“I’m just putting them to bed. Why don’t I call you right back?”
“Actually, I was hoping we could talk in person. There’s something I wanted to talk about.”
Natalie cringed. She needed to back off from the relationship, and that was much harder when he was with her. She needed to tell him she only wanted to be friends, and that would be much easier over the phone.
“There’s something I want to talk to you about, too.” No time like the present. At least she could get it out of the way. Having him around all the time was getting harder all the time. He was too easy to lean on.
“How about a half hour or so?” she asked.
“Sure.”
He sounded cautious, and Natalie realized he was probably wondering what she was going to say. What if she couldn’t work up the courage to say it at all?
They hung up, and Natalie finished tucking in the boys and saying prayers. Only then did she allow herself to consider what she’d say to Kyle. It was too tempting to have him in her life. He fit so well. He was easy to talk to, a good listener, and he wasn’t hard on the eyes either.
Her thoughts drifted back to the time he’d held her while she cried. He had a strength about him that was magnetic. She felt so safe and cared for in his arms. Just thinking about it sent warmth spreading through her.
She had to stop thinking like this. She didn’t want a man who’d already betrayed one wife. Remember what that was like, Natalie? Remember the pain you went through with Keith? You do not want to go through that again. And you have the boys to consider. Another failed marriage is not an option.
Before she was ready, a soft knock came at the door. Her heart pushed against her chest, and when she opened the door, her knees went weak all over. Did he have to be so handsome?
“Come in.” She tried for a smile but was sure she’d failed.
“Thanks for letting me come over so late,” he said quietly.
She asked him to have a seat while she poured him a Pepsi. He was so thoughtful. Wouldn’t most men ring the doorbell and waltz in talking loudly, mindless of the boys sleeping upstairs? Maybe she was making a mistake in letting him go.
No. She had to stop thinking like that. Remember the affair. Remember the pain. Nothing was worth experiencing that again.
She went into the great room and handed him the drink.
“Thanks.”
He wore the moss-colored shirt that brought out the green in his eyes. For the first time, she wondered what he was going to say. What if he was going to tell her the same thing she was planning on telling him? What if he was going to dump her before they even began dating? Isn’t that what you wanted, you goof? Why did she suddenly feel like a junior-high girl?
“Boys asleep?” he asked.
“Probably. Taylor was nearly asleep by the time prayers were over.”
He smiled so warmly, she looked away. He looked too comfortable on the other end of the sofa. She envisioned herself cuddling up to him, her head on his chest. Why hadn’t she sat across the room in the recliner?
“Are you doing OK?” he asked. “You haven’t talked about Linn and the baby lately.”
Was this what he’d wanted to talk about? The thought brought relief, and she immediately wondered why. She shrugged. “God’s working on me with that. I know I need to forgive her.”
“It can’t be easy.”
He wasn’t one to give advice, and she loved that about him. He listened, he encouraged, but he didn’t try to fix everything. “I’ve been praying for you.”
Her heart squeezed. Had a man ever told her that? How often had she prayed for Kyle? She felt a prick of guilt. Even knowing the load of guilt he carried about his former wife, had she really prayed for him?
“Why the frown?”
She tipped her lips. “You’re a special man, Kyle.” But we need to keep our relationship on a friendship level. Now was the perfect time to say it. Why wouldn’t it come out?
“I think I hear a ’but’ after that,” he said.
How had he known? Now she had to say it. She looked him in the eye. His hair looked as if he’d just run his hand through it. Or as if he’d just woken up and hadn’t combed it yet. He looked sweet and vulnerable. She looked at his arm curled around the back of the sofa. His hands were strong-looking, tapering down to squared-off fingers that were capable of amazing tenderness.
She looked away. “You know I have a lot going on in my life right now. A lot of unresolved issues.” She hoped he’d jump in and agree. Or something. He didn’t.
“While I’ve appreciated your friendship, I want to be honest and tell you I’m not ready to go any further with it at this time.”
She darted a glance at him. His little smile looked frozen on his face.
What if he didn’t want any more than friendship? Had she just made a complete fool of herself? “I mean, maybe you never intended—I didn’t mean to imply—”
He held his hand up as if to ward off her words. “No. You were right.” The stiff smile was gone. She could read disappointment in his eyes. That is, if he’d look at her again. But he looked everywhere else.
“Well.” He took his arm from the couch and leaned his elbows on his knees. “This is awkward.”
If only he knew. She wanted to put her arms around him and tell him how much she cared for him. She wanted to tell him she didn’t mean it, that he was just the kind of man she could love. And he was. That’s why she had to end it.
He gave a wry laugh and shook his head.
“What?” she asked.
His profile gave nothing away. “It’s just the irony of it.” He stared at his hands before turning and offering her a gentle smile. “I thought we had that special something, you know?”
Yes, she knew. Boy, did she know. Even now, she wanted to be in his arms instead of across the sofa.
“It’s hard for me,” she said. “This is the first time I’ve allowed myself to open up at all to a man since Keith.”
“I’m in the same boat.”
