Fallen Warrior (Fallen Trilogy book 3)

by Williams, Tess

  In his palm he held a pouch.

  I heard his words repeated, as his eyes flicked up from it. I love you, Ellia. Like I'd be foolish to imagine anything else.

  I dropped my hand from the doorknob, where it had frozen, then I stepped forward to him.

  "Did you sleep well?" he asked me. His tone was surprisingly even.

  I thought of dreaming of Cyric. Even dreaming of a thousand kisses. I bobbed my head.

  "Good," he replied, his tone sounding like he was smiling, and he straightened up at the same time. "I did as well. Too bad we didn't come sooner and get these ruler's beds. They're much softer, aren't they?"

  My brow pinched together. I felt it, though I wished I wasn't showing such a sign. "Softer than a couch, I'm sure," I replied.

  Cole laughed straight-away, something light and easy.

  I felt a sharp pain in my gut, shouting at me that I was horridly cruel, talking like this when I hadn't replied to him twice-over. But he spoke on, before I could react to it.

  "I was waiting to tell you—you have meetings don't you?—but Tongon gave me something. I think it's important, or at least..." His voice trailed off, as he looked down at the pouch. He shifted it in his hand, fingers around the top, so that it didn't entirely seem as if he were offering it to be taken. "It's for the chimera," he said simply. "I think we should bring it to Luffie, first, when we can."

  "What?" I replied, instantly strict. "What do you mean, it's for Luffie? When did Tongon give this to you?"

  He really did hide the pouch away now. There was something to his tone, when he said, "When you were in the meeting with the rulers."

  I frowned.

  "He said it's a pledge," Cole went on fluidly. "Not a pledge for the Black Tortoises, but a pledge for the Azure Dragons. It's yours princess," he added, making me glance down at his hand to see if he'd held it out, but he hadn't, and he hadn't paused in his sentence either. "But it's mine for safekeeping.... I think that's best, since, you'll be moving around so much, with your meetings."

  Those were his words, but his eyes, which were something colorless in the light of windows, were saying: because you left me alone last night, because you didn't answer me, because I think you'll go off without me, if I don't have something you want. Or was this my own guilt?

  "Won't you be coming with me to the meetings?" I squeaked out.

  Again, he smiled it seemed, all to his eyes. "Do you want me to come, princess?" His tone was humored, until I pressed my lips, then he glanced off, and it turned strained when he spoke on. "I heard about the Lieutenants. It's no wonder you're happy. You know that makes me happy as well, princess. I'm very glad you found them, and Tarful. It's like magic for you." His eyes fell back on me, and they'd gotten brighter, and so he spoke. "I wanted to tell you about this pledge now, because I think it's important. From the way Tongon..." He pinched his eyes, like he was remembering carefully; it was such a normal thing, just normal Cole, not hurt at all, that I held my breath to keep it the same. When the thoughtful look cleared, his tone remained easy. "I really do think we shouldn't wait long. Do you have many meetings? For the war maybe? If they don't end by dark... perhaps you should ask that they would, so we can pass back before the blizzard."

  "You want to leave Genbu today?" I asked, with surprise, losing the breath I'd been holding.

  He nodded calmly. "I told you Tongon—"

  There were a hundred voices in my head; all his from before: alluding to wanting to stay. I felt his hand against my waist as I answered the door for Tongon, then I replied to interrupt him. "It's only that we have the war meetings. They thought I would stay for them, at least on until the week."

  "I would normally think that was fine, Ellia," he replied coolly. "But it's not a necessity, is it? I mean it about Tongon. I think it'll be most important to get to Luffie, and then back to the other chimera. They'll be more chances to speak with them. Aren't they heading through their tunnels to Karatel?"

  I frowned, putting every urge into keeping back from biting my lip. It was no wonder I was confused after all. It hadn't been just in the moment, back in Yanartas. After thinking so much of Cyric yesterday, and then dreaming of him, it was obvious. Cole really was very much like Cyric. Leaning against things, and knowing every bit about things he shouldn't. Only Cyric had never waited for me before I'd woken; and he'd never told me he loved me either.

