Awkward

by Marni Bates

  “That sounds nice, honey.”

  I eyed her suspiciously. My mom likes words of endearment but rarely does she use “sweetie” and “honey” back to back.

  “Is there, um, something I should know?” I asked her.

  “I was about to ask you the same question.” She placed some toast onto a plate. “You should open the paper, hun.”

  Uh-oh. From “honey” to “hun.” Never a good sign.

  I flipped over the daily paper and gawked. My picture looked back at me; my face was lined with concentration as I studied my textbook. One of my classmates must have been able to sell one of the shots that they had snapped during class. It was unnerving to see myself so unguarded.

  But it was the newspaper headline that really got to me. It screamed: The Exciting New Romance Between Mackenzie Wellesley and Timothy Goff! Below that was a series of pictures, the first of which had me plastered against Tim as we sang into his mic. I instantly dove into the article.

  Seventeen-year old Mackenzie Wellesley may have gone from lame to fame in less than a week because of a certain YouTube video, but she’s had no trouble adjusting to life in the fast lane ... or becoming an item with the hottest musician on the charts. Last night at the Rose Garden in Portland, Mackenzie showed her flare for performance in a choreographed dance routine and a stunning vocal display. Despite being previously considered camera shy, this young ingénue appears ready to step into the spotlight with her new boyfriend. But has the attention already gone to her head? A close source who prefers to remain anonymous says, “Mackenzie is heading down a dangerous path. She’s only interested in Timothy Goff as a way to climb the social ladder. She’ll trade him in the way she’s been going through designer outfits.”

  Ms. Wellesley certainly seems to have captured the interest of Mr. Goff. Just two days ago she was quoted saying, “What love life?” but this photograph paints a very different picture. The same inside source went on to say, “I think Mackenzie’s obvious boy-chasing tactics make her a very poor example for others. She’s only going to hurt Timothy Goff—and many other boys in the process. Her parents should have taught her the value of a little self-respect.”

  The product of a broken home, Ms. Wellesley might find it best to reconnect with her father before the real reason that teen rock sensation Timothy Goff describes her as “awesome” is revealed. Perhaps her sensational singing wasn’t the only thing that got a standing ovation last night. Mr. Goff’s publicist chose not to confirm or deny their relationship at this time.

  “Mom.” I could barely speak. “I didn’t. You know I’m not some kind of—of boy-crazy, social-climbing slut.” I rubbed my eyes again. “I can’t believe this. I’ve never been kissed, but I still have to assure everyone I’m not a skank who hooks up with rock stars.”

  “Language, Mackenzie.” My mom doesn’t tolerate insults beyond a strict PG rating.

  “Fine. You know that I’m not sexually promiscuous.”

  She smiled and I felt some of my stomach knots unravel. My mom has a knack for calming me down. “Yes, I do. Honey, like it or not people are going to gossip. They’re going to lie and you need to ignore it. I raised a smart, independent young woman, and I don’t want you to let this upset you. Now, eat your eggs.”

  I speared a mouthful. “Thanks, Mom.”

  She joined me at the breakfast table and looked knowingly into my eyes. It’s almost spooky how well she can read me.

  “I trust you with boys, Mackenzie. What we need to discuss is the last part of the article.”

  I looked at her blankly. “The concert? Mom, it was an impromptu thing that only happened because Corey shoved me onstage.”

  “Not that, although I wish I’d seen it. You’ve always had a lovely voice. You really shouldn’t have hidden during all your middle school choir performances... .”

  “Then what was it?” I interrupted before she pushed me to join a community choir.

  “The part about your father.”

  I stiffened like I’d just been zapped with a taser. My mom and I don’t discuss my dad. Ever. Nothing there for us to discuss. As far as Dylan and I are concerned, he doesn’t exist. We all preferred it that way.

  “What about it?”

  “Honey, he ... well, he called.”

  The eggs that had been so delicious just a second earlier sank nastily in my stomach and thickened into cement. “He—he called you. When?”

