Springtime at Cherry Tree Cottage

by Cathy Woodman

  A few drops of rain start to fall, and I’d like to think that he’ll come over and tell me that he’s calmed down and I’m welcome to stay, at least for tonight, but he’s like a statue, immobile apart from the muscle tensing in his cheek. I hold the end of Rafa’s lead rope, and the handles of the barrow, and set out. Rafa snatches a mouthful of hay on the way out past the cottage.

  ‘Hey, you need to ration yourself.’ I rearrange the feed bucket that’s precariously balanced on top of our belongings. ‘They’re your provisions, for however long it takes us to find somewhere to stay. Where are we going?’

  Rafa blows through his nostrils, as if he hasn’t worked out the seriousness of our situation. We are homeless, or should that be ‘stableless’? And although I’ve often worried about how I’ll be able to afford livery for him, I’ve never been in this position where we have nowhere to go.

  At the gate, I don’t know which way to turn.

  There’s Cherry Tree Cottage and the Saltertons’ place, of course. It isn’t far and they have room for another horse. I wonder if Robbie still has a space in his bed – not that it matters. Whatever we had is over. I thought that the last time we met was one of my lowest points, but this is worse. My heart is in my boots. Tears stream down my face as I make the decision to walk in the opposite direction, past the pigs and towards the river.

  Raindrops patter against the leaves of the trees above. I glance up into a dirty grey mattress of cloud. It’s going to be dark early tonight, and it won’t be safe to be on the road for much longer. My clothes are getting wet and my horse is looking distinctly unimpressed as the rain trickles down his ears. I wonder if Sarah can help. I can borrow a lorry to take my things and Rafa back to Hampshire. I reckon I can beg a space on a livery yard where she keeps her horse, while she lets me have a bed for a couple of weeks and I find another job. I try my mobile. There’s no signal.

  In the meantime, I can let Rafa graze under the hedge beside the old railway line overnight, while I rig up a temporary shelter. I have to smile at my fantasy of turning an empty shavings bag into a tent. In the morning, I can head into Talyton St George and call Sarah from the phone-box – there’s one by the church.

  I can’t bring myself to turn to my parents. I can hear my mother’s voice saying, ‘Told you so. If you’d stuck at the office job, you’d be managing director by now. Now look at you. You’re a mess. I’m ashamed to have you as my daughter. How am I going to tell my friends that my clever, beautiful little girl, who showed so much promise, who had everything she ever wanted, has ended up without even a roof over her head?’

  As I continue down the lane, the comforting sound of Rafa’s hooves reminds me to look on the bright side. We’re alive. We have each other. I still have my career. I can find work. I can make life better. He turns his head and nudges my arm, as if to ask me how.

  ‘It’s all right,’ I say as we walk on towards the crossroads, where we stop on the grassy triangle. ‘I’ll find a way.’

  I let him have a few mouthfuls of grass. It’s still raining. I can hear the sound of water rushing along the culvert and the rattle of a trailer being towed along the lane. I push the wheelbarrow on to the triangle. The wheel catches on a tuft of grass, and it tips, spilling its contents, just as a Land Rover approaches, flashing its headlights.

  The driver pulls up and leans out of the window. It’s Robbie.

  How embarrassing. I squat down and pile my belongings back into the barrow, but somehow, although they fitted before, they don’t any more, and I turn to find Robbie at my side with the bucket in his hand.

  ‘I hear you’ve been evicted.’ He takes the lead rope from me.

  ‘How do you know?’

  ‘Mel called to ask me if I’d pick you up and take you back to the farm.’

  ‘Oh?’ I find it hard to believe.

  ‘He said he didn’t care if people spread rumours about how he’d made a poor dumb animal suffer, but he didn’t want anyone to think he’d be cruel to a horse.’

  Which would be quite funny, I think, if I wasn’t still close to tears. I bite my lip.

  ‘What the hell did you do? Actually, don’t answer that right now. Let’s get your horse into the trailer. It isn’t safe to be on the road without lights.’

  We load Rafa and the wheelbarrow into the trailer. Robbie closes the ramp and moves back to the Land Rover, where he holds the passenger door open.