  "How do you know about that?" I asked.

  He shrugged, glancing behind me, so that I turned and saw a few passing Genbuans; though he didn't wait to answer, so I looked back quickly. "I've been around this morning. I couldn't sleep well."

  "You just told me that you did sleep well," I argued.

  It was instantly, that his whole body locked up to tensing. His eyes were meeting mine, but the dark parts rattled within the whites so that I got the express feeling that I'd broken something he'd carefully pieced together.

  "Oh, Cole," I said.

  "Right, about the meetings, yeah?" he interrupted. "We'll just try for today, and see how it goes. If you think it's necessary, we'll just wait." He started walking backwards, holding up the pouch. "Just don't forget what I said about the pledge."

  "Where are you going? Aren't you going to eat breakfast?" I asked.

  "I already ate. I'm going to pack."

  "Well, I'll pack too. We'll leave as soon as I've told the rulers."

  He was still walking backwards. He didn't seem to know what to say to this. He looked as if he wanted to argue, lifting a hand up, but then he held it back.

  "You were right about the meetings," I explained. "The important ones will be in Karatel. Those ones which you'll be at, Cole. You remember I already asked, Lucian. He said you can be there, Cole. Remember, we're to attack Akadia?"

  I wanted to remind him, by this, of his lost love. And perhaps to please him, reminding him that he could have his revenge on Akadia soon. There was a time, that night in my cabin just—where it had been so very important to him.

  He was close to the end of the hall now.

  "Yes, that's why I think we'd better get to the chimera. I'll be around—when you're ready. If you're sure we'll leave today."

  "Yes, I'm sure."

  He had almost disappeared.

  "Cole, Genbu is strange as we thought, wasn't it? It was a strange place, the things that happened? Remember fighting Akadia is most important to you?"

  "Yes, that's right, Ellia," he replied. "I'm glad we'll be gone from Genbu, and back to fighting."

  I got the distinct impression—that there was nothing behind these words. Like everything he'd said, since I'd caught him in the lie, then he'd started walking backwards, had just been made-up words. Replies to my callings. And now he was gone, disappeared down another hall. And I didn't know where his room was to seek him out.

  I bounced forward in a jerk, almost chasing after him. Then I felt my figurine, in my hand, like a persistent throbbing; like a heart. I didn't even know when I'd pulled it out!

  It stopped me in my tracks anyways. I only thought that it would not be fair to go on pretending nothing had happened forever. Because he'd still seemed so hopeful, after all...

  CYRIC:

  I'd only wanted to keep her happy. I hadn't slept well, but I'd thought, even if I couldn't figure anything else out, I could return to my old strategy, to Minstrel's strategy. But then at the same time, I knew we needed to get to Luffie. I'd spent the night back down in the sacred halls with the Vishnuites; not in those larger chambers, but in the smaller quarters which we'd walked through with Tarful. Where they all roamed about, and where they slept. They'd helped me, more than one of them, with their collection of books, finding just what I needed on the golden dragons.

  It wasn't that I hadn't known who Tongon had meant; I'd known what he'd meant as soon as he'd spoken. I only wanted to confirm something which I'd read before, about what this pledge and the golden dragon might do to one another. And, maybe, I also hadn't wanted to sleep alone in the large suite the
rulers had assigned to me.

  But still, still, I'd meant to make her happy. I'd had it all in hand. I hadn't needed her to answer me about anything; I'd reminded myself of that. I'd reminded myself that I was glad just to protect her—not only if it meant I could her kiss her and own her as well. I'd thought that reassuring her with ease would be best, and I'd thought that teasing her might make her laugh. I had made her laugh once, hadn't I? But then I'd gone and ruined it.

  I stuffed the last of my things in my bag. And then in a flurry so swift it kept even me from knowing what I was doing, I went from the room, into to the adjoining washroom, swiped the mask off of my face and came to stand just in front of the mirror there above the sink. I'd already taken a bath this morning, so I didn't have to shave, and my skin was washed clean; I'd already seen myself today, but this was different. I was really looking. My palms were pressed to the counter. My chest was rising and falling, not from seeing myself, but from the rush of my packing before.