It wasn’t the same, though. How could he know what it was like to be betrayed by the one you trusted more than anyone in the world? She couldn’t make herself that vulnerable again—not to someone who’d already been unfaithful.
“When Keith had the affair, it really rocked my world. I guess that’s why I haven’t gotten back into the dating game yet.” Right now it didn’t feel like a game at all. In fact, it felt pretty rotten.
“I have to admit, I’m disappointed. But I do appreciate your honesty.” He turned toward her again, his naked gaze baring all. “And I understand about unfaithfulness more than you know.”
She fought the urge to cover her ears. She didn’t want him to tell her about the affair he’d had. Didn’t want to sully the way she thought of him. Didn’t want to put him in the same category as Keith.
“I’ve never told another soul this, but Jillian had an affair,” he said.
It took a moment for his words to sink in. Jillian had an affair? What about his?
“It’s what we were arguing about when I wrecked the car.” He rubbed his face. “Well, I guess I did tell one other person. The officer who took my statement after the accident. I don’t even remember what I said exactly. I was a mess.”
“But … I thought …”
He looked at her, seeming to hear the confusion in her voice. “What?”
“I thought … Linn said …”
Understanding dawned on his face. “Linn told you I’d betrayed Jillian.”
Confusion warred with disbelief in her mind. She wanted to believe it, but maybe she’d misunderstood.
He shook his head. “Her dad overheard some things I said to the officer that night. He thought I was the one who’d had the affair. I didn’t have the heart to tell him the truth.”
Her heart swelled with hope, but she had to be sure. “You didn’t have an affair?” She kept her voice level, disguising any trace of expectation.
“No. I was comp
letely faithful to her. I guess that’s why it hurt so much when she told me that night.”
Her mouth had gone dry. She should have poured herself a drink, too. But she didn’t think this little chat would take long. How was she to know her preconceptions were wrong? But this changed everything, didn’t it?
“So, I do understand about having to be ready,” he said. “It’s taken me a long time, too. And I appreciate your honesty.”
He didn’t know. He didn’t know why she’d backed away from him. And how could she tell him now that she’d already said the words?
He stood as if to leave.
But she didn’t want him to. She wanted to take back everything she’d said.
“What’s wrong?” he asked.
Everything. Everything was wrong. She stood and met his gaze. “I’m afraid I owe you a big apology.”
His forehead creased, his eyes looking more gray than green at the moment.
“Sit down,” she said.
He sank right where he stood, and she sat beside him, their legs touching. He studied her, and she knew he was confused.
She felt so stupid! Why had she believed Linn when everything she knew about Kyle pointed against it?
She wet her lips. “When Linn told me weeks ago that you’d been unfaithful to Jillian, I believed her. I’m sorry—I shouldn’t have judged you without knowing the facts.”
He lifted and lowered one of his shoulders. “Water under the bridge. You don’t owe me an apology.”
But she did, couldn’t he see? She’d based her whole decision to back away from him on that one flimsy piece of evidence. How could she take back what she’d said? Oh, Lord, I’ve made a mistake. And what if he’s not interested now, after I’ve judged him and deemed him unsuitable?
She might as well tell him the whole truth. What did she have to lose now? “You don’t understand,” she said. She could feel heat pooling in her cheeks and regretted the bright overhead light she’d left on. “That was the reason I …” She forced herself to meet his gaze. “When Linn told me you’d been unfaithful, I purposely held you at arm’s length because … well, because I didn’t want to find myself involved with—”
She couldn’t finish the sentence. It was bad enough she knew how unfair she’d been, but admitting it to him was humbling.
His head reared back slowly. Ah. It was all starting to connect.
She looked away. What must he think of her? How prideful of her to play judge and jury on his life. Hadn’t she made her share of mistakes in her own marriage? What if he hadn’t wanted to be involved with her because she hadn’t been enough to hold on to Keith? Her breath felt trapped in her lungs.
She felt his hand on her chin, turning her face. She dreaded looking into his eyes, sure of the disappointment she’d see. But the gray-green of his eyes looked as inviting as a warm sea.
“I understand,” he whispered.
Her breath caught in her throat. Time froze in place. Just two words, but they meant everything. He leaned toward her so slowly she thought she’d die from anticipation. But when his lips touched hers, she knew she was wrong. She’d die from pleasure. Surely she would.
His lips teased hers softly, like a butterfly’s wings. The gentle movement started a riot inside her. His hand caressed the side of her face. She felt the back of her eyes sting.
He drew back too soon.
Those eyes. Did he know she was thoroughly captured? She wanted to reach out, take him by the collar, and pull him back toward her. She clenched her fists, afraid for a moment her body would act on the thought.
A little smile played at the corner of his lips. A smile was good, wasn’t it? His eyes crinkled at the corners in the way she loved.
“What a night,” he said. “It took me all day to work up the courage to call you and ask to come over.”
And to think she’d almost told him no. She let her eyes roam his face, wishing her fingers could follow.
“Keep looking at me like that,” he said, “and I’m going to think it’s an invitation.”
Her heart leaped. Her lips curved. “Maybe it is.” Was that her talking this way? She didn’t care who it was. All she knew was that Kyle was leaning toward her again, and in that moment, nothing else mattered.
