“Hello?” Her dad sounded out of breath.
“Dad?” The silence was deafening and awkward. She searched for something to say. “How’ve you been?”
She could picture him rubbing the black whiskers on his chin. “Linn. What are you calling for?”
She heard laughter in the background, a woman’s laughter.
“Daddy, I … I need a place to stay, just for a little while.” She closed her eyes, twisting the old-fashioned corkscrew cord around her index finger.
“Did you take care of that issue we talked about?”
Her eyes came open as her stomach bottomed out. “I don’t know what I’m going to do yet. I need some time to think about it.” It broke her heart to even consider it, but—
“You know what my offer was. I haven’t changed my mind.” The woman in the background squealed, then laughed as if he’d pinched her or done something equally revolting.
“Please, Daddy. I promise I won’t be there long. I just need a place to sleep. I won’t be in the way.”
“Now’s not a good time. You’ll work something out.”
She heard another cackle. Her heart raced and her eyes tingled the way they did when she was about to cry. “All right,” she said before he could hang up. “All right, I’ll get the—I’ll have it done. I’ll call tomorrow and make the appointment.”
“No, you have it done first. Then you can come home.” Click.
“Dad?” Nothing. She sighed and dropped the phone back in the cradle. She remembered all the pictures she’d seen of fetuses. She knew what hers looked like now.
Don’t think about that. The choice is out of your hands now. You’re not a bad person, just a kid with no other options.
She buried her face in her hands. Why had she gotten herself into this mess? She was so stupid! She’d had it made with a college scholarship. Now she was pregnant, homeless, and had no way of paying for medical care. There was no future for her or her baby.
It doesn’t have to be that way. If you just have the procedure, everything will be the way it was before.
She sniffed and wiped her cheeks. Tonight, she didn’t know what she’d do. But tomorrow she would call the Women’s Health Clinic. It wasn’t like she had a choice, right? Her eyes burned. Her feet hurt, her back ached, and she just wanted to go to sleep for a long time.
“Who was it?” Kyle asked Natalie as she hung up the phone. He didn’t like the fear he saw on her face.
“I don’t know. They hung up.”
Upstairs he could hear the boys bouncing on the beds and giggling hysterically. “Has that been happening a lot?”
She shook her head as she placed the phone back in its cradle. “That’s the first time.”
“I don’t like this. Not after what they did to the center.” When he’d found out about the center the day before, he’d called Natalie. He’d felt so many things. Worry for her safety, a desire to protect of her, and hurt that she hadn’t called him right away. Her invitation to dinner tonight had helped.
He walked over and picked up the phone, then punched *69. A mechanical voice repeated the number, but when he punched it in, a busy signal beeped out through the lines. “It’s busy. Probably a wrong number, and they hung up and dialed the right one. But if it happens again, dial star sixty-nine and call back and see if they answer. Maybe you should get caller ID so you can screen your calls.”
“If it keeps up, I will.” She folded her arms and looked into his eyes. “What if they know where I live?”
The tremor in her voice beckoned him. “Come here.”
She walked toward him, and he pulled her into his arms. Ah, sweet heaven. Did she know how good he felt when he held her? The way she burrowed into his chest sent warm shivers through him. The night he’d held her until she’d fallen asleep was a memory that had replayed itself in his mind a dozen times. Just thinking about the comfort and trust required to make herself so vulnerable nearly crushed him. He’d wanted to hold her all night, but that was hardly appropriate. He’d only let go of her when his back ached unbearably from sitting still so long.
Natalie squirmed in his arms, pulling him from the memory, then she stepped away. She didn’t look him in the face but walked to the sofa as if to put some distance between them. Was he rushing things? Did he even want this to go further than friendship?
Who was he kidding? He’d never enjoyed holding anyone so much. Maybe distance was what he needed. Not wanted, mind you.
He took a seat across from her on the chair and turned his mind back to their problem. Their problem. Funny how he’d begun including himself in her world.
“I don’t like this,” he said. “If they’re calling you at home, I have to wonder about your safety here.”
“They vandalized the center, so I don’t think it’s personal. It’s probably some angry boyfriend of a client.”
“How can you say it’s not personal? You were attacked in your car a few months ago.” He watched her swallow and look at her hands on her lap. “I’m not trying to scare you, but I want you to be careful.”
Her lips tipped up as she met his gaze. “I appreciate that.”
He wasn’t spouting platitudes. He was genuinely worried for her. “I don’t want your appreciation,” he said gently. “I want you to promise to be careful.”
She cocked her head, and he wondered if he’d overstepped his boundaries. He had no rights to her. All they’d shared was some conversation and a couple embraces, but darn it, he was worried about her.
“I’ll be careful,” she whispered.
Their eyes met and clung. She looked like a woman who liked what she saw. He wished she wasn’t across the room with a coffee table between them. Was he reading too much into the look?
She looked away. “I should get the boys bathed and in bed.” She stood.
He stood with her. Well. Not exactly a little hint. “I should be going, then.” He hoped he’d misread her. He hoped she’d tell him not to move, that she’d be back down shortly, and they could pick up right where they’d left off. She didn’t.
