Just Like Heaven

by Steven Slavick

  Before he knew it, Jackson had led the rock group while keeping up with Mozart’s direction, through other hits in his catalogue: “Billie Jean,” “Don’t Stop ‘till You Get Enough,” “The Way You Make Me Feel,” during which Nick couldn’t help but continue admiring Nina’s beauty. He took the opportunity to face her and dance, allowing him to shut out everyone else around them. He simply listened to the music and let his soul speak to him.

  When the musicians began “Heal the World,” the crowd felt the emotion behind Jackson’s lyrics. Toward the end of the song, they took an active part by singing the chorus. Nick couldn’t deny how inspirational this moment had become. Ever since his parents and brother had passed away, he had purposely stunted his emotions when it came to relating to others. But this song broke through that empty conviction as well as the notion that he shouldn’t let people into his heart.

  At the song’s conclusion, Jackson immediately led the group into “Will You Be There,” a song about the importance of depending on others when you feel pain or sorrow, confusion or frustration, loneliness or fear. And because he’d allowed himself to feel the crowd coming together during the last song, Nick felt his spirit opening during this song to such an extent that, when those around him moved together in an undulating wave of emotion, he felt himself singing the chorus along with them – even though he’d never before heard this song!

  Despite that, while holding hands with Nina and Mei Lee, he felt the words coming to him as though he’d heard the song hundreds of times; the lyrics just flowed right out of him. It felt as though those around him had formed one massive collective, and Nick knew the song because the others around him were familiar with it. He couldn’t ever recall an instance where he felt more in tune with not just one person but…every other person in the vicinity.

  And as the song continued, all the worries and anxieties that had power over him disintegrated. For the first time since his family had moved on, he finally felt part of something bigger than just himself.

  He longer felt alone.

  It seemed like family members surrounded him. He didn’t quite know who they were. And he didn’t know how they knew each other, but he felt their essence, their spirit. And it released the floodgates of relief to such an extent that the emotions clogged his throat so that he couldn’t even speak.

  At that moment, a man standing in front of him turned around. Harold!

  Nick stared at his brother, expecting him to walk away from him, expecting him to once again force Nick to try and find him among a huge crowd.

  Harold smiled and took a step forward. “It’s good to see you, Nick.”

  “Harold,” Nick said in disbelief as the crowd was still wrapped up in the performance on stage. Shocked that his brother had not only appeared once more but had approached him rather than walk away, Nick said, “It’s really you.”

  “I know how you’ve felt, blaming yourself for my death. But it wasn’t your fault.” He wrapped his brother in a firm embrace. “I don’t blame you.”

  Nick wanted to clutch onto his brother so that he wouldn’t ever leave him again, but hugging him had left him so weak that he could barely hold himself upright. “I’ve missed you.”

  “Me too.” Harold held tight to him. “Me too.”

  When Nick released his brother, he spun toward Nina. “I want you to meet…”

  But Nina no longer stood beside him. Mei Lee had taken her place.

  “Where’s Nina,” Nick asked, glancing around. “I want to introduce her to my brother.”

  He scanned the area. “Where did she go?”

  “Now that you’ve learned the reason why you’re here, it’s time for Nina to do the same. If you’re ready, feel free to join us.” Then Mei Lee vanished.

  CHAPTER FOURTEEN

  Nina sat in the front row looking up at Michael Jackson utter the final words to his song as the keyboards and piano hit their final keys and the crowd hummed the end of the song. The musicians on stage accepted the applause.

  “What are we doing here?” Nina asked Mei Lee, shocked to be looking up at Michael Jackson, and behind him, Mozart.

  “I thought you’d want front row for the next performance.”

  When the crowd settled down, Michael Jackson said, “We’re going to take a quick break, but we have some special guests here tonight.” Then he met Nina’s eyes. “I introduce to you…Whitney Houston.”