  ‘In you get then,’ he says when I hesitate. ‘What are you waiting for?’

  ‘If you can take Rafa, I’ll find a B&B in town.’

  ‘Don’t be silly. You’re coming back with me.’

  ‘I don’t know that it’s such a good idea. What about Maisie?’

  ‘She’s staying with her grandparents – it’s an Inset day at school. They took her to the petting farm. I’ll make up a bed in the spare room for you …’ His voice trails off as if he’s remembering when we slept together, wrapped in each other’s arms. ‘Come on. Get in.’ He reaches out and touches my back, sending a shot of warmth through my core. ‘You’re soaked through. You’ll catch pneumonia like that.’ He reaches past me and grabs a coat from the seat. ‘Here, have this.’

  He drapes it across my shoulders and I clamber in. Rafa paws at the trailer floor, making it shake.

  ‘Let’s go,’ Robbie says. ‘I think we’re keeping him up.’

  He turns the trailer around the triangle and we travel back to Furzeworthy. I put my hands in the pockets of his coat, absorbing his scent.

  ‘It’s very kind of you to do this. I’ll look for somewhere tomorrow.’

  ‘Actually, it could be quite fortuitous all round.’

  ‘What do you mean?’

  ‘Kerry left us yesterday.’

  ‘I’m sorry …’ I feel partly responsible.

  ‘It’s a complete disaster.’ Robbie sounds cross rather than defeated. ‘Kerry knows exactly how we work. She can do everything from getting eight horses ready single-handed to make-up. I can’t see how we’ll find someone like her and get them trained up in time.

  ‘Anyway, with our only groom gone, we’re short-handed. If you could muck in and help for a few days while we advertise for a replacement in return for board and lodging, it would make my life a lot easier. It’s the busiest time of the year for us, and we’re a man – I mean, a person – down.’

  ‘I’m sorry about Kerry. I didn’t think she’d leave.’

  ‘It’s all right. It wasn’t your fault. I thought it was down to me, but it turns out that she would have left anyway. She’d been headhunted by one of the show-jumpers she met at the festival. She’s gone to a yard in Dorset. It’s annoying, but there’s nothing I could do to persuade her to stay.’ He sighs as he changes gear. ‘This will give you a chance to build bridges with Mel.’

  ‘I don’t think that will be possible. I walked in on him and another woman.’

  ‘Oops,’ Robbie says.

  ‘Is that all you can say? Oops? They were having it away on the sofa in the cottage. They were at it hammer and tongs.’

  ‘I suppose that’s rather appropriate for a farrier. He is a bit of a one for the ladies.’

  ‘So that’s all right, is it?’ I exclaim. ‘He’s married to Louise, whom I count as one of my friends. He’s being unfaithful. It isn’t right, and I told him so to his face … once he was fully dressed,’ I add quickly. ‘I said I’d tell Louise unless he did it first.’

  ‘I see.’ Robbie pulls into the drive and continues up past the big house to the yard, where he parks and turns off the ignition. ‘Was that wise?’

  ‘Obviously not, but I can’t turn a blind eye. It isn’t fair on your cousin. If someone had told me Ryan was seeing somebody else, I’d still have been devastated, but it would have been better than spending those extra months wondering why we weren’t getting on, and letting him rack up more and more debt in my name. If I’d known, I’d never have ended up in the situation I’m in now. I’m up to my neck.’

  ‘
I didn’t realise …’ Robbie bites his lip and turns to look at me. ‘So that’s why you were so angry and upset at the show. I thought it was because you still had feelings for him, despite you denying it.’

  ‘I denied it because I don’t. I used to think that I was in love with him, but no more. He was fun to be with for a while, but he had a bad habit of pretending to be someone he wasn’t.’

  ‘Don’t we all do that? To fit in?’

  ‘You’re a bit of a philosopher.’

  ‘Maybe. How bad is the debt?’

  ‘I’ve been paying off a fixed amount each month, but basically I’m skint.’

  ‘Horses are expensive,’ Robbie observes.

  ‘Tell me about it, but there’s no way I’m letting Rafa go. It would kill me.’

  ‘I know how you feel.’ He pauses. ‘How much do you owe, if you don’t mind me asking.’

  ‘A few thousand.’

