Love Her Madly

by Mary-Ann Tirone Smith

  The spiral’s movement speeded up and then, as if someone had pulled a string connecting the figures forming it, the whole thing began to vibrate. Each of its parts trembled spastically as though invisible hands had descended to clutch every Believer around the middle and shake them like rag dolls. The noise grew louder, more raucous. The rag dolls began throwing their arms up in the air, and each began to grab at his own face, his chest, the women their breasts. The noise expanded. It’s not that it grew louder, it grew wider. I imagined Vernon upstairs, lying on his cot with a pillow over his head. That’s what I wished I were doing. Then they hurled themselves to the floor, heaving and tossing, all but Tiner, who picked his way across the bodies and disappeared through a door.

  Religious ecstasy.

  If the feds stormed the place during prayer service, all they’d need was a big net.

  It took a long time for them to wind down. Prone on the floor, they gasped for breath until they were somehow able to drag themselves to their feet and climb back up the stairs, sweating, exhausted. The guard gestured with his gun for me to follow them.

  There was a communal shower at the end of the bedroom, and the women stripped, went in, and turned on the water, trying to stay awake in order to clean themselves. Then one by one they took a towel from a peg and dried off their bodies and their five-o’clock-shadowed heads. There is an advantage to not having hair when you don’t have the energy or time to dry it. They wore bonnets not to hide their glory but to hide their baldness.

  The women took nightgowns down from the pegs and were asleep before their heads hit the pillows. There was a nightgown hanging from Sister Emily’s peg. I assumed it was mine. I took a shower too. I plugged in my hair dryer and turned it on. None of them budged. It wasn’t even completely dark yet. I stood by a window and watched the sun set behind the river.

  15

  “Hi.” Wave, smile.

  She’d gotten back even more color since yesterday’s tape. The video camera was on a tripod in the corner of the room.

  What could I say but the same? “Hi.”

  “I never expected to see you again.”

  “Nor I, you.”

  “I’m supposed to be dead, right?” She laughed.

  “How are you feeling?”

  “Much better.”

  As I went to sit down in the chair by the bed, she patted the mattress. “Please sit here so I can hold your hand.”

  Why not?

  “Miz Rice, how I wanted to touch you when I realized the great effort you were making to give me a chance at life.”

  “Rona Leigh, do you know how they did it?”

  She giggled. “Oops. Now don’t you go making me laugh or I’ll knock my IV out.”

  “Rona Leigh, do you know how they did it?”

  “Who?”

  “The Believers. How they got you out.”

  “Well, yes, I think I do.”

  “How?”

  “Trust in the Lord.”

  “How did the Lord reward that trust? What instructions did he give them?”

  She sighed. “The way I understand it, Vernon and Harley added things to my food. Gave me pills to take. Wouldn’t let me eat certain things, includin’ a few of my favorites. Vernon told me it was like getting the polio vaccine. He said, Like when we were kids and the doctor gave us little cubes of sugar with the drop of pink vaccine on it. ’Course, I didn’t tell him I never been to a doctor in my life.” She smiled. “See, it was a vaccination. They vaccinated me against the lethal injection.”

  “That’s impossible.”

  Bigger smile. “Well, here I am. Little worse for wear is all. You can always ask Sister Emily. She’s got more of the details.”

  Sister Emily sat sipping lemonade, writing in a notebook in the corner of the room. She was keeping a log of Rona Leigh’s health manifestations. She didn’t look up at me.

  I said to the woman, “Are you a chemist?”

  Her eyes lifted. “I’m a healer. In service to the Lord.”

  “But you studied chemistry.”

  “No. There is a chemist among us. I assist him by taking care of the Sister of Jesus and informing him of my findings.”

  Rona Leigh said, “Hey, Miz Rice. I thought you were here to visit me, not the nurse.”

  “Yes, I am.”

  A little wrinkle formed at the bridge of her nose. “You don’t look so good, ma’am. You got a headache?”

  “Rona Leigh, there is no time. I need to say something you won’t want to hear.”

  “And you’re afraid you’ll spook me, right?”

  “Yes.”

