Salsa and Speedbumps

by Baganz, Susan M. ;

  “Wow, pleasant surprise. How did you know what kind of vehicle I drove?”

  His hand came forward to help her out of the low car. “Wednesday, after lunch, there were few cars left in the lot, and yours was to the back and just looked like the kind of car you would drive. Your personalized license plate is descriptive too—BLD BOM.” Roberto smiled and closed the door.

  “A result of my younger, wilder days. I should give it up. My best friend says my convertible is impractical transportation for someone in Wisconsin. She’s right. I’ll probably be trading it in soon.”

  “It looks like it’d be fun to drive with the top down on a day like today with the sun shining and the weather not too hot.”

  Stephanie nodded. “One of the selling points.”

  Together, they walked to the restaurant. Robbie seated Stephanie on a bench outside in the shade while he made his way to put their name on the waiting list.

  He returned and lowered himself to the seat next to her, keeping a space between them. “In spite of the length of the line, they said it would only be about twenty minutes.”

  “I think I can survive that long.”

  “Good, a woman expiring on the first date is considered bad form.” He folded his hands in front of him.

  “Expire? You make me sound like milk that’s gone bad.” She giggled.

  He liked her laugh. “Never that.”

  “I should explain about Luis.”

  “The bore at church? No need. He’s jealous because I am with you and he’s not. Simple and understandable. We can forget it happened.”

  “Can you really forget things like that?” She turned towards him and placed a hand on his arm.

  Warmth spread through his shirt like a branding iron. “No, but I can choose not to focus on it. I prefer to live as Paul said in Philippians, ‘Whatever is pure and right and honorable…or something similar…think on these things.’”

  “That’s a good philosophy in theory, but harder to do in reality.”

  There was a heaviness behind the words as Robbie gazed into her troubled blue eyes. “Is life so difficult for you that you cannot consider the good things?” He placed his hand on hers—the electrical circuit completed a route through his heart. “I’m sorry. That’s probably too personal for a first date, especially when I haven’t even fed you yet.” He removed his hand. This girl stirred things in him…

  Stephanie giggled. “Personal, yes, but I’m beyond the foolishness of college years when I pretended life was great and grand and I was the hottest thing since sliced bread. There are things you should understand about me before you decide I’m worth a second glance.”

  “So I can expect you to be authentic and not just eye candy?” He didn’t mind the eye candy part at all but sensed a depth in her. He longed to learn more.

  “I hope so. How about you? Are you going to be ‘eye candy’ as you put it?”

  He glanced away and sighed. “I don’t think I’m anything special outside of my standing in Jesus Christ. I’m an ordinary man who tries to do his job well and seeks to listen to God as He directs my steps, day by day.”

  “Does God direct you that closely?” She squeezed his arm with the hand still resting there. “I believe in God, and try to obey, but sometimes I feel, well, alone. Like He’s not talking to me.”

  “Everyone goes through periods of wondering if God is listening and will answer prayers.” He glanced back at her. He was close enough to inhale her perfume. She smelled like a piña colada—pineapple and coconut. His mouth watered.

  “You’ve experienced that too?”

  “More often than I’d care to admit.”

  “So what do you do? How can you walk daily without hearing His voice? I’m not being antagonistic, I want to figure out if I’m missing something.”

  Robbie was delighted with this line of questioning. More than anything, he wanted a woman in his life who shared his faith. “If I read God’s word on a daily basis, seek to pray, and ask about what it is He desires of me, even when I don’t hear him, I can make decisions and choices in a way I think is what He would want for me.

  “It doesn’t mean everything I do is perfect. I screw up a lot more than I like. Not every risk pays off. At least I assume I’ve His approval on the path. If there is a check in my spirit, anything holding me back, I listen, even if it’s something I want to do. I figure it might be the Holy Spirit telling me to stop. Does that make sense?”

  “I think so. Scripture says you can grieve the Holy Spirit through sin. Does simple confession free one up to hear from Him again?”

  “I think that’s right.”