  He whistles through his teeth. ‘That isn’t great.’

  ‘I was planning to put most of the money I’m earning working for Mel …’ I correct myself. ‘… Was earning, towards paying it off.’ Warm wet tears roll down my cheeks at the thought of my predicament. I’m grateful that he doesn’t comment. ‘I don’t know what I’m going to do. I guess I won’t be setting up my own business for now. I can’t afford a mobile forge and the bank won’t consider giving me a loan. I’ll have to look for another job, and quickly.’

  ‘I imagine you’re paying a lot of interest on top.’

  I nod. ‘I looked into consolidating my debts, but it didn’t make sense - the interest rate and monthly repayments were going to be more than what I’m paying now.’

  ‘I’m sorry. Ryan seems to have got you into a bit of a pickle.’

  ‘He wasn’t entirely to blame. I should have kept an eye on our finances.’

  ‘Yes, but it’s no wonder you’re wary of stepping into another relationship,’ Robbie says as we turn into the drive. ‘It seems that he’s derailed your life.’

  ‘You could put it like that. It’s going to take me for ever to get back on track, so to speak. When I say that, I mean the financial part. My heart’s mended. Seeing him at the festival took me by surprise. It was a shock to discover he was married, but I didn’t feel jealous or hurt. I didn’t look at him and think: I want you back. I was angry with him.’

  ‘Considering what you’re going through, I’m not surprised that you decided to confront Mel. But, I mean, wouldn’t it have been in your interest to keep your mouth shut? I understand how you feel about infidelity – I wouldn’t stand for it myself – but haven’t you rather shot yourself in the foot?’

  ‘It was the right thing to do,’ I say mutinously. ‘I thought you’d be on my side.’

  ‘We both want to make sure Louise is okay. We have different ways of going about it. Please don’t tell her about this,’ Robbie tries again. ‘She’s my cousin. I’m very fond of her.’

  ‘I still don’t see why I shouldn’t.’ However, I recall how happy she seemed when she was telling me about their plans for their date night. If I make this revelation, I will destroy any chance of them continuing to work on their marriage. It seems as though I’m damned if I do, and damned if I don’t.

  ‘I spoke to Mel a little while ago, man to man. He said he was terminating the arrangement he has with his bit on the side.’

  Which is what he was attempting to tell me after I caught him in flagrante, I think.

  ‘Perhaps they gave him too much anaesthetic. I reckon that major spinal surgery and the thought that your life is about to change makes you think about what you’re doing and where you’re going. He’s realised he has to work on his marriage if they’re going to stay together, and he can see what he has to lose if Louise divorces him.’

  ‘That’s very philosophical of you, but I don’t see why he should get away with it scot-free.’

  ‘He hasn’t though, has he?’ Robbie argues. ‘He’s kicked you out so he hasn’t got anyone to work for him. Isn’t that enough for you, or do you think he should be hung, drawn and quartered, or dragged through the divorce courts, whichever is worse? Is it fair to put Louise and Ash through that?’

  ‘Doesn’t Mel deserve it?’

  ‘Life’s too short for revenge and retribution.’

  I lean back into the seat. I’m exhausted. My arms, my back and legs ache. My heart is sore because even when I try to do the right thing, I seem to end up doing wrong. I had Louise’s best interests at heart, yet Robbie seems to think I should have kept my mouth shut.

  He parks the Land Rover in the yard.

  ‘Where would you like Rafa? In or out?’ he asks.

  ‘I think he’d be better in a stable tonight, if that’s okay.’

  ‘Of course it is. If you want to bring him out, I’ll throw a couple of bales of shavings down in the stable over there.’

  I open the ramp at the front and lead Rafa straight out on to the yard. He’s damp, but warm behind the ears. He whinnies, and some of the other horses shout back from the paddocks.

  ‘He can have the stable next door to Paddington. We’re keeping him in on a calorie-controlled diet because he’s getting too fat on the grass. Diva’s in too.’ Robbie fills a couple of buckets from the tap while Rafa is settling in, snorting at his new surroundings. He wheels the barrow into the shelter of the barn, returning with my suitcase.

  ‘What about the flat?’ I ask. ‘Couldn’t I stay there?’

