Leap of Faith (Iris Boys Book 3)

by Lucy Smoke

  Harlow: Nope. Her name is Lizzie and she's pretty cool.

  It took longer this time for Knix to answer. I bit my lip, wondering if he was upset. I had discussed this with Alex and he had approved it, but it sounded like that hadn't been relayed. Just as I was about to give up and shove my phone in my pocket to go out into the hallway, it buzzed again.

  Knix: Okay, just be careful.

  I grinned. Worrywart, I thought.

  "Ready?" Lizzie's voice startled me, and I looked up to see her standing in the doorway with another girl behind her with medium length brown hair pulled back into a sharp ponytail. Wearing a bright yellow, university t-shirt, she shuffled over and smiled, revealing moderately straight teeth and a dimple in her left cheek.

  "Yeah," I said, tucking my phone away and standing up.

  "Cool, this is Kelsey," Lizzie introduced.

  "Hi." I waved.

  Kelsey beamed. She stuck out her hand, thumb up and waited. "Uh..." I reached for it uncertainly.

  "It's nice to meet you!" Kelsey said, pumping my arm like a world-class weightlifter. I winced when she squeezed once more and then let go.

  "Well, let's go grab some food!" Lizzie said brightly and led the way. I followed behind rather meekly rubbing my hand as Kelsey rushed to catch up.

  By the time I returned to my new dorm room, my legs were on fire. I felt like I had walked more than twenty miles in the last few hours. First, Lizzie, Kelsey, and I had gone to the cafeteria, which had been teeming with people. Second, we had gone on a campus-wide tour with several other freshmen and their families. Lizzie stayed with Kelsey and me, making jokes and telling us where the best places on campus were. In a way, she reminded me of Erika—outgoing and so sure of herself. A pang of something hit me deep inside, making me forget where I was for a brief moment. Erika should have been there with me. She should have been the one showing me around campus. She should have been the one cracking jokes and making plans for study groups. My gaze drifted away from Lizzie and Kelsey, inadvertently tuning them out as my mind was caught up in the worry for Erika.

  It was only when Lizzie laughed so loud that she snorted, that I was drawn back into the conversation. Kelsey looked over at me curiously but didn’t say anything when I realized I had drifted away physically too, and suddenly moved closer. Lizzie was speaking, explaining that the tour guides weren’t actually allowed to mention which frats had the most parties, or which areas were for smokers. It wasn’t like I would need to know anything about where smokers were permitted to smoke openly, but it was fun to listen to her rattle on. It was also really nice of her to go with us rather than leave us to our own devices—especially since the guys still hadn’t let me know when we were meeting up.

  The tour lasted for over an hour. Then we went to the bookstore, the library, the campus store—which was apparently different than the bookstore—and finally, the coffee lounge. After the hell that was the cafeteria, Lizzie wanted to show us other places to eat. So, we checked out the sub-sandwich place in the basement of the honors center and the food court in the student rec center. The gym. The campus movie theater. My feet screamed at me to stop thinking about it all.

  I collapsed on my bed and stared at the ceiling while Lizzie hummed a random tune as she got ready for bed. She stepped further into her closet and began pulling off her clothes with the door half closed, shielding her from view. I couldn't even think about getting back on my feet to do that, no matter how badly I wanted to. My phone vibrated, and I groaned, rolling over on my tiny mattress to tug it out of my pants pocket.

  Texas: Haven't heard from you today, you all good?

  Before I could reply, more texts came through. I groaned—the guys all thought way too much alike.

  Bellamy: How is the campus?

  Marv: We finally finished with the house. Do you need any help setting up your room?

  Even Grayson texted me.

  Grayson: Heard your roomie is a pixie. Sounds like she'll suit you just fine, Babydoll.

  I narrowed my eyes at that last text and decided that Grayson would be my first reply.

  Harlow: What the hell do you mean she's a pixie?

  Grayson: Pink hair?

  Harlow: How do you know that?

  Grayson: Alex's girlfriend stopped by before she went back home.

