Durham Trilogy 03. Never Stand Alone

by Janet MacLeod Trotter

  She thought of Mick and Laura and felt a sudden impatience to be with them again. Talking about the men to others over the past days had brought home to Carol how much Mick must be suffering. He had too much time to dwell on too many worries. Somehow she must see him through this dark time. She had to be strong for him as he had been strong for her so many times in the past.

  The bus swung down into Brassbank in the early evening, the raucous singing of the women breaking off as they shouted out familiar landmarks and called out excitedly as they passed their homes or those of friends and family.

  Carol wondered if Lotty would bring Laura to meet her, secretly hoping she would but knowing her sensible mother-in-law would probably have her ready for bed by now.

  They scrambled off the bus, the driver helping them heave their cases down.

  As Carol turned, she heard her daughter shriek her name and moments later felt Laura’s body hurtle against hers and skinny arms wrap themselves round her waist. Carol lifted her up in a joyful hug and covered her face with kisses.

  ‘I thought you’d be in bed,’ Carol laughed as Laura began to burble.

  ‘I wanted to stay up to see you. We’ve been to the park five times and I can skip up to ten and we’ve been out in a boat with Uncle Eddy!’

  ‘You and Nana?’ Carol asked in amazement.

  ‘No, with Daddy,’ Laura said as if her mother was being quite stupid.

  Carol swivelled round and saw Mick standing back, waiting for them.

  ‘Aye,’ he nodded, ‘we have. But it was six times to the park and not five.’

  For an instant they stood awkwardly staring at each other and then Laura piped up, ‘And Daddy’s done the hoovering and ironing but he’s burnt a brown mark on me school dress. And he’s made a fish pie with the fish I caught in Captain Lenin’s boat.’

  ‘The fish we caught at the fish shop,’ Mick corrected, flushing with embarrassment.

  Carol laughed and stepped towards him. ‘I’m impressed,’ she smiled and kissed him on the mouth.

  Briefly Mick’s arms went about her. ‘I’ve missed you, pet,’ he murmured. Carol revelled in the feel of his arms as he held her, realising how much she had longed for his comforting touch.

  She hugged the two of them. ‘Me too,’ she answered. ‘The bus couldn’t get me up the road quick enough.’

  Mick gave his familiar, boyish smile; the one Carol had not seen on his face for weeks and had missed so much. He picked up her case.

  ‘Aren’t you going to tell Mammy the other news?’ Mick reminded Laura.

  ‘Oh, yes; Auntie Linda’s had a baby boy.’

  Carol gasped. ‘Now you tell me! When did this happen?’

  ‘Two days ago. She’s still in hospital, but doing grand.’

  Laura babbled excitedly, ‘Daddy said we had to wait for you coming home and we’ll go and see him together. Nana says he’s called Calvin.’

  Carol raised inquiring eyebrows.

  Mick shrugged. ‘Not a Todd name,’ he laughed.

  Carol exclaimed, ‘Trust all the excitement to happen when I’m not here.’

  ‘That’ll teach you for ganin’ away,’ Mick answered.

  She shot him a look but he was grinning. ‘Well, I’m back now. Tomorrow we’ll visit the pair of them.’

  Smiling happily, she linked her arm through Mick’s and clutched Laura’s hand tightly. They walked home together.

  Chapter Twenty-One

  Are you sure you’ll manage?’ Carol asked.

  ‘Course I will,’ Mick insisted.

  They were sitting on kitchen chairs in the back yard, soaking up the August sunshine. Mick’s face was tanned and his thinning fair hair bleached and Carol saw how the past weeks of beachcombing for coal and helping in his father’s allotment had toned up his body once more. He sat stripped to the waist and suddenly she realised how much she still wanted him.

  Despite the happiness of her welcome home, these past weeks had been difficult. Mick had tried his best to help around the house and entertain Laura, but he often lapsed into brooding silences which unnerved her, so that she kept out of his way. She had found herself spending most of her time out of the house helping the Women’s Group and delaying her return home until it was time to put Laura to bed. She had spent long hours helping Pete Fletcher with his radio documentary - too long perhaps. Now it was time for the children’s holiday, paid for out of donations, and she had yearned for it to come, eager for a break from home, but most of all from Mick’s reproachful looks.