  “Don’t you worry. I am in the hands of the Lord. His Son, my Brother, is at my side.”

  I looked into her face. Rona Leigh had one of those sweet little chins that makes an attractive woman girlish. Vulnerable. An Elizabeth Taylor chin was how my stepfather once described it. Apocalyptic breasts but that little bitty chin. I was noticing Rona Leigh’s chin, I think, because she was working so hard to make it jut out as far as it could go. And her lips were pressed together. She’d braced herself for what she would hear from me.

  “Rona Leigh, do you know who called the police to report a disturbance at the motel the night of the murders? Do you know who called them again, on the same night, to tell them where to find you and Lloyd?”

  “Yes, I do. I have learned Gary Scott did that.”

  “Gary Scott set up you and Lloyd to assault two people who’d done nothing to either of you.”

  “You might say so. But—”

  “Did you know that Gary told Lloyd that Melody had her sights set on him?”

  “I have learned that too.”

  “Was it true?”

  “Lloyd never knew the girl.”

  “Then why did Gary say it?”

  “He figured Lloyd wouldn’t rough her up if he knew she had took notice of him.”

  She bit at a fingernail.

  “Do you know people think Gary said those things to Lloyd because he knew you would hurt Melody?”

  The chin went soft again. She was relieved. She’d been worried she’d hear something she didn’t already know. Then there came an ever-so-slight flare of the nostrils.

  “Poppy, Gary Scott is evil. A drug dealer. If Gary told Lloyd that Melody had the hots for him, Lloyd never said anything like that to me. Makin’ me jealous was not somethin’ he’d do. Wasn’t that kind of boy. I did not know Gary or Melody Scott. I’d been to the bar but I never seen her before that night. I told you, I took direction for those murders from Satan. When I held the ax, I didn’t even know what I was swinging at. This was not your premeditated murder.”

  “Do you know Iago?”

  “What’s that?”

  I asked, “What if Gary deliberately used Lloyd to drive you into a jealous rage? Make you so angry you might even kill her?”

  She sighed. “Maybe you didn’t understand what I just got through sayin’.” Her voice became deeper, a tone I’d never heard before, not in our conversations, not on TV with Dan Rather either. “Gary Scott had a wife who was messin’ around. And he couldn’t do a thing about it. Couldn’t control her. Couldn’t keep her out of other men’s beds. Couldn’t keep her from gettin’ herself murdered, turned out.

  “See, what I did, I gave him public shame. And guilt too. Gary may be the scum of the earth. He may have tried to do what you say he did. That wouldn’t surprise me. But Gary is wrong to blame himself for what I have wrought.”

  “Are you aware that Gary knew he would inherit a substantial amount of money if his wife died?”

  Her gaze took me in. For a minute I thought she was going to ask me to repeat what I’d said. She hadn’t been aware of any such thing.

  “Rona Leigh, you didn’t know that, did you?”

  Now the voice went back to its usual chirpy pitch. “I did. I heard he inherited money.”

  “But you hadn’t heard that he knew of such an inheritance before she was killed.”

&nb
sp; “Can’t remember one way or the other.”

  “Rona Leigh, do you have a recollection of that night?”

  Her eyes seemed to grow dark, and again there was a heavier sound to her voice. “I told you and told you. I was drugged and I was drunk and Satan resided in me. I know it’s hard to think I could’ve done what I done for no sensible reason. But there was a reason: the Devil. The child who was treated with evil committed evil back. Then the child became an adult and the evil was banished because the adult accepted Jesus as her Lord and Savior.

  “I can’t explain why some other child who was put through what I was don’t grow up to kill for no sensible reason, but that’s what happened to me. But see, now that me is gone. I’m freed. Freed because I found Jesus, and that’s the honest and simple truth. Accept Jesus and He will bestow great gifts. I have learned that firsthand, and I can only say, Thank you, Jesus, thank you.

  “Miz Rice, Revelation, chapter nine, verse one: And there appeared a great wonder in Heaven; a woman clothed with the sun, and the moon under her feet, and upon her head a crown of twelve stars.… I am that woman. Can you pass me my glass of water?”

