Laid 2 Rest: Two Halves of a Whole

by Melanie Rose

  I know what you must think of me. But believe me… I’ve never been proud of it and not a day goes by that I’m not wishing I could repair some of the damage that I caused.”

  It was obvious that Maya was saddened to hear that our friendship would falter in the near future. She was disappointed in herself for something that hadn’t even happened yet.

  I had flat-out lied when I told her that I couldn’t remember where she was during that time of my life. The truth was… she herself was pregnant with her first child as well. Our daughters would have been born one month apart. I could not tell her that though. That seeing her blotted belly only made me more determined to carry out my insane plan to become pregnant again. No good would have come from me telling her that.

  “It sounds like you were broken to me, Jazz. I’m so sorry I wasn’t there for you like you needed me to be… like I should have been. How did you get thru all that by yourself?” she questioned.

  Shaking my head and snorting at my mother’s ridiculous idea, I blurted out, “My mom dragged me to the Philippines with her three months after the fact because her dad was dying. I guess she thought a month away from home would do me some good. Make me forget. It didn’t work though. When I got back, Able was there waiting for me. He proposed to me only a few hours after I stepped off the plane and we ended up getting married and immediately started trying to replace the baby that I/we had aborted.”

  “Shit girl, you really were fucked up back then. How could you even consider taking him back after what he did to you?”

  “I had convinced myself that if we tried again… then we could make up for our past mistakes somehow. That it would cancel itself out. Only, I couldn’t get pregnant again. We tried for a while with no success. The doctors said that the trauma from the abortion messed me up so badly that I wouldn’t be able to ever have kids of my own. So, after going thru all of that, we ended up getting divorced… go figure!”

  “You still can’t have kids… can you?” she said with tears running down her round face as the moral of my story began to sink in.

  “No… no, I can’t. He stole that from me. He robbed me of my natural womanly right to bear children for all time,” I whispered. “But I currently have a nephew and four god-kids to make up for it.” I added quickly, trying to lighten the mood.

  “Well, what’s the plan then? We can’t let this happen to you.”

  “That’s the problem right there. Something will change by not spending the night with him tonight, but what is stopping me from sleeping with him again once I return to my real body. I’m not going to remember having this conversation with you and I won’t know anything about the horrible future I’ll have with him,” I said defeated.

  “You won’t remember, but I will. I’m not about to let that shit happen to you twice. You saved me from Garrett, now it’s my turn to save you from Able. You don’t have to worry about a thing… let me handle it.”

  “Thanks, but you don’t get it! Do you really believe it’s that simple? This will change my whole future, don’t you see. What will I find back home in my time? What if things only get worse? What if I erase something that I’m not supposed to?”

  It looked like she was tempted to slap me. Man, she looked down right evil. “Look, you’re here for a reason, remember? Today of all days blah, blah, blah! It’s today that you’re supposed to change for the better, not for the worst. Someone is watching over you girl, bettering you… healing you even. You need to accept that you have an angel sitting on your shoulder. Nothing could be worse than what you were already forced to live thru. I’ll watch for the warning signs just in case and believe me when I say… I won’t let you fall… not this time around.”

  She was right. Ah hell, she was always right.

  In the morning, I finally accepted Able’s phone call and explained that things were over between us and that we had no future together. I gave no reason, I only asked that he respect my wishes and stay far away from me. I wasn’t mean or cruel, just dead serious. There you have it… all done. It is out of my hands now.

  Angel please help me.

  But nothing happened. Not a darn thing, I was still stuck back in June of 1992. Why didn’t it work? Why was I still trapped back in time?

  While asking myself useless questions, I got so bored that I hung out with some old friends while waiting to be transported back to my present body; I even went to the mall of all things.

  Believe me, the difference in fashion now and back then was frightening. In the 90’s the brighter your clothes were, the better. The sea of people at the mall literally looked like a living, breathing bag of sour jellybeans.

  Yuck!

  Way too bright for my now much more sophisticated taste (I am 35. Keep up, people). I wondered if I had a responsibility to tell someone that this very mall would came crashing down in a huge earthquake in January of 1994. I quickly decided against it. Not only would no one believe my ass, but I also got the distinct feeling that I wasn’t supposed to interfere with future events just for the hell of it. I was to focus, primarily on myself and myself alone. That if I walked around playing God, I would rip the fabric of the universe wide open, the earth would start spinning off its axis, smack into the sun, and turn us all into crispy critters.

  Yes, I’m aware that’s a little over the top, but that’s how it felt, okay. Besides, I still haven’t received that time traveling instruction manual yet, so I don’t have a handy little list of dos and don’ts.

  When I woke up the following morning (Monday) still in my younger body, I began to hyperventilate. This was the longest episode I’ve had to date. What the hell was I still doing here? Please don’t let me be trapped in my teenage years forever.

  True that my being here had kept Able back at arm’s length since he had called me at least twenty times, looking for an explanation of why I had broken up with him. Who knows what my younger self would have done in my place? Is it possible that I haven’t changed everything that I’m supposed to change yet? Maybe this little SOB is so persistent that I take him back. That I only delayed future events, instead of preventing them from happening altogether.