  Stephanie sighed. Her hand lifted off his arm and returned to her own lap.

  He experienced a chill with its absence. “Is something heavy on your heart, Stephanie? I’m a safe person. I give all my clients a listening ear and complete confidentiality. I would do no less for you as a friend.”

  “Is that what we are, friends?”

  “I’d like for us to be.” He reached over to grab her hand and gave it a squeeze. He desired more than that but wondered if he even stood a chance with the beauty by his side.

  “I think I would like that too.” She rotated her hand around and squeezed back, giving him a smile.

  Robbie’s name came over the loudspeaker, so he stood and assisted her to her feet, all the while holding her hand. He released it to put his palm on her back as he guided her through the crowd to the hostess. Soon they were seated, placed their orders and received their beverages.

  “A bit of Mexican for you?” Robbie teased.

  “I get plenty of Italian, working at DeLuca’s Cucina, but I don’t eat there much. Sometimes I take a sandwich because it’s quicker. If I ate that kind of diet all the time, I’d be twice my size.” She frowned and her eyes dropped to her plate.

  “What’s wrong? Your smile faded away and it was like the sun had disappeared behind a cloud.” He lifted up his glass of raspberry lemonade and sipped.

  Her shoulders raised as she took a deep breath, and lowered as she let it out. “There is something you need to know about me before you invest any more time in this relationship.”

  “Sounds serious. Why don’t I pray for our meal before it comes so you are not interrupted in the telling of your story?” He extended a hand across the table and she reached back with hers. They bent their heads. “Lord, thank You for guiding me to Stephanie on Wednesday and nudging me to ask her out. Please give Stephanie comfort and courage as she tells her story and give me grace to listen. May You be glorified by our time spent together here, and bless the food that is about to come. Allow it to sustain us for the work You called us to do. Amen.” Robbie opened his eyes and gave Stephanie’s hand a squeeze before letting it go.

  Taking back her hand, she grabbed her napkin and busied herself with placing it on her lap. She took a sip of lemonade and was about to begin when the meal arrived.

  “Thank you, Anna,” Roberto said to the waitress.

  “I hope you enjoy your meals. Let me know if you need anything else,” Anna replied.

  He glanced at Stephanie who shook her head. “I think we are good for now. Thanks.”

  The waitress turned to go to take care of other customers, and Robbie focused his attention on his date.

  Stephanie took another sip of her drink and cut a piece off her Tex-Mex chicken. She chewed, set her fork down and looked up. Robbie ate a bite of his steak as he nodded to let her know he was ready to listen.

  “When I was young, before I knew Jesus, I lived a pretty wild life. I was what Luis called me—a tart. But after Jesus, I swore I wouldn’t do that kind of stuff anymore. I held on to that pledge for years. I lost boyfriend after boyfriend when I made it clear there was a line I wouldn’t cross.” She sighed. “Until a few months ago, I did great. I don’t want to get into the details, but I dated Luis and things went too far. We broke up because of that, but I didn’t escape the consequences.” She pursed her lips together an
d focused on cutting another forkful of food. Tears welled up, and she avoided eye contact with him.

  It took only seconds for the truth to dawn. Robbie set his fork down. “You’re pregnant? How long ago was this?” he asked, his voice as low as he dared against the noise of the restaurant around them.

  “A little over three months.” Her blue eyes met his gaze.

  “Luis is the father?”

  “Correct. We no longer see each other.”

  “Marriage is out of the question between you?” Please say no.

  “I don’t think that getting married because of an unexpected pregnancy is a good thing. It became obvious, even before I discovered I was pregnant, that a relationship between us was not going to work.”

  “I take it he’s not accepted that decision?”

  “That would be an understatement. He’s furious and has been hounding me since I shared the news.”

  “What do you desire, for you and the child?”

  “I want to be loved and cherished for me. I would love to keep this baby. My arms ache to be a mom. I cannot imagine doing that as a single parent. You probably spied me listening to the adoption stories on Wednesday. If God desires me to remain single, which seems to be the direction He’s leading, I will give the baby up, even though it breaks my heart to think of that.”