  I put one hand on my forehead, feeling where the skin was scarred and where it wasn't. I stretched it across, palm flat, just over my eyebrows and then I took my other hand and covered the bottom of my face, below my eyes. The light was bright in here, another skylight, letting in the snow-reflecting whiteness—at least until the blizzards came. I could see easily anyways. I looked like myself!

  I pulled some of the fabric of my robes across my face, made sure that it wouldn't be any more than Ellia saw. And still, I looked like myself! I dropped my hands and the cloth altogether, leaned closer and stared. I looked like myself! Sure, I was scarred, but they were only scars, and I was still Cyric Dracla. That was him right there. I recognized him well enough, since it was a face I'd hated for so long. I was still me. I knew who I was.

  Now, I had the sudden urge to race back to where Ellia was—not to show her my face of course—but to take my hands and cover them over just her forehead, and then across her nose and below; so that it would be the same as what she saw of me. I wanted to see if I could tell her by just that little bit. I didn't need to! I would. I knew I would. I could have seen her eyes, just alone, no, just the colored part, just the turquoise that showed like light, and told her. So why couldn't she see me?

  I turned sharp, with my back to the mirror, and my hands going up to my face. I just couldn't do it. Not now. I just couldn't. It was too dangerous, with the battle. I didn't know how she'd react. I just needed to be happy, that I could protect her. What if I told her, and she wouldn't let me fight? What if I told her, and she got so angry that she made me go away from her. What if I told her, and then I said I loved her—as Cyric, I said I loved her—and then she made that same face she'd given me last night. Like I'd just ruined it when she was happy. What if she needed both Cole and Cyric, as both separate people, and if I made them the same one, it would take both away from her? If she wouldn't forgive me, then she'd be all alone. And she'd be in danger at that. And I'd be all alone as well.

  I couldn't. I couldn't. Maybe after the battles. Not now.

  It was different if she asked. I would show her if she asked. Now that I'd told her I wanted her to. Unless she asked, I couldn't do it. She just needed to ask me.

  I could wait until then, just protecting her.

  ELLIA:

  "Look there, it's true," I gasped, pointing at the wall, "It's really there. The stories and everything. And the way it flickers from the torches, all those rainbow colors. How could we have missed it? And you with your excellent sight, Cole." I turned, my lip in full pout that he should witness this—because really, I'd wondered if the Genbuans hadn't been exaggerating about the markings. And then, when the rulers had shown themselves so straining with their pretending, I'd been so sure there'd been no stories or histories along the tunnel leading into Genbu at all. Certainly not all those marked upon the walls of the sacred halls. But here we were, surrounded by rainbow flames, the brightness of Genbu having just closed behind us, and there were the markings as clear as anything.

  "Can you believe it, Cole?"

  He was—just as I turned to incur his agreeance with my pout—standing perfectly still. He wasn't standing close to the wall, not with his hand stretching over it, as he'd stretched it over the walls sneaking us to spy on the Genbuan's great hall. He wasn't warning me away from getting too close to the flames. He certainly wasn't taking my hand as he had the last time we'd gone through. Now, he wasn't even answering me.

  "Cole, don't you think...." My voice trailed.

  Finally he replied. "You're right, it's strange.... Maybe it really wasn't there before. I wouldn't put it past them." He sounded perfectly normal—so that I questioned my own perceptive abilities. Then I heard the Genbuan's voice from before. You didn't see the markings? Ah, yes, as I witnessed. You were otherwise distracted. The tunnel is known to cause such things. And I remembered the way we'd been when he'd seen us, Cole's eyes golden, and looking up from our hands, to my eyes, just as he'd spoken.

  "Yes, that's..." I glanced back at the carvings. They seemed perfectly uninteresting all of the sudden. Like the most foolish thing I'd ever pointed out. "I'm sure they could have changed it somehow," I agreed. Then I started walking on. Cole followed suit. I had my arms, awkward across my stomach, since, he'd taken my bag as before. They were both shrugged back over his shoulder, and he had one hand held tight to one of the straps.

  We were both silent. Our steps were the loudest things, even though they were muffled as before, as if there were carpet.

