Saving Grace
Page 11
Natalie breathed a sigh of relief. Maybe she could invite him over for coffee. Then she remembered Linn’s vehement accusation about Kyle killing his wife. She wondered what that meant. Surely, there wasn’t anything substantial to it. Wouldn’t he be in jail if that were the case? Nonetheless, maybe someplace public would be smarter. “That sounds great. I really appreciate it. How about the Hard Drive Cafe?”
They agreed on a time and hung up. Next, she called Keith and asked if he would bring the boys home a little later than usual. He agreed, and it was all set.
With the details out of the way, Natalie was restless all afternoon. There was nothing on TV, she hadn’t bought a new book in ages, and she’d cleaned out the last of the Rocky Road two days ago. Seeing her Bible on the end table, where she’d dropped it after church, she decided to have some alone time with God. She ended it with a heartfelt prayer for guidance.
That evening, after she ate a sandwich and bowl of soup, she tidied herself up and went to meet Kyle. She wondered what questions to ask him. She hardly knew where to start.
When she arrived at the Hard Drive Café, Kyle was already there, sipping a coffee at a table against the far wall. She almost didn’t recognize him in a black T-shirt. After waving, she ordered a decaf vanilla latte and went to join him.
“Thank you for meeting me.” She hung her purse over the chair back and sank onto the chair. She was struck by his good looks as a distant smile formed on his lips. She wondered if he felt awkward because of Linn’s accusation three weeks ago.
“No problem. I come here a lot anyway.” He took a sip of his coffee from the big mug and licked the foam from his lips.
“I didn’t know who else to talk to about this. It concerns adoption, so I thought maybe you …”
“Sure, have at it.”
Natalie sat back in her chair and put her hands on the table. Her fingernails still sported a coat of clear polish, but the tips had flaked off. She breathed a sigh and explained the situation with Linn, making sure to leave out her name. Not only did she need to protect client information, but with Kyle being her brother-in-law—and family enemy—it was important he not know who she was talking about.
The girl at the counter called for her to come and get her latte. After getting it and adding a little cinnamon to the foamy top, she sat back down across from Kyle and took a sip of the hot, sweet brew.
“So, let me get this straight. Your client threatened to have an abortion if you don’t adopt the baby?”
“Well, no, I wouldn’t say ‘threatened.’”
“What would you say?” he asked.
Natalie thought back to the night before. She hadn’t gotten the feeling at all that Linn was trying to force anything on her. “It was more like she felt those were the only two options she would consider.”
“So, she’s leaving her decision, her mistake, up to you to solve. Putting it in your lap.” Though the words were harsh, his tone wasn’t. His eyes flickered in the dim light.
“It feels that way, but I don’t think she means it that way. She’s young, frightened. She feels safe with me, I guess.”
“It’s an awful lot to ask.” He leaned back in the chair and tilted his head. “Look, adoptions are complicated. Even in the best of situations, where there’s a birth mom wanting an adoption plan and an adoptive couple wanting a child, it’s hard. There are a lot of emotions going on, and adoptions take a long time. There’s the wait through the pregnancy, then the placement period after the baby comes. Have you ever thought about adopting a child?”
“No. No, of course not. I’m a single mother with two boys. My hands are pretty full as it is.”
“Well, if you ask me, there’s your answer.”
“But what about the baby? What if she has an abortion?”
He looked down at his hands, which were wrapped around his mug, then met her gaze. “You can’t hold yourself responsible for someone else’s decisions.”
“But I can do something about it.” Her insides flopped over. She could do something about it. The weight of the thought was both exciting and nerve-wracking.
“Look, I’m as pro-life as they come, but think about it. Couldn’t all of us do more about any issue we believed in? I could get involved in politics and try to change the laws about abortion. I could picket the Women’s Health Clinic every Saturday. I could write an article every day for the rest of my life in hopes of persuading somebody of the value of life. But I don’t. I just place children with adoptive families. That’s my part. You work at the Hope Center. That’s your part. You have to draw the line somewhere.”