“Thanks for coming over,” she said.
She walked him to the door, and he pulled it open and turned. “Thanks for having me. Dinner was great. I don’t get homemade meals very often.”
She laughed, and he thought he could drown in the sound. “I don’t know if I’d call spaghetti with Prego homemade.”
“If you were a bachelor you would.”
“You make a good point.”
He wanted to kiss her. Or hug her, at least. But she crossed her arms over her chest, and he could feel her pulling away.
“Well. Good night,” he said.
“’Night.”
He walked out the door but turned before she could shut it. “Be careful.”
“I will.”
The door closed softly. But he feared her heart had, too.
CHAPTER THIRTY-ONE
“I don’t know how in the world I let you guys talk me into this,” Natalie said, huffing the words as she attempted to draw air.
Ahead of her, Hanna stepped easily up a rocky incline, then turned to help her. “You wanted to come and you know it.”
The small entourage of guests from Higher Grounds Mountain Lodge trudged ahead of them, following Micah.
“That was before I remembered how out of shape I am.” Natalie focused on putting one foot in front of the other.
“Isn’t the air great out here, though?”
“Its going in and out of my lungs so fast, I hadn’t noticed.”
Hanna laughed.
“You seem to be feeling pretty good,” Natalie said. Hanna hadn’t had the fatigue Natalie had in the beginning of her pregnancies. Lucky girl.
“I feel great. I’m at that perfect stage where my energy is high and I’m not huge yet.”
“You’re not even showing.”
“Don’t let the baggy T-shirt fool ya. There’s a little belly under here.”
All this talk about
Hanna’s pregnancy was making Natalie think about Linn. She stuffed the thoughts in a dark corner of her mind and focused on the trail.
They climbed in silence for a while until they came to a flat space, where they rested and sipped from their water bottles. Micah talked to the family of four and two male friends, who seemed intent on showing off for the teenage girl with the family.
“So hows everything at the center?” Hanna asked.
It had been five weeks since the center had been vandalized, and everything was back in order. So why did her life feel so unsettled?
“Its fine. We finally got reimbursed for the equipment and got everything replaced.”
“And you got a security system, too, right?”
“Yes, Mom.”
“Someone has to watch out for you. I was hoping something would develop between you and that attorney.”
Kyle. Just his name evoked all kinds of feelings. He’d called and even stopped by the center, but she wouldn’t let herself fall for him. According to Linn, he’d had an affair on his wife, and she would never give her heart to him knowing that.
“Nope. That was a dead end.” If she kept telling herself that, maybe she’d start believing it. If only Kyle would stop coming by the center, it would make resisting him a lot easier.
“Mom told me Keith took the boys camping this weekend.”
“They were so excited. I think Alex was awake half the night anticipating it.”
“Are things still awkward when he picks them up?”
She shrugged. They’d gotten over the awkwardness. Even the anger toward him had faded. “I forgave him a long time ago. This new development with Linn just brought it all back up. And I’m over the shock of it now, so I guess there’s no sense in holding it over his head.”
Hanna took a gulp from her water. “What about the adoption? I know you were excited about the baby.”
Her stomach clenched. She didn’t want to think about the baby. She’d tortured herself with thoughts of Linn having an abortion. What if she’d gone through with it? What if she’d been that desperate for a place to stay that she’d done as her father had demanded? What if Natalie’s kicking her out had resulted in the baby’s death? She shook off the terrible thought.
“You’re really struggling, aren’t you?”
Only Hanna could be so honest with her. “I guess I am. I’m still mourning the loss of the baby.”
“Have you heard from Linn?”
“No.” Her tone left no doubt that she didn’t want to either. And yet …
“So you don’t know where she is?”
“Time to move on!” Micah called from his spot near a rocky incline. He walked toward them and slipped an arm around Hanna, rubbing her back. “You doing all right?”
“Now I am.” Hanna reached up and pecked Micah on the cheek.
Natalie felt relieved that she didn’t have to talk about Linn anymore. One of the reasons she’d wanted to go on this trek was so she could get away from her thoughts. She was tired of thinking about Linn and the baby. Her ex-husband’s baby, she reminded herself. She was tired of fighting her attraction to Kyle. She probably just needed to tell him the truth. Well, not the whole truth, but at least tell him she just wanted to be friends. She cringed. No one wanted to hear those words.
Later that night, they settled around the campfire. Dinner had been simple but filling, and with her belly full, Natalie found herself feeling relaxed for the first time in weeks.
The young men turned in first, followed by the Mitchner family. The teenage girl practically had to be peeled off Micah.
“She’s at that age,” Hanna said as Mr. Mitchner zipped the tent flap behind him. Micah poked at the logs in the fire in front of them, and Hanna leaned over toward Natalie. “And it doesn’t hurt that he’s such a hottie,” she said in a stage whisper.
Micah turned and smiled at his wife. The look they shared made Natalie wonder if they remembered she was there at all.
“Did I tell you Micah thinks he knows where his sister Jenna is?”
Micah took a seat on the other side of Hanna, the log tipping a bit when his weight sank on it.
“No, where is she?” Natalie asked.