  "Sounds like you have a lot of friends back home," Lizzie said quietly as she moved out of her closet and towards her bed.

  I shook my head. "No, just some friends who are staying here, actually."

  Lizzie looked surprised. "On campus? Why didn't you text them earlier and ask them to come out with us?”

  "No, not on campus," I replied, clicking away from my conversation with Grayson and onto Texas'. "They're staying in a house just off campus and they were busy getting it set up today, so they couldn't come."

  "Oh." Lizzie pulled back her comforter and slid into bed. "I...um...I'm gonna go to bed now," she said.

  I stared at her, confused. "Okay?"

  She sighed. "I'm sorry, but it's really hard for me to sleep with any light on or anything. I'm sure your phone light won't bother me much, but if you're gonna stay up a little more and do other things...well, I know there's a dorm lounge and study room you could hang out in."

  I finally got her meaning. "Oh!" I got up and even though my aching soles protested, I headed for the door. "I'm not gonna be doing much," I promised. "But I'll probably hang out in the lounge." In case one of the guys called, I decided.

  "Okay, goodnight," Lizzie called as I shut off the light and closed the door behind me, making sure to flick the lock so I wouldn't get locked out.

  "Night," I called back, turning and heading for the front of the dorm building.

  I knew I had passed the lounge Lizzie had mentioned on my way in that morning. I found it down the hall, thankfully empty, and took up residence on one of the long couches in the corner under a set of tall, arching windows. I pulled my conversation with Texas back up first, then, thinking better on it, I brought up a group text and added Grayson to it as well.

  Harlow: Hey guys, just checking in. Everything's fine.

  Immediately, the replies began rolling in.

  Texas: You don't need anything?

  Marv: If you need anything, feel free to come to the house. We can come get you if you want.

  Grayson: Just come to the fucking house. Marvin is whining.

  Bellamy: Glad to know you're okay.

  Marv: What the hell is Grayson doing in this chat?

  Grayson: I'm sitting across the room, why don't you say that to my face?

  Knix: Good to know everything is going well, Harlow. Marvin. Grayson. Enough!

  I snorted and then suddenly, I was laughing. Laughing so hard I couldn't stop as more text messages came through. I pictured Grayson's smug face as he sat across the living room—Marv seething, ready to get up and strangle him. But he couldn't because Knix was telling him—VIA TEXT MESSAGE—that he couldn’t. To be honest, it was the most ridiculous, albeit accurate, image in my head. It was so funny that I found it difficult to breathe for long moments as I gasped and wheezed. I laughed, trying to stifle the noise with my palm, for so long that I guessed the guys realized I wasn't answering any of their messages back and suddenly, my phone lit up with a phone call from Texas. I choked back a fresh wave of laughter and answered.

  "H-hello?" I said, wiping tears from my eyes.

  "Hey, you stopped answering. Knix asked you a question, are you okay?" Texas' voice was worried.

  I choked again, gasping for breath. "Y'all are...so..."

  "Are you laughing?" he interrupted. I erupted into even more giggles as he sighed over the phone. "Well, I'm glad that you're okay, but what's so funny?"

  "You—Knix—Marv—he just...and Grayson." I couldn't even get out a coherent sentence. It took several more moments for me to calm down enough to explain. "It's just..." I started, "I could hear all of your voices in my head. Marv getting all upset and Grayson being his snarky se
lf and then you and Knix and Bellamy...and when Grayson said he was sitting across the room. I just...lost it." I tried explaining the image in my head that had really set me off and by the time I was done, Texas was chuckling as well.

  "I think you're tired, Princess," Texas admitted once he was done laughing.

  I sank further into the couch. "Maybe...but..." I bit my lip, wondering if I should admit my thoughts aloud.

  "But what?" he asked.

  I chewed on what I wanted to say and then sighed, giving up. "I don't want to hang up," I said. "I want to keep talking to you."

  Texas was so quiet on the other end, I thought I had upset him. I sat up quickly, worrying about what I should say or if I should apologize. When he didn't say anything for several moments, I pulled the phone away and looked down, but his name was still displayed there, so he hadn't hung up.