  ‘There’s been a mains leak in the kitchen. There’s no water at the moment and the floor needs stripping out, so it isn’t an option I’m afraid. As I’ve said, you’re more than welcome to stay with me and Maisie and the dogs.’

  We walk together to the cottage, following the warm yellow glow from the porch-light and brushing past the roses, which shower us with glistening droplets of water. He unlocks the door.

  ‘Go on in,’ he says, letting me pass. ‘You know where the bathroom is. I’ll find you a towel.’

  My forehead tightens.

  ‘You look like a drowned rat. You need to get out of those clothes and into the shower.’

  I wish that he was about to offer to scrub my back but, much as I’d love it, we’ve gone past that. At least, I think so … I walk upstairs, with Robbie following close behind me, feeling a frisson of guilt for wishing that he had his eyes on my behind. I stop at the bathroom door and wait for him to hand me a towel from the airing cupboard.

  ‘Thank you,’ I say.

  I am chilled to the bone, and shaking with emotional shock. It isn’t every day that you get the sack. I step inside the bathroom and close the door behind me. I strip off my wet clothes and stand in the cubicle and fiddle with the shower controls. No water. Cold water. Scalding water. I switch it off.

  ‘Are you okay in there?’ Robbie’s voice. ‘I forgot to show you how to work the shower – it’s a bit quirky.’

  ‘You can say that again.’

  ‘Would you like me to show you? I promise I won’t look,’ he says lightly when I don’t respond.

  ‘Just a minute.’ I pick up the towel and wrap it around my middle. I glance down. It’s more of a hand towel than a bath sheet, and there’s no shower curtain to hide behind, just a sliding glass screen. ‘Come in.’

  I’m aware that he’s close. I keep my eyes averted, so as not to give him any clue as to how I’m feeling: naked, vulnerable, and wanting nothing more than for him to take me in his arms and hold me against his warm body. I notice in the reflection in the mirror above the basin that he’s frowning and I wonder if he feels the same. His arm slides past my bare shoulder, sending shivers of goose bumps across my skin. He hesitates. I hear his breathing catch. I hold my breath.

  There’s definitely something going on. I can feel the electricity running between us. Is he going to kiss me? Would I resist if he did?

  ‘Let me take your towel,’ he says gruffly. ‘It’ll get wet.’

  I unwrap it and thrust it into his hand.

  Th
ere’s a soft click as he turns the dial. A shower of water envelopes me with a welcome heat and Robbie disappears, leaving me with a sense of disappointment tinged with relief, because giving in to the temptation to kiss and cuddle would have made the situation more complicated than it is. We slept together and made an attempt to move forward together and it didn’t work out, but I can’t see how I’ll cope with being ‘just friends’ when I’m lodging with him at Cherry Tree Cottage.

  I wash, turn off the water and start to dry myself, remaining in the cubicle for privacy because I’m not sure about getting dressed. I have no clean clothes, and even the wet ones have gone from the bathroom floor.

  ‘I’ve brought you some clothes from your suitcase. Unfortunately, they’ve got wet in the rain. I chose the driest from the middle, but if you think they’re damp, I can put them through the tumble-dryer. There’s a sweatshirt and jeans … and underwear.’ I can just make out Robbie’s silhouette through the shower screen. ‘No, these are too wet. Can I lend you one of my shirts as a cover-up?’

  ‘If you wouldn’t mind, but not one of the see-through ones,’ I call after him as he disappears again, returning with a crumpled shirt that he hangs over the towel rail.

  ‘I’ll be downstairs,’ he says, hurrying away. ‘Tea?’

  ‘That would be great, thanks.’ I emerge from the cubicle and pick up the shirt, one very much like the one he was wearing when I first met him. I slip it on and fasten the buttons at the front. It’s flimsy, but not see-through, and the ruffles cover my chest. It’s long too, reaching partway down my thighs. I check my appearance in the mirror, run my fingers through my hair and head down to find Robbie.

  He’s in the kitchen, his back to me as he pours tea from a pot into two mugs, one with the Eclipse team logo and another reading ‘World’s Best Dad’.

  ‘Hi,’ I say gently. ‘Thanks for the shirt.’