The Last Mile Home

by Di Morrissey

  Barney quickly caught up to her, took her arm and spun her round. He spoke firmly, concern in his eyes. ‘Abby, what is the matter? Please, what’s bothering you?’

  Abby closed her eyes and through her tears, whispered, ‘I’m going to have a baby.’

  ‘Our baby? A child? You and I?’ Barney could hardly speak.

  Abby nodded, too afraid to open her eyes.

  He didn’t speak for a moment and Abby slowly pulled her arm away. Fearfully, she looked up at him. Barney had a silly grin on his face and his eyes were shining. ‘ Oh Abby …’ He gathered her in his arms. ‘ Why are you so unhappy? Don’t be scared. It will be all right. I’m happy.’ He rocked her in his arms and she leaned against him, great sobs escaping from her.

  When she finally gathered herself together, she took a deep breath and spoke calmly. ‘I know we didn’t want this to happen, but it has and it’s my decision as to the future. I know your position, and I’m not asking anything from you, Barney, nor expecting anything —’

  ‘Wait a minute, Abby,’ he interrupted, ‘I have a say in this. It’s my baby too and I say there is no question but you marry me. I want to marry you. I love you, Abby.’

  Abby gave him a tremulous s mile. ‘Barney, that’s a lovely thing to say. But be sensible. You know there is no way your family will allow you to marry me.’

  ‘They can’t stop me!’

  Abby put a finger to his lips. ‘ The y will, Barney, there’s more than one good reason for them to object. And the future of Amba rests with you. I love you too much to let you ruin all that.’

  ‘No, Abby, you’re wrong.’ Barney looked angry. ‘And I don’t want you to even think about any other solution … like, you know, getting rid of it.’

  ‘I’m a Catholic, Barney, I can’t go against my faith. Another reason your parents won’t let us marry … my church.’

  ‘You’d put all that before us? You obviously don’t love me as much as I love you,’ said Barney bitterly.

  His words stung Abby and she turned away from him, starting back to the car. She loved him enough to refuse to marry him and to keep their baby. They packed up the car in silence, each absorbed in their own thoughts. Barney was still coming to terms with the news but wouldn’t for one minute take back anything he’d said. He did want to marry Abby; he was falling in love with her and this just affirmed the strength of his feelings. It would not be easy, he could see that, but they’d work something out. She was proud and stubborn but he had just as much say in this situation.

  He opened the car door for her and suddenly asked, ‘ Who else knows, Abby? Your parents?’

  ‘Not yet,’ she answered quietly.

  ‘Do you want me to come with you when you talk to them? You can’t do everything on your own.’

  ‘It’s all right, Barney. It’s best if I talk to them alone. I’ll tell them what you said,’ she answered in a tired voice. And sensing his next thought she added, ‘I’d put off telling your family for a bit. Until we’ve sorted things out.’

  He nodded but he knew what their reaction would be.

  They drove home in silence. Once, Barney reached over and stroked Abby’s cheek. She felt his love in the tender gesture and her heart ached. He wasn’t making this any easier for her. She was trying to be practical and, although she wanted to marry Barney more than anything else in the world, she knew it wouldn’t work in the long run. But she had his child within her and that would always bond him to her no matter what. A tear rolled down her cheek, but Barney, lost in his own tumbling thoughts and churning emotions, didn’t see it. By the time they’d arrived at the entrance to Anglesea, Abby had composed herself.

  Barney parked away from the house and for a moment they sat in silence, watching Kevin and the girls shoo the chooks and Tom Turkey into their pen in the distance.

  ‘Abby, I’ll ask you again … please marry me.’

  ‘Don’t ask me again! I can’t! It won’t work!’ She wrenched open the car door and stumbled out of the car and raced to the house. Miserably, Barney drove away, and Abby went to her room and shut the door.

  Kevin edged in the back door with the eggs. ‘Here, Mum — catch!’ He bowled an egg to her.

  ‘Kevin! How many times do I have to tell you — don’t do that to me! Put the eggs in the bowl carefully,’ grumbled Gwen.

  ‘You always catch them, Mum. Just checking your reflexes. Say, what’s up with Abby? She and Barney have a blue?’

  ‘I don’t know. Why?’