  Yet as the moment arrived, she was engulfed in guilt at her wish to be away from him.

  ‘I feel bad about leaving you again,’ she said, stretching out a hand to touch him.

  He flinched away from her. ‘Don’t be. You and the bairn deserve a break.’

  ‘So do you,’ Carol sighed. ‘I wish you could come with us.’

  Perhaps her tone was half-hearted because Mick answered in a flat voice, ‘No. The money’s been raised to send the bairns on holiday, not the lads.’

  She wanted to take his hand but dared not. ‘I’ll make it up to you when I get back,’ she promised and then blushed.

  Mick gave her a long, hard look and then glanced away, uncertain. The sadness in his eyes cut at Carol’s heart and made her persist.

  ‘Or now,’ she suggested softly.

  They looked at each other in silence, Carol steeling herself for rejection. Although Laura now slept in her own bed, Carol was frequently too tired for lovemaking by the time she got to bed and Mick seemed to have lost all interest. He would sleep curled up and turned away from her like an animal in hibernation. She had never felt so lonely as in these past weeks, even though Mick was around more than ever.

  A hint of his old smile flashed across Mick’s face. ‘It’s not even teatime,’ he said, pretending to be shocked.

  Carol smiled, encouraged. ‘We’re already packed and Laura’s over at your mam’s. What else is there to do?’ she teased.

  For a long moment he did not move, his blue eyes scrutinising her face. Perhaps he feared she was not serious, or maybe he no longer wanted her.

  He was on the point of answering when the latch went on the back gate and the words died on his lips. Carol was left not knowing what Mick had wanted.

  ‘Hiya! Anyone at home?’ a voice called.

  ‘One of your bloody committee,’ Mick muttered.

  Carol ignored the remark but was hurt by it. Kelly’s bright face appeared round the yard door.

  ‘Ha!’ Kelly laughed. ‘Sunbathing again. It must be nice having nowt to do.’

  Mick jumped up. ‘No, it bloody isn’t,’ he scowled and brushed past her. ‘I’ll gan over to Mam’s and fetch Laura.’ Then he was gone.

  The moment between them was shattered and Carol felt a sudden annoyance at Mick for his rudeness and at Kelly for spoiling what might have been. Why did Mick always make it so obvious that he had no time for her friend? Carol sighed heavily.

  ‘Sorry,’ Kelly said as the gate banged closed. ‘I didn’t think.’

  ‘Oh, nothing suits him these days,’ Carol replied bleakly, ‘it’s not just you. Sit yourself down and have some of Lotty’s elderflower cordial.’

  ‘No, ta,’ Kelly grinned. She moved about the small yard restlessly and Carol wondered why she was on edge. She was pleased to see her old friend. They had drifted apart and made different lives for themselves, but Carol still enjoyed her company. She noticed how well Kelly looked. She had lost that gaunt, pallid appearance of the past few years and her red hair gleamed in a long bob.

  ‘I’m coming on the kids’ holiday,’ she blurted out.

  ‘You are?’ Carol exclaimed.

  ‘Don’t sound so shocked,’ Kelly pouted. ‘Joanne’s had to pull out at the last minute because Mark’s got chickenpox - covered in spots this morning. She asked Sid if I would go.’

  ‘What does Sid say?’ Carol asked. ‘And what about work?’

  ‘I’m due holiday, so I’ve clear
ed that at work. Sid doesn’t mind,’ Kelly said with a dismissive wave. ‘He’s going to help Joanne out with Mark. Spends most of his time round at his sister’s any road. Wouldn’t be surprised if he came down with chickenpox in sympathy.’

  Carol ignored the snide remark. Sid and Joanne had always been close and Sid had worked alongside his brother-in-law, John, down the pit since they’d left school. Perhaps he felt more at home at his sister’s than in his own house, Carol thought, but kept it to herself.

  ‘Well, it’ll be a laugh having you along,’ Carol smiled. ‘Didn’t think you’d fancy two weeks of looking after kids, mind.’ She gave her friend a suspicious look.

  Kelly laughed and paced across to the gate again. ‘Still a kid meself, I am. Least that’s what Sid’s always telling me. And I can’t wait to get away from this place for a bit of fun. It’s been deadly round here since the strike started.’

  Carol snorted. ‘Well, just remember you’re there to give the bairns a good time.’

