All I'll Ever Need

by Mildred Riley

  “Just hope I can do it. So many of my family . . .” She thought again of her mother, whose support she so badly needed and wanted. “So many are against . . .”

  “But it’s what you want and your husband wanted, so that’s all that matters,” he said. “You are feeling well?”

  “Quite well, Dr. Barnes.”

  “Not having any difficulties?”

  “None, but I have gained five pounds.”

  “That’s fine. I should tell you that it’s very possible you may experience some mood swings from sadness to euphoria. Don’t worry if that happens. It is to be expected. The hormones, you see.”

  “ ‘Forewarned is forearmed,’ right?”

  “I’ve always thought so, and I try to educate my patients, give them any information I think would be helpful.”

  Elyse was feeling optimistic, hopeful that Dr. Barnes was more than capable . . . would help her fulfill her dream of bearing a healthy child.

  She waited for the doctor to continue his instructions, acutely aware of the importance of what he was telling her. Both hands clenched in her lap, she focused on his next words of advice.

  “As I told you, so far everything indicates that we move forward. When the time comes to start your hormone injections, I will refer you to a nurse. She will administer the shots, and hopefully will be able to instruct someone to give them to you. Do you have such a person?”

  She thought of Emerald. Could she, would she, be willing to learn how to do such a procedure?

  “Yes,” she said, “I think my co-worker might be able to do it. She’s quite capable, levelheaded, not easily rattled . . . most of the time. If it’s something she can do to help, I think she’d try.”

  “Fine, there’s no rush. We’ll cross that bridge when we come to it.”

  He stood up to shake her hand, and as he walked her to the door, he said, “Stay well and I’ll see you next month.”

  Chapter 12

  Khaleda Hubbard arrived at the bookstore on time. Elyse had made the appointment, suggesting her store as the place where she would be available for the series of intramuscular injections.

  “I have a sort of office lounge and small bathroom at my store if you wouldn’t mind coming here,” she explained when she called the nurse. “My store opens at ten, but I’ll be here at nine, and my friend Emerald will be here to observe.”

  When she came in that morning, Elyse saw a short, robust-looking young woman dressed in jeans with a blue floral smock. She wore white socks and white Birkenstocks. She flashed a wide, friendly smile as she entered the store.

  “Good morning. I’m Khaleda Hubbard, but please call me Khali,” she said brightly. Elyse relaxed, sensing at once that she was in capable hands. Khali’s soft brown skin and dark eyes added to her patient’s sense of wellbeing. Elyse saw the nurse’s interest in the store as she looked around at the elephant statue in the front window, which Emerald had positioned on a patch of grass. The nurse admired the books, posters and the children’s nook with its low chairs and rocking chair.

  “This is a beautiful store that you have. How long have you been here?”

  “About four years,” Elyse said with pride.

  “Good for you! I always like it when I see a sister making it.”

  “Thanks. Won’t you follow me? I’ll show you where you can set up. My office is right back here at the rear of the store. We have sort of a lounge, and a bathroom, too.”

  “Lead the way.”

  The nurse seemed like a real no-nonsense person and Elyse liked that.

  “Here we are,” she said. “And this is my friend and confidante, Emerald Stokes.” She introduced Emerald, adding, “I’m hoping you can teach her how to give me my injections.”

  The two women shook hands.

  “Nice to meet you, Emerald.”

  “Nice to meet you, too. So, you’re going to turn me into a nurse?” Emerald teased.

  “Not to worry, no problem. By the time I get through with you, you’ll be Florence Nightingale personified!”

  The concrete walls of the store’s back room had been painted a cheerful creamy pale yellow. In front of the wall was situated a dark blue chenille sofa with inviting throw pillows of blues, golds and reds. The tiled floor of muted grays had been enhanced by one Oriental rug directly in front of the sofa.

  At a right angle to this wall, two desks with office chairs had been placed side by side. Computers, printers, desk lamps and other office equipment indicated that this area was the heart of the bookstore.