  Nina took a sharp intake of breath as she saw her idol saunter across the stage wearing a beautiful sateen purple dress that highlighted her exquisite figure. Whitney waved to members of the crowd then hugged Jackson as Mozart and the band members headed off stage, leaving the orchestra behind them in their seats. When they parted and Jackson turned to head backstage, Houston said, “Thank you, Michael, for allowing me to share this special night with you.” She looked out at the crowd. “This is my first appearance since…well, needless to say I’m a little nervous. Don’t be too hard on me, okay?”

  The crowd whistled and cheered and clapped.

  “For this performance, I hope you’ll all welcome one of the finest musicians ever to grace the stage: Ludwig van Beethoven. A man with an intense stare and thick grey hair stepped onto the stage wearing a black suit jacket and a red scarf around his neck, upon which the white collar of his dress shirt rested. He stood before the crowd and bowed. He nodded to Whitney then took up residence before the orchestra. He waved his baton and the strings section began playing. Moments later, the piano entered the song.

  Whitney Houston stood in the center of the stage and began singing the one song that everyone had identified her with, the one song that every single person on earth must have heard at least once.

  Nina just stared at her in awe.

  “It’s funny, isn’t it?” Mei Lee asked.

  Nina, irritated that her friend would interrupt Whitney, shushed her.

  “Even your favorite singer admitted to being nervous in front of a crowd.”

  She tried to ignore the comment.

  “I mean, if even one of the biggest recording artists in history is nervous, who could blame you for being a little anxious.”

  “It’s more than a little anxiety,” Nina said. “I’m scared. I’m beyond scared. I’m terrified, okay?” She turned to Mei Lee. “Is that what you wanted to hear? That I’ll never be able to do what Whitney does? Don’t you get it? I’m a failure.”

  Mei Lee shook her head. “I don’t believe that. And I don’t believe you really feel that way.”

  “How could you say that? You know how many times I’ve just stood there, speechless. You’ve seen one blunder after another. I can’t do it. No matter how much I want it, I can’t do what I want to do. I’m just not good enough.”

  Between a break in her lyrics, Whitney approached the edge of the stage and knelt down to them. “Will you two please quiet down? I’m having a difficult time enough as it is. I’d rather not have to sing over two people having an argument.” Then she smiled to show that she held no animosity towards them. “Thank you.” She continued her next line with perfection.

  “Unbelievable,” Nina said. “Whitney finally talked to me, and what does she say? Shut your trap. Well, no problem here.” She shielded her face with her hand and shook her head again. “I can’t believe this.”

  “It’s only as bad as you make it,” Mei Lee said.

  “Yeah, I get it: I’m pathetic because I’m afraid…Hello! Got that memo fifteen years ago.”

  “Only you can change it.”

  “Are you blind…or deaf? You saw me make mistake after mistake on stage. I’ve tried changing it. Nothing worked. I’m just not cut out for this.”

  “I don’t believe that.”

  “How many ways on how many different days do you need proof?”

  “Okay, that’s it,” said Whitney, during another lyrical break. She walked over to them, somewhat annoyed. “You,” she said, pointing at Nina. “The most important part of my performance is coming up, and
I’m not going to let you screw it up.” Although her words seemed harsh, she spoke with the respectful tone.” I heard you saying you couldn’t sing on stage. Well, that’s good. Because I want you to get up here beside me, so you won’t utter another word while I hit my high notes.”

  Nina looked at her, horrified. How could she have offended her favorite singer? She stared at her, unable to budge. “I’m sorry. I—”

  “We’re past the sorry stage. Stop looking at me and get up here or I’m going to drag you up here myself.”

  Mei Lee pushed Nina, breaking her paralytic state.

  Flung forward, Nina corrected her balance and glanced back at her friend with a look of indignation. Spinning around again, without even thinking about it, perhaps due to the unexpected provocation, she placed both hands against the stage, threw her right leg onto the platform and lifted herself up. Within moments, she stood beside her idol, who smiled, relieved now that an obstacle to her performance would no longer interrupt her.

  “Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome Nina, or as many of us know her: Roxy.” Whitney glanced at Mei Lee and smiled, indicating that an unknown friendship (to Nina, at least) existed between them.

  Nina’s touchiness diminished as she met Mei Lee’s eyes, and a feeling of warmth settled over her. Her best friend had purposely upset her to slingshot her past self-doubt and apprehension – and she succeeded.

  But now that Nina turned her gaze from Mei Lee to the audience, she became petrified of the concertgoers – even though Whitney just wanted her to stand there. Nonetheless, she froze as she took in the hundreds of thousands of spectators. She looked over at her idol.

  Whitney gave her a smile then walked over to her, placing the microphone behind her back. “You didn’t think Mei Lee and I persuaded you to get up here to stand still, did you?”

  Oh, dear God, no!

  Nina lost her breath. Feeling that she would begin hyperventilating at any moment, despite the fact that she didn’t need air to breathe, she turned her back to the audience to prevent the crowd from seeing her freeze up. And that’s when a pleasant awareness unlike any other during a public meltdown settled her into a period of rational thinking.

  The physical aberrations of failure would not manifest into her appearance. Her face wouldn’t turn scarlet. Her breath wouldn’t hitch in her throat. Every muscle in her body wouldn’t feel like spaghetti. No one would know that she felt more vulnerable on stage than at any other place in her life.

  Whitney put a hand on Nina’s shoulder. “Mei Lee has told me so many times that you’re the best singer she’s ever heard.”

  “Better than you?” Nina asked, wondering if it was even possible to lie in heaven. “She’s just being kind.”

  Whitney gave Nina a gentle shake. “She said that I am a close second.” She grinned. “I can live with that.”

  Nina couldn’t believe it. Wouldn’t believe it. She lowered her head.

  Whitney turned her around to face the audience and held out an arm, gesturing toward them. “If you have a gift, you owe it to yourself to share it with others. It would be a selfish to keep it all to yourself.”

  Nina hadn’t thought of it that way. She always thought she had a strong voice (no matter how much Mei Lee stretched the truth on that subject), but she never looked at her talent as something that she kept private. It made her view singing from a different perspective. In the past, she regarded singing in public as an almost Herculean task. But now that Whitney suggested that she approach this obstacle from a different point of view, Nina wondered how it would feel to share her gift with the crowd, rather than allow their vast numbers to intimidate her into silence.

  She had to view this as an opportunity to introduce the crowd to a person who overcame her fears, a person who disregarded her uncertainty. And for the first time, she looked at this moment as a chance to let others grasp her essence. It brought to mind Nick’s comment in the diner: you shine so brightly. And now, more than at any other time in her life, she needed to believe in that statement. She needed to let her soul…shine.

  That gave her enough confidence to lift her head and look at Mei Lee, who raised both balled-up hands to the smile on her lips. And Nina felt her friend’s love and strength filling her. Then Roland appeared beside Mei Lee. He took her hand in his own and pressed his lips against her palm. He whispered the words, “I’m sorry. You were right, all along.”

  Beside Roland, Nick materialized with a younger version of himself, along with a man and woman who shared many of Nick’s physical traits.

  Nick met her gaze. “Is this a bad time to introduce you to the family?”

  Nina laughed. And that’s when Whitney handed her the microphone. Dread swamped her spirit for a moment, but she refused to look away from Nick. Just as with Mei Lee, she could feel the warmth and support and faith in Nick’s soul – sensations that, until now, he wouldn’t let anyone experience due to the darkness that had once lurked there. But now that he’d reconnected with his family, he’d allowed himself to once more feel love and trust. And as he broke into a wide grin, she felt the joy inside him, which brought her momentary confusion considering that they had barely held hands and only briefly embraced.

  That’s when the term soul mates entered her mind. It explained why she felt such inexplicable chemistry with him in the diner when they first met. His unspoken morale boost convinced her to look into the crowd.

  Unlike the past, where she always spotted doubtful stares and disinterest, Nina felt such an outpouring of affection that it overruled every trace of uncertainty inside her, replacing that negativity with kindness and understanding and love.

  And even though Beethoven had done a tremendous job filling the moments since Whitney had sang her last words with a slow but dramatic buildup to the song, Nina felt that she now needed to resume the song at the part where she couldn’t falter, because doing so would destroy the entire song. But this time, she wouldn’t let that happen. She would sing what she felt in her soul.

  Holding Nick’s gaze, and sending out all of the love that she felt to every single person in attendance, Nina opened her mouth to sing:

  ”And I………….”

  She held the note much longer than Whitney did in her original recording, but her voice felt so powerful that she needed to return all of the love that every single person in this stadium had filled her with…

  “Will always love you.”

  In that moment, for the first time ever, Nina felt the strength of her voice, the magnitude of which shook very core. It proved that she had every reason to believe in her talent, that she hadn’t made a mistake in trying to break into the music industry.

  “I………….”

  She saw the look of pure admiration in Nick’s gaze and saw something miraculous: tears shimmered in his eyes. Which didn’t make sense because he was here in spirit only.

  “Will always love you.”

  So how could Nick spark tears if he wasn’t bound by the limits of the human form?

  “I………….I………….”

  And if he had somehow regained physical form, what did that mean for Nick’s time in heaven?

  “Will always love………….You………….I………….Will always love……….You………”

  She continued on, only now daring to allow her gaze to travel through the crowd, all of whom stood wide-eyed with exhilaration. As far as she could see, concertgoers held hands while so many others embraced each other tightly. Nina didn’t let the sentiment get the best of her, this time singing to every person in this theater in gratitude for giving her the strength to overcome something she hadn’t been able to accomplish in twenty years on earth.

  When she finished the song, she heard an eruption of applause. But through it all, Nina realized that without their love and support, she never would have finally heard what she always suspected had been inside her.

  Whitney unleashed a vibrant smile and enveloped her in a warm hug.

 
Nina, unprepared for such a momentous occasion, could only wrap her arms around her. She looked at Nick, prepared to gesture toward Whitney with an expression of: Can you believe this? I’m hugging Whitney Houston.

  That’s when she felt her soul separating from this moment, removing her from Whitney’s embrace. Instead of meeting Nick’s gaze, she caught sight of Mei Lee, whose smile reflected tremendous pride. But as she felt her spirit disappearing from the stage, Nina didn’t fear wherever she might be headed. For the first time in her life, she felt at peace with her soul and everyone around her.

  CHAPTER FIFTEEN

  “Where did Nina go?” Nick asked Roland, feeling fright surge through him, something he hadn’t expected because he hadn’t yet felt nervous while in this dream…No! He wouldn’t continue to pretend that this was a dream. He was in heaven. There was no other explanation for it. In his dreams, he had stood beside Harold, who only smiled, but this time, they had actually communicated. And how else could he explain meeting his parents?

  After all, if he were only dreaming, he would have already pulled himself out of it, since reuniting with his family had no bearing in reality. And while dreams often stretched the bounds of fact-based existence, he would have dragged himself out of this possibility, because upon waking, he would have fallen into despair and needed some time to acclimate to the truth.

  But this time, he had no intention of leaving his family. He’d never felt such empathy, understanding, and love in his last incarnation on earth, which also explained why this must be heaven. He’d never felt anything close to those emotions on earth, and he had no intention of going back.

  Roland faced him. “It was time for Nina to leave us.”

  “Leave?” Nick asked, incredulous. “Why would she leave? Everything’s perfect here. Who would ever want to leave this place?”

  “Heaven is perfect, but we are not. And that is why we leave. We have to prove to God and to ourselves that we’ve done everything possible to deserve our place here.”