Boys for Beginners

by Lil Chase

  ‘Go on, Gwynnie. You’re late enough as it is!’ He smiles at me and tells me to knock ’em dead.

  I walk through the playground towards the hall. I can hear muffled music and people talking really loudly. I feel properly nervous because either Charlie is going to ask me out tonight or I am going to ask him. There are loads of people hanging around in the big corridor outside the hall. I can see Francesca Ramsgate and Justin Kark; they obviously came together but wish that they hadn’t as they’re just standing there not talking or anything. Rachel Govens and Asher Quinn are there, holding hands, and I’m sure that Rachel is thinking that she really wants him to snog her, and it looks like he wants to snog her too but he doesn’t know how to start. I see two people snogging but I can’t tell who they are as their faces are stuck together. Then I realize that it’s Elizabeth and Ranj! I am so happy for them.

  Elizabeth breaks away from him to inhale and sees me. She smiles like an absolute loon and I smile back at her and give her the thumbs-up. She gives me the thumbs-up back and makes a Wow, you look gorgeous face, all mouth opened and shocked. Ranjit turns around to see who she is looking at and sort of blushes when he sees it’s me. ‘Hey, Gwynnie. You look nice.’ High praise, coming from Ranj.

  ‘Not as nice as Elizabeth though,’ I reply with a wink.

  He blushes again.

  ‘We thought you weren’t coming,’ says Elizabeth, looking a little distracted.

  ‘Yeah, well, I managed to get out of the th—’ but then I can’t be bothered to pretend to explain. ‘Where is everyone?’

  ‘Last time I saw Melissa she was shouting at Jimmy Noble because he was refusing to dance with her. Tanya’s mum did let her come after all and she is snogging Robin Hall at the back somewhere. Kimba is looking for Richard Williams, who seems to have given her the slip.’

  ‘It appears he does have some sense after all.’

  Elizabeth does her piglet laugh and it makes Ranjit smile. She can’t quite bring herself to say anything actually mean, but she totally agrees with me.

  I don’t want to be too obvious, but there is no way to ask without just asking. ‘Have you seen Charlie? I need to let him know that he’s not a complete dateless fool.’

  ‘Er . . . no . . . I haven’t seen either of them . . . sorry.’ What does she mean, either of them? But before I can ask Ranjit has grabbed her for another snog and she’s stuck to his face again. Which I suppose is fair enough.

  I walk along to the main entrance of the big hall. Everyone is staring at me. They’re all saying, ‘You look great, Gwynnie,’ and it gives me confidence. ‘Thank you. You look nice too.’

  The thing is, there is something else, something weird behind their looks that makes me feel a little paranoid, like they know something I don’t. Maybe Charlie has been sobbing about the fact that I couldn’t be here and they are waiting to see the look of surprise on his face. Oh God, maybe he decided not to come and they know that I will be left disappointed. I knew I should have texted him!

  I put one foot inside the hall – it looks amazing! I would hardly recognize it. The BB girls have done a great job. It’s completely covered with white sheets so it looks like a marquee and you can’t see all the school stuff on the walls. There are pink-and-white balloons and pink-and-white streamers everywhere. There’s even a disco mirror ball on the ceiling like I suggested. Fairy lights hit the mirror ball and make the place all twinkly. Basically, it looks like the films I used to watch with my mum – really cool. The stage is all lit up and Stephanie’s DJ friend is playing wicked music. There aren’t that many people dancing; it’s just a few girls together. The boys are standing round the edges, but it’s still early. I can’t wait to slow-dance with Charlie. If he’s even here.

  Then I see him. He’s wearing black trousers and a black shirt, open at the collar. He looks even better than he does every day. Which is pretty good. He hasn’t seen me though. Is it too weird if I just watch him for a minute? Yes, it probably is. ‘Charlie Notts!’ I blurt. Charlie would probably have been better.

  ‘Er, Gwynnie. Hi,’ Charlie sort of stammers. ‘You made it.’

  ‘Yes.’ He’s glad that I’ve made it. This is brilliant. It’s all going according to plan . . . the plan which I have just made up.

  ‘Why aren’t you off being a bridesmaid?’

  What is he talking about? Oh yeah, bridesmaid. ‘Er . . .’ Think quick. Not exactly to plan. Not a problem, I’ll wing it. ‘The wedding finished early.’