“I don’t remember anything in the Bible about drawing that kind of line. The disciples were willing to die for what they believed. That’s asking so much more than raising a child.”
It was his turn to sigh. “Think about the baby, then. Doesn’t every child deserve to be wanted?”
“Doesn’t every child deserve to be born?” Her eyes stung at the thought. She took a sip of her latte, more to distract herself than anything else. “And the mother is a concern, too. She doesn’t really have anyone else in her life supporting her.”
“It sounds like you’ve allowed the relationship to get pretty close.”
It wasn’t an accusation, yet Natalie felt the lump of guilt anyway. From one professional to another, he was letting her know she’d overstepped the boundaries. “I know. I know.” She shook her head, still feeling the heat that rushed up the back of her neck. “I let things go too far. I did befriend her, and I broke the rules. Now look where it’s gotten me. This is really my own fault.”
“Maybe you did break some rules, but you aren’t responsible for her pregnancy.” He leaned against the table, bringing him closer. His gray-green eyes had flecks of gold.
“She’s so alone, though, and I fear I’m her only real friend right now. If I disappoint her like this, I’m afraid she’ll think everything I’ve said and done was phony. I mean, shouldn’t I be able to practice what I preach? I say abortion is wrong. I say an unborn child is a life. But how far am I willing to go to protect that life?”
“You shouldn’t have to change the entire course of your life.”
“I ask girls to do that nearly every day. They want an end to their pregnancy, and I try to convince them to have their babies. Whether they raise the child or make an adoption plan, isn’t that changing the entire course of their lives? Have I been asking something of them that I’m unwilling to do?”
“You’re being too hard on yourself, Natalie. You can’t save the world.”
“But I can save this baby.”
“Look, even when adoptive parents desperately want a child, they sometimes have trouble bonding. How do you think you’re going to bond with a baby you never wanted?”
“That sounds so callous.”
“You have to consider what’s best for the child. It takes eighteen years to raise one.”
“I just want this child to have eighteen years. But it’s not just the baby. If the mother decides to abort … This client isn’t a Christian, but she really seemed open to talking about God. If I let her down, where does that leave her?”
He quietly observed her. Natalie felt self-conscious under his appraisal, as if he were looking into her instead of at her.
“It sounds as if you’ve already made your decision,” he said.
Natalie’s thoughts seemed to freeze at a stand-still. Her body locked up like brakes on icy pavement. Could it be true? She thought back over the things she’d said since she arrived at the coffee shop. It seemed Kyle had been arguing against the idea, and she had been arguing for it the whole time. What did it mean?
CHAPTER FIFTEEN
Linn turned off the blow-dryer and began gathering her hair up on top of her head. She was due at Bubba’s Bar-B-Que at ten o’clock, but the thought of waiting on a bunch of tourists today held no appeal. Oh, well, it’ll get you out of the house awhile. And add more money to your savings.
And
if the way things went Saturday night were any clue, she’d need that savings for an abortion. Her stomach clenched at the word. She didn’t want to do it. Not after she’d seen those pictures, seen her own baby on that ultrasound screen. She put the image from her mind.
If only Natalie would agree to take the baby, everything would be perfect. But that didn’t seem likely. A dull ache had settled over her Saturday night and hadn’t left her since. She’d thought Natalie cared about her and the baby. Obviously that wasn’t the case, and now everything was ruined. No one wanted her, and no one wanted her baby.
The phone rang, and her fingers tightened on the hairclip. It was probably Natalie. Just thinking about talking to her made her nauseous. Everyone in her life had betrayed her, and now Natalie had done it as well. But what if she’d changed her mind? Telling herself she was a fool for hoping, she dropped the hairclip and sprinted for the phone.
“Hello?”
“Hi, linn, it’s Natalie. Did I catch you at a good time?”