  The glass was on the table next to the bed. I would pass it to her rather than respond to the announcement as to who she was. Sister Emily watched her and made a note, presumably, as to how much Rona Leigh drank.

  “Rona Leigh, when Lloyd testified against you, how did it make you feel?”

  She rolled her eyes so I’d be sure to see she would only make light of my questions. But there was a sharp little glint there all the same. “I remember bein’ happy to see him again. He had no choice but to bear witness to my crime.”

  “No. He bore witness in order to save his skin. Not an unusual thing. That, combined with other circumstances, leads to reasonable doubt that you are guilty. There is the possibility you can be retried, a determination that can be made in an appeal to those who wield the power to do it, those with power outside the state of Texas. And if a second jury also finds you guilty but considers the mitigating circumstances surrounding your crime, your sentence might well be commuted to life.

  “Rona Leigh, let me take you with me. Tell Elder Raymond—”

  Her face took on the mask of a stern grade-school teacher. She shook her finger at me. “You are aimin’ into a blind alley, ma’am. Leave this place … a new trial? A life term? I ain’t doin’ it, so forget about it. Elder Raymond saved my life. I came closer to death than maybe anybody before me. I will abide with him. Maybe he can hide me forever here, who knows? We will listen to what Jesus tells us, and He ain’t told me to leave.”

  The grammar she’d learned to dazzle the likes of Dan Rather had been abandoned in order to dazzle her followers glued to their TV sets.

  She took a balled-up napkin from under her bedcovers. She unwrapped it and whispered, “Look what I got.” She smiled, and instead of a grade-school teacher I was looking at a child in grade school. “Here, Miz Rice, have some fudge.”

  I looked down at the chocolate squares. Rona Leigh was looking at Sister Emily. The woman’s head was on her arm, her eyes closed. She was snoozing. Rona Leigh whispered again. “Vernon sneaked ’em to me. Go ahead.”

  She popped one in her mouth. “Made with the cream from the cows in the yard. C’mon.” She pointed to Sister Emily and snickered.

  Rona Leigh claimed she’d never been a little girl. She’d be one now. I felt completely powerless but, at the same time, resigned. I couldn’t exactly drag her out by her hair. She’d made her choice. Rona Leigh held out the fudge. I took a piece. It tasted a little gamy.

  A light show behind my eyes started within seconds. And when it did, Rona Leigh sat up straight and watched me. Somehow I knew to slip down to the floor rather than fight the descending black curtain which would mean falling off the bed; I couldn’t afford yet another concussion. During the seconds of slipping when I was able to think about warding off a concussion, I was able to wonder what she’d dabbed on all the fudge except for her own piece. I was able to feel furious, to feel humiliated, but still I was aware of my priorities. I grabbed onto the blanket and hoped it would ease my landing. It did. I leaned against the bed and put all my strength into staying upright.

  Rona Leigh’s face above me was blurred. I tried to keep my eyes open. She got out of the bed. She took off her nightgown. Then she started to undress me. It wasn’t easy for her. I was a dead weight.

  While she worked she talked to me.

  “Poppy, darlin’, I have a clear recollection of the night Lloyd and me killed those two people. I remember standin’ there while Lloyd and James was yellin’ at each other about some damn bike and I got real sick of it, so I went out and got Lloyd’s ax outa the truck. Sliced my hand. I told Lloyd to hit the guy. He thought I meant with his fist but I says, No, with the ax. First Lloyd said he only needed his fists, but then he saw the blood, my blood, and he just yanked that ax away from me and killed James with one swing.”

  She had on my underwear.

  “It wasn’t till then that me and Lloyd even seen Melody. Guess when she first heard us bashin’ at the door she went off and hid in a corner. So we see her hidin’ wrapped in a sheet. We seen her ’cause when Lloyd killed James she screamed. Dumb bitch. I hated her. I remember hating her. I didn’t know who she was or nothin’, I just hated her because she was screamin’ and makin’ my head pound. So I grabbed the ax and I went over to her and I swung it at her. Lloyd tried to stop me, but I told him to get outa my way. I remember thinkin’, Look here at what I’m doin’, everybody. Me! I’m killin’ this bitch! If Lloyd could kill somebody, then so could I. I am goin’ to kill somebody is all that was goin’ through my head. I just swung away. She kept beggin’ me to stop, too, but I didn’t stop.”