  Kelly shot her a look and then quickly turned away. ‘Boring old cow!’ she teased.

  Carol made a face back. ‘Haway! Let’s smoke your cigarettes before Mick gets back.’

  Kelly laughed. ‘Keeping secrets from your husband. Naughty, naughty.’

  ‘And what secrets do you keep?’ Carol challenged.

  Kelly turned puce and seemed flustered by the question and Carol wished she had not asked.

  ‘From your husband or mine?’ Kelly quipped back, her tone cool as she glanced into the back lane.

  Carol was baffled by the reply, but before she could ask what she meant, Kelly changed the subject. ‘How’s little Calvin?’

  At the mention of Linda and Dan’s baby, Carol felt a nagging anxiety. She was not at all sure the young couple were coping. Calvin was a fractious baby who slept fitfully and bawled with croup after feeding.

  Linda had refused to breast feed him despite the cost of powdered milk, determined to regain her figure as soon as possible. Every time Carol had been over to see them at the flat she had found Linda in tears and the baby crying and Dan nowhere to be seen. Dan’s mother was often there, criticising without offering practical help, while Lotty was too busy with the soup kitchen to give the support she would like.

  Carol sat up, reaching for Kelly’s handbag and rummaging for cigarettes. ‘I must go over and see Linda before we leave tomorrow, I’m worried about her.’

  Kelly shrugged dismissively. ‘If she wasn’t prepared to look after him properly she shouldn’t have had him.’

  Carol winced at her condemnation. ‘She’s doing her best under the circumstances,’ she defended her sister-in-law.

  Kelly turned away again to wave at someone far up the lane. ‘Too late for a fag, Laura’s back.’ She hurried to snatch her handbag from Carol. ‘I must go and pack.’

  ‘Wait, Kelly,’ Carol stopped her. ‘Will you do me a favour? Drive me over to see our Linda this evening. I’ve been trying to persuade her to come on the trip but she won’t leave Dan.’

  Kelly sighed with annoyance but nodded. ‘I’ll pick you up at eight.’

  ‘Ta,’ Carol smiled.

  Then her friend darted out of the gate with a clatter of high heels.

  Kelly parked her father’s old Datsun outside the block of flats on Whittledene Rise Estate. They could hear Calvin bawling from the bottom of the stairwell. Kelly grimaced and let Carol go first. At first she got no answer from her knocking, then finally Linda came to the door and peered through the gap allowed by the chain. Her face was swollen from crying and her fringe hung limp in her shadowed eyes.

  ‘Let us in, Linda man,’ Carol told her.

  The darkened flat was strewn with dirty clothes and unwashed dishes and smelt of soiled nappies. In the gloom Carol found Calvin in his carrycot and picked him up. His Babygro was soaking and his skin felt clammy and cold as she peeled the urine-smelling garment off him.

  ‘There, there, little man,’ she crooned. ‘We’ll soon get you changed.’

  ‘Into what?’ Linda howled. ‘I’ve run out of nappies and I’ve nowt to buy new ones with.’

  Carol turned. ‘What about the towelling ones Lotty gave you?’

  ‘They’re all in the wash,’ Linda shouted. ‘I don’t have anything clean to put on him.’

  ‘Linda,’ Carol chided.

  ‘Well, what am I supposed to do now the electric’s been cut off? I can’t do the washing - I can’t even cook. We have to go to bed in the dark. I can’t warm up the baby’s milk. Oh, Carol!’ She burst into tears.

  Carol thrust the baby at Kelly and rushed over, putting her arms round her sister-in-law’s shoulders.

  ‘I’m sorry, pet. How long have you been without electricity?’ she asked gently.

  ‘Two days,’ Linda sobbed.

  ‘Where’s that bugger, Dan?’ Kelly demanded, surveying the squalor with distaste as she attempted to rock Calvin in her arms.

  ‘I don’t know,’ Linda cried, ‘probably back at his mam’s. We had a terrible row. He called me a slut. The baby kept crying and I had nowhere to dry the nappies. All we had to spend went on baby stuff. Then they just cut off the electricity. We haven’t paid anything for months. Dan said he couldn’t stand it any longer.’

  ‘Typical man!’ Kelly fumed. ‘Instead of giving a hand he’s pissed off back to his mam’s.’