  ‘She looked pretty cranky and she ran away from him.’

  ‘I thought I heard the back door slam. Leave her be, Kev.’

  Abby excused herself from having dinner and later, with Brian in bed and Bob fiddling with spark plugs spread on newspaper on the kitchen table, Gwen went to see Abby. She sat on the edge of the bed and, looking at her daughter’s pale, tear-stained face, took her hand.

  ‘What is it, darl?’

  ‘Oh Mum.’ The tears flowed and Gwen held her hand until she could speak again. ‘I love Barney, I really do. But I can’t see him any more …’

  ‘Well, you knew it was always on the cards. You belong to different worlds.’

  ‘Mum, you don’t understand. Barney wants to marry me. But I won’t … because I’m … pregnant.’

  Gwen stared in stunned silence as Abby rushed on . ‘I’m sorry. I didn’t mean this to happen. It was just once … He didn’t take advantage or anything like that. We both love each other …’

  ‘Abby, if he wants to marry you and you both love each other, why not get married?’

  ‘I don’t want him to marry me because he feels he has to … it would go against us in the end.’

  ‘But surely it’s better than what people will say anyway.’ Gwen hesitated. ‘Will you put the baby up for adoption? What does Barney think? We’d better talk this over with Dad.’

  ‘It’s my decision, Mum.’ Abby began weeping again. ‘It’s my baby and I want to keep it.’

  ‘It won’t be easy,’ said Gwen, then added brightly, ‘but still, what’s another mouth to feed in this house. Abby, I don’t want to lose my first grandchild, so if you want to keep the baby that’s fine by me and your dad will back you up, you can be sure of that.’

  Abby looked at her mother with overflowing love. ‘I love you both so much. I knew you’d stick by me.’

  Mother and daughter held each other in a silent embrace.

  ABBY CLOSED THE DOOR TO DOCTOR MALONE’S office and returned to her desk feeling faint. It hadn’t been an easy conversation. She had broken the news to him that she had the support of her family and would keep her baby.

  He had shaken his head. ‘I should talk to your parents, Abby. Do you really realise what a dramatic change this will be and what hardship this is going to bring to all of you?’

  Abby smiled ruefully. ‘I believe so. But I have an extraordinary family, Doctor Malone. I’m very lucky. The baby will be part of that family. Mum is determined that I still make a life of my own. Although naturally I’m not just dumping the baby on her. It’s still my responsibility.’

  Doctor Malone shook his head in resignation and respect. ‘ Well , it’s a shame more families aren’t as supportive and caring as yours, but I still leave the option open to you that I can put that baby in a secure home with good people who cannot have a child of their own. Maybe they can give your child more opportunities than you can, Abby — a good school and so forth.’

  Abby had thought of this but simply said, ‘But I am its mother and no one will love it like me.’

  ‘And the father?’

  ‘He’s upset I won’t marry him. At least this way he can also have access to his child.’

  ‘You seem to have thought it all through, Abby. I just hope you’re strong enough and prepared enough for the backlash that will come your way in a small town like this. Your whole family could be ostracised.’

  ‘My, what a furore over one small baby,’ Abby smiled. ‘Thank you for your kindn
ess and advice, Doctor Malone.’

  Barney rapped at the screened front door. Gwen came out, wiping damp hands on her apron. She looked surprised to see Barney standing there holding his hat.

  ‘Morning, Mrs McBride. Could I come in and have a talk with you and Bob please.’

  ‘Of course, Barney. Come in and make yourself at home. I’ll give Bob a hoy, it’s near enough to smoko time.’ She banged on the sheet of metal hanging by the back door to summon Bob to the house. ‘ Do you mind sitting in the kitchen? I’ve got a couple of things on the go, a cake and bread and such.’ As Barney settled himself at the table, tucking his long legs out of the way, she began kneading dough in the bowl. ‘I know why you’re here, Barney. Abby has told us the news.’ Gwen spoke calmly without animosity or accusation.

  ‘I love Abby and I want to marry her. I mean it, but she doesn’t seem to think I do. She says she doesn’t want to marry me. I thought she loved me.’