  "Texas?" I said his name hesitantly.

  There was a rush of breath on the other end. "Sorry, Princess, I wanted to go to my room real quick so that I could get comfortable while we talk."

  I breathed out a sigh of relief. "So, it's okay?" I asked after a beat.

  "What's okay?"

  "That I want to talk to you more?"

  "Harlow...is this about...what we talked about before? About all of us liking you?"

  "I just don't want to hurt anyone's feelings," I admitted uneasily. I could hear Texas shifting around on what sounded like a bed and he grunted softly before sighing. "Princess," he started, "you're not going to hurt anyone's feelings."

  "You don't know that," I protested. "I mean, think about it, me...four guys." Grayson... maybe...no, probably not. I mean, I wasn't as close to Grayson as I was with the guys, but there was something there too. I didn't want to say as much because Marv would certainly be pissed, and even though Knix and Bellamy could tolerate him much better, they likely wouldn't be comfortable with that either.

  "Harlow?"

  "Huh?" I realized that I had drifted, and Texas had been talking to me. "I'm sorry, what did you say?"

  "I was just asking if you're worried about jealousy."

  "Well, yeah...of course I am," I said. "You guys are really close and I only just came around a couple of months ago. It's not exactly...normal for someone to go around kissing their friends."

  "Who cares about normal?" Texas asked. "What do you want?"

  "I want you guys to not fight?" I said it like it was meant to be a question and bit my lip when the last higher syllable left my mouth.

  "Don't worry about us. We'll figure us out. What does Harlow want?" he demanded, sounding almost frustrated with me.

  I huffed. "I want to talk to you without feeling guilty," I said. "I want to hold your hand and kiss you."

  "I want that too," he said, sounding happier than he had a moment ago. It was too bad I had to ruin it with my next words.

  "But I want that with the others, too." I closed my eyes against the quiet, empty dorm lounge and let my words go. "I want to kiss Knix and Bellamy and Marv," and Grayson, I thought to myself, "and I want to hold their hands and go on dates and get flowers and...I've never been on a date." I opened my eyes with that realization.

  "You can go on a date, Harlow. You know any one of us would take you," Texas said.

  I shook my head even though he couldn't see me. "I'd be too worried about the others." I thumped my head back on the couch and groaned. "All I'd be thinking about is how you guys might tally everything. If I kiss one of you, do I have to kiss all of you? Are you going to want it to be even? Will you hate me if I take too long to choose? What if..." I paused, unsure if I should reveal this much...this last, deep, dark, worry of mine. My stomach cramped with the anxiety ramping up. My heart hammering loudly in my ears. I closed my eyes and took deep breaths.

  Texas pressed me on. "What if what, Princess?" he asked quietly.

  I opened my eyes and bit my lip hesitantly before I spoke again. "What if..." I started again, "I can't choose?"

  “We didn’t say you had to choose,” he pointed out.

  I frowned and shook my head. Biting my lip, heat flushed my cheeks as I looked away. “You’ll expect it, Texas. Or if not you, then one or more of the others will.”

  “I can’t speak for them.”

  My eyelashes fluttered as I stared at a distant point. I couldn’t quite see what I was staring at. My eyes had misted over. “I know,” I reply. My chest rose and fell and, yet, it felt like an incredible weight had been lifted and dropped onto me all at once. "But if I didn’t choose, would you hate me then?"

  Texas didn't speak, and tears stung my eyes as my head drooped. I didn't even bother looking at the phone as I went to press the end call button. Just before my finger hit the red circle, I heard Texas' voice clearly, "I could never hate you, Harlow."

  Chapter 3

  I never expected that on my first day of college classes I would be so bone-deep tired. I was sure I had dark circles under my eyes as I struggled to make my way to my 9:30 am class, Gothic Literature. Sure, I liked to read, but I was a little skeptical about this one.