“Well, I don’t know exactly,” he said. “But I tracked down some friends of hers who said she went to L.A. with a boyfriend.”
“L.A. That’ll be like finding a needle in a haystack.” Natalie wished she’d kept her mouth shut. She should be encouraging him, not dissuading him. Misery loves company.
“Normally, you’d be right,” Hanna said. “Tell her what you found out.” She nudged Micah.
“Some relative of her boyfriend owns a bar out there. I’m still working on finding out the name of it. Once I have that, I’ll have someplace to start.”
“That’s terrific, Micah.”
“I’m going to find her.” He gazed into the fire, his jaw set, his eyes determined. Natalie didn’t doubt it for a minute.
He sighed. “I think I’ll turn in.”
“I’ll put out the fire,” Hanna said. When Micah kissed her goodnight, Natalie looked the other way.
After Micah disappeared into the tent, she and Hanna listened to the fire crackle and pop for a moment.
“It sounds like Micah’s close to finding Jenna. It seems to mean a lot to him.”
“It does. Especially after—well, he found out a few weeks ago that his mom died several years back.”
“Oh. I didn’t know.”
“He’s still working through that one. Even though she abused him, she was still his mom.”
“How old was he when he was put in foster care?”
“Six, I think. He remembers quite a bit, though. More than he wished he did.”
“Was Jenna abused, too?”
Hanna shook her head. “She was just a baby when they were taken from their mom. Micah remembers feeding her bottles and taking care of her. He felt protective of her, even as young as he was.”
“Why weren’t they put in the same foster home? Don’t they try to keep siblings together?”
“They were in the same home initially. But at some point, the foster parents didn’t want Micah anymore—I guess he was a difficult child—and they couldn’t find a home that would take them both. So they ended up separated.”
“That’s so unfair. They’d already lost their mom, and then they were taken from each other, too.”
“I know. It seems to have worked out pretty well for Jenna, though. The family adopted her.”
“Don’t they know where she is?”
Hanna shook her head. “They tried to find her after she ran away, but they came to a dead end. And they have five foster children, so they have their hands full. Micah let them know we think she’s in L.A.”
They let silence fall around them for a while.
Natalie’s thoughts went back to Linn and the baby. She’d been by Bubba’s many times in the past weeks, and she hadn’t seen Linn’s bike in the bike rack once. What if something awful had happened to her? Who would even know if she disappeared? She clenched her teeth. Why should she care what happened? Didn’t Linn deserve everything she got? Hadn’t she dug her own hole?
Natalie closed her eyes and breathed deep of the fresh, pine-scented air.
She’d thought if she got away from home, she could forget her troubles. But no matter how far away she got, the troubles seemed to follow.
Natalie watched the young woman walk out of the center and felt like her stomach was anchored to her feet. According to the test, the girl was pregnant, and there was no doubt in Natalie’s mind that she would be getting an abortion. She was from Alpine and had come here for the free test. Natalie had never seen anyone so close-minded. She hadn’t wanted to hear about the baby forming inside her or Post Abortion Syndrome. She wanted a quick fix, and she was convinced an abortion was it.
Natalie put her face in her hand and closed her eyes against the sting. Would it ever get any easier? She couldn’t save every ba
by from death, couldn’t save every mother from the agony of regret.
But you can save one.
She sat up straight, jarred by the thought. No. She wouldn’t think about Linn and her baby. Keith’s baby. She couldn’t do anything about it, and no one could ask that of her.
Besides, it may be too late for Linn’s baby.
Linn could have aborted the baby by now. The weight attached to her stomach dragged downward. That’s Alex and Taylor’s half-sibling. She closed her eyes. This was all so twisted. So awful. What a terrible mess.
No matter how much she detested what Keith and Linn had done together, she knew the baby was innocent of that.
Still.
There was nothing she could do. And she was so angry with Linn. Time had eased the shock, but she couldn’t forget what Linn had done.
She’d thought she’d gotten over the affair after the divorce. She’d forgiven Keith. It had taken a long time and a lot of praying, but she’d forgiven him.
But what about Lindsey?
She hadn’t even known who the other woman was. Just that it was someone who’d worked for Keith at the bank. Someone named Lindsey. How could you forgive a ghost-woman, a woman you didn’t know and had never seen?
She hadn’t even realized, but now she knew. She’d never forgiven the other woman. Maybe it should be easier to forgive now that she had a face, a person to attach to the crime. But it seemed harder than ever because now Linn had betrayed her twice: once with Keith, then again by hiding her identity.
Help me, Lord. If I could forgive Keith, maybe I can forgive Linn, too, but I need Your help.
Her afternoon volunteer, Amanda, walked through the door. “Good afternoon!” She shrugged her purse off her shoulder and set it on the filing cabinet. “What’s wrong?”
Natalie forced a smile to her face, but it felt plastic. “Rough day.” She explained about the client who’d just left, and Amanda consoled her, then they prayed together that God would direct the woman’s footsteps.
Later that night, as she was putting the boys in bed, Kyle called. “I was hoping we could talk,” he said. “But I hear the boys, so I guess I’ve caught you at a bad time.”
Saving Grace Page 23
