at the convent’s infirmary almost doubled up from the exertion, so that Mother Agostina made her immediately sit down and poured her a fresh lemonade with plenty of sugar.

  A little less out of breath, she stood up and put on her doctor’s apron. Dr. Peron was already seeing the new patients that were arriving. The old woman seemed quieter, but the tremors in her arms and legs continued, though less violent than those of the day before.

  Incredibly, this time Aurora could not get distracted by her work. The fixation of the night continued to buzz around her head like an annoying fly, so much so that Mother Agostina had to repeat several times the patients’ medical histories.

  Eventually she gave up and admitted she did not feel well. Dr. Peron sent her straight home and Aurora took his advice without arguing.

  She returned home. On seeing Aurora, Doña Viviana asked worriedly if she was sick.

  " No mother, I'm just tired, last night I didn’t sleep," she replied flatly.

  She went directly to her room and lay down on her bed, massaging her temples.

  What's so wrong about it? Said a soft voice of a temptress in her mind, a voice that she wanted to forcibly drive out, you need a complacen
t husband, Lucas needs money. This is just a practical solution.

  Don’t be silly replied another voice, that sensible and gratifying voice of wisdom, you’ve never seen or heard of such a thing. Besides, how will you propose it to him? You’ll never have the courage to do it!

  You're already breaking conventions, you're one of the few female doctors in Mexico, the only one in Tampico and probably in the whole state of Tamaulipas said her unconscious side, you’ve no other way out.

  Slowly she dozed off and fell into a deep dreamless sleep.

  Carmen, the maid, woke her up for lunch, but Aurora did not have much appetite and asked to have a snack in her room.

  Shortly after her father came to see her as he was worried about her health.

  " I hope you're all right," he said, after finding that there were no particular symptoms.

  Aurora tried to reassure her father.

  " I'm just tired, father," replied Aurora.

  " Are you worried about the discussion you had with your mother?"

  Aurora was not surprised that he knew of it, she knew that her parents were in complete confidence.

  " No, it's nothing."

  " Your mother is particularly sensitive on this point," continued Costantino, "perhaps too much. But at heart, she is only worried about you and wants the best for her beloved daughter."

  Aurora smiled.

  "I know, father."

  "She’s not completely in the wrong, you too know that well."

  "I believed that you thought otherwise." Aurora commented, disappointed.

  "I gave you permission to study medicine in Mexico City against her will. I gave you the opportunity to work in the convent’s infirmary, as I think it's only fair that you have experience in what you studied. But it’s also true that you are a woman, and you can’t do anything about it. At the end you’ll have to get married, and find the right husband for yourself."

  " Like Don Felipe?"

  " Felipe is a gentleman and has liberal ideas. But if you don’t like him, you can think of someone else. Your mother wants you to hurry. I don’t, but remember that sooner or later you’ll need to take this step."