  ‘But, wasn’t it in Scotland?’

  ‘Yes . . . but we flew . . . Er, and there was the time difference.’

  ‘From Scotland?’

  My rubbishly bad get-out lie isn’t what we should be concentrating on right now. ‘Look, forget about my cousin’s wedding—’

  ‘Second cousin,’ Charlie says.

  ‘Second cousin’s wedding.’

  ‘Twice removed.’

  ‘Yes, him – er, I mean – her. Just forget about it. I need to ask you something.’ I can’t wait another minute to ask him. If I don’t get it out now then I might explode. Which would totally ruin my mum’s perfect dress.

  ‘What?’ He’s looking around at everything but me.

  ‘It’s something that I’ve wanted to ask you for a while.’ I step towards him. ‘Something I hoped you would ask me . . . and I thought you were going to . . .’ I look deep in his eyes and try to look earnest. (It would help if I knew what earnest meant.) ‘. . . but I thought I would make it easier on the both of us by saying it first . . . I think you know what I am going to say.’

  ‘Gwy—’

  ‘Hang on, Charlie.’ Now that I have worked my confidence up to it I don’t want him to steal the thunder and ask me before I can ask him. ‘We’ve been friends since you started at this school. A lot has changed since then,’ (like my dress sense) ‘but a lot has stayed the same . . .’ (like I’m still totally in love with you).

  Out of the corner of my eye I see Paul come in from outside. He’s wearing my brother’s suit, and his hair is all slicked back just like I showed him. He has a flower in his lapel and he’s even carrying a humongous bunch of red roses. Apart from the fact he’s the colour of milk, and he’s sweating like a marathon runner in a mascot costume, he looks pretty good . . . for Paul.

  The words of our football coach ring in my ears: Focus, you moron! Right now is not about Paul. ‘You see, um, Charlie—’

  But I can’t stop looking at Paul. He’s the only guy in here that has put any effort into how he looks and it makes him seem a bit weird. I was the one who told him to do all this. Does that mean I should help him through his nerves?

  ‘You see, Charlie . . .’

  Paul looks over at me with wide, panicky eyes. But I turn away from him. I’ll have to chat to Paul later, when I am Charlie’s girlfriend and we’re taking a rest from all the snogging.

  Paul walks off into the hall and so I am left alone with Charlie.

  ‘Charlie . . .’ Here goes. ‘I really like you. And not just in a friend way.’

  ‘Wow, Gwynnie.’

  ‘I was so happy when you asked me to prom because tonight will be the perfect night for us to get together properly.’

  Charlie goes all shy and cute. ‘I didn’t realize—’

  But then suddenly Tanya comes running up to us. ‘Everyone! Paul is about to do a sketch or sing a song or something.’

  I’m waiting to seal the girlfriend deal with Charlie, but we’re sort of ushered into the hall by the people going to see what Paul has to say. Hold that thought, Charlie.

  I’m in the hall, and there’s Paul getting up on stage next to the DJ. I’ve lost Charlie in the crowd, but at least I’m here for Paul’s PDA. Everyone in the whole school goes quiet and turns and stares at him. I hope this works. Then Tanya whispers to me. ‘You look so great, Gwynnie.’

  ‘Thanks, Tanya. You too.’

  ‘And it’s so brave of you to come . . . given everything that’s happened.’

&nb
sp; ‘Given everything that’s happened when?’

  But she doesn’t answer. Paul’s on the microphone and is about to speak. ‘Errrr . . . I . . . errr. Hello. Errr, hi, everyone.’

  Paul is not an excellent public speaker. He gets out a sheet of paper. He’s written a speech. A long one. I realize now that this could go horribly, horribly wrong. There’s a chance that I might have made a big mistake – worse than a white bra with a black top – and Paul’s paying for it.

  ‘I just wanted to say that I hope you are having a good time.’ He pauses as if waiting for a round of applause, but no one makes a sound. Poor Paul. ‘And . . . um . . . I also wanted to say something else.’ Everything is deathly quiet. I know Paul is hating this, but if he gets Jenny back it’ll all be worth it. If he doesn’t, this will be worse than me and the uniform and Elizabeth and the Incident rolled into one. ‘I’ve been going out with the most wonderful girl in the whole world these past two months. She is beautiful and nice and funny and special and I think that I am in love with her.’