  "Were you able to sort everything out with the rulers?" Cole asked, suddenly—making me jerk to a start to glance back at him.

  "What? Oh, yes. Yes. They're to come to Karatel. Some of them will leave sooner. They'll take their tunnels."

  It got silent again. I felt the energy draining from my fingertips up.

  Cole chuckled short. "I suppose it would have been nice to know about those sooner."

  "What? Oh, yes, it would have been much better. Think, we wouldn't have had to wait until the winter. I could have gone, just as soon as we'd won in Selket. It would have been...." My voice trailed, as I thought, realized, that only that long ago, just that long ago, I'd not known Cole at all. He wouldn't have come with me then. It wouldn't even have been Gael; it would have been Lucian, still unattached to Estrid. I might not even have heard of Cyric's death by then. No, it would have been before his death. Would I have still met Raand and Jaxom? What would I have done? Oh, my, what then, would I have done?

  I inhaled, sharply, felt my body go faint; and to withstand tipping over, I pressed against the tunnel wall. I stopped there, trying not to breathe too strongly, trying not to make any sound so that I wouldn't alert Cole. Such a foolish thing, to get trapped thinking—and at a time like this. But I'd stopped, and Cole had noticed. He turned to face me in a violet light. "Ellia, what's wrong?"

  Then, seeing me as I was, even as I waved a hand in dismissal, he stepped closer in two easy strides.

  "What's wrong?" he repeated.

  "Nothing," I replied. "Nothing. Just silly."

  "It was something I said," he sounded. "No, it's something with the air in here?" He looked around, his head turning this way, then that. "The chemicals from the torches," he accused.

  I could hardly bear his careful concern. "No, Cole, no," I repeated. "It's just me. I'm a silly princess. Please, let's go on. Just ignore it."

  His eyes grazed back down to me—from the torches—like he'd only just realized it was me standing there.

  "Tell me what you were going to say before, instead," I countered. It was the idea of telling him I'd been thinking of Cyric. I would have, only days ago, but now... Should I tell him I grew faint at the thought of having heard of Raand and Jaxom's survival earlier on—so that I might have gone to Akadia? No, I would have! I certainly would have! Then, what? I would have wrapped my arms around him, that's what, and never let him go. Oh, I should not tell this to Cole.

  "Do you remember?" I continued. I straightened up, off the wall
, walking on, dismissing the help he offered.

  It would have been just at the start winter. I could have gone on Luffie; no, she wouldn't have taken me. I would have had to go alone. I would have left Genbu straight for it. I would have given myself up straight to Lox, goodness, I would have stood right at the gates. Would I have had the presence of mind to try and sneak inside the city? No. I might have tried waiting until he came out for training in the fields. How long would I have lasted? And what if, in all his planning, he didn't train in the winter. But, my I would have come when he was in the midst of conspiring with Tarful, and readying to free the Behemoths. What would he have done? He would have killed me. Would he have been angry? Or would he have kissed me? And what, if Lox got hold of me, would he have done? Would he have given me to Cyric again? Or would he have killed me, or used me somehow? It would have been too late to win the Constellation Animals for Akadia.

  I might have been there. What if I'd been there, when Kraehe had been set to kill Cyric? What if I could have stopped her? I would have been there. I could have stopped her.

  "No, I don't remember," Cole replied. "When do you mean? About the tunnels?"

  "No, not the tunnels," I said. "I mean when we were together last in this tunnel. We spoke of the man which hurt your friend. The Taelpian." My breath was short, but I hid it well in my voice. Dresses always clung so tightly against my ribs, but the Warrior's uniform wasn't like that, so I could almost always breathe clearly in it. Barring running, or fighting, or other such things. Using my powers. My powers! I could have used them to get into Akadia. I could have gone straight on to Cyric!

  "Oh..." Cole responded. There was a simpleness to the tone of it, that reminded me of where I was. The lights were dazzling again, and I could feel my strength—all those meetings with the Genbuans, the way in which I would inform the Cirali Warriors of all they'd said, the prospect of the battle now with all the Constellation Animals.