Looking For Love (Semper Fi, The Forever Faithful Series Book 2)

by Stella Starling

  “Micah will never be ‘on the side,’” Zach said, cutting her off. Micah had stiffened next to him at Janis’s ugly words, and just like that, Zach’s anger was back. “And there aren’t going to be any Navy spousal benefits for you, either.”

  She opened her mouth like she was going to interrupt, but he kept talking over her, needing her to understand the way things were.

  “I’ve got some money set aside—” his father’s money, which, for once, didn’t make Zach nauseous to think about using. At least, not for this, “—and if the baby is mine, it’s more than enough to cover prenatal care and the child’s other needs. But besides the fact that I’m not going to reenlist, if I ever do get married, it’s going to be for love.”

  “But Zach, I do lov—”

  His bark of disbelieving laughter cut her off.

  “Fine,” she said, crossing her arms. “But I always really liked you, Zach, and you were so good to me. We were so good together, remember? I could love you.”

  “But I couldn’t love you, Janis,” he said, too pissed off by her relentless, deceitful pursuit to worry about being tactful. “And not just because I’m already in love with someone else.”

  Her eyes hardened, and she threw Micah a resentful look. “What, you mean him? You’d actually want to marry him?”

  Zach’s face split into a wide grin before he could stop it. Janis’s question was bitter and catty and totally out of line… but it cut right through Zach’s anger anyway. Because did he want to marry Micah? It was far, far too soon for him to be thinking of that, but since she’d brought it up…

  Oh, hell yes. That’s exactly what he wanted.

  “Oh my God,” Micah said, slapping his hands over his cheeks as they flooded with color. “That’s not something you… Zach didn’t mean… Janis, you can’t just say…”

  Zach’s smile stretched even wider at Micah’s stuttering protestations, because for all his flustered embarrassment, Micah wasn’t actually objecting to the idea.

  “I’m the one who needs you to take care of me, Zach,” Janis snapped, her hands cupping her stomach. “He doesn’t need—”

  “He may not,” Zach interrupted her, turning to Micah as he spoke. “But I do. I need him, and someday, if he’ll have me, maybe I’ll be lucky enough that he’ll say yes to marrying me, too.”

  Micah’s eyes got wide as he made an adorable little “eep” sound. Janis looked back and forth between the two of them, her face darkening with anger. But a crashing sound came from the vicinity of the stove, making them all jump and saving him—for the moment, at least—from whatever commentary Janis may have had on the subject.

  He hadn’t even noticed Precious sneaking away during the conversation, but the scared yip and sound of scrabbling nails on linoleum that accompanied the crash left no doubt as to its cause.

  “Oh, shoot,” Micah said. “Breakfast.”

  He dashed into the kitchen. As soon as he left the room, Janis reached for Zach’s arm, pulling his attention back to her.

  “We could make a family together, Zach,” she said, touching her belly. “Isn’t that what you want? A real family, like you didn’t have growing up? Because the way you always used to talk about your dad refusing to marry your mom, I thought you’d…”

  Janis’s voice trailed off as she watched Zach’s face, and even if he didn’t always wear his heart on his sleeve with quite the same transparency as Micah did, he had no doubt that his feelings about that idea were pretty easy for her to read. Her eyes searched his face, the sound of Micah cleaning up the kitchen the only sound between them.

  “You really are in love with him, aren’t you?”

  “I really am.”

  His firm answer made her face crumple, and she sank down onto the couch, clutching her purse against her chest.

  “Well, what am I supposed to do now?” she asked, her eyes spilling over yet again. Zach stifled a sigh. Janis had always been quick to cry when she wasn’t getting her way, but she’d never been quite this emotional. There must have been some truth to her claim that pregnancy hormones were affecting her.

  What Zach was more interested in, though, was her other claim.

  “Is it my baby, Janis?” he asked, cutting to the chase.

  Janis’s eyes snapped to his, her hands tightening on her purse until her knuckles turned white. After a second, her grip on it loosened, and her whole body seemed to deflate.