  People start laughing. This is really awkward.

  ‘Jennifer Gregson?’ He looks around for her in the audience but can’t see her. ‘Jenny, where are you?’ Everyone in the hall is looking for Jenny now.

  Jenny puts her hand up at the other side of the hall and steps forward. She’s looking fab in this floor-length sequinned pink halterneck that matches the colour scheme of the room and shows off her enhanced boobs. She also has this cool pink-and-white feathery fascinator in her hair. But she doesn’t look pleased about being the centre of attention this time. She looks embarrassed.

  ‘Jenny, I got you flowers. And, this poem is for you:

  These roses are red

  Chelsea wear blue

  You’re totally amazing

  And I really love you.

  When I’m playing on Xbox

  My fave’s Gears of War

  I promise to listen

  And talk to you more.

  Goalies wear green

  Refs wear black

  I’ll love you for ever

  Will you please take me back?

  ‘I wrote it myself.’

  Someone calls out from the audience. ‘No, really?’

  More laughter.

  Oh no, Paul’s got more to say. Why won’t he stop talking? ‘I’m sorry if I’ve been a rubbish boyfriend and not put you first and paid you enough attention and stuff, but if you take me back I promise to be a better boyfriend and love you more and do nothing but call you and text you and take you out to Nando’s whenever I have enough money.’ Paul seems to be feeling a little more confident now that he’s nearing the end of his speech. ‘I’ve asked the DJ to play our song.’ He signals to the DJ. I think he’s expecting him to bring in the tune in a seamless way, but he doesn’t. He sort of fiddles around a bit with some buttons and stuff. This is going about as smoothly as chunky peanut butter. Everyone is properly laughing at Paul now. I have just realized that Jenny might have thought she wanted this, but in reality Paul looks like a muppet, and nobody wants to go out with a muppet. Eventually Breaking Free from High School Musical starts ringing through the air. Paul gets to the edge of the stage and finishes up with, ‘Jenny, will you go out with me again and dance with me to our song?’

  He drops the mic, jumps off the stage and walks towards her. Everyone is still looking. It’s like something out of a film. Or it would be except Jenny’s face is flaming and clashing with her pink dress. Hopefully she’ll be embarrassed but also realize that Paul is a nice guy and is doing this to impress her. Even if it’s not that impressive.

  I have to see what happens, but I can’t get near enough as everyone is crowding round, also wanting to see.

  I am about twelve people back and I get a glimpse of Paul approaching Jenny and trying to scoop her up in his arms like I told him to. Trouble is, he’s not quite strong enough. He sort of grabs her leg and lifts her a millimetre off the floor. But he sticks to his script. ‘We’re soaring, Jenny, we’re flying.’ Oh no, he’s incorporated lines from the song! ‘You are the only woman in the world for me. Will you be my girl?’

  All eyes are on Jenny. Including mine.

  ‘No.’ She can’t quite look at him. ‘Sorry, Paul, but I can’t.’

  This is terrible news. Paul looks crushed. He drops Jenny the millimetre back down again. He looks worse than when he spent a total of fifty-eight hours getting to the last level of Tour of Duty and then the computer crashed and he couldn’t save it. He can’t quite believe it, not after he’s gone to all this effort. ‘Why?’ His voice cracks.

  ‘Um. I’ve found someone else.’

  Everyone goes ‘Oooooooh,’ in a mean sort of way because they know that’s got to hurt.

  Who’s Jenny found? How come I don’t know about this? Is it that Year 11 bloke she says is always looking at her? Maybe she’s lying to make Paul feel better that she’s turning him down. Looking at him, I don’t think it’s worked.

  Paul legs it off somewhere. Everyone is too shocked to even laugh at him. People are going to be talking about this for years. Poor Paul.

  Jenny stands there for a bit, looking upset too. She goes off the other way. I’d better follow her; she probably needs to talk to me. I am her best friend after all.

  I dodge my way through the crowd trying to find her. She is quite easy to follow because I just have to look in the direction everyone’s heads have turned. But I’m at the back of the hall now and I can’t see her anywhere. Hang on a minute— is that her in the corner? Is that her kissing some bloke? I guess it wasn’t a lie then, she’s got a new boyfriend already. Who is it? The two faces pull apart.