  A section of three panels with a black and white silk screen, Khali was told, hid a microwave and refrigerator.

  High cellar-type windows with tan Roman shades added to the room’s comfort and serenity. There was even a leather recliner with a table and lamp beside it.

  “What a lovely room,” Khali observed.

  “We like it. It’s our home away from home,” Elyse told her.

  “Is it okay if I put my bag here? I need a place to lay out my equipment.”

  “By all means. I’ll move the computer back to make room.”

  “That’s fine.”

  “I take it you have a bathroom nearby?”

  “Sure do,” Emerald said. “I’ll show you.”

  She led the way to the small bathroom with toilet and sink in the back hallway.

  “This is perfect, Emerald.” She proceeded to wash her hands.

  “Although I’ll be wearing gloves,” she explained, “it’s still very important to wash your hands thoroughly before starting the procedure.”

  They returned and Khali opened her nurse’s bag. She took out a sealed packet and opened it to remove a sterile towel, which she placed on the space Elyse had cleared for her. She laid out an ampoule, alcohol swabs in sealed packets, a sterile capped syringe with an attached needle, a small metal file and latex gloves.

  As she watched, Elyse thought about her family’s fierce disapproval of what she was doing.

  “You’re just hardheaded and stubborn,” her mother had thundered at her when she learned that her daughter was about to begin the assisted reproduction treatment.

  Elyse remembered her mother’s angry face when Elyse responded, “This may be my only chance to become a mother, and it’s what I want to do. And, Mother, you have to accept my decision whether you like it or not.”

  As she watched Khali lay out the equipment, she had to ask, “Do you have many patients getting this treatment?”

  “Oh my, yes. You’d be surprised at the number of women undergoing this procedure.”

  “Married women?”

  “No, not all are married. A great many are single women who want to be mothers but have not met Mr. Right. Their biological clocks are ticking, so many of them decide to use donated sperm as a means of having children. You’d be surprised at the number.” She gave Elyse a warm smile, sensing her patient’s anxiety.

  She turned to Emerald. “I want you to observe what I do and then later I will have you practice with an orange.”

  “An orange?” Emerald’s eyebrows rose in question marks.

  “Yes, an orange will give you the feeling of the muscle’s resistance. And I’ll show you the proper site for the injection and observe you until you feel comfortable doing it.”

  “Good,” she said to Elyse, “you’re wearing slacks. Why don’t you pull them and your panties down. Lie face down on the couch and we’ll get started. I know that you’ve been on medication to stop your menses, and today we’ll start you on a hormone to increase your egg production. We want you to have a reasonable number of eggs so that fertilization with the sperm donation will be effective.”

  Raising her head from the pillow, Elyse asked, “How will you know that?”

  “Usually the doctor does a needle sonogram . . .”

  “Isn’t that painful?”

  “Oh no, it’s done under general anesthesia. There’s no discomfort. Now,” she said briskly, “let’s get the show on the road. Emerald, I
want you to stand right here so you can look over my shoulder.”

  The procedure was accomplished quickly and Elyse seemed to tolerate it well.

  “I usually stay around for twenty minutes or so to monitor any reactions you might have, although you did very well. Do you feel all right?”

  “Yes, I feel fine.”

  “Just to be sure, lie still for a moment or so. ”

  Emerald had disappeared soon after the injection had been completed. She came from behind the screen with a tray containing three coffee mugs and slices of coffee cake, plus packets of sugar and a small bowl of creamers.

  “Let me get the coffee,” she said as she hurried back to the makeshift kitchen. “This is not the way it’s usually done, but folks, we’re going to have us a baby!”

  “What’s today’s date?” Elyse asked.

  “June fourteenth, Flag Day,” Emerald said.

  “I calculate, with good luck in your cycles, you could be pregnant by August and have our baby in April. How about that?” Khali grinned.