  Over my dead body!

  I see I need to strengthen this little breakup before it was too late and what better way to do that, then to show up for school today. High school… where Able was sure to be.

  Once there, I was completely caught off guard by how busy and popular I was. How in the world did I function back then with all of these people up in my face? To make matters worse, I was the yearbook artist, plus one of the two leadership artists, and right now I was smack dab in the middle of several different important projects.

  Today, yearbooks were being distributed in homeroom so I spent the morning in a frenzy of yearbook exchanges where everyone could scribble down some bright and cheery best wishes for the future.

  Whatever!

  I just played along with Maya right by my side to help me if I came up blank on someone’s name… which happened a lot. Half of these people I’ll never see or hear from again anyway.

  At lunch, Able tried talking to me, but I looked straight thru him and suggested that he do us both a favor and throw himself in front of traffic. I hadn’t come up with a plan for getting rid of him permanently yet, but I was sure I’d think of something.

  Walking over to the bench reserved for our group of friends, I joined in with the conversation effortlessly. They were all curious about my mysterious disappearance from prom of all things. I shrugged and said, “I guess I didn’t like my date.”

  In the middle of our fit of laughter, I noticed a dark brown-haired girl making a b-line straight for me. Her name was Nessa and she looked serious. “Can I talk to you alone?” she asked me coldly.

  It dawned on me suddenly that she was about to confess a dirty little secret of hers. It was something that I didn’t really care about then and I really don’t care about now. However, I was always a tad bit curious on if she was telling me the truth or
not. “Sure,” I finally replied with an innocent smile. “Let’s go over here, shall we.”

  Pulling Nessa away from the group for a little privacy, Maya stood up about to come with us when I shook my head, stopping her dead in her tracks. I had to do this on my own.

  We turned and faced each other. Nessa was scared, really scared to tell me that her and Able had sex in the boys locker room when we weren’t even together. Why would I care? What someone does while broken up is their own business… not mine! But she was trying to be a good friend and come clean. I could only respect and give her credit for that. It wasn’t about being spiteful; I could clearly see that now.

  In the original version of this scene, I didn’t hear her out so she tried to sucker punch me all because I won’t listen to her. Needless to say, we got into a huge catfight. We both got suspended from school and were kicked out of leadership for “not being leadership material”.

  Give me a break why don’t you.

  I’ve had a bone to pick with that leadership teacher ever since that day. She not only kicked me out of her class and banished me to the library for that period, but she had stripped me of my crowning glory. The cover design of the graduation pamphlet to be passed out in just two short weeks.

  I was over the moon, proud of my work and delighted to have the opportunity to show it off to hundreds of students and their families firsthand at the graduation ceremony. She just ripped it away from me and held a contest where the best drawing submitted would take my place on the cover.

  What a bitch!

  Clearing my mind, I knew what I had to do and sticking it to Mrs. Rodriguez’s ass was just a fat, juicy bonus.

  “Look,” I began for Nessa, “I already know what you’re going to say.”

  “But,” Nessa chimed in, trying to cut me off.

  “No, let me finish.” Cutting her off completely instead, “Frankly, I could care less about what the two of you did in that locker room. It’s none of my freakin’ business!” The look on her face was pure shock, but I kept right on going. “You see, the truth is, I’ve seen my future with him and it’s not pretty girlfriend and I’m soooo done with him. In fact, you should stay away from him as well. He’s not the person that you think he is. He’s a liar and a bad lay. Focus on your future instead. Trust me when I say he’s not worth giving up your dreams for. He’s just not worthy of your time or your loyalty, and he’ll just disappoint you in the end.” I finished, hugging her as I patted her on the back while whispering, “Good luck, you were a good friend,” into her ear as I walked away, leaving her there alone to collect herself.

  Satisfied with that outcome, I rejoined my group and waited for the lunch bell to ring. My last three classes of the day were leadership, art and then yearbook. I had it made back then, I thought to myself. I spent half of my school day drawing. You cannot beat that.

  During leadership class, I looked over at Nessa who appeared to be lost in her own little world. I left her there in her thoughts because it was her life and she had to make her own choices. Hell, she had to live with her decisions… not I.

  Leaning down to pull out my sketchpad from my lavender backpack, I flipped thru the pages slowly, admiring my work until I got to the page that I wanted. It was a beautiful drawing of all the different ethnicities that attended the school. My intentions at that time were to represent the wide array of cultures at my high school, but that stupid teacher of mines said that it wasn’t “a true representation” because the school was dominant Hispanic.

  Racist Bitch!

  So, I set out to work, determined to fine tune my drawing. I was talented back then, however, now I have an extra eighteen years of tricks in my arsenal. By the end of the day, it was picture perfect, mainly because I worked on it during art and yearbook class as well. If you held my drawing upside down in a mirror, you will find that I hid exactly what I thought of that God-awful teacher in the fine details to savor for all time. I must say… It was a true work of art!