  “Did you want to get pregnant?”

  “No. I didn’t even want to have…you know. I had vowed not to.” She avoided his eyes.

  He read what she wasn’t saying between the lines. Date rape. His muscles tensed and a stab of pain reminded him to take a deep breath and relax. He was in no position to retaliate against Luis. He tilted his head as he looked at her. “As a child who was adopted, I have great respect for women who chose that, regardless of how they find themselves in that situation.”

  “I don’t expect you to provide me counsel. I didn’t accept a date so I could have free legal services.”

  “It never crossed my mind. I didn’t choose to date you so I could get free Italian meals either.” He grinned at her and took another bite of his steak.

  She giggled. “Touché. I am curious, though, as to what led you to ask me to go out with you without knowing anything about me.”

  “Fair question.” He leaned away from the table and gazed at her. He saw her mentally throw off a weight as she shifted gears to listen to him. She brushed her long blonde curls behind her shoulder, and he wondered if her hair was as soft as it appeared.

  Focus.

  “When I looked into your eyes, it seemed right. Mr. Bixby spoke highly of you. No doubt he was up to a little matchmaking. You are a beautiful woman and gracious in the way you deal with people. Even so, I think the Holy Spirit gave me the nudge to ask.”

  “I’m sorry if you are disappointed, now that you know the truth. Who would want to date, much less marry, a woman pregnant with another man’s child?”

  Robbie’s brow furrowed and he frowned. “I think Joseph had some reservations when he found out his fiancée, Mary, was pregnant by the Holy Spirit. He married her anyway. He raised Jesus as his own son, and together, they had other children as well.”

  “You don’t feel gypped at my news?”

  “Why? I’ve witnessed many choices far worse with much larger consequences than yours. I’m a child of adoption and support a non-profit adoption agency. If anyone would be accepting of your situation, it should be me. Sin is sin. Yes, yours has more far reaching consequences, but God forgives when we come to Him repentant. I can tell that you’ve done that, even though it was not your trespass but Luis’s. I suspect you have a hard time accepting God’s forgiveness for yourself.” He paused for a moment. “Given what happened, why did you accept my invitation?”

  Stephanie focused on moving food around her plate before meeting his gaze. “That was easy. You enchanted me with a kiss on the hand. I wanted an opportunity to feel special for once and be escorted by a handsome man.” Her smile turned sheepish. “I guess I accepted you to assuage my wounded ego.”

  Robbie laughed. “Well, that was honest. Thank you for your compliment. I often hear stuff like that from my mother, but she’s biased.”

  “She speaks the truth. She raised an intelligent, compassionate son.”

  Robbie frowned. “I think you are building me up to be more than I am. I’m not a knight in shining armor. I have my quirks and sins as well.” He leaned back and gazed at the radiant woman across from him. His heart ached for her. Did he feel dismay that she was pregnant? He had to admit to a bit of a letdown that this gorgeous gal was not the fantasy virgin bombshell he had imagined. Her defenses had been brutally breached. He burned with anger at this Luis guy for what he had done to this gem of a woman who sat before him. He took a sip of his lemonade and blinked away the sharp stab of pain that threatened to darken his mood. He straightened up and leaned against the back of the booth and tried to relax.

  “Really? Care to share a big sin? Tit for tat?”

  Robbie saw warmth in her eyes and regretted that what he had to share might diminish it. She was pregnant and he still desired her. God, what are you up to? He swallowed the fear that rose up inside of him, making him regret having had steak for lunch. She’d refuse to see him again when he was done. She trusted him with her story and he owed her his.

  “I was involved in bad car accident while in college. Driving too fast for conditions. No one else was hurt. I was alone. The car was totaled. I injured my neck and lower back. Providentially, I didn’t end up paralyzed. As I recovered and attempted to keep up with my studies, I relied on pain medications to take the edge off the constant and, at times, debilitating pain. I tried physical therapy and chiropractic but still could not free myself from the daily agony.