  Elyse shook her head and her hands trembled as she put her coffee mug down on the coffee table. “It will be the miracle that I always wanted,” she said quietly.

  “And if it will help you any,” Khali said, “you are not the only patient that I have who is having her deceased husband’s child. So take heart. And if you need me, just let me know, anytime.”

  As she watched the confident friendly nurse leave, Elyse thought, Maybe this is not happening in the usual way, but I’m going to have a baby, a part of Barry, and that’s what I want.

  Chapter 13

  After a few more days of instruction, Khali felt that Emerald was quite proficient in administering the injections Elyse required. She also told Elyse not to be alarmed if she should experience mood swings from elation to depression. “It’s only because of the increased hormonal activity, so just ride it out. It’s not something that will last. Most all mothers go through episodes like that. And remember, you have my cell phone number. Call anytime.”

  Emerald had just completed the injection for the day. “Four more to go, and I’ll take off my nurse’s uniform,” she told Elyse.

  “And a good thing, too. My behind feels like a pin cushion.” Elyse rubbed her right buttock, scowling as she did so.

  “No pain, no gain. You know the drill, my friend.”

  “Wonder what they’ll put me through next?”

  Elyse adjusted the rubber ring on her chair and sat down gingerly.

  “When’s your doctor’s appointment?”

  “A week from Thursday.”

  “Dr. Barnes will probably tell you then.”

  “I expect he will, but whatever it is, I’m ready to keep going. I’ve made my decision to fulfill Barry’s wishes.”

  “Look, honey,” Emerald said as she handed Elyse another book. They were stacking an order of new books on the display rack. “I know this is a new experience for you. Can’t be easy, and I admire your spunk in taking it on. Remember, you have to be strong and think ahead to the wonder and love you will feel when you hold your baby in your arms, a real manifestation of the love you and Barry shared. A whole lot of folks never have that chance. Consider yourself blessed.”

  “Oh, Em, I do, I do. I’m blessed to have a friend like you,” she insisted as she hugged her.

  The telephone rang then, interrupting their work rhythm.

  Emerald answered the phone on the store’s front counter.

  “The Kwanzaa Book and Gift Shop. Oh, good morning, Ace. How are you?” Elyse heard her say. “Oh, we’re fine. Working hard, you know. Yes, she’s here, one moment.”

  She handed Elyse the phone and went to the back room, not wishing to intrude on the conversation. Ace’s interest in Elyse was evident to her . . . but to Elyse?

  “Good morning, Ace. How are you?” In answer to his first question she said, “I’m well, thanks.” In answer to his next question, she said, “Not tonight, Ace. I’ve promised to . . .” She broke off as Ace, obviously disappointed, interrupted her.

  “Right, Ace, keep in touch. By the way, many customers have admired your new figurine. I’ve given out many of your cards to interested folks.”

  He must have thanked her because she said, “No problem, Ace. Stay well.”

  She hung up, keenly aware of Ace’s letdown, but at the moment she had enough on her plate to consider.

  Emerald was drinking coffee when Elyse returned to the back room. She raised her cup in question, asking if Elyse wanted a cup.

  “I’d better have milk. No coffee, doctor’s orders.”

  “So, when are you going to tell him?”

  Elyse shrugged. “Not yet. As far as I’m concerned, it’s a ‘need to know’ situation. And,” she reflected, “there’s no need for him to know. Not yet, anyway.”

  In a dry tone of voice, Emerald said, “Better think about when you’re gonna tell him. He wants to be more than a friend. Any blind man can see that.”

  “Em, you know I’ve never encouraged him. You know that. Never! All I have on my mind is Barry. It even seems to me that he’s closer to me than ever, planning and . . . trying to have this baby. It’s all that I can deal with right now.”

  “Just ought to be prepared, is all I’m sayin’,” Emerald added.

  “I’ll decide after I see Dr. Barnes next week.”

