The Homespun Holiday

by Sarah O'Rourke

  Mack could almost see his sister’s head shaking sadly at him. “I’m fine, Bree, and so is my sex life,” he snarled through clenched teeth, completely unashamed of the lie he was telling. If his sister knew that it had been close to three years since he’d gotten laid, she’d read all kinds of problems into it. The truth was that he simply hadn’t met a woman that made him wanna stick his dick in her. Well, none that were available to him at any rate.

  Sure, if he was truthful with himself, he could admit that he’d wanted to nail Millicent to the nearest mattress since the day she’d walked into his office to interview for her nursing job. The stunning brunette was hot in ways he’d never imagined, and he knew that under different circumstances he would have been all over her. But a couple of monumentally important facts remained, the most important of which was that Millie was now not only an employee under his protection, but also a struggling single mom who was trying to raise her small child. Those facts alone were enough to keep him from acting on his baser impulses. If he fucked her and things went to hell, they’d still have to work together. That would make for one hell of an awkward work environment. He definitely wasn’t looking to screw up his well-oiled medical practice he led with sexual harassment claims and frigid working conditions.

  He knew he had a good thing going where his professional life was concerned…. hell, his job might have been the only good thing he had going for himself, period. Why fuck with a relationship that was actually working?

  “Well, you would be fine if you’d just pull the pin on the grenade and ask out that sweet little nurse you’ve got working for you,” Bree went on, countering his statement, her melodious voice holding just the right amount of teasing to pull a smile from her brother’s lips.

  “You don’t even know her, sis. How do you know she’s sweet? She could be a vapid bitch. You don’t know. Unless you’re telepathic or some shit this week. Is that it? You’ve turned into a psychic?” Mack asked gruffly, settling his elbow against the table as he picked up a fry from the side of his plate and popped it into his mouth.

  “No, smartass, I’m not. I don’t need to be a psychic to know that the woman working for you is a near saint. She puts up with your cranky ass five out of seven days a week without trying to kill you on a daily basis. That makes her all kinds of sweet if you ask me.”

  “Nobody did, Breebee,” Mack grunted, using the nickname he’d given his sister as a kid. “Certainly not me, anyway,” he added, even though he silently acknowledged that Bree had a point. Millie was one of the few people that could regularly overlook his surly side. She accepted him for the grump he was.

  Bree snorted. “Message received. Your lack of a sex life wasn’t the reason I was calling anyway. I got the post card you sent me, Big Brother. And that place really does look like paradise. No wonder that’s what they called the town. Snow-capped mountains and all those holiday lights twinkling on the main street? The place looks like the perfect setup for Santa’s playground. Of course I’ll come spend Christmas with you. New Years, too. I’ve got oodles of vacation time that I haven’t used, and if I don’t take some time now, I’ll lose it at the beginning of the year. And I called your old med school friend, Cain Turner. He said the opening was legit. They need someone by the second week in January. I’m going to meet with the hospital’s board about that job in their psych department. Paradise may be just what I need, Mack. I’m not getting any younger and I need to settle. I talked about it with Mom, and she’s down to spend the holidays in Tennessee, too. We’ll be there in a couple of days once I tie up some loose ends.”

  Dumbstruck, all Mack could say was, “Huh?” He couldn’t believe that Cain had pulled the same crap on his sister that he’d pulled on him. Was the town really so hard up for doctors that they had to keep recruiting his family? He’d already let Cain Turner suck him into this wacky world; he wasn’t too keen on his sister falling to the same fate.

  “The post card, Mack. I got it,” Bree reiterated as if that explained everything. “The one you sent inviting me, your baby sister, to Tennessee to spend the holiday with you. The one where you mentioned that open slot at Paradise General Hospital that would be perfect for me. Have you had a stroke or something? You don’t smell bacon, do you?”

  “Bree, I didn’t….”

  “Mom is super-excited about this, too. It might be just what she needs to pull her out of that funk she’s been in since Aunt Jo died.”