  ‘Things aren’t quite as black and white as that, Barney. It’s because she loves you that she’s saying no. Look, wait till Bob is here before we get into this.’ She kneaded the dough one more time and put it to one side. Taking a French-knitted potholder off a hook, she opened the door of the Kooka gas stove and pulled out two cake tins filled with golden sponge halves. The warm smell of just-baked cake wafted around the room.

  ‘Is that for me?’ asked Bob, sniffing appreciatively as he stepped out of his boots at the back door. Barney stood and they shook hands. As Bob sat down he asked, ‘Abby know you’re here?’

  Barney shook his head. ‘I wanted you to hear my side of it. I want you both to know I love Abby and I truly want to marry her. And not just because of … the baby.’ He drew a breath. ‘I’ve never felt like this before and I don’t think I will again. It seems you just sort of know when two people are right together.’

  ‘What do your parents say?’ persisted Bob.

  Barney looked down. ‘I haven’t told them yet. I wanted to straighten things out with Abby first.’

  Gwen sat beside Bob . ‘They’re not going to agree to this, Barney,’ she said gently.

  ‘But this is my decision,’ he answered hotly.

  ‘You can’t go against your father’s wishes, son,’ said Bob. ‘I think they might have someone a bit different in mind for a daughter-in-law. Not that we’re criticising our Abby — we all know what a lovely girl she is — but there is no getting round the fact we come from opposite sides of the tracks … and then there’s the religious side of things.’

  Barney rubbed his eyes and didn’t answer.

  ‘Look, Barney,’ said Gwen, ‘talk to your parents and then see where things stand. Abby is very determined to keep the baby.’

  ‘She is?’ Barney looked at them, hope and happiness lighting up his eyes. ‘ How is she going to manage that if she doesn’t marry me?’

  ‘You know us, always room for one more round the table. We can manage another little mite. The doc advised her to have it in Sydney and put it up for adoption, but she won’t hear of it.’

  ‘No, I don’t want that either,’ said Barney firmly.

  ‘Well, you can’t raise it, mate,’ said Bob. ‘This is going to put a bit of a strain on us, there’s no escaping that. But we want Abby to try and make a life for herself … as best she can under the circumstances.’

  ‘We thought of moving somewhere else so Abby could start over, but … well, you know how gossip travels. And Bob has a good job here. We have to take that into account.’

  Barney suddenly saw the financial strain this would put on the McBrides and he wondered how the Pembertons — especially Shannon — would take this news. The McBrides might not be as secure as they thought. ‘ Why won’t she marry me? She says it wouldn’t work. I just don’t understand.’

  Barney’s bewildered face touched Gwen’s heart, she could see he genuinely loved Abby. ‘She loves you more than you realise. She doesn’t want to see you lose everything that should be yours, Barney. Nor does she want to come between you and your family. Family is important to Abby. There can be times in a marriage where things get rocky, and if you have to give up Amba you might blame Abby later on for holding you back. She can see that.’

  The realisation of what Gwen said hit Barney hard. Give up Amba. Surely it wouldn’t come to that. ‘I’ll get my parents to come round.’ He stood, suddenly resolute. ‘I won’t give Abby up. Once I sort everything out, she’ll have no excuse not to marry me. You’ll see.’ When he reached the door he turned. ‘I think you are really exceptional people. Abby is very lucky.’

  The meeting between Barney and his father was in stark contrast. He asked to speak to Phillip privately in the library after dinner. He stood and made the small speech he’d prepared and waited for Phillip’s inevitable reaction.

  ‘Barnard, I’m shocked and horrified that you find yourself in this predicament. Surely you have been taught about these matters … I understand a young man has to sow his wild oats, but … You will have to get the matter taken care of. They’ll want money of course.’

  ‘Dad! I want to marry her. I love Abby!’

  ‘Don’t be ridiculous. It’s out of the question.’ Then, seeing the expression on Barney’s face, he added, ‘ You can’t be serious. I knew that girl was trouble,’ he fumed. ‘Just settle the matter as quickly and quietly as possible so your mother doesn’t get wind of it. Think what this will do to her.’

  ‘Dad, listen to me. You’re not hearing what I’m saying. Abby is having my baby. I intend to marry her.’

  ‘I hear you but I’m not listening. Now you get this clear, Barnard — there is no way I shall permit you to consider this wild idea, let alone go through with it. I will cut you off without a penny before I see you with that girl. Do you understand?’ His voice had risen and father and son glared at each other.