  “I figured out how to get the narcotics I needed from more than one doctor. I progressed from Darvocet to Vicodin. I never took illegal drugs. I was a law student, after all, and had my scruples, which didn’t seem to extend to abusing prescription medications. Stress made things worse, and in an attempt to get through finals, I took one too many pills. An accidental overdose. I ended up in the hospital for a week. I had to go off all the medications, and it was torture.

  “I became nasty to the nurses, doctors and my family. I’m surprised, with as crazy as I got, that I didn’t end up in the psych ward. I’d gone insane from the pain and the withdrawal. That was about three years ago, and the most I take now is ibuprofen or acetaminophen. I meet with some men from church who keep me accountable, and I see a doctor who works with me to help with pain management.

  “I am a drug addict, Stephanie. That’s my sin. I’ve gone back to that hospital and tried to apologize to every staff person I verbally abused. The people I’ll never fully make it up to are my mom and dad.”

  “Are you in pain now?”

  Roberto nodded. “It’s constant. Sometimes it’s worse than at others. Certain activities aggravate it. I try to do my stretches and stay fit, and while it helps some, it doesn’t take it away. It will be a life-long struggle.”

  Stephanie reached across the table to clasp his hand. “I admire you for doing the hard work in spite of your pain. What an awful journey you’ve been on.”

  Robbie gave a half-smile, “Thank you for accepting my past. Does this make us even in the sinner category?” Inwardly, he sighed in relief. She hadn’t bolted. If she were smart, she would refuse to see him again. He did not deserve her grace or anyone else’s. She had no clue how temptation stalked him daily.

  “Was there a competition?” Stephanie grinned.

  “I think that when we came in here there was. You believed that your sin was so great no one could empathize or accept you as you are, right now today, a loved and forgiven child of the King of kings. Stephanie, everyone is struggling with something. I may appear fine and no one would realize the depth of pain and struggle I face except for when I let it spill out in being irritable. Your journey will be more visible in time, but no less forgiven.” Okay, so how come I can’
t apply this to myself? Always the lawyer, good with words, but do they really go deeper than that?

  “Thank you, Robbie. I’m sorry for your ongoing suffering. Do you worry that you will ever slip back into taking something?”

  He groaned. “All the time. I avoid alcohol because it can numb the pain. I try to stay away from negative thinking and pity party moments that come to knock me off my stride. I attempt to cling to God as much as possible. He is my only hope for staying on the narrow path of recovery. If I were a woman looking at me as a future spouse, I would wonder when and if I would slip again.”

  “I hadn’t considered that.” She had finished her meal and set down her fork. She dabbed at her lips with her napkin.

  “Don’t think too hard about it, Stephanie, because I like you and want to see you again. I hope my revelation doesn’t close the door to that.”

  “If my own secret didn’t slam a door, why would I do it to you? I like you and look forward to getting better acquainted.” Stephanie smiled.

  “Would either of you like some dessert today?” asked Anna as she approached the table. Robbie looked at Stephanie who shook her head.

  “Thank you, Anna, just the bill please.” The waitress walked away. Robbie reached into his pocket to grab his cell phone.

  “Let’s get some information to figure out how we can stay connected. I work most days and you work nights. Are Sunday afternoons going to be the only time to meet?”

  Stephanie pulled out her phone, and together, they shared schedules and numbers and decided to connect again next Sunday and take it from there.

  Robbie paid the bill and accompanied Stephanie to her car, opening the door and helping her inside. She turned on the engine and put the roof down. She glanced up at him with a grin, “Thank you for lunch. I don’t want this date to end. Wanna go for a joy ride?”

  Robbie smiled and walked over to get in on the passenger side, pulling out his sunglasses as he got seated and buckled in. There was nothing more he wanted to do right now than spend time with this woman who glowed from within, and he didn’t think it was only because she was pregnant. She radiated the joy of Christ. He relaxed into the leather seat, let the wind mess up his hair, and enjoyed just being with her. She was almost better than any drug at distracting him from his pain.