  Oh my God.

  Jenny is kissing Charlie Notts.

  Chapter 29

  Why am I so completely stupid?

  I’m watching my so-called best friend kiss the boy that I have been in love with since the moment I saw him. The boy I was just in the middle of asking to be my boyfriend. I can’t believe that I didn’t see what a bitch Jenny Gregson was all this time, and that Charlie was just using me to get to her.

  I stomp over to them with my hands on my hips, all buzzing with indignity (if that’s the right word). I don’t know who to shout at first. ‘Hello, you two.’

  They manage to stop snogging each other and look at me. They’ve been caught out.

  ‘What the hell is this?’ I shout.

  ‘I thought you weren’t coming,’ says Charlie, looking guilty.

  ‘Is that why you decided to cheat on me with my best friend?’ I ask him.

  ‘Gwynnie! You’re here!’ Jenny goes from pale to red to pale again.

  ‘Yes, I am,’ I say. ‘And so are you. Having a great time. With my bloke.’

  She says nothing.

  ‘How could you?’

  ‘Um.’ Her eyes are darting around all over the place. ‘It’s not as if you and him were going steady.’

  ‘I wasn’t talking to you, Jenny. And I wish that you wouldn’t speak like that – you’re not an American and you don’t sound like one.’

  There’s another ‘Ooooooh,’ from behind me, and I realize that the whole school is watching. I don’t care. Let them watch.

  Charlie looks at me and I can see that he’s only just taken in my hair and dress. ‘Gwynnie, I didn’t get the chance to say before, but you look great.’

  That kind of floors me for a second because it’s so unexpected. It also reminds me how much I like him: absolutely loads. This really hurts. ‘How could you do this to me?’ I gulp.

  ‘I’m so sorry, Gwynnie. But—’ Charlie says.

  ‘I wasn’t talking to you, Charlie,’ I say. ‘I was talking to my best mate over here.’

  Jenny can’t speak. She’s just looking at the floor.

  Charlie, ever the gentleman, fills in for her. ‘But, Gwynnie, she’s got a point: you and me weren’t going out or anything.’

  The annoying thing is, he’s right. They both are. I say, ‘But you asked me to pro
m,’ in this little pathetic voice, knowing it’s futile.

  ‘And I wanted to go with you,’ he looks really genuine. So what happened? ‘. . . as a friend.’

  Yuck. Friend. The most offensive f-word in the English language.

  ‘You’ve been so great to me since I came to this school; you talked to me when no one else would. You have been getting more and more bizarre, but I really like hanging out with you, playing football and computer and stuff . . . But I’ve always had a thing for Jenny—’

  Jenny has the decency to stifle her smile.

  ‘How could you prefer Jenny to me?’ The pathetic voice is back again. ‘She’s such a . . . a . . .’ I know that everyone is listening and I don’t know if I should say what I want to say.

  ‘Such a what?’ asks Jenny with a deep frown.

  But Charlie answers before I can tell her. ‘I don’t know, Gwynnie, sometimes it seems like you’re acting like someone who’s not you. Like you’re pretending. Jenny’s real, and you’re, I dunno, a little . . . er . . .’ He winces.

  ‘What?’ I ask. ‘Fake?!’

  ‘Um . . .’ He can’t think of a less offensive way of saying it.

  ‘Jenny’s real, all right.’ A voice comes from behind me. It’s Elizabeth and she’s storming over looking furious. ‘A real bitch!’

  This time it’s a gasp from the audience. No one’s ever heard Elizabeth speak like this!

  Jenny looks hurt and tries to defend herself. ‘I can’t help it if I am what you two have to pretend to be. I can’t help it if you have to fake it.’

  ‘Jenny, what—’ I say, but apparently Elizabeth hasn’t finished.

  ‘Gwynnie fakes it? What about you? You pretended to like Paul when all the time you liked Charlie, snogging Paul’s face off to make Charlie jealous. You pretended to be Gwynnie’s friend so that you could get close to all the blokes that were her friends. And as soon as you realized there was a chance Charlie might like her, you tried to ruin it.’ The crowd behind us is back on my side and starts jeering in support. Even Charlie has to admit that that doesn’t make Jenny look too nice.