  “It could be,” she finally whispered, fumbling for the tissue she’d pulled out earlier and dodging his gaze again as she used it to wipe at her wet eyes. “I mean, you did always want kids, right, Zach? So I thought…”

  She glanced up at him, and whatever it was she saw on his face made all the color drain out of hers.

  “As soon as I realized I wanted to keep the baby, you were the first person I thought of, Zach,” she said, talking so fast the words almost ran together. “You’re the best guy I know. You would be so good for the baby.”

  That sounded like a no to him. She’d lied to him. Micah’s certainty had convinced Zach of it, but still, hearing it from Janis was something else. A relief. A vindication. But also… fuck.

  Infuriating.

  She’d lied to him.

  The anger he’d felt earlier surged up again, hotter and uglier and filling him to overflowing; a hot rush that threatened to swamp him. Zach sucked in a breath, letting it out slowly to buy himself some time to calm down.

  Nope, still mad.

  Still… fucking… mad.

  Janis was staring at him, wide-eyed and nervous. She should be. She’d put him through hell.

  Zach took another slow breath, waiting until he could say something that was more than just a string of profanity.

  “You’re telling me that I’m not the father?” he finally bit out, needing to hear her actually deny it. Needing to know for sure that Micah’s faith in him was justified.

  “You mean, um, biologically?”

  Janis swallowed at the look he gave her, then shot to her feet, words pouring out of her in a desperate rush.

  “I’m not sure exactly how far along I am, but it’s… um, at least a couple of months. I mean, I know when I missed my period, so the biological father could be Jackson, my old boss at the title company, or this other guy, Chris, who I went out with a few times.” She bit her lip. “I also hooked up with a Marine around that time, though, just for one night, and now he’s deployed. But Zach, none of them would be good fathers. Like, not at all. My baby deserves better. You would be such a good—”

  “Oh my God.” Micah’s quietly whispered exclamation cut through Janis’s cascade of words like a knife through butter, and she snapped her mouth closed. He was standing at the edge of the living room holding a spatula in one hand and a piece of burnt toast in the other, and his pale, normally happy eyes were filled with indignation. “You are such a liar.”

  “This isn’t your business,” Janis spat, holding her purse in front of her chest like a shield.

  “Wrong again, Janis,” Zach said tightly. “I told you, my business is his business. Especially this. Your lies didn’t just affect me, they hurt Micah, too. And frankly, I don’t even understand why you thought you could get away with it.” He shook his head in disbelief. “Did you honestly think you could pull on my heartstrings so hard by comparing me to my father that I wouldn’t insist on knowing for sure? And even if it had worked, what would that have meant for your child to grow up with a lie like that?”

  “I… I… I didn’t really think it through, Zach,” Janis said, crying again. It seemed to be her new default state… at least, when she wasn’t busy being a lying bitch. “And I thought you’d want to help. After the way you grew up? I figured you’d like taking care of a kid. It would give you a chance to give the baby what you never had. I didn’t mean to lie about it. When I first found out I was pregnant, I just panicked. I came here to see you the same day, but you weren’t home.”

  “You came to see me?” Zach asked i
ncredulously. “Why? If this happened a few months ago—” a vague memory surfaced: Ana, mentioning that Janis had stopped by out of the blue, “—I obviously would have known it wasn’t mine.”

  “I told you, I wasn’t planning on lying,” she said, crying even harder. “I was just going to… to… I don’t know. Ask for your help. See if you’d take care of me. And yes, I did think that because of your father, maybe you’d care about my baby having to grow up without one. That maybe you’d want to be there for it, the way you used to be there for me. But then the beach happened, and at the hospital, I found out you were with him—”

  She threw Micah another resentful look, and Micah bristled at Zach’s side.

  “Watch it, Janis,” Zach said. “This conversation is almost over anyway, but if you can’t be civil to Micah, it ends now.”

  Her lips tightened into a thin, white line, but after a second of blessed silence, she gave him a jerky nod.