“I guess.” She clamped her mouth shut. Why should she make it easy on her? If Natalie cared all that much, wouldn’t she help? Now all that God stuff she’d been talking about sounded so lame.
“I wanted to see how you’re doing this morning. I really enjoyed watching the movie with you the other night.”
“I’m fine.”
A long pause. A sigh. “I also wanted to talk to you about what you asked me. I’m sorry I reacted the way I did. You just really took me by—”
“Whatever. It’s fine.” Her words were clipped, but she didn’t care.
“It’s not fine, Linn. I feel really bad about how I handled it. And I need to tell you something else, too.”
Linn waited, her heart in her toes, where it had been since Saturday night.
“I want you to know I’m considering your offer,” Natalie said.
Linn waited for her to say more. Could she be understanding this right? Was Natalie really thinking about adopting her baby? She sank onto the old plaid couch.
“I know I didn’t seem very open to the idea at first, but I realize I shouldn’t have been so quick to make a decision. I’ll seriously consider it, OK?”
Linn nodded, then realized Natalie couldn’t hear that. “OK.”
“This is a big decision, and I’m going to need time to think and pray about it. Is that OK?”
“Sure.” Linn barely managed to get the word out. She felt near tears, which was stupid, when this would be the perfect solution.
They set up a time to get together later in the week, then said goodbye. Linn let the phone drop into the cradle. Please, oh, please let Natalie agree to adopt my baby. She wasn’t sure if it was a prayer or a wishful thought.
Ever since that day three weeks ago when she’d first gone to Natalie’s house, the idea had been forming in her mind. Sure, she’d been surprised when she’d ridden her bike into the driveway and realized who Natalie was. Shocked, really. Who wouldn’t have been? It wasn’t every day you discovered something like that.
Keith. Just thinking about him made her stomach feel all hollow and achy. He used to make her feel so beautiful and alive. They’d had so much fun together, and she’d thought he was her “happily ever after.” Ha. What a joke.
She’d thought if she could just get Keith to divorce his wife, everything would be perfect. She’d spent all those months feeling nothing but envy toward his wife. Well, maybe she’d felt a little hatred, too. After all, Natalie had been the obstacle that stood between her and Keith. Or so she’d thought. Linn had wanted him, and she’d eventually gotten him. And Natalie had lost him. Now Linn had lost him, too. She only had one thing left of Keith, and that was the baby she carried.
It was a bizarre situation, but she decided it must have been meant to be. The thought of leaving her baby for strangers to raise had never held any appeal. But this was so much better. Now she had an opportunity to place her baby with real relatives. And she couldn’t think of a better place for her baby than with his or her real brothers.
CHAPTER SIXTEEN
Natalie closed the door of her office and sank into her chair. She didn’t know what was wrong with her today. She’d been scattered all morning, hardly able to complete any task she’d started. Truth be known, she’d been this way for two weeks, ever since she’d told Linn she would consider adopting her baby.
Even at home, she’d been so consumed with her thoughts that she didn’t hear what the boys said until several seconds after they said it.
All she could think about was the possible adoption.
And Dana. She’d thought about Dana a lot. About how similar she and Linn were, about how tragically Dana’s life had ended. About how she couldn’t let that happen to Linn.
Her gaze skidded over to the file cabinet where the old files were kept. Ever since Dana had committed suicide, she’d done her best to forget. But Dana had been her first client, her responsibility, and how could she help but feel accountable?
She leaned over and pulled the metal tab, slowly opening the drawer. Her fingers shuffled through the manila folders until she came to the right one. She hesitated for a moment, then she pulled it and set it in front of her. Her heart raced, and she drew a deep breath. It wasn’t as if opening this file would change anything. Dana was gone. But she was tired of trying to forget. It was time to remember.