  “This morning. That’s why I turned off your alarm and let you sleep in.” She ran her hand soothingly down my hair in a gesture that was comforting and sweet. The same as she had done twelve years and five months ago when he’d walked out on us. I felt nauseated.

  “Oh yeah.” I tried to say it coolly—like it was no big deal he’d contacted us beyond child care checks. “What’d he want?”

  “He said”—my mom rose to clear the dishes, a nervous habit of hers that popped out when she was worried—“he wanted to talk to you.”

  I let that soak in. “What about Dylan?”

  My mom looked at me blankly. “What about him?”

  And I guess that said it all. Of course my dad didn’t ask about Dylan. He wouldn’t have called if it weren’t for my newfound fame. That’s just the way he works.

  I nodded. “So ... that’s it. He just called and said ... what? After twelve years he wants to chat?”

  My mom twisted tense fingers. “He’s, um, concerned about the recent press.”

  “Oh, I get it.” I couldn’t keep the bitterness out now. “I can be a skank as long as he never reads about it in the paper.”

  “Language, Mackenzie!”

  “Seriously, Mom? Saying ‘sexually promiscuous’ doesn’t change anything!”

  She stiffened, and I knew it was stupid for me to fight about her Language Policy.

  “How we speak matters, Mackenzie. Now, I know you’re upset.” She reached out a hand to stroke my hair again. “And you don’t have to say a word to him. You are under no obligation whatsoever, but you had the right to know he called.”

  I had to do something, so I poured myself a glass of orange juice and sat down in silence.

  “Okay,” I said at last. “I’m not calling him back. Sorry I snapped at you.”

  “Oh, honey.” She wrapped her arms around me and I let her hang on. She needed the physical contact as much as I did. She tilted my chin up to look into her eyes. “I worry about you. Your job is to be a kid. I see how hard you try to make everything perfect, and I wish you didn’t feel the need to do that.” She rubbed my shoulders. “It’s okay, on occasion, to take a mental health day. I won’t love you any less if your AP test score isn’t perfect.”

  I was pathetically close to tears.

  “Mom,” I said slowly. “Everything would be different if it weren’t for me. If I hadn’t tripped at that stupid ballet recital, then you wouldn’t have found out dad was cheating. He still might be here right now. He might not have left us... .”

  My mom’s fingers dug painfully into my shoulders as they clenched.

  “If you hadn’t tripped at that ballet recital I might not have found out ... then. I hope I’d have figured it out eventually. It wouldn’t change who he is, sweetheart. I’m glad you fell when you did.”

  I stared at her in disbelief. “You are?”

  “Yes!” She laughed. “It forced me to look at my marriage. And if I could go back in time, I still wouldn’t change anything. I got you and Dylan out of that mess—and you guys are the very best things that’ve ever happened to me.”

  I felt the tears sliding down my face now, slowly but steadily, and I made no move to swipe them away.

  “No regrets?”

  “None.” She ruffled my hair. “Why don’t you take a shower while I raid your closet. Then I’ll give you a ride to school.”

  I smiled at her. “Love you, Mom.”

  “Oh, sweetie,” she said. “I love you right back.”

  Chapter 22

  Imade it to school in tim
e for lunch. My mom had made me model a few more of my new outfits for her while she picked out a few dresses she thoughtfully offered to store in her closet for a while. It was fun doing our girl bonding stuff. Especially when my mom took out some of my new nail polish and insisted we give each other pedicures as well as manicures. I could tell our dad conversation was still playing in her mind, but she didn’t mention it.

  “Oh, honey!” she said, when I finally emerged from my room in my Forever 21 jeans and bebe top and we headed toward the car. “You look wonderful!”

  “Thanks, for all of this, Mom. Talk included. Although I don’t think you should ever turn off my alarm clock again.”

  “Deal.” She slid smoothly into the driver’s seat.

  “So ... did you have to miss work today for this?”

  “Nope.” She signaled at the light. “My shift on Friday doesn’t start until three, remember?”