  It was the desire for power, for control, for dominance that had given her the strength.

  My eyelids closed. I wanted to stop hearing and just sleep. She slapped me across the face.

  I looked at her. She was in my clothes. She squatted down and brought her face down to mine. “Poppy, killin’ her was like my favorite kinda sex. Like when I’m all hot and the guy’s dick is right on the edge a goin’ in, like he’s all primed, and then instead of just goin’ in, he waits. He makes you wait, and you start beggin’ for it, and he still doesn’t go in, and you beg some more and when you least expect it, bang! He just rams it in as hard as he can so’s your whole body gets jarred. Then he takes it out and he stops and gets you beggin’ all over again and finally, bang! He rams it in even harder.

  “You know that kind of strength a guy can have over you? Gettin’ you to beg? Well, that’s the strength I had over Melody. And after she quit beggin’ it wasn’t fun anymore. That’s when I stopped. She wasn’t dead, though. Lloyd had to put her outa her misery.”

  She put on my shoes and stood up. Towering over me, she said, “You awake?”

  I was, but I couldn’t answer. So she hit me again.

  “Behind all of it, though, is that Gary Scott. He used me and Lloyd to kill his wife so’s he could get her money. I murdered that girl, I surely did. So did Lloyd. But so did Gary, how do you like that? Only thing is, he gets rich and we go to jail. The son of a bitch.

  “So here’s another thing I want to tell you. One more thing before you maybe die.… Now mind, I hope you don’t die, but there won’t be anything I can do about it. So maybe this’ll be the last thing you’ll hear from Rona Leigh Glueck. When I had that needle in my arm, when the witnesses were watchin’ me die, the plan was for Vernon to do everything in his power to get the warden to call me an ambulance. That was goin’ to be the trickiest part. But he never had to. The governor did it for him. The governor! Soon as the governor gave me that little reprieve, Harley called our ambulance.

  “I didn’t need you after all, did I? But thanks all the same.”

  If she hit me again, I never knew it.

  But I didn’t die.

  * * *

  I woke up in one of the little Madeline b
eds. I was wearing a nightgown. I could hear them all downstairs. They were in ecstasy. Sister Emily was in the next bed. Another sister sat in a chair between us. She was feeding Emily soup.

  They both looked at me.

  I said, “She’s gone, isn’t she?”

  They didn’t answer.

  I tried to sit up. I couldn’t.

  I got fed soup too.

  Then I said, “I have to speak to Elder Raymond.”

  “He is in prayer.”

  “When he’s finished, then.”

  “He intends to speak to you, Sister. When prayer is finished he will come.”

  Except for feeding me soup and home-brewed ginger ale, they ignored me. I looked at my wrist, but my watch was gone. Rona Leigh had taken that too.

  “What time is it?”

  A sister said it was eight in the evening. Whatever it was Rona Leigh had spread on the fudge had knocked me out all day.

  The sounds of Shaker prayer came to their slow conclusion. Then the women appeared in the doorway and dragged themselves into the showers. They collapsed into their beds, ignoring me.

  Elder Raymond came in, carrying an oil lamp. My nursemaid got out of her chair and he sat in it. He asked Sister Emily and me if we were feeling better.

  Sister Emily said, “Yes.”

  I said, “She bolted, didn’t she?”

  “She was led out of the Garden by God. I cannot do Her work for Her. She will do it alone until She calls for me. Then She will have my help again.”

  “Listen, Tiner, you have to get word out to the authorities that she’s not here. You must prevent what is going to take place any minute.”

  “Oh, but it is taking place.”

  “What?”

  “We are surrounded by vehicles. They have brought in cranes. There are sharpshooters in the cranes. I am negotiating with them.”

  It was so hard to think.

  “You see, Miss Rice, in this world, there is a bond between you and everyone who crosses your path. God intends that. The FBI and the ATF agents have been sent to us by the Lord. There is a reason God chose them to accomplish His purpose. Our souls are one.”