  Mack tried to swallow a groan. Aunt Jo wasn’t really their Aunt Jo. She was their mom’s lesbian lover. At the tender age of sixty-seven, their mom had up and decided that she was gay. Which was fine, except for the fact that she’d spent forty years married to a man. Thankfully she didn’t realize her preference for women until after her husband was dead. Because as sure as his name was Mackenzie Daniels, he knew that information would have killed his dad a lot quicker than the massive heart attack did.

  At any rate, his mom had met Jo during bingo at the Senior Center and somewhere between N-42 and B-17 they’d fallen in love; the rest, as the poets say, was history. According to his only remaining parental unit, it had been love at first sight and all that jazz. Right up until last year when Jo died. They had spent nearly a decade together, and the loss was still fresh to his mother. If she was actually excited to travel to see him, what was he going to say? Denying his only family seemed heartless even to him … but when he found whoever had mailed off that stupid post card to Bree, they were going to be in a world of hurt.

  And as his eyes drifted toward the striking redhead sitting at one of the front tables of the dining room talking animatedly with a woman that could only be her mother, Mack knew exactly where he’d begin his investigation.

  Scrubbing a hand across his tired eyes, Mack sighed heavily as he turned his attention back to his excited sister. “Bree, honey, I’m not exactly sure our tie-dyed-shirt-and-bell-bottom-pants-wearing, free-love-offering mother is gonna fit in real well down here. Paradise is a pretty conservative town, and Mom…well, she isn’t any of that, is she? I think ‘liberal’ might even be too tame a word when it’s used to describe her.”

  “Given the fact that she’s been stuck in the seventies since Carter was in office, I agree. She’ll probably draw a few stares from the locals, but then, when doesn’t she attract attention, Mack?” Bree returned evenly. “Mom is unique, but most people love her.”

  “At least the ones that aren’t scared to death of her,” Mack muttered aloud.

  “Not nice, big brother. Do we need to have the negativity/positivity discussion again? Do I need to help you search for life’s silver lining again? See, with Mom comes me on this trip, and you adore me! There! Your silver lining has been officially located,” she said helpfully.

  “You say it’s a silver lining. I see it as a thundercloud determined to drown me,” Mack growled sourly. “I can tell that trying to stop either of you at this point would be a waste of time and energy. So, come if you want, sis. Mom, too. But I haven’t decorated or anything like that.”

  “Yeah, we know you, Mack. Neither of us expected that you had. We’ll take care of that for you,” Aubrey returned breezily.

  “That statement wasn’t an invitation to holidaze my house, woman,” he griped huffily, shuddering as visions of multiple Santas and reindeers plastered all over every available surface of his home danced through his mind. “I’m forty-two years old, Bree. I don’t need a Christmas tree and all that other crap. It’s a waste of time to put all that crap up at my place.” He knew he was wasting his breath. His mom and sister would march into Paradise and do what they’d always done…. take over his life completely.

  “There’s always room for a little Christmas spirit, Mack,” Bree chided. “And because I’m a great little sister, I’m gonna help you find yours. Together, Mom and I will have you singing carols and stringing popcorn for the tree in no time at all.”

  “Fine,” Mack said tiredly, realizing the futility of further argument as he reluctantly
accepted his fate. “Come and spend Christmas here with me in the back of beyond if you feel like you must, but as far as this position at the local hospital goes, it’s a bad plan, Bree. Trust me, I know. People here….they’re crazy. Completely certifiable. You don’t wanna work here. Stay in the city where you’ve got a fighting chance at maintaining your own sanity. They’ll only take you down with ‘em here. I should know. The natives have got their hooks in me. Deep!”

  “You know what I do for a living, right?” Bree scoffed easily, her tone obviously unconcerned by his brutal warning. “My bread and butter is dealing with the twisted mind. I am trained for countering the crazy. The crazier the patient, the better I always say.”

  “Breebee, you love the city, remember? The culture. The nightlife. The shopping,” he reminded her, hitting her last with what would hurt to lose the most. Aubrey lived for a good sale. “Paradise, Tennessee is a far cry from living in Seattle, Washington, babe. The nearest mall is 45 minutes away, and the good citizens of Paradise consider their idea of culture to be airing classic movies at the town park while they stretch out on blankets on the ground. For God’s sake, it seems like they roll up the sidewalks ‘round here at sundown. There’s exactly one bar and decent restaurant in this one-horse town, and absolutely everybody knows everybody else’s business. There are no secrets here. At least not ones that get kept for very long. Does that sound like someplace any self-respecting doctor at the top of their field would sign on to work?”