She opened the folder and let her gaze skim Dana’s loopy cursive handwriting. A sad smile tugged her lips at the way she dotted each “i.” She had been a junior in high school, a member of student council, and an honor student. She read the entire file, then sat back in her chair.
Natalie closed her eyes and remembered the way Dana had lit up when she’d talked about science. She’d wanted to discover cures for diseases and give people hope for a future.
Now there was no hope, no future for Dana.
She closed the file and rubbed her face. I did try, God. You know I did. But she was so set on not having that baby. And now Linn …
What should I do? I don’t want her to have an abortion. I don’t want her to have to live with that regret, or worse. And there’s an innocent child involved here, too.
She heard the center’s door open but knew Cheryl was covering the desk.
Lord, I really need Your guidance here. Please show me what to do. This is too big a decision to mess up, and it affects so many people: Linn, the baby, me, the boys … and I’m really to the point where I just want to do what’s right in Your sight.
A rap sounded on her door.
She rubbed her face and leaned back. “Come in.”
The door opened and a face peeked in. “Morgan.” She hadn’t seen this client since she’d had her baby two months ago. She stood up and walked around the desk, eyeing the bundle in her arms.
“Hey, Miss C. Brought you a surprise.”
Little Mattie wore a floral sundress with a matching bonnet. Two big blue eyes peeped out from beneath it. “Oh, Morgan, she’s just an angel.” Natalie put her arm around Morgan and gave her a sideways hug.
“Wanna hold her?”
“Absolutely.” Natalie took the baby from Morgan’s arms and cradled her in her arms. The baby had been born a few weeks premature and was still on the small side. But so perfect. Her little nose so round, her blond eyebrows so delicate.
“Have a seat, Morgan.”
She sat down, and Natalie took the chair beside her, hardly taking her eyes off the baby.
“How are you getting along?” Natalie asked.
Morgan was only eighteen, but now she had the support of both her parents. She’d been so afraid of telling her parents in the beginning, she’d wanted to have an abortion. But her parents had handled it very well once they’d had time to get used to the idea. And now look at them.
Mattie let out a little squeak.
“It was really hard at first. Especially the delivery. Ugh! I was not prepared for that!”
Natalie laughed at Morgan’s dramatic expression.
Natalie shifted Mattie in her arms, and the baby locked eyes with her. She had bits of silver in her eyes.
“But, know what, Miss C? I wouldn’t trade it for the world. Sometimes I look at her, even in the middle of one of those night feedings and think, ‘I almost didn’t have you.’” Her words choked off.
Natalie laid a hand on Morgan’s. “But you did. You made the right decision for your baby, and I’m so proud of you.”
Natalie’s own eyes stung. She looked down at the precious bundle in her arms. It never failed to amaze her. This little life could have been snuffed out so easily, yet by the grace of God, here she was, a perfect little angel. How many jobs had the opportunity for such rewards as this? She was so blessed that she could make a difference in lives.
You can make a difference in Linn’s life, too. Her baby is just as precious as this one.
The thought hit Natalie like a concrete slab, then sat upon her heart like a crushing weight. Linn’s baby was precious. All of them were; she’d always believed it.
But did she believe it enough to change her life? Did she believe it enough to add another child to her single-parent home?
Isn’t that what faith was all about? Stepping up to the challenge and doing what you believe, no matter what? She thought of the student who’d professed belief in God in the face of a gunman. She’d stepped up to the plate when her life was on the line.
Was Natalie capable of the same thing? Her heart thumped in her chest. She looked at the baby in her arms and pictured Linn’s there, cuddled in the curve of her elbow. A sweet little girl or boy who deserved life and love.
Mattie squeaked and pursed her little rosy lips. “She’s so adorable.”
“Miss C?”
Natalie looked up at the serious note in Morgan’s voice.
“I came by to show Mattie to you, but I also wanted to say … thank you.” Her voice sounded as though her throat was stuffed with tears. “I would have had an abortion if it wasn’t for you.”