  ‘Why didn’t you tell us what was going on?’ Carol said, hugging Linda to try and stop her shaking.

  ‘I didn’t think he’d really leave us, not with the baby to take care of,’ Linda sniffed.

  ‘When’s the last time you had something to eat?’ Carol asked.

  Linda shook lank hair out of her exhausted eyes. ‘Don’t know.’

  ‘Well, you can’t stay here,’ Carol said briskly. ‘Kelly’s got her dad’s car; we’re taking you back with us.’

  Kelly nodded. ‘I’ll gan and get some fish and chips for us all while you get packed up.’

  ‘And see if they’ve got nappies in the corner shop,’ Carol said, looking at her nephew’s skinny body. ‘New-born’s or the smallest they’ve got.’

  Linda pulled away in panic. ‘But I can’t go. Dan might come back. He’ll not know where to find us.’

  Kelly snorted as she rocked Calvin vigorously. ‘Don’t be so daft. The bugger’s not going to come back now.’

  Carol was more gentle. ‘He’ll know you’ve gone to your mam’s or us. We can let him know anyway.’

  ‘Eeh, look,’ Kelly said with a sudden triumphant smile. ‘Calvin’s stopped crying.’

  Carol watched her red-headed friend bending over and cooing to the half-undressed baby. It surprised her how comfortable Kelly looked with a baby in her arms, for she had never shown any interest in babies since their girlhood when they had knocked on neighbours’ doors and asked to push their bairns out in prams. And that had only been a game to see who could win the bonniest baby in the poshest pram. Suddenly, Kelly looked up and caught Carol watching her. She gave her a strange look and for a moment Carol thought she might cry, then she walked across to Linda and plonked Calvin in her lap. At once the baby began to wail again.

  ‘You sort him out,’ Kelly said brusquely and turned away. ‘I’m not his mam.’

  It took an hour to clear some of the mess and bundle dirty clothes into a bin liner to take with them. When it grew too dark they gave up. The hot food seemed to revive Linda and the baby calmed down with a bottle, after they had put him into dry clothes.

  As they drove back to Brassbank, Kelly insisted, ‘You and Calvin are coming on the holiday with us.’ Linda protested weakly, but Kelly silenced her dissent. ‘You need a break and the bairn needs a bit of pampering. There’ll be plenty to fuss over him while you and I hit the high spots, isn’t that right, Carol?’

  Carol laughed. ‘I knew you weren’t coming for the sea air.’

  ‘I can get enough of that at home,’ Kelly declared.

  ‘High spots?’ Linda smiled for the first time. ‘All I w
ant to do is sleep.’

  ‘Sleep during the day then, high spots at night,’ Kelly compromised.

  Carol felt Linda relax against her and lay a weary head on her shoulder. Calvin lay peacefully in his carrycot on their knees, lulled to sleep by the car’s motion.

  Kelly broke the silence just before they descended the hill to Brassbank.

  ‘It’s terrible what this strike’s doing to people,’ she said, suddenly serious.

  ‘Aye,’ Linda agreed. ‘I wish they’d all gan back to work and then me and Dan could start again.’

  ‘It’s not that simple,’ Carol said. ‘If they went back now with nothing won, all the suffering will have been for nothing.’

  ‘What do you know about suffering?’ Linda complained. ‘You’ve got Mick. You haven’t suffered like I have.’

  Carol caught Kelly looking at her in the rearview mirror and expected her friend to defend her. But Kelly glanced away saying nothing and Carol felt a stab of hurt. Kelly was acting strangely; there was something going on that she could not fathom. They said no more until they reached Septimus Street, Carol trying to shake off the uneasiness she felt at Kelly’s moodiness.

  Lotty and Carol stayed up late washing baby clothes and drying them off as best they could, in time for Linda and Calvin to join the trip. In the morning, dozens of people turned out to see the coachful of excited children off on their seaside holiday, ecstatic at the thought of playing on clean sandy beaches and bedding down in dormitories in the hostel that had been paid for by members of the seamen’s union.

  All the Todds were there to see off Linda and Carol and their children. Carol hugged them all, even a bashful Charlie. Eddy was there, cracking jokes and doing a trick for Laura with a fifty pence piece. He made it disappear up his sleeve and then magicked it out of his nose.