CHAPTER THIRTY-TWO
Kyle could hardly keep the smile off his face. He hadn’t felt this happy for—well, he didn’t remember ever feeling this happy. He gathered his papers off the desk and walked out of the courtroom. Finalizing the Graber’s adoption today had been icing on the cake.
Last night had been a turning point for his relationship with Natalie. A turning point for him personally. He was finally putting his heart on the line again, and it felt good. Scary but good. Natalie was helping him see he wasn’t responsible for Jillian’s death. The guilt was slowly evaporating, leaving him feeling more free than ever before.
There was only one little black cloud hanging over his head. Linn. His former sister-in-law was out there somewhere, alone and helpless.
No, not helpless. She was nineteen now, hardly a child. And yet, she was fresh out of high school with no family to help.
She doesn’t want your help.
He couldn’t deny that. But she might need it, whether she wanted it or not. Weeks ago, he’d made some calls, but he’d been unable to track her down. He’d called all the cheaper hotels. But in Jackson, even the cheaper ones would be a fortune to live in. He’d even tried the hotels in the smaller surrounding towns. It was as if she’d disappeared. She wasn’t working at Bubba’s anymore. One of the waitresses had said the manager had fired her when she’d failed to show up twice in one week.
He walked out the courthouse doors and made his way to his car. Did she have another job? Who was hiring this time of year when all the summer tourists were gone and the winter ones had yet to arrive?
He opened his car door and slid inside, setting his briefcase on the seat beside him. Moments later, he found himself going in the opposite direction from his home. It didn’t take long to near the other end of Jackson.
He drove north on Cache Street, passing Snake River Kayak and Canoe. The town was all but deserted now, compared to a couple months ago. He looked at each establishment as he drove by, wondering where Linn could be. It was entirely possible she’d left Jackson. And, as Natalie had said, entirely possible she’d had an abortion. How long had it been since she’d left Natalie’s house? Eight, nine weeks? A lot could happen in that time.
He was almost to the north point of Jackson. Once he reached the end of town, the road would lead past the elk refuge, then past the airport and toward Grand Teton National Park. Nothing out there for a young girl all alone with little money.
He would turn around just ahead in the Dairy Queen parking lot. He put his foot on the brake, and just then his eyes brushed by a familiar sign. Wagon Wheel Campground. Something in him seized. He pressed the brake and turned in, all the while chiding himself. She wouldn’t be at a campground. It was downright cold at night in late September, and the campground would close up in early October.
But he’d tried everywhere else. And he knew the owner, George Hutchins, would be able to tell him if Linn was there. It wouldn’t take long to inquire.
He stopped in at the office and found George leaning back in his chair watching Oprah.
George flicked off the old portable TV. “Kyle. How’s it going, pal?”
Any other time, he would tease George about his TV viewing habits, but not today. They shook hands. Last time Kyle had seen George, he’d been hanging business fliers at Kmart.
They made small talk before Kyle got to the point. “I’m looking for a girl who’s missing. She’s Jillian’s little sister, and I think she’s pregnant.”
“Haven’t heard nothing about a missing girl.” George’s bushy brows drew downward, the gray hairs sprouting wildly in all directions.
“Well, she’s of age, not a runaway or anything. But I am concerned for her.”
“
She by herself?”
“Yes, so far as I know.”
George rubbed the top of his head, where a shiny spot gleamed in the florescent light. “I do have a young missy camping in a tent. Been here awhile and keeps to herself. She’s a local, but can’t recall her name. He flipped open an old-fashioned reservation book.
“Linn something,” George said. “Can’t read her last name.”
Relief filled Kyle. “That’s her. It has to be. Is she pregnant?” He prayed she hadn’t had an abortion.
“Yep. Awful young-looking to be having a baby.”
Kyle felt a heavy weight roll off his back. “Where’s she staying?”
George jerked his head toward the buttes. “Over thataways. Last tent site.”
What was he thinking? He couldn’t just go over there and get her, take her home. She wanted nothing to do with him. He could give her money, but would she take that?
He remembered the last time he’d seen her at the Hope Center. No, he couldn’t imagine her taking a thing from him. What should I do, God? I want to help her.
“Good thing you came ’round if she’s got no place to go. We’re closing in a few days. Getting too cold to camp.”
Kyle thought of Linn out sleeping in a tent while the temperatures had gotten down nearly to freezing some nights. He hoped she’d had warm blankets. What would she do when the campground closed? Did she have any money?
He turned toward the window and ran his hand through his hair. “She won’t come with me. I need to figure something else out.” But what? He ran through his list of friends. Would one of them take in a single pregnant girl? Could he ask it of them?
“I got a cot in the back of the restaurant. Ain’t much, but it’s a warm place to bed down.”
He turned and looked at George. A perfect solution. Linn would be out of the weather, and George would look after her. His throat closed up. “I’d appreciate it, George. I can pay you something for it.”
“Naw, never mind that. The old cot’s just sitting there unused.”
They discussed how George would offer it to Linn, then Kyle insisted he take some money to be sure Linn had food and anything else she needed.
Saving Grace Page 24