  * * *

  When she kept her appointment with the doctor, she was not surprised when he greeted her in his usual cheerful manner.

  “We’re right on track,” he told her. “The needle sonogram revealed that you have a healthy egg supply. You didn’t have any problems after the procedure, did you? You seemed to tolerate it well.”

  “Only a bit of anxiety, but no real discomfort,” she told him, adding, “What’s next?”

  “As I outlined to you when we started, Mrs. Marshall, I believe the in vitro fertilization, IVF . . . simply bringing together the egg and sperm in the lab, in vitro, is the most expedient method to use in your case. We perform intracytoplasmic sperm injection by puncturing the egg directly under a microscope and injecting one sperm into it.”

  “When do you put the . . .” She was very anxious to know when she would finally be pregnant.

  “We check to determine if fertilization has taken place under the microscope. We usually do this for a few days. Most times we transfer three or four eggs into a catheter. But this time, three days or more, the embryo has developed into six to eight cells. We transfer these embryos through the cervix and into the uterus. In about two weeks I will do a pregnancy test, and in another two weeks an ultrasound can be performed and we’ll be able to hear a fetal heartbeat.”

  “I can’t believe that I’m going to have a baby. When . . . when I found out that Barry had been killed, I wanted to die myself. All the hopes and dreams we had were gone . . . all gone. But now it’s possible that I can do something that we both wanted, have our child. Life is worth living now, thanks to you, Doctor Barnes.”

  “Mrs. Marshall, my dear, it’s times like these, bringing joy to patients, that makes my work so rewarding.”

  He sat down at his desk to check his calendar. “I want to see you next Thursday. Report to the outpatient department at the hospital at eight in the morning. Remember, nothing by mouth. And I suggest you have someone to drive you home.”

  Elyse left the doctor’s office, buoyed by his optimism. He had informed her that Barry’s donated sperm, cryopreserved, would be removed from storage, incubated to thaw the frozen sperm, then used to fertilize her retrieved eggs.

  She reached her car. Actually it was her husband’s treasured Volvo that she usually drove to her appointments with the doctor. It made her feel closer to Barry. After all, she reasoned, they were truly in this adventure together. Her hands caressed the leather steering wheel cover as she had seen Barry’s strong, capable hands do so many times before.

  “We’re on our way, honey,” she whispered as she belted herself in the car. “Can hardl
y wait,” she said under her breath. She could almost hear his voice, “That’s my girl, my beautiful Elyse.”

  She could see his handsome face smiling at her with love and approval. He had always been her hero.

  Chapter 14

  Holly met Branch on Saturday morning at Summit University’s library. Saturday morning was a good time to do so because so many students slept in after Friday night parties and all-night drinking sessions.

  Holly had worked the night before at the nursing home to fill in for one of her friends who needed the time off to attend a family funeral out of town. She was happy to earn the extra money.

  “It was really an easy babysitting gig,” she told Branch. “The patient’s family was so guilty about putting Ma in a nursing home, they wanted her to have special care around the clock. She slept all night, and to tell you the truth, so did I,” she laughed. “Did get some homework done, though.”

  “That’s great! What are you working on now?” Branch wanted to know. He dropped his book bag on the table next to her stack of books.

  “I’m doing a paper on chronic illnesses found in the geriatric population. You know,” she ticked off on her fingers, “hypertension, diabetes, stroke, cardiac conditions, etc.”

  “Right. That information should not be hard to find. Be sure to put in a lot of statistics. That always impresses the professors.”

  “I’ll do that. What are you working on?”

  “Me? I have to get ready to do a one-on-one with a patient.”

  “One-on-one. What does that mean?”

  “What I have to do is interview a patient, perform a physical exam, make an assessment, then present my findings to the doctor. Something like I’d be expected to do, say, in the triage area of a hospital.”

  “Well, all right then!” Holly cheered. “Almost like a real doctor.”

  “Don’t I wish?” Branch replied soberly. “Don’t I wish?”