  When the final bell rang for the day, I packed away my sketchpad and headed off to meet Maya so we could ride home together. On the way to my truck, I noticed Able standing in my path with his little football buddies, waiting for me some 40 yards away.

  Damn, would he get a clue already.

  However, before I could reach him, Nessa came out of nowhere and had a finger waving around in his arrogant face. Even though I was a little too far away to make out every word she was saying… I still managed to catch the gist of it and the girl wasn’t playing around because the next thing I knew, she kneed him square in the baby-maker. HARD!

  You go girl.

  He was left laying there crumpled up on the ground in a fetal position with his friends laughing all around him as Nessa flicked her dark hair and stalked off in the opposite direction.

  This was just priceless and not one to miss a prime opportunity, I headed over to him to add in my two cents. Leaning down super close so he knew for a fact that it was me talking, “Guess the pencil-dick, two-minute brother strikes out again, huh. Jerk! But don’t you worry. A little blue pill will soon be available to help you with your erectile dysfunction. Trust me when I say that you should be the first in line… because you’re an embarrassment to men!” I practically sung as I wrapped my arm loosely thru Maya’s and skipped merrily to the student parking lot.

  “That was beautiful. You were like poetry in motion. Did you see his face?” Maya asked, praising me.

  “I know it was childish, but I just couldn’t resist. There’s no freakin’ way he’s going to speak to me ever again now, so mission comple……

  I didn’t even get to finish my sentence when I felt someone shaking me to death. “Alright already,” I said pushing those big, beautiful chestnut orbs away from me. I should have known that Jay would be having a fit; I was gone three whole days. “What are you doing here? How did you even get into my house?”

  I knew I had returned to New Mexico because my beautiful mountain view was staring back at me from my bedroom window again.

  “I have a key remember. You gave it to me years ago in case of an emergency,” he replied with his feeling a little hurt.

  “Sooooooo, where’s the fire?”

  “What? You’re the fire. I couldn’t wake you. You were breathing, but you were in a weird trance. I was about to call 911 when you suddenly snapped out of it.”

  Great… now I’ve scared him to death. How am I supposed to talk my way out to this one? “I’m fine alright,” I told him, pushing the covers back.

  I needed to get up and brush my teeth so he didn’t pass out from the smell of my dragons-breath. But as I tried to stand, the room started to spin and he was forced to catch me before I collided with the floor.

  The next couple of hours, Jay spent nursing me. My head was hurting so bad that even resting it on my pillow felt as if someone was beating me on the head with a hammer.

  What the hell! Jay kept insisting that we go to the emergency room, but I flat-out refused. “It will pass,” I assured him.

  If I’m not bleeding to death, then I don’t belong there.

  Jay was trying anything he could think of to help ease my suffering. He held me and stroked my hair, he ran me a warm bath and he even gave me a foot massage, but nothing seemed to dull the pounding between my lobes.

  I woke up later that afternoon cradled in his arms. My head felt a little better. At least, the loud banging had dulled to a light ringing in my ears instead, making it once again possible to see straight.

  Jay was fast asleep next to me, probably exhausted from nursing duty. I stared at his handsome face and thanked God that he was still in my life. Before I could stop myself, I gently kissed him on the tip of his nose and watched those orbs I loved so much appear from under his lids.

  He smiled sweetly at me before asking, “Are you an angel?”

  “Not yet, silly… but I hope to become one someday.”

  “You’re feeling better then? I mean you look a lot better.” />
  “My body feels like I got run over by a bus, but at least my head isn’t hurting too bad anymore. I guess all I needed was a nap.”

  “That and about half a bottle of ibuprofen,” he said guiltily under his breath.

  “You drugged me???” I asked, astonished by his actions.

  “What was I supposed to do? You refused to let a doctor check you out. I had to improvise, woman!”

  “Well, I guess I can’t get too mad. It did help, but don’t get any bright ideas about trying to slip a Mickey into my drink or anything.”

  “Hmmm, why didn’t I think of that years ago,” he said before I swatted him on the chest.

  I should have kept my big mouth shut… he might actually try that crap one day.

  CHAPTER SIX

  GETTING UP TO STRETCH, I found out quickly that… my body sure was sore. Whatever I had, I didn’t remotely want happening to me again. Ever! Did it have something to do with me being back in the past for so long this last trip? If so, then the next time I go back (if I go back) I would have to be faster….in & out.

  About to head downstairs, I noticed that my massage room door was closed and I never shut it unless there was a client in there, of course. Reaching to turn the knob, I pushed it open.

  Hey! Where the fuck is my massage room? There in its place sat an ordinary twin bed, giving the room a plain guestroom vibe instead of the Zen like feel I was so accustomed to these days.

  This is all wrong… way wrong, folks.

  The walls weren’t even painted. They were still that sad God awful, bland flat white that the house originally came in. The room was just so blah in comparison to its once former glory. I opened the door to the adjacent bedroom as well just in case I had somehow managed to switch the rooms around. But no such luck. Looking inside, I found another plain white room just like the first one, only this was an office instead and on the mahogany, wooden desk sat my computer that should have been downstairs.