  I hadn’t, and it was a relief to hear. Maybe I shouldn’t worry about her, but I can’t help it. That’s the way I’m built.

  “Do you have any plans for tonight?”

  “I have to tutor Logan, then probably catch up on the classes I missed.”

  She grinned. “I’d have left you at home but you’d panic over skipping a whole day.”

  I nodded. “I’m nervous about lecture notes as it is. Guess that makes me neurotic and obsessive.”

  “What it makes you,” my mom said firmly, “is dedicated.” She pulled up to the school. “Just let me know if your plans change.”

  “Will do.” I headed straight for the cafeteria to find Corey and Jane.

  What I didn’t expect was to find my two best friends telling a larger group of freshmen girls about the ReadySet concert. Melanie and Rachel were there with some of their friends. Our table actually looked way more exciting than the Notables’. Something Chelsea Halloway probably didn’t appreciate.

  My entrance caused a reaction that rippled through the entire cafeteria.

  “Mackenzie! We were just talking about the concert last night.” Melanie scooted to make room for me. “There’s a video of you singing on YouTube. It sounds terrific!”

  Great. Another video of me on YouTube was just what I needed.

  “Thanks,” I said instead. I didn’t think she was just sucking up because I was famous. Then again, what did I know about that stuff? Maybe all of them were hoping I could score them designer bags.

  I didn’t have to say anything else, because that’s when something unprecedented happened in the Smith High School cafeteria.

  Chelsea stood up—flanked by Fake, Bake, and Patrick—and crossed the room to stand before the Invisible table. It felt like a well-planned chess move: Queen to K2.

  “Hey, Mackenzie!” she said, like we were best friends who shared everything from lip gloss to gossip.

  “Uh, hi.” I tried to encompass all four of them with this greeting. Patrick was looking at me intensely, like he was trying to memorize my every feature so I’d be burned into his memory. My heart sped up and my cheeks flushed even as I told my inner romantic that Patrick wasn’t realizing how perfect we’d be together at THAT EXACT MOMENT!

  “I have to head out soon.” Chelsea waved her hand elegantly as if I’d asked her to stay and she had to regally decline. “But I just love your new outfit!”

  “Totally adorable,” added Fake in a voice that sounded completely, well, fake.

  I barely resisted the urge to nervously tug at my top. Rule number one of combat: show no weakness.

  “Thanks.” I hoped people would stop complimenting me so that I could just enjoy some friendly conversation. “You guys look great too.” I stopped myself before adding, “as usual.”

  “Oh.” Chelsea giggled and tossed her long silky hair back. “That’s sweet of you. So will we be seeing you at Spencer’s party tonight? He mentioned something about inviting you.”

  I barely kept myself from staring at her openmouthed.

  “Uh, I didn’t hear anything about it.”

  “Well, you’ve been too busy with celebrities.” She let out another one of her perfect little giggles that made my skin crawl. “Tonight at nine, okay?” She didn’t wait for me to say anything in response. “Great! See you then.”

  Fake and Bake swirled out of the cafeteria with her and left me at a silent table with the boy I’ve been crushing on since, I don’t know ... FOREVER!

  “Want to join us?” I asked Patrick awkwardly.

  He brushed his soft-looking, dirty blond bangs out of his warm chocolate eyes and sat right down next to me.

  “Of course,” he murmured. I turned to Corey and Jane in an attempt to get my hormones under control.

  “So.” Corey broke the awkward silence that had descended. “Who thinks that was an open invitation or for Mackenzie only?”

  I rolled my eyes. “Of course it wasn’t just for me. It’d be too rude to invite only me in front of other people. You guys must be included.” I turned to Patrick for confirmation. “Right?”

  “Erm.” He looked like I’d just asked him about India’s biggest export (textiles). “Spencer throws big parties, so, uh ... no one will notice.”

  Not exactly the warm invitation I’d expected. In fact it smacked of “Invisibles will be tolerated if they stay Invisible.” But I guess it was enough to get Melanie, Rachel, and the other girls excited. They instantly began debating what outfit a social event like this required.