  “You did, big brother. And actually, it sounds kind of nice,” Bree mused, her voice a little dreamy. “It’d be a welcome change to actually know my neighbors. I’ve lived across the hall from the same couple for the last two years and still couldn’t tell you their name. We barely even make eye contact in the hallway.”

  “You say that like it’s a bad thing.”

  She made an irritated sound of pure frustration. “Oh, Mackie Poo, not everybody wishes they could be the sole inhabitant of their own planet. Those of us with healthy minds and spirits actually enjoy authentic and open social interactions. Those are pretty hard to come by in the city. Everything is just so…so….superficial here. I want to surround myself with real, genuine people instead of these gelled and spackled stick figures that book time with me at my practice. If I have to treat one more model for body image issues, I’m going to poke out my eyeballs with one of their stilettos.”

  “That sounds exceptionally gruesome. Been giving that some thought for a while, have you?” Mack asked as he propped his chin on his hand, his eyes drifting back toward where Millicent sat at the front of the restaurant. His nurse now appeared to be listening intently to something her daughter was sharing with her. If the look on her face was any indication, Millie wasn’t too thrilled with whatever she was hearing.

  “You have no idea. I’m ready for a change, Mack. A real change. And if I could be closer to my big brother instead of half a country away from him, I think I should give the hospital board a listen, don’t you?” Aubrey questioned curiously, unaware that her brother’s mind was partially occupied with another woman.

  Mack’s shoulders sagged as he heard the stubbornness and determination in his kid sister’s voice. She’d always been hard-headed. It was a family trait passed down from their father. “Okay,” he acceded quietly. “But don’t sign anything until you’ve actually taken some time to consider the change from all angles. You might be gaining your brother, but we’d both be leaving Mom behind. You okay with that?” he asked pointedly.

  “Mom has told us both on more than one occasion that she’s a grown woman fully capable of running her own life. Besides, I think a change of scenery would do her good, too. Everywhere she looks in Seattle, she has to contend with memories of not only Dad, but Aunt Jo, too.”

  Mack closed his eyes for a moment. He was soooo going to lose this battle, but he had to make one last stand. “You know, sis, taking a job with Paradise General is like joining the Mafia. Once in, never out. They don’t just let you go when the contract is up. They find new and inventive ways to keep you here. I should know since I’ve tried to escape their clutches three times.”

  “Awwww, did you wake up with a horsy head in your bed?” Bree asked with an amused chuckle.

  “Not yet, but I expect it’ll happen any day now. The head of Paradise General and I have an ongoing dispute over just exactly how long the length of my contract is. And he won’t use a horse’s head. It’ll probably be a donkey. Because believe me, the hospital administrator you’ve got your heart set on meeting is a braying ass.”

  “Whatever,” Bree dismissed him flippantly. “At any rate, we’ll be there day after tomorrow. We’re set to land in Knoxville on the 15th of December at 2:15 in the afternoon. Can you fit us into your busy schedule or will I need to get a cab to Paradise? Do they even have cabs that run in Paradise?”

  “I’ll be there, Bree. Just…don’t expect much. It’s just been me and the dog for a while now. Hell, I’m not even sure there are sheets on the beds in my spare bedrooms. Nobody has ever stayed with me since I moved.”

  “I’m sure it’ll be fine. I love Nugget. He and I get on famously. And I can buy you sheets for the beds if need be,” Bree soothed.

  “I could get you and Mom rooms at the Holiday Inn. You might be more comfort….”

  “We’re staying with you!” Aubrey proclaimed firmly. “For heaven’s sake, the whole point of coming to Paradise is to spend some time with you, Mack,” she continued huffily. “Do us a favor, okay? Put on your big boy pants and suck it up. You’re gonna have to entertain your family for a few days.”

  “Fine,” Mack muttered unhappily, glaring at the back of Millicent Robbins’ head. He knew she had to be responsible for this. There was no doubt in his mind that his meddling nurse had taken it upon herself to make sure he had a merry fuckin’ Christmas. “Call me when you land.”

  “Will do. See you soon, Mack,” Aubrey said cheerfully before hanging up the phone.

  Shoving his cell back into his coat pocket, Mack suppressed the urge to growl out loud and stomp his feet like a two-year-old. Seething with aggravation, he eyed his nurse as she reached for her glass on her table. Oh, Millicent very definitely had some explaining to do. Talk about overstepping boundaries. That interfering woman didn’t just overstep her boundaries…she fuckin’ leaped over them.

  Reaching for his wallet, he quickly flipped a twenty-dollar bill onto the table. It was more than enough to cover his meal and the tip, he thought silently as he quickly stood and reached for his coat. Shoving his arms through the sleeves, he adjusted the collar before marching toward the woman who seemed determined to cram the Christmas holiday down his very unwilling throat and choke him to death with it.

  As he made his way toward the troublemaker’s table, he grimly grinned to himself. Maybe he’d be getting to know his nurse a bit better after all.

  Because if he was being dragged into the Christmas catastrophe with his family, he was taking prisoners along for the ride.

  Two: Do You Hear What I Hear?

  “Tell me again, Paisley Brynn Robbins,” Millie Robbins’ stern voice ordered her little girl as they sat at a round table inside the cafe finishing their lunch, “What possessed you to say those things out loud in school of all places? Do you realize that the principal could suspend you for that kind of talk?”

  “Because, Momma, Billy Ray was tellin’ it wrong,” Paisley insisted vehemently, stomping her tiny foot on the floor. “And when somebody is tellin’ a lie, you don’t just let ‘im get ‘way wit’ it. You tell it true, dontcha?” she asked reasonably, her wide hazel eyes staring up unrepentantly at her mother. “Aren’t you and Granny always tellin’ me that the truth will always out? Well, I just helped the truth along a lil’ bit.”

  “Our little Miss Busybody has got you there, child,” Darby Robbins chuckled softly as she looked at her grandchild with amusement. “She only told the truth, Millicent.”

  “And the Good Book says we always
hafta tell the truth,” Paisley decreed with a firm nod, obviously feeling as though the Bible had offered her the safety net she needed.

  “Paisley, you did not need to tell your entire kindergarten class how a baby is born.”

  “Momma, Billy Ray said the Virgin Mary found Jesus under a tobacco leaf. That just ain’t right,” the young child whined, crossing her arms over her chest stubbornly, her mutinous gaze unwavering as she focused it on her mother. “I couldn’t let that slide, so I telled the truth. Babies do come out a lady’s vagina. It will stretch just like a rubber band to let somethin’ the size of a watermelon come outta it. And da penis is too what injected the baby in ‘er. Ain’t no such thing as sprinklin’ fairy dust over a woman so that she can have a baby. Ev’body knows that the man keeps the baby juices in his testicles and shoots it into a woman through his penis. Anything else is just crazy talk,” the five year old girl huffed impatiently.

  “Oh, Lord have mercy!” Turning furious eyes toward her mother, Millie hissed, “This is all your fault, Momma! I told you that Paisley was too young to hear how babies are made and how they enter the world. Now look at the mess we’ve gotten into,” she growled, waving a hand toward her own precocious offspring. “I just know they’re gonna kick her out of school. Who in the world gets expelled from Kindergarten, Mother? I’ll tell you who. Your grandchild!”

  “I’m innocent,” Paisley insisted around her straw as she sucked up her milkshake. “I think the teacher is tryin’ to frame me.”

  Millie pursed her lips as she stared at her daughter. Honestly, she wasn’t sure she should be impressed by her kid’s ability to defend her actions or worried she’d finally snap and wring her little darlin’s neck. “Tell me something, daughter of mine,” she directed Paisley. “Did you really stand on your chair in the middle of the room and tell the class that babies had to fly out of a lady’s vagina ‘cause a man’s penis put it there?”