  Barney was shaking with anger. ‘Well, you might as well know, I’ve asked her to marry me but she refused. But I’m going to make her change her mind. You can’t bully both of us.’

  Phillip was momentarily taken aback at the news of Abby’s refusal, then put it down to a clever ploy. ‘You have till the end of the week. I expect you to settle everything by then. And the matter is not to be mentioned again.’ He turned away and opened his book. Barney sighed. It was pointless arguing further. He certainly would have the matter sorted out by the end of the week. But not the way his father expected.

  Abby was tired and her head ached. How she wished she could share this burden. For a moment she wondered if she was doing the right thing. She suddenly remembered a past girlfriend talking about abortion, how a girl she knew had sat in a hot bath drinking warm gin laced with caraway seeds, swearing it brought on a miscarriage. Would that be the answer? Never! She wouldn’t give up on this tiny speck she and Barney had created. A feeling of warmth spread through her as she thought of the gift Barney had given her and for the first time she wondered if ‘it’ was a boy or a girl. She dragged her mind back to the present, realising her mother was speaking to her.

  ‘You feeling all right, luv? I was just wondering how long do you think you’ll be able to keep working?’

  ‘I spoke to Doctor Malone today. He said that was up to me. I could stay until I got too cumbersome to work comfortably. He said if I was strong enough to walk around town with everyone knowing, then he wasn’t going to be seen to be throwing me out. He’s still trying to get me to go to Sydney though.’

  ‘And you haven’t changed your mind?’

  ‘No.’

  ‘So what’s next, Abby? Barney seems determined to get you to change your mind.’

  ‘Well I won’t.’

  Bob and Gwen exchanged a glance and a shrug. But Abby’s heart twisted with a pang. She would love to be married to Barney and she loved him dearly for being so staunch, but she knew one of them had to be strong and stand firm.

  That night, after dinner, Abby asked Kevin to make himself scarce while she talked to her parents. Kevin scooped up the Meccano s
et he’d been building with Brian and glared at the three of them sitting in the little lounge room.

  ‘When am I going to be told what’s going on?’ he demanded.

  ‘In good time, mate,’ answered his father.

  ‘Secrets. I hate secrets,’ muttered the boy as he headed for the kitchen table where the girls were playing tiddlywinks.

  ‘Poor Kev, the girls are always whispering secrets they won’t share with him. He feels quite left out at times,’ said Gwen. ‘We’ll tell them your news when it’s a bit more obvious, eh, Abby?’

  Abby nodded, suddenly feeling shy at explaining her situation. ‘They’re going to wonder where the baby came from when I’m not married.’

  ‘Don’t worry, pet, they’ll be so excited at the idea of a baby they won’t even ask about it,’ said Gwen, hoping to mollify Abby.

  ‘Want to bet?’ commented Bob.

  A week later, Barney broke the news to his father that Abby intended keeping the baby and she wouldn’t marry him, but he was determined to change her mind and wanted their support.

  Phillip Holten exploded in anger . ‘You are being very foolish, Barney. How do you even know it’s your child? Are you sure? Maybe she wants money.’

  ‘Dad! You apologise for that remark!’ shouted Barney.

  ‘You are the one who should be apologising. You are bringing shame on all that I have worked for. I have a good mind to ask you to leave this house until you have come to your senses.’

  ‘Don’t bother. I’ll go of my own accord.’ Barney turned angrily towards the library door.

  ‘I’ll make sure you don’t have access to one penny. Not one sou until you swear to have nothing more to do with that girl or her child,’ shouted Phillip Holten.

  ‘Keep your damn money!’ Barney slammed the door behind him and stomped down the hallway.

  Enid appeared at the doorway to her sitting room, fearfully clutching the two dogs. ‘What’s going on, dear? I heard raised voices.’

  ‘You heard shouting, Mother. Dad is being totally unreasonable …’ He stopped and drew a deep breath. ‘I’d better tell you.’ He took her arm, ignoring Tucker’s low growl, and led her back to her settee. Sitting beside her, he told her as gently as he could how much he loved Abby and that she was pregnant and that he wanted to get married but she didn’t.