  “I wasn’t sure if you’d still want to help me when you were already with someone else,” she went on, making a point to avoid looking at Micah again. “So when you were pressing me for details that day at lunch, I just… I panicked again, Zach. I could tell you didn’t really want to be there with me. You weren’t like you used to be. You were all impatient and… and… irritated. The lie just slipped out, but then once I’d said it, I realized it was perfect, you know? I figured we really could be a family.”

  “Oh my God. You’re horrible,” Micah said. “That’s not ‘perfect,’ that’s just… wrong. Wrong, and selfish, and horrible.”

  “It wasn’t selfish,” Janis snapped. “I was thinking of my baby.” She caught herself, switching to a calmer tone as she turned to Zach. “And of you, too.”

  “Me?” Zach asked, laughing in disbelief.

  “Yes, you,” Janis said, straightening her shoulders. “I know you, Zach. You like taking care of people, and you always said how bad it was, growing up with parents who didn’t want you. I know you were talking about being in love earlier, but just think about it. You could give this baby all the love that you missed out on. You’d like that, wouldn’t you? Having a baby to love? Getting the chance to be better than your own father was?”

  Zach held up a hand. He was done.

  “Stop it, Janis.”

  “Are you mad?” she asked, twisting her hands together.

  Zach barked a harsh laugh, pinching the bridge of his nose. Really?

  Really?

  He took a breath. And then another. She wasn’t worth that kind of mad. He just wanted her gone.

  “Zach?” she prompted.

  “Yeah, I’m mad, Janis,” he finally said, impressed at how calm his voice actually sounded. “And I need you to leave.”

  For a moment, it looked like she actually might keep pushing, but then the fight went out of her.

  “But what will my baby do without you, Zach?” she asked, sounding hopeless. “I don’t think I’m going to be a good mother on my own.”

  “So learn how,” Micah said. “My mom raised three of us on her own. It might not be easy, but people do it every day. And just because something isn’t easy, doesn’t mean it’s not worth doing. Besides, didn’t you say your parents want to help?”

  “Oh, God,” Janis said, looking forlorn. She turned back to Zach. “Nothing happens in Bloomfield. Ever. It’s a two-hour drive just to get to a decent-sized city… and even then, the only place to go is fucking St. Louis or—God—Peoria. I don’t want to get stuck there again. I can’t. Isn’t there something we could work out, Zach?”

  “No,” Zach bit out, walking to the door with unmistakable intent. “And it’s not all about what you want anymore, is it, Janis? Like you said to me, you need to think about what’s best for the baby, and whether you stay in San Diego or move back in with your parents, that’s going to include figuring out who the father is and giving him a chance to step up. An honest one.”

  It really wasn’t his problem, but he still couldn’t help feeling for the baby. Hoping, for its sake, that she was telling the truth about wanting it, even if she turned out to be a less-than-ideal mother. Zach did like helping people, he cared, like she’d known he would. And maybe if she’d come to him with a different kind of request, he might have gotten involved with helping her find solutions. But now? After all this? He was done.

  “It’s time for you to go,” he said, holding the door open for her and ignoring her latest batch of tears. “And remember, there are worse things than growing up in a small town with no beach access. If you really love this baby, that will be enough.”

  “I do love it,” Janis said, sounding defeated.

  “Then all you have to do is make sure it knows that.”

  She sighed, lingering in front of him in the doorway, but then Precious barked once—a sharp, impatient sound—and it was enough to finally get Janis to leave.

  Such a good dog.

  Zach closed the door. It was really over. All the heaviness that had been weighing on his heart—all the anger that had flared to life during Janis’s visit—dissolved as the latch clicked into place behind her, and his heart started to lighten as it hit him. It was over, and he wasn’t going to waste one more second dwelling on it. Besides, with Micah in it? His future was far more interesting than his past.

  “I don’t think I’m a good person,” Micah said, biting his lip as he stared after Janis.

  Zach laughed. “I’m pretty sure you’re wrong about that, Micah,” he said, crossing the room and wrapping his arms around him.

  Precious leaned against the two of them, her tail swishing against the floor as if she agreed.