  I looked at Jane and Corey. “You guys will go with me, right?”

  Jane stared at me like I’d lost my mind. “Sure. I’ll just take a jet to France while I’m at it! Going to a concert one night and a party the next won’t get in the way of my studying or my job or anything.” Jane’s even stricter about stuff like that than I am.

  Corey just shrugged. “Works for me.”

  Out of the three of us, Corey’s always had the most freedom to do whatever he wants. It helps that his dad and mom both agreed to a laissez-faire child-raising policy. Until Corey breaks their trust, they’ll let him and his sisters do their own things. They’re pretty awesome that way. I was impressed when his parents let Corey crash at my house for a sleepover. Corey had shrugged when I mentioned it. Apparently when he told them he was gay they instantly ordered shirts online—even though Forest Grove isn’t the safest place to wear something that says Straight Supporter of Gay Rights.

  “If you’re going, I’ll be there,” Patrick told me softly. And I stopped breathing. Because how romantic is that?!

  “Then I guess I’ll have to go.”

  Yes, I flirted! And I didn’t even make an idiot out of myself!

  Patrick was about to say something adorable to me (I could just tell) when someone behind me distracted him. “Oh. Hey, Logan.”

  Logan nodded pleasantly at Patrick before turning to Corey. “I saw your moves from the concert. Pretty impressive.”

  Corey grinned back. “That was nothing. You should see the three of us when we’re hyped up on sugar and too many episodes of Glee.”

  He laughed and sat down next to Jane. “I didn’t see you onstage.”

  “Corey wasn’t quick enough to shove us both. I prefer to do my dancing in private.”

  “Mackenzie was great.” Patrick blurted it out, completely breaking the flow of conversation. Logan raised an eyebrow as if he’d just noticed me.

  “Yeah, Mack was all right.” That was it—that was all he said to me before introducing himself to Melanie, Rachel, and the other freshman girls. And I was oddly grateful that he didn’t make a big deal out of it. All of the Notable attention made me feel a bit gross. Maybe if I was Chelsea I’d love being the center of conversation ... but that’s so not the way I work. Mainly because if I’m the center that means my friends are on the periphery.

  The freshman girls were instantly crushing on Logan, and I couldn’t exactly blame them. He’s just so effortless. I couldn’t help but admire the way he got people talking and then leaned back to let the conversation take shape. I
f that was a skill his dyslexia forced him to hone, I’d say it was a fair trade-off.

  “I’ve got to head out,” Patrick said, interrupting a story about Melanie’s crazy aunt. I looked at my watch. We still had over fifteen minutes left for lunch and I couldn’t see why he needed to rush. Then again, maybe he had to discuss an assignment with a teacher.

  “Uh, okay,” I said stupidly. “See you later.”

  “I’m counting on it.”

  Then he was gone and I was left wondering if maybe, just maybe, those fantasies of mine might actually come true.

  Chapter 23

  “Well, that was interesting.” I can always count on Corey to say something just when I hope it’ll pass without comment. Patrick might have left the table, but Logan was still right there. I shot Corey a warning look that he ignored.

  “I mean, that guy hasn’t deigned to sit with us ever.” Disapproval dripped from Corey, and I saw him trade looks with Jane and then Logan. It all felt too conspiratorial for my liking. Especially since I didn’t appear to be within the trust circle.

  I shrugged. “It’s been a week of firsts.”

  My cell phone went off, interrupting Corey’s next retort.

  “Saved by the phone,” I grinned as I flipped it open. “Hello?”

  “Hey, Mackenzie. It’s Tim.”

  I drew a complete blank. I sat there and tried to think if I knew anyone by that name. If some “Tim” from school wanted to talk to me, why wouldn’t he just walk over to the table? Unless this was some creepy stalker who had managed to get my cell phone number. Considering the way my Facebook in-box had exploded with friend requests, it wasn’t such a crazy thought.

  “Tim,” I mouthed to Corey and Jane questioningly. And then it hit me. Of course, Timothy Goff: rock superstar. My life is insane.