  The classroom I walked into was nothing like the high school classrooms I was used to. It was, for one, much larger—though the class size was about the same. Several rows led upward into an auditorium set up. I paused at the front of the room before spotting an empty seat at the very top, far away from the podium. I rushed up and snagged it just before another group of students came in. Like the bus—the back seats in a classroom always filled up the fastest.

  I sat down and opened my bag as the professor—a short, slender woman in a knee-length, plaid skirt and white blouse—breezed in. I blinked at her. If anyone was pixie-like, it was this woman—not Lizzie. Her hair was cut short and styled with little spikes and her makeup was natural everywhere except for her eyes—where drama was added in a red that matched her skirt. I watched as she unloaded a peculiar looking bag on the desk at the very front of the room before pulling out something small and walking over to the computer at the side of the room. She didn't even take one look at the podium.

  As other students began to file in and take their seats, the lights were turned off and a projector was turned on. I straightened my pens and notebook and waited.

  "Good morning, students," the professor said brightly as the last student came in and the door closed behind them. "My name is Dr. Casey Coathe. I go by Dr. C and I'm happy to have you all in my class." She strode around to the front of the computer as an image of a monstrous creature filled the screen above. All eyes zeroed in on that one image as Dr. C continued talking.

  "Before we begin, we're going to go around the room and introduce ourselves. Say your name, where you are from, and one thing you dislike about yourself."

  I jerked my eyes back to the professor in shock. Was she serious? That didn't seem like the type of ice-breaker anyone would want to do. But it looked like she was serious because even as I was assuring myself that she was merely teasing, Dr. C turned to the first student in the first row and nodded for them to start. The student didn't stand, so thankfully, I didn't think I would have to.

  "Hi," the boy said a little shaky. "M-my name is Gerald. I'm from M-Mauldin, South Carolina, and I don't think I'm a very good public speaker."

  Dr. C nodded in appreciation. "Thank you, Gerald," she said before turning to the next student.

  As each student stood up and offered their introductions, my gaze kept drifting to the monster on the screen. It was massive, terrifying. With big sunken black eyes and a pale, stretched, face, it looked like death...only...meaner, somehow. Finally, it was my turn. I blinked, realizing all eyes were on me.

  "Um..." I started. "Hi, my name is Harlow and I'm from Summerville, South Carolina and..." one thing I disliked about myself…one thing I disliked about myself...my gaze went back to the image. It was as if it was taunting me—telling me to take the superficial route. The easy answer.

  No one liked the way they looked. I could have certainly used a haircut. My face was a litt
le longer than I would have preferred, my lips a little thinner than some of the celebrities that everyone thought were so pretty. But I couldn't choose that. My face and appearance weren't really things I could change—well, not without plastic surgery or something like that. Then I thought, why would this professor ask something like that? What were some of the answers others had given?

  Eyes were on me, waiting for a response. I chewed nervously at my lip, sliding my thumb over the hem of my shirt. Gerald disliked that he wasn't good at public speaking. Some girl named Veronica didn't like that she was usually tardy or running late to places. What didn't I like about myself? Or really, the question was—since there were plenty of things that I didn't like about myself—what was I going to answer with?

  "...and," I looked out over the classroom and met Dr. C’s stare, "I don't always try for what I want, and I don't like that," I finished. Dr. C nodded and then the rest of the class faced forward again, allowing me the chance to breathe once more, as the professor moved towards the computer.

  "The reason I had you all tell me something you didn't like about yourselves is because, in life, there is always going to be something you want to fix or change. There's always going to be something you don't like." Dr. C stopped behind the computer and faced the class. "Most of you, as you may have noticed, didn't give us dislikes that couldn't be changed—therefore, you have ingrained in you all something precious—the understanding that change can happen."

  No one was writing. No one was taking notes, but we were all listening rather intently.

  "That is one of the reasons why you're all here," she continued, "because you believe that change can happen and that it can get rid of the things you dislike."

  "In this class, you will learn that change can also be a creation and creation can be a monster." She pauses and nods towards the screen. "That is why our first book is going to be Frankenstein."