  “I know Janis is upset and just trying to look out for her baby,” Micah said, scratching Precious behind the ears. “But I still almost said some really nasty things to her. Her horrible lies hurt you, and even after she admitted it, she just wouldn’t let it go. She’s still just thinking about herself. She’s—”

  Zach cut him off with a kiss, grinning against his lips as Micah’s outrage warmed his heart.

  “What she is, baby, is gone.”

  Finally.

  For a second, Micah looked like he still wanted to rant, but then he gave it up and grinned, too.

  “So is our breakfast,” he said, going up on his tiptoes to kiss Zach again. “And I worked so hard on it.”

  Precious whined, slinking off to hide under the kitchen table.

  “A little hard work never hurt anything, did it?” Zach teased. “Besides, breakfast isn’t what I need right now.”

  Just Micah. Always.

  Micah started turning Zach’s favorite shade of pink, but then he bit his lip, hesitating.

  “What is it, baby?”

  “Um, about that… the needing thing?” Micah said, blushing even harder. “Earlier, you said, um, you know, something about needing me, and, about, well, maybe someday, um…”

  Micah’s voice trailed off as his blush reached a full fire-engine red, and Zach took over, putting him out of his misery.

  “Something about wanting to marry you someday?”

  “Yeah,” Micah said, more of a breath than a word. He swallowed. “So that wasn’t… I mean, you weren’t… Zach, I know you weren’t actually asking me that, right?”

  “Right.”

  “Oh,” Micah said, the word coming out with a tiny sigh of disappointment.

  Zach bit back a smile. “Not yet, baby.”

  And definitely not with Janis as an audience.

  “Yet? Oh. Um, okay,” Micah said, the sparkle reigniting in his eyes.

  “We haven’t been together that long,” Zach reminded him.

  “I know,” Micah said, grinning up at him happily.

  “And you’re young,” Zach said. “You might not want to settle dow—”

  “I do,” Micah blurted, cutting him off. “I want to.”

  Zach laughed, a kind of happiness filling him that he used to wonder if he’d ever find. The kind that made the whole world look differen
t. Vibrant and colorful and hopeful. Lit by the spark that never went out.

  “I mean, I’m not saying it has to be now, of course,” Micah said, the words tumbling out in a hot rush as his whole face glowed with exactly the same kind of happiness. “I know we’re talking about later. But, um, just in theory, how long do people usually wait to…? I mean, not that it matters, because whenever is fine, of course. Someday is totally good for me. Totally. I’m just saying that, I mean, if you ever do want to ask me that question, I already know I’ll say yes.”

  “Okay,” Zach said, trying to keep a straight face.

  “Okay?”

  “Good to know, Micah,” Zach said, his lips twitching.

  Micah nibbled on his lip, his brow furrowing. “Is that, like, a spoiler to tell you that? I’m the worst at surprises.”

  “No, you’re not. You surprise me every day,” Zach said, laughing. “I love you, Micah.”

  “I love you, too,” Micah said, grinning up at him. “And, you know, since you don’t seem to mind spoilers, is it okay to say… forever?”

  “Little sparrow,” Zach said tenderly, leaning down to kiss him. His mate for life. Zach was truly blessed.

  Micah grinned against his mouth, reaching around to pat Zach’s butt.

  “Um, speaking of that… can I see it again? I was a little distracted last night, but oh my God, Zach. I can’t believe you really have a sparrow tattoo!”

  Zach laughed. “Are you trying to get in my pants?”

  “Yes,” Micah said promptly. “Is it working?”

  Zach smiled down at him, his heart overflowing. “Yes.”

  Always… yes.

  Epilogue

  Micah, One year Later

  Micah misjudged the distance between himself and the tabletop, and almost sent the platter of tamales crashing to the ground. As it was, one slipped off before he caught the edge and saved the rest.

  Luckily, Precious was there to cover for him.

  “Don’t tell Sam I let you have that,” he whispered, scratching her behind the ears as they headed back into his mother’s kitchen. “That was not intentional.”