Ditching The Dream (Dream Series)

by Isabelle Peterson

  “When did you start swearing?”

  I sighed. He was avoiding the big point by focusing on syntax. Awesome. “Do you have an idea of where you want to go to dinner?”

  CHAPTER 49

  Dinner with your husband should be a comfortable, familiar thing. This dinner was anything but, my sore ass aside. I watched Greg push food around his plate, as did I. Conversation was stilted and awkward. We were sitting elbow to elbow at a four-top rather than across from each other, but we might as well have been sitting at two different tables.

  We talked about the weather in both New York and Napa.

  We talked about Phoebe’s trip up here. Greg thinks she’s decided NYU is more her speed.

  We talked about Jess and Jim and their winery. I had to be careful to not mention Jess’s possible – Shit! – condition, since Jim didn’t know. I nearly needed surgery from biting my tongue, so I changed topics. Besides, if I thought about my best friend since third grade and… I would just start crying right then and there.

  I asked about his parents. His father’s health was still failing and his mother was starting to slip, too.

  I guess it was easier to talk about us over a phone line.

  In many ways this felt like a dinner back at home after the kids had left, only something was missing… I just couldn’t quite place my finger on it. But one thing did stay the same. He didn’t ask about me.

  I asked Greg about his work, which he avoided like always. It was sad, really. Kevin spoke freely and animatedly about his job from the get-go. Once Jack and I laid all the cards on the table, he also seemed to enjoy talking about his work.

  “You don’t want to hear about my boring job,” Greg said dismissively.

  “I do!” I insisted.

  Greg was quiet for the next couple of moments, studying my face, looking for my bluff. “Mother and Father always insisted that talking about work was not for the family,” he said.

  “Well, I’m asking and I want to know.”

  For the next twenty-five minutes, Greg told me about his work. At the start he was reserved, but as time went on he grew more spirited. I was sad that none of this sounded familiar.

  By the time dessert arrived, and several glasses of wine later, Greg still hadn’t asked much about me. I should have been really put off, but this was a whole new world for us, so I started talking about my job and new friends.

  “So, your friend Kevin. Phoebe said he was really cute. Said that you seemed pretty close?”

  “I don’t know why she’d say that.” My mind started racing. Had she seen us at some point that would allude to us being more than neighbors? We’d been careful. I was sure of it. Did she figure out about my midnight slipping out up to the rooftop?

  “Just the way he talked about you to Phoebe. She said if she didn’t know any better that Kevin had a crush on you.”

  Shit! Do I lay the cards on the table? Maybe it was safer in public. But it was definitely a private conversation. And we weren’t anything but friends anymore.

  “I think he’s very sweet.” Chicken shit! I scolded myself.

  “What about the guy from the bar? What’s the story there?” he pressed.

  “Greg, is this a conversation you want to have here?”

  Greg searched my eyes and very straight forwardly, he said, “Bets, I need you. Don’t you want me at all?”

  “Greg, it’s not that eas –”

  Greg didn’t let me finish. He leaned across the table and pressed his lips against mine. There wasn’t any heat. He didn’t press for more. It was a chaste kiss. An I-love-you-but-I’m-not-in-love-with-you kiss. He was begging without any substance.

  He pulled back and looked at me, studying my face for a clue. I didn’t have any clues, obvious or otherwise. To be honest, I was so confused. He kissed me. It felt dead. Why? Shouldn’t I feel something?

  “Can we go to your apartment? We need to talk,” he asked.

  For some reason I didn’t want him at my apartment again.

  “Your hotel is closer,” I offered.

  We walked the four blocks to his hotel more or less in silence. I was anxious. Anxious because I wasn’t the same person who left Napa. Anxious because I was so very different from the woman Greg married. Anxious because I wasn’t sure where we stood, or where I wanted us to stand. I had learned so much about myself in the past few weeks. I had a good idea of what I needed in my life. But I had no idea if what I needed was possible with Greg. We were supposed to be together for richer and for poorer and so on until death do us part. Is our marriage dead?

  Standing in his hotel room, I watched him go straight to the remote for the TV.

  “Please don’t,” I stopped him. “I really don’t like the background noise of the TV.”

  “Oh,” he said, appearing very unsettled as his eyes shifted from me to the remote and the TV then back to me. He set the remote down and sat on the bed, rubbing his hands on his slacks. He was clearly nervous.

  “Are you nervous?” I asked.

  He nodded and cleared his throat. He opened his mouth like he wanted to say something, but nothing came out. He closed his mouth and looked around.

  I didn’t know what to do. I wanted him to relax. We needed to talk. Maybe the best way to start this whole thing was to show him how I had changed.

  I knelt before him and glanced up to see his reaction. He seemed know where I was headed and seemed appalled.

  “What are you doing? Get up off your knees,” he croaked.

  I only gave him a crooked smile. I reached up and undid his belt buckle.

  “Elizabeth, what are you doing?”

  I continued with unbuttoning his pants and sliding down the zipper. “I’m going to relax you a bit,” I said with a wink. I could feel his manhood start to grow in anticipation.

  “But this won’t –” He stopped talking when I wrapped my hand around the base of his cock and took at least half of him into my mouth.

  “Shit!” he hissed. His head dropped back and I went to work. He quickly grew to full size and I hoped it was due to my new learned skill.

  And in true Greg fashion, things took only moments. He found his release. Dropping back, he stifled a groan. I don’t think it even fully registered with him that I drank up every drop.

  I licked him clean then flopped onto the bed next to him with a satisfied grin spread on my face. I thought about how he tasted different from Jack.

  “What in the hell was that?” he asked, snapping me out of my thoughts.

  “I was trying to relax you. Didn’t you like it? And don’t think of lying. I know the answer,” I shot back.

  “Who are you? The Elizabeth I’ve known and been married to for the past twenty-four years would never talk the way you are talking. Nor do what you just did.”

  “I didn’t know who I was before I left, Greg! That’s what this whole thing is about. Finding out who I am!”

  “What? A whore?” he asked.

  “Fuck you!” I spat back, rolling off the bed. It felt good to swear. I never used the eff-bomb before with Greg. Hell, before I came here, I barely ever said shit, now it was a regular word in my vocabulary.

  “So, what? You just give blow jobs to anyone who needs to relax? Is the restaurant some cover?” he continued. “When I said you should sow your wild oats, I didn’t expect you to –”

  “You know what? Go to hell!”

  I went over to his mini-bar and contemplated making him pay for each mini-bottle. I grabbed the mini-bottle of Beefeaters Gin, feeling that it was an appropriate choice for the moment. Finding a can of tonic water, I finished pouring myself a drink.

  “I’m sorry,” he said, resting his hands on my shoulders. I shrugged his hands off of me. “I’m just surprised by what happened,” he whispered. “You’ve never done that in the past, especially the,” he paused to gulp. “Especially the end bit.”

  I smirked to myself satisfied, and finished preparing my drink.

  “We just never d
id the whole fellatio and cunnilingus bit before. I thought you’d find it unseemly.”

  “There’s a lot I never knew I’d like,” I replied, sipping my drink. Damn thing needed ice and a wedge of lime, but it would do. “Did your girlfriends before me do that?” I asked.

  “Well, sure, but –”

  “So, why did we never…” It hurt that he’d treated me like some special case.

  “Well, I kind of knew that I wanted to marry you from our very first date. And I was raised that the mother of your children should be treated reverently and with care.”

  “Did you go down on your previous girlfriends?”

  He didn’t answer. He just stood there doing the mental math, trying to calculate the odds of his response.

  “I’m not dropping the question, so you’d best answer it,” I pressed.

  He licked his lips, his eyes darting everywhere. I handed him my gin and tonic, which he took and drank a big gulp.

  “I thought so,” I said, not needing a response. His reaction spoke volumes. “So why not me? All I got were Friday night quickies. I don’t get it, Greg. You’ve kept to yourself about so much. You’ve never talked much yourself. Tonight was the most I’ve heard out of you regarding your job. I never really knew what you did all day. It’s pretty interesting, too. I’m not sure that it’s so interesting I couldn’t leave it for an hour over din-” It dawned on me. He didn’t have his smart phone out during dinner. No files with him at the table. That’s what was missing. “Thank you,” I said.

  “For what?” he asked.

  “For not bringing your phone or a file to the dinner table,” I said.

  “Okay,” he shrugged.

  “You didn’t notice that you always have something work related next to you at the table, and that it always interrupts dinner, and you paid more attention to work than me? Did you never realize that?”

  He sat down and thought a moment. “No, I guess I hadn’t noticed that. I’m sorry.” He looked up at me with sad eyes.

  Maybe all the years of what I felt were neglect were because I hadn’t pointed out what was missing. The talking. The spending time together. The work getting in the way. The sex. Are we dead? Only one way to find out.

  I took another sip and set the drink down. Then I turned to him and started to unbutton my shirt. His eyes were glued to my fingers. When I finished, I let the shirt slide down my arms then I tossed it at him.

  Next, my pants. I slid the zipper down slowly, keeping my eyes on him as I worked the slacks down in a slow rocking manner. I wondered what he’d say when he saw my tattoo. When the pants reached my feet, I stepped out of the legs and seductively bent over to pick up the trousers showing off my ass to him.

  “Holy shit! Elizabeth! What happened to you?” he exclaimed. “Your rear. It has welts on it!”

  Fuck! I thought. Fuckity-fuck-fuck-fuckerson. I swallowed hard. This was so embarrassing! How did I not know I’d have welts? I certainly had felt the sting all night. No! I thought. I’m a big girl now! Own up to this. This is who you are.

  “I asked Jack to do that.”

  Greg was horrified. “To beat you?”

  “NO! It’s not like that at all. This was punishment for all I had done since I was here. For being with Jack and Kevin. I asked for this.”

  “I don’t understand. You’re making no sense what-so-ever. You were with both of them?”

  “Not at the same time. And it – the punishment – started with Jack a while back. He corrected me with a slap, and a caress, to teach me respect. He showed me he was in control. He didn’t spank me and let me lick my wounds. He cared for me after. And it didn’t leave a mark – that time. This time I asked for more.”

  “In control? He has to hit you to show he was in control?”

  “It told me that he was going to take care of everything. And I could show him that I trusted him to not hurt me. It was – I’m saying this all wrong…” I flopped onto the chair at the desk. The bracing cold leather did little to cool off my ass or my mood. “But, Greg, somewhere deep inside of me – it lit a fire.”

  “A fire? What are you saying? You liked it? You really liked it?” The look on his face was one of disgust.

  “No” I shook my head, the tight tailored locks coming loose. “I loved it.”

  “Why? How?”

  “It meant that he cared enough about how I felt about me. That I should behave properly.” I beseeched Greg with my eyes. His bewilderment broke my heart, but I had to try. “Don’t you want to punish me, Greg?”

  Greg sat silent. His eyes raking all over my body, searching my face, then he just turned away.

  “I thought so,” I said. “That’s why I asked Jack to do it.”

  “Bets, for my whole life, forever and a day, with five sisters, it was been drilled into me to never hurt a woman. Never to touch a woman with force. But to love and caress and be soft.”

  I turned back to my drink. I drained the cup. This was a mistake. Coming back here was a mistake. Greg and I were just not meant to be, I told myself. I got up and started to put my shirt on to go home.

  “I could try,” he croaked.

  I whipped my head over at him. He was willing to try? Let’s just see how willing he was. I dropped the shirt and walked over to him. I laid over his lap and wiggled my ass at him in anticipation.

  Then the SLAP. No, not a SLAP. It was a TAP. No, not even a TAP.

  “More,” I begged. He tapped lightly again. It seemed that he was not going to be able to do this. To give me a real spanking, to reach that ache deep inside. A tear spring onto my cheek. Followed by another, and a soft sob. It was over.

  Greg recoiled and pulled me into his arms “I’m sorry!” He shushed into my hair. “I swear I’m going to teach that monster who made you think you needed a spanking a lesson.”

  I pushed away from him. “Don’t you get it? I need to be spanked. To be kept in line! Punish me, damn it! I ran away. I had sex with other men!” I stood huffing at him. “And you know what? I liked it! I liked being with Jack and Kevin. Punish me – but only – ONLY – if you love me.”

  Greg looked at me. I felt like for the first time he was seeing the real me. Not some bogus fabrication of what a wife and mother should be, but a woman.

  He grabbed my wrist and pulled me back over his knee again. “Oh yeah?” he said. “You want to know how bad you’ve been?”

  WHACK! Then he rubbed it. I trembled inside. Oh yes!

  “Other men? How could you?”

  WHACK! He came down on the other cheek, and stroked the spot. I moaned deeply. “And to leave his mark on you!”

  WHACK! “I’m the only one you should be with! The only one you should think about!”

  WHACK! “To crave! To love.” My ass was ablaze. And oddly, I felt that I mattered. I had upset him, and he let me know. In the past, he would have just walked away and licked his wounds. Could he really be turning a corner?

  Spent, Greg leaned over and kissed my bright red ass. I giggled.

  “What’s so funny?”

  “You just kissed my ass,” I snickered.

  “Are you saying I’m an ass-kisser?”

  “If the shoe fits…” I collapsed into a fit of laughter.

  For the next few minutes I just sat in his arms. He whispered into my ear, “I need you.” I stiffened. Here we were again. He rubbed my arm and continued. “And I want you. And I want you to want me. But I also need you. You complete me.”

  I looked into his eyes. “Why?” I asked.

  “Your laugh. I miss it. The way you dance when you have a song in your head and no one else can hear it. Your confidence at trying new things gives me confidence. The way you love the kids unconditionally showed me every day to be a better person. I worked so hard at being the best at work and climbing the ladder. I realize now that I should have put that effort into you and the kids. Having you all out of the house was – was… It was killing me. I had everything, and I let it all slip away.”

/>   I reached up and pulled his head to mine. Our lips met and nothing. It was the same Greg. No spark. I pulled back and looked him square in the face. “You need to let go and be yourself, not an image of what you should be. Go with your feelings.”

  Pulling his head to mine again, when our lips met, he was different. He kissed me, not with the reverence that I’d known from him for as long as I could remember. He nibbled on my lower lip.

  “I’ve always loved this lip of yours,” he said.

  “Oh yeah?” I grinned at him. I laid myself on the bed and propped myself up on my elbows. “What else have you always loved?” I asked. “And don’t hold anything back,” I hummed.

  The next hour we spent naked and rolling around. Things we should have done on our honeymoon. With some encouragement, Greg was finding his Dominant side.

  Maybe we had a chance after all.

  I hate early morning flights. Especially when I’ve just had an incredible night making love to my wife. Was that really making love though? She was down rough at some parts. Not that I was complaining, but she really was a different person. She never seemed interested in sex at home. I just figured she had low libido or took the ladies’ perspective that sex was an obligation and didn’t really care for it. That’s what my parents taught me anyhow.

  Hell. I’d always been jealous of my friends when they talked about their girlfriends or wives being wild in bed, and here I’d had a hellcat all along. How did I not know?

  But she had been with other men for the past three weeks. Other men. And… she liked it. How can I compete with that? Was it at the same time? Did I want to know?

  Jack and Kevin. Phoebe talked about both of them. Kevin is the neighbor. Jack must be the guy that had his hands all over Elizabeth at the bar.

  CHAPTER 50

  I woke Monday morning with barely enough time to get to work. I hadn’t gotten home until two-thirty in the morning. I’d had a very busy Sunday. Jack, then the punishment, then Greg. My ass was still tender. A smile spread across my face, remembering Jack’s generosity. Then at Greg’s trepidation and his ability to come around. My big dilemma was